A Year Dried Up

A New Year - A Year of Good Eats

It's a few days into the new year and I think I've already got my new years resolution... well, not so much a resolution. I mean, what the hell does that mean anyway? People say they made a New Years resolution but in reality they just made an idea on how they could better improve themselves. Often times it's something entirely unattainable like losing weight or stop smoking. Chances are you'll be back on the buffet line or chain smoking within the month.

No, there's really nothing of a resolution in a new years resolution. I, on the other hand don't deal with those unattainable. Last year I had the idea that I would write in this blog at least once a day. It was a throw back to what I originally went towards in College after my dreams of being an artist met reality and I actually wanted to get paid. The more attainable goal, but yet equally struck down career path of being a journalist. So my goal in writing a blog a day was for me to easily write daily. Last look I had a little more than 500 blog post for the year.



I'm going to turn 30 this year. For some reason that scares me a little. Then again, I'm a guy and much like a fine wine, my aging will be graceful. So I shouldn't really have to worry. But it does mean that I'm done with my TWENTY-SOMETHINGS, and thus I should get a bit more things done... While I already know how to cook for myself and even worked for a short time in the kitchen while I went to college, I think the goal that I'm about to set for myself in the coming year is a bit difficult.

I want to make 2010 the year of Good Eats. I'm going to pull a Julia & Julie. For those of you who don't know, Julia & Julie was a film about some blogger chick who wanted to cook her way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of the French Cooking. She did it while blogging her way through it. Writing what she learned about cooking and herself. She later cheated on her husband. I'm not sure if Julia Child had that recipe in there. I never came across a recipe for that... I mean, I sat through the movie and I enjoyed the parts that highlighted Julia Child. But not even my crush on Amy Adams could really pull me to care about the Julie or her blog.



So in an attempt to openly mock it, while being completely serious in bettering myself, I off handed suggested that I devote a year of my cooking life discovering all that Good Eats has to offer. Yes, Good Eats as in Alton Brown's Food Network show. While Alton Brown is no Julia Child, in interviews Alton Brown has stated that the origins of Good Eats was to be one part Mr. Wizard, one part Monty Python and one part Julia Child. So in many ways this is the modern day version of that already out of date Julia & Julie project. Besides, I love all three of those sources, so this will not only be an educational project, it'll be one that I enjoy.

While I'm pretty sure I've seen 70% of the 13 seasons of episodes he has done, there's a lot of areas where I'm out of my element that I think I will learn a lot out of it. Baking, for example, is something I have never been any good with. So there will be a lot to pick up along the way and a lot to fine tune on the already established knowledge going into this. Just think of how much one can learn from 212 episodes. While I'm not going to be cooking every day, it's still enough subjects to stretch it to the 365 days in the year that I would have to both view the episode and cook up something from it. Considering today is the 4th and I already got two checked off the list, that's not bad at all.



Oh, what's that? I already have two off the list? Yes. It seems that so far I have made Steak au Poivre. Which was featured in Good Eats episode Tender is the Lion. Though, maybe I shouldn't count that one as it was a hybrid recipe that I consulted my travel guru who has no reservations and former chef of New York's Les Halles, Anthony Bourdain. I followed Good Eats for the most part but Bourdain had his recipe for it online and well, I just had to mix in a few of those. Perhaps next year I'll make it a goal to spend a year traveling around like Bourdain does.

And the second one, I actually have pictures of. Seems I was a bit too busy in making sure everything was going smoothly with the au Poivre to take any photographic proof that it existed. Though I suppose the only proof that needs be is the tastiness of it in one's stomach. Even better it was Dry aged meat. Nothing taste better than a slab of meat that has had a good 30 days to sit around and get that fat to marbleize throughout the steak. Delicious stuff.


Stock photo of what it looked like.

A little fun fact about Tuna is that you should always buy Tuna in those flavor sealed pouches. It's very simple, in the canning process tuna can often taste over cooked. There's a reason for that. You need to boil cans after the canning process... which cooks the tuna yet again. Because the pouches are flatter, it doesn't take as long to preserve the contents from bacteria and you're getting a lot less over cooked tuna.

You should also get them with the water around it. No need for the sunflower oil or anything else fancier. Just remember to get your tuna from pouches and you're good to go. So the real question is what you can make with your canned... er.. pouched meats? So the outside the box Tuna recipe I tried was to make some Tuna Croquettes. How did I do it? I'm glad you asked!

TUNA CROQUETTE

Ingredients

• 1 (7-ounce) pouch albacore tuna, drained well and shredded by hand
• 2 green onions, chopped fine
• 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
• 2 large eggs, beaten
• 1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 3/4 cup panko bread crumbs, divided
• Olive oil, for sauteing

Directions

Place the tuna, onions, mustard, eggs, lemon juice, salt, pepper and 1/4 cup of the bread crumbs into a medium mixing bowl and stir to combine.

Divide the mixture into 8 rounds and set aside on a parchment lined half sheet pan. Allow to rest for 15 minutes. It's very important to let them sit for that amount of time so that the moisture could soak up in those panko bread crumbs.

From there you put more Panko bread crumbs into a plate and you dump the tuna balls into there and pat them down so that they can get breaded.

Then heat enough olive oil to cover the bottom of a 12-inch saute pan over medium heat until shimmering. Add the croquettes and cook 2 to 3 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Remove to a cooling rack set over a half sheet pan lined with paper towels. Allow to cool for 2 to 3 minutes before serving.

Let them sit for a while on a paper towel and then serve them up with some tartar sauce or various other sauces. It really wont matter because these were god damn delicious.



So I suppose this counts as the first.. or maybe the second.. shit, in the process of writing this blog post I already made scrambled eggs.. not just any scrambled eggs, the most fluffiest scrambled eggs I have ever eaten. So there you go, this is all about learning just a little more about myself and fine tuning all those culinary raw skills that I have in me making this year all about mastering the art of Good Eats.



So if you're keeping count, I've gone through three episodes of cooking;
Tender is the loin I, The Egg-Files, Pantry Raid VII: Tuna, Surprise!

Weighing In On The Holidays

Weighing In On The Holidays

It's that time of year where you start eating like crazy all sorts of things that will go straight to your hips. On average, 51% of your annual weight gain happens between Thanksgiving through New Years Eve. That is all before the New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds. Way to go, you just gained 7lbs!

Why is this? Well, the holidays cause you to compulsively socialize with people... who, well, you really otherwise would choose to ignore. often at parties or family functions that just cause a whole lot of stress. A way that people choose to react to stress is to, of course, get comfort food as it helps you forget all about that hardship.



You also have to spend a lot more money on people when you really don't have all that much money to spend in the first place with this economy. The quest for the perfect present is one that causes a lot of stress as well as the fact that you don't have all that cash to begin with, dealing with the crowds.. All in all, you're pretty much going to be losing your mind and burying yourself in some chocolate to get away from it all.

Let's be realistic here. Thanksgiving is going to be a lost cause for you and everyone else. You are going to be encouraged to get seconds and thirds. This is stacked on top of the fact that you have a lot of food in front of you, you're going to over eat on Thanksgiving. There's no question about that.

Once you forget about Thanksgiving, just go at it with a pro-active approach to defeat the potential of gaining weight this season. I have no idea what I weigh right now, but I'm not going to join the masses and gain 51% of my annual weight this year. If anything, I'm going to do everything in my power to LOSE weight. I will weigh myself later today and post it. Hey, I'm no lady and I'm sure putting myself on blast like this will only serve as encouragement to lose it.



You can join me and do a daily weigh in and track how much you gain or lose through the 35 days between Thanksgiving and New Years. Keep a chart handy. It's very important that you have a visual reminder of your progress or catch yourself before you start slipping. It may keep track of your progress, but it's also emphasizes long-term, positive goals and maintaining personal health. The ol' saying in Weight Watchers is "Never let a lapse become a collapse," While it may sound like some buzz words, it does make sense.

Don't let the fact that it's cold and perfect time for some comfort food become a major Achilles heel to your potential healthy weight loss. Especially if you are going to make the generic resolution in January to lose the weight, it's better to start now. You can also cut out red meat out of your diet. Not only is it less of a strain on your arteries, but it will make your cum taste better. Who cares about that, right? I'm sure your girlfriends will appreciate it. And if you think my suggestions are silly, perhaps you can take a note from this wacky lady who has some helpful hints;


Who, for some reason thinks that rice is key. Even though rice is pretty heavy on the carbs. I mean, it's no fade diet or anything, but maybe the key here is simple common sense eating. I mean, let's take the following image to see how much the average American eats in Calories per day:



I'm not sure how you can justify that supersized meal. I mean, you have to be eating a lot of Baconators per week to get to that level of consumption. Just look at the nutritional facts about it with this handy link

I have to say, the triple baconator left me mesmerized. I'm not sure if it's because of the sheer ridiculousness or because deep inside I want to try one... and then die. I remember back when i ate fast food regularly and I saw Super size Me, I didn't understand why that guy threw up after eating a super sized McDonalds meal, I thought he was being overly dramatic/feigning it, but now after eating normal-human-sied portions for years I am just appalled at the thought of eating something like a triple baconator. I feel like vomiting just looking at that thing.

I mean, Jesus fucking christ, it's like two days worth of calories and a week's worth of fat, and the meat is literally predigested parts-slurry from growth-hormone-ballooned fairy animals. Fuck! My dinner tonight was like, maybe 360-370 calories and I'm being generous. How does one eat literally 10x that in one day?



The answer, of course, is Soda. Two cans of Coca Cola run you 320 calories themselves. I used to drink a lot of it. Almost a liter of non-diet Pepsi a day. I can't fathom to even consider going back to that lifestyle. I see people who get chemically dependent on energy and caffeine drinks that they get bad headaches at this point if they don't have the daily fix.

Here's the basics. Seldom ever drink soft drinks and avoid eating from fast food places and go to the gym or get some healthy exercise once or twice a week for an hour. Congrats, you are now living healthier than 90% of America.

Oh, are you offended, you 90% of Americans who are eating way too much? I know, I know. It's hard to maintain. Between your Modern Warfare 2, Episodes of South Park and the rigorous demands of working at Staples, I'm surprised you have even 20 minutes a week to yourself.



Oh? what was that? You literally get to work at 6am and finish at midnight and only earn $2/hr and don't have the time to cook and fast food is your ONLY option? I know, I must have been living in my fantasy world of bulk rice and beans. Cooking a simple meal with inexpensive bulk meals SEEMS like it's cheap and healthy, but you forget the TIME costs... it literally takes upwards of 45 minutes for some of these so called "simple" meals, do you have any idea how busy my life is, Javier? I have 15 KIDS for gods sake, constantly crying about being hungry, fast food is seriously a gift from god!

And a Microwave at work? I'm sorry we can't all work at some major television production company, Javi. Ebgame doesn't have those luxury items, so precooked meals are literally NOT an option, please stop suggesting those. The only other REASONABLE option would be that I eat at subway, but please keep in mind that subway is a whole 4 blocks away. So getting there, eating and getting back in my 30 minute lunch break would be quite the feat indeed. Does anyone know if A&Ws is somewhat healthy if I'm only getting diet soda?



See how silly that sounds? I get the fact that fatty foods are cheaper than eating healthy. Just look at the price of a bag full of frozen meat patties versus a bag full of frozen veggies. If you want to point the finger at someone, it may not be the consumer - they're just caught up like pawns in a bigger game.

So how about you stop being that pawn and start owning up to your own eating habits? If there was ever any time to rebel against these habits, it would be in this time of the year when it will effect you the most.

Then again, you can always just give into over eating and stuff your mouth with some of Paula Dean's deep fried butter balls. Want something to go with your fried butter balls? How about a double chocolate gooey butter cake y'all.



Though, before I judge America too harshly, let's see the graph again and break it down. It gets its info from the WHO. The WHO says it gets its info from FAOSTAT, which is the statistical food organization of the UN. You can look through the FAOSTAT consumption statistics here:
http://faostat.fao.org/site/609/default.aspx#ancor

According to their FAQ, FAOSTAT's glossary defines dietary energy consumption per person as:
FAOSTAT said:

Dietary energy consumption per person refers to the amount of food, expressed in kilocalories (kcal) per day, available for each individual in the total population during the reference period. Caloric content is derived by applying the appropriate food composition factors to the quantities of the commodities. Per person supplies are derived from the total amount of food available for human consumption by dividing total calories by total population actually partaking of the food supplies during the reference period. However, per person figures represent only the average supply available for the population as a whole and do not necessarily indicate what is actually consumed by individuals. The actual food consumption may be lower than the quantity shown as food availability depending on the magnitude of wastage and losses of food in the household, e.g. during storage, in preparation and cooking, as plate-waste or quantities fed to domestic animals and pets, thrown or given away.

So it's a little bit of a myth busted. Your average American may not be eating 3767 in calories a day. Your average American is probably only eating 2,600 calories and then throws away enough to feed sub Saharan Africa. In other words, Cheer up!

100 Things Tyler Durden Would Do As A Waiter

100 Things Tyler Durden Would Do As A Waiter

I love fight Club. I really do. It was a great film and it's almost going to be 10 years old. Pretty fucking crazy, right? Well then. The New York Times posted a list of the 100 things, that as a boss, you shouldn't let the scum workers do. So here's the 100 things the aristocracy doesn't want the serfs who work front of house to do:

Herewith is a modest list of dos and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building. Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet, hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring something unique to that role?

1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting.

2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.

3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.

4. If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests may be tired and hungry and thirsty, and they did everything right.

5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.

6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.

7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness.

8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.

9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.

10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.

11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left.

12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.

13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles.

14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.

15. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”

16. If someone requests more sauce or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help themselves.

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”

19. Offer guests butter and/or olive oil with their bread.

20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another.

21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.

22. If someone is unsure about a wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or offering a taste or two.

23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.

24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.

25. Make sure the glasses are clean. Inspect them before placing them on the table.

26. Never assume people want their white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire.

27. For red wine, ask if the guests want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour.

28. Do not put your hands all over the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork.

29. Do not pop a champagne cork. Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better.

30. Never let the wine bottle touch the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt from the bottle.

31. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong.

32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.

33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by.

34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers.

35. Do not eat or drink in plain view of guests.

36. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage.

37. Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice.

38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”

39. Do not call a woman “lady.”

40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad.

41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.

42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.

43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant.

44. Do not discuss your own eating habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic.

45. Do not curse, no matter how young or hip the guests.

46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.

47. Do not gossip about co-workers or guests within earshot of guests.

48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order.

49. Never mention the tip, unless asked.

50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout.

51. If there is a service charge, alert your guests when you present the bill. It’s not a secret or a trick.

52. Know your menu inside and out. If you serve Balsam Farm candy-striped beets, know something about Balsam Farm and candy-striped beets.

53. Do not let guests double-order unintentionally; remind the guest who orders ratatouille that zucchini comes with the entree.

54. If there is a prix fixe, let guests know about it. Do not force anyone to ask for the “special” menu.

55. Do not serve an amuse-bouche without detailing the ingredients. Allergies are a serious matter; peanut oil can kill. (This would also be a good time to ask if anyone has any allergies.)

56. Do not ignore a table because it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled or not.)

57. Bring the pepper mill with the appetizer. Do not make people wait or beg for a condiment.

58. Do not bring judgment with the ketchup. Or mustard. Or hot sauce. Or whatever condiment is requested.

59. Do not leave place settings that are not being used.

60. Bring all the appetizers at the same time, or do not bring the appetizers. Same with entrees and desserts.

61. Do not stand behind someone who is ordering. Make eye contact. Thank him or her.

62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.

62(a). Do not let a glass sit empty for too long.

63. Never blame the chef or the busboy or the hostess or the weather for anything that goes wrong. Just make it right.

64. Specials, spoken and printed, should always have prices.

65. Always remove used silverware and replace it with new.

66. Do not return to the guest anything that falls on the floor — be it napkin, spoon, menu or soy sauce.

67. Never stack the plates on the table. They make a racket. Shhhhhh.

68. Do not reach across one guest to serve another.

69. If a guest is having trouble making a decision, help out. If someone wants to know your life story, keep it short. If someone wants to meet the chef, make an effort.

70. Never deliver a hot plate without warning the guest. And never ask a guest to pass along that hot plate.

71. Do not race around the dining room as if there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency. (Unless there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency.)

72. Do not serve salad on a freezing cold plate; it usually advertises the fact that it has not been freshly prepared.

73. Do not bring soup without a spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.

74. Let the guests know the restaurant is out of something before the guests read the menu and order the missing dish.

75. Do not ask if someone is finished when others are still eating that course.

76. Do not ask if a guest is finished the very second the guest is finished. Let guests digest, savor, reflect.

77. Do not disappear.

78. Do not ask, “Are you still working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.

79. When someone orders a drink “straight up,” determine if he wants it “neat” — right out of the bottle — or chilled. Up is up, but “straight up” is debatable.

80. Never insist that a guest settle up at the bar before sitting down; transfer the tab.

81. Know what the bar has in stock before each meal.

82. If you drip or spill something, clean it up, replace it, offer to pay for whatever damage you may have caused. Refrain from touching the wet spots on the guest.

83. Ask if your guest wants his coffee with dessert or after. Same with an after-dinner drink.

84. Do not refill a coffee cup compulsively. Ask if the guest desires a refill.

84(a). Do not let an empty coffee cup sit too long before asking if a refill is desired.

85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.

86. If a few people signal for the check, find a neutral place on the table to leave it.

87. Do not stop your excellent service after the check is presented or paid.

88. Do not ask if a guest needs change. Just bring the change.

89. Never patronize a guest who has a complaint or suggestion; listen, take it seriously, address it.

90. If someone is getting agitated or effusive on a cellphone, politely suggest he keep it down or move away from other guests.

91. If someone complains about the music, do something about it, without upsetting the ambiance. (The music is not for the staff — it’s for the customers.)

92. Never play a radio station with commercials or news or talking of any kind.

93. Do not play brass — no brassy Broadway songs, brass bands, marching bands, or big bands that feature brass, except a muted flugelhorn.

94. Do not play an entire CD of any artist. If someone doesn’t like Frightened Rabbit or Michael Bublé, you have just ruined a meal.

95. Never hover long enough to make people feel they are being watched or hurried, especially when they are figuring out the tip or signing for the check.

96. Do not say anything after a tip — be it good, bad, indifferent — except, “Thank you very much.”

97. If a guest goes gaga over a particular dish, get the recipe for him or her.

98. Do not wear too much makeup or jewelry. You know you have too much jewelry when it jingles and/or draws comments.

99. Do not show frustration. Your only mission is to serve. Be patient. It is not easy.

100. Guests, like servers, come in all packages. Show a “good table” your appreciation with a free glass of port, a plate of biscotti or something else management approves.

Bonus Track: As Bill Gates has said, “Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” (Of course, Microsoft is one of the most litigious companies in history, so one can take Mr. Gates’s counsel with a grain of salt. Gray sea salt is a nice addition to any table.)

I might have missed it but I didn't notice anything about not peeing in the soup. I do like the whole "don't ever tell anyone your name" thing. It's good. It helps create an even playing field where all worker drones are identical.

Oh. I'm a comedy website. I suppose you were expecting me to rip into the suggestions with my witty remarks. In truth, it's good advice. It's just very douchy in how the list is carried out. Thought it was an interesting, if not comical read of what the waiters are expected to do in places like New York. The land of culture.

Besides, maybe this will give you a better insight on why those wait staff deserve that 18-20% tip that you're so fucking scourge about in giving.

Today In History: 1815

Today In History: 1815

In an effort to kill some time I will tell you what happened today in 1815. Napoleon I Bonaparte, former First Consul of the Republic, Emperor of the French, Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine escaped his prison-kingdom at Elba and landed in northwest France, where the whole country rose to follow him, beginning the 'Hundred Days' of his restoration which were only ended by decisive force on the part of the reactionary Congress powers.


Actual size

NAPOLEONFACTS

- probably saved the Revolution, even though he 'betrayed' it, there's no way the Republic could have stood up to another Coalition
* created the code of civil law most often imitated across the world in non-Anglo countries, the code napoléon
- kicked the shit out of an army 1.5 times his size at Austerlitz, with casualty levels of 6000 vs 36000
- did it again at Jena, 8000 vs 27000
- made France the master of Europe and imposed enlightenment ideals on an unwilling aristocracy at the point of a sword


So big that he had Ice Cream named after him

Basically whenever people say that the french are pussies or suck at war just let them know that it literally took every single major country in the world ganging up on France to beat it, and because of it popular sovereignty was dead in Europe until 1848 when there was open class warfare in the streets. Fuck The Congress Powers.

Keep in mind that during the French Revolution the streets ran with blood. Americans just threw a bunch of tea in a bay. Shit, the French one even spawned sequels. So it clearly did gang busters in terms of box office numbers if it was a major motion picture. But then the numbers would crash with the whole Russia thing... Seriously though why do European countries try to invade russia that shit is like a death trap


Oh great, tourist!

So why talk about the French today? Well, I just dropped my parents off at the airport where they'll take a trip to France. Good for them, I say. Then again, they've been there at least a half dozen times already. So it's nothing new but it's at least people traveling.

It's a shame that the French get such a bad name. We even changed the name of French fries during the whole stupid war on terror because we wanted to be... I dunno.. stupid? The french didn't even frakkin have anything to do with the creation of that.



Perhaps we should stop the French bashing as it's really not going to get us anywhere. At the worse we'll alienate ourselves from the rest of the world. At the least we'll be perpetuating a stereotype and thus not encouraging Americans to visit what is one of the most beautiful places with delicious foods.

30 Dates Of Night: 6 Geeky Greek

30 Dates Of Night: 6 Geeky Greek


Oh my, another one of these so soon after the previous one? It took me nearly a month to get back into these so having a new one out so soon is really very strange. But non the less, in this 30 part series I take on the idea of having a good and cheaply priced trip out with a mate. The original article only covered 8 dates under $25 in the L.A. Times. So I'm going out of my way and I'm going to try to do 30. Let's see how many I get to before I fail.

This one is more of a night in. Well, more along the lines of a night out and in at the same time. Over all you'll have to let your inner nerd go on this one as it's going to be a little geeky.

Make it a Geeky Greek Night


As you've seen in my review for Wonder Woman, it's a good film. It has it all, Nathan Fillion and Women empowerment for the ladies, Animated Wonder Woman and Amazonian red heads for the guys. But man can not live on nerdy films alone. You must need some food to go along with it that aren't chips.


A Gyro built for two

Gyro's are delicious. Very very delicious. Even though they are a little difficult to say if you factor in how the English language is suppose to say the sounds opposed to what they're suppose to sound like in reality... it just teaches you the harsh lesson that the English language sucks ass. No matter how you say them though, you can still enjoy them with a simple matter of paying the price for them.

Round them out with a greek salad and you got yourself a balanced meal for two that isn't going to cost you more than a $20 from your pocket. Combine all these things together and you have yourself a theme night. Greek food and Geek movie with Greek themes.


Another look at Wonder Woman? Why not.

This is a good idea for those who have a nerd side... or at least a side of you that likes the idea of superheros. Besides, which girl hasn't grown up with the idea of Wonder Woman instilled on them by some parent or television figure? No matter if you're a nerd or if you're as straight and hip as the rest of the nation, you know who these characters are. You've enjoyed their stories.

So make it a night in with these two. It's not going out on the town, I know, but sometimes a comfy night in under a warm blanket with the special lady or guy in your life is worth more than any adventure out.


My Big Fat Greek Salad

So there's my date night number 6. Dinner and a rented/bought movie with a theme around it. In this case it's the Greek theme without any big fat weddings involved.

We Don't Need No Pinche Walmart Supermarket.

We Don't Need No Pinche Walmart Supermarket.

I have to say, I'm not sure if I'm against or for Wal-mart. On one hand it offers a lot of food and other clothing options at a cheap price for those on a limited income. On the other hand it tears apart towns, puts mom and pop stores out of business and seems a little tacky. They do have a great selection of toys and gifts to choose from when buying crap for my friends during Christmas at a slightly lower price, so why not. I'll be for Wal-mart for the purpose of this blog.

It's already known that Los Angeles doesn't like them. In every attempt they have had to open one in the greater Los Angeles area, they've meet a lot of resistance. Perhaps with this new step they'll win the battle of Los Angeles...

Wal-Mart to open new Hispanic-focused chains

Wal-Mart plans to open its first Hispanic-focused supermarkets this summer in Arizona and Texas as the largest US retailer continues its drive to expand its dominance of the US grocery business.

The pilot stores, named Supermercado de Walmart, will open in Phoenix and Houston in remodelled 39,000 sq ft locations occupied previously by two of Wal-Mart’s Neighborhood Market stores.

The retailer said that the stores were in “strongly Hispanic neighbourhoods” and would feature a “new lay-out, signing and product assortment designed to make them even more relevant to local Hispanic customers”. The staff will also be bilingual.

Wal-Mart’s Sam’s Club warehouse store also plans to open a 143,000 sq ft Hispanic-focused store called Más Club in Houston this year.

Several leading regional US supermarket chains already operate Hispanic store brands, including Publix in Florida, which operates three Publix Sabor markets, and HEB in Texas, which opened a Mi Tienda store in Houston in 2006.

The markets include elements such as cafés serving Latino pastries and coffee, and full service meat and fish counters.

Leading retailers are also pursuing Hispanic consumers online, with Best Buy and Home Depot having launched Spanish-language versions of their e-commerce sites in recent months.

Eduardo Castro-Wright, the head of Wal-Mart’s US stores since 2005, has also been an advocate of testing new smaller, more focused formats, and raised the idea of turning the Neighbourhood Market into a Hispanic-style bodega concept several years ago.

He has also developed Wal-Mart’s efforts to customise its larger Supercenter stores, which have been grouped according to differing community profiles, such as urban, suburban, Hispanic and African-American, with customised merchandise.

A 195,000 sq ft Supercenter that opened in Texas last year included a tortilleria bakery, Hispanic foods and a larger selection of Spanish-language music and DVDs.

Mr Castro-Wright was previously head of Wal-Mart’s Mexican subsidiary, whose store network ranges from large US-style Supercenters to small local bodegas, an upmarket supermarket chain and two restaurant chains.

Last year, Wal-Mart also began testing four new 10,000 sq ft Marketside convenience grocery stores in the Phoenix area – its first new format in a decade. Tesco, the UK retailer, also has more than 25 of its small Fresh & Easy markets in the Phoenix area

Sweet, a place that I can buy Mexican groceries for my hipster dinner parties without going to some scary looking hole in the wall! Why is anyone surprised about this? Hispanics are the largest minority group in America and spend billions annually. What ever will happen to the Madre and Padre shops when Wal-mart moves in? Now all the mom and pop hispanic owned stores can be put out of business too.



Thankfully I'm from L.A. so nothing is going to change. Believe it or not, Wal-marts are really different in different areas of the US. Sure you have your DVD and iPods, but in Utah and other Mormon areas they have larger, I want to say arts and crafts, but that's just not politically friendly. There's sushi made fresh and daily in some areas and in most ones near Spanish communities have plenty of Mexican products. So yeah, Wal-Mart is just making public what has been going on for a while.

Even with saying that, these new stores will probably be as authentically Hispanic as Wal-mart opening an Italian version of itself by selling six variations of Sargento cheese (look! REAL Italian cheese!) instead of the four varieties sold in the regular Wal-marts. I have to say, unless you're in a small town, there's really no reason why you can't find the ethnic markets that will provide you with what you need.



There's a bunch of giant ass Korean supermarkets in the US too. Hell, I love shopping at Korean, Japanese and Chinese markets. You'll catch me on Wednesdays at El Super weekly picking up very low priced and delicious fruits and veggies. But naturally no one cares because it's not a Pavilions or Ralph's. People seem to go all up in arms, especially in that part of the states. OH NO HISPANIC SUPERMARKETS!!!

Ethnic markets are awesome, I love the weird and wonderful stuff you can get at Asian ones. I'm sure whenever I end up taking my speshul lady to a Mexican mercados we'll find something neat and not often found at American markets that would be apart of a fresh and tasty meal. What are some of the differences? I guess the bakery and the whole fact that there's an in house Tortilla factory pumping out fresh Tortillas daily. Tortilla bakery may seem a bit different and strange but it's really a blessing as you have not lived till you had a freshly made tortilla.


Oh the delicious REAL sodas to be found here.

I'm not sure if Wal-mart is going to be anything more than a regular Wal-mart with a Tejano face to it. Is there a risk of driving out a lot of the genuine independent Mexican mercados? Maybe. But I doubt it as customers to that type are very loyal. Add in that you simply can't beat the prices at some of these places. They already have their regular Carnicerias to go for their meats. Hell, I have plenty in my neighborhood.

Hopefully the entire music section is dedicated to those cheesy generic bands that all wear the same outfit for some reason:





Oh, I guess they already do that...

I really hope their phone systems say 'for English, press 2' so people flip out even more. This is going to be in Texas after all. They bastardize Mexican food with Tex Mex, they deserve to get annoyed by having Spanish be the first language there.

Perhaps the fact that I'm sure many people will get outraged by this culture clash is a sign of how young our country really is. This shouldn't be news. I like living in a city that makes it less covenant for me to be complacent with knowing just one language. The United States needs to be more worldly and open to cultures and foods that aren't what your average white American grew up on.

Take a trip down to whatever ethnic area is near you and go into a store that does not look like they speak English if they could avoid it and look around. You'll be surprised on what new things you may see and eventually enjoy if you just give it a chance.

Hit The Road, Jack

Hit The Road, Jack

If you pay attention enough to advertisements, you'll know that Jack, from Jack In the Box, got hit by a car.


Many suspected that Ronald McDoanld was behind the wheel but he was ruled out as a suspect when it was discovered that him and Wendy checked into a motel roughly around the same time. I don't want to imagine the ginger kids they'll produce...

Back to Jack though. Looks like his near-death condition has caused Jack to want to change things up in his little box there.

As reported in the Orange County waste of paper.

Jack in the Box will announce today a major brand overhaul that includes a new modern logo, the debut of sliders and a makeover at more than 2,000 restaurants.

The brand changes are expected to be announced this morning by a “re-energized” fictitious Chief executive Jack Box.

The mascot’s appearance will be his first public outing since he was hit by a bus during a Super Bowl commercial. The mock month-long tragedy involved a series of commercials and YouTube videos chronicling the brutal bus bashing.

Now I'm not the biggest fan of Jack in the box. But that's mainly because I feel you can get better burgers at same price as Jack's charges. So the logo change to this really doesn't effect me in the slightest.


A New Box to be trapped in

In fact, I think the new logo looks pretty neat. It's a nice change and does have a very nostalgic look for a fast food franchise. It's sort of Madmen meets Burgers.

Along with the new logo we'll see a couple of brand new items on the menu including sliders. Which I really can't figure out what makes them all that special. I have had White Castle before and well, I can tolerate them well when there's nothing else or bigger on the menu. But if you can get a real burger... or as real as you can get from Jack in the Box, why bother with sliders?

I see the same thing with Burger King since they introduced sliders a bit ago. I'm not sure if the home of the whopper is all that great of a choice to bring about the smaller meal option. Yeah, no thanks.



Here's further proof that these aren't sliders at all. Hamburger today reports on the matter. They're dinner roll size buns but aren't sliders as sliders are typically steam fried with lots of slimy onions. But further more, BK has been doing a lot of free samples on these and from what I can tell, no one is caring. Hey, if you want small two bite burgers at the home of the whopper, more power to you. Just seems really silly to pay $5 for what could get you two whoppers.

In the end, did they really need a marketing campaign of hitting someone with a car to bring about change to the franchise? Do the newest additions really make you want to go to Jacks more than normal? It's cheap food. Simple as that. I say as long as you keep the two tacos for 99 cents on the menu, you can pretty much don't need to bash Jack with anything and I'll be a-okay.

Here's Salt In Your Eye

Here's Salt In Your Eye

I often wonder who buys the stupid shit on tv that they advertise to anyone up that late. The magic bullet, any home gym system that promises abs in seconds.. Well, this is one of those they can run the ad for right before all the Church services start on Sunday morning.

Get yourself some Christian Salt

CRESAPTOWN, Md. (Map, News) - You've heard of kosher salt? Now there's a Christian variety.

Retired barber Joe Godlewski says he was inspired by television chefs who repeatedly recommended kosher salt in recipes.

"I said, 'What the heck's the matter with Christian salt?'" Godlewski said, sipping a beer in the living room of his home in unincorporated Cresaptown, a western Maryland mountain community.

By next week, his trademarked Blessed Christians Salt will be available at http://www.memphi.net the Web site of Memphis, Tenn.-based seasonings manufacturer Ingredients Corporation of America.

It's sea salt that's been blessed by an Episcopal priest, ICA President Damon S. Arney said Wednesday. He said the company also hopes to market the salt through Christian bookstores and as a fundraising tool for religious groups.

Arney and Godlewski, 73, said a share of the proceeds will be donated to Christian charities, but neither would specify a percentage.

...Godlewski said his salt, packaged in containers bearing bright red crosses, has at least as much flavor and beneficial minerals as kosher salt - and it's for a good cause.

...If the salt takes off, Godlewski plans an entire line of Christian-branded foods, including rye bread, bagels and pickles.

Not to say that this particular person is an example of the usual short-sighted thinking of the North American fundamental christian persuasion, but... what an idiot.

Praise Jesus someone finally decided to do this. I've been avoiding all those delicious Jewish foods because I don't want to turn into a filthy stinking JEW. Now I can eat bagels and pickles and not have to worry about rotting in hell with those fucking kikes!


The Jewish Conspiracy group had no comment on this news piece

Christians, you keep your wine and stale crackers and let the rest of us enjoy bagels in peace. Oh, and Maryland, stay classy. Always stay as classy as producing salt of the earth people like this. I do have to take into consideration that Western Maryland is not actually part of Maryland, but is a mislabeled part of West Virginia. With that in mind, I'll still say that Maryland is pretty god damn trashy.

Let's look at the bible for a minute

Matthew 5:13 "You are the salt of the earth..."

Wait.. does that mean this Christian salt is going to be made out of.... PEOPLE?!??!?!?!? Not to mention that 'Blessed Christian Salt' has either gotta be free, or it's ironic, since in(most branches of) Christianity it's sinful to sell a blessing, or an object for more because of a blessing.

I do like this line of the article.

"I said, 'What the heck's the matter with Christian salt?'" Godlewski said, sipping a beer in the living room of his home in unincorporated Cresaptown, a western Maryland mountain community.

Yeah, I highly doubt he was sipping his beer like some top-hated gentleman when he thought of this idea. I suppose "Pounding beer brewed in his only bathtub, in his corrugated-steel-roofed cabin lit by bacon-grease lamps at the end of a road marked 'privit proparty'" is a mouthful, yeah. I'm surprised he wasn't spitting chewing tobacco when they interviewed him

I do believe the Bible is very clear about using Christianity as a franchise like this. At least, after the merchants were driven from the temple and whatnot. It's not like this is the salt of Christ, collected from the sweat of his armpits. Sprinkle it on your peas, in remembrance of him.

I thought they already had Christian Salt

Oddly enough, it's both Kosher and Vegetarian safe.

I have to wonder if Christian salt turn me into a self loathing, closet homosexual cruising airport bathroom stalls at 3am? No? Then it's not GOP acceptable. I hear Christian Salt is good on Freedom Fries.

Christian rye bread... Christian bagels... Christian pickles... Should we expect Christian Matzah? Christian gafildafish? Christian kugel? To all you Christians, Keep your salt, but hands of the Jewish bagels! No way you'll improve on perfection. Don't you dare touch latkes. I'm sure you'll just find a way to mess it up somehow.


She should be the logo character on the Christan salt.

It's not actually kosher salt, it's koshering salt. It's not a Jewish conspiracy to take all your money. This is what happens when rednecks get media attention. Kosher salt is NOT blessed by a Jew. Rabbis don't bless things. It's not a Jewish idea.

Kosher salt is physically different from other forms of salt. It has more surface are per mg than table salt or sea salt. It's good for koshering meat because it draws the blood out of them easier. It's recommended because its large jagged crystals stick to the meat and don't dissolve. In actually nearly all salt is kosher, including ordinary table salt.



Kosher salt x 75 - Even at such a small size you can see the huge nose like structure

I also want to point out that "kosher pickle" doesn't mean that it's kosher. It means that garlic has been used in the brine like traditional Jewish pickle makers in New York. A "kosher dill pickle" may very well not meet kosher requirements.

Just because Hebrew National uses the slogan "We answer to a higher authority", doesn't make it all that much better anyway. They still have to



Jews and Christians aren't all that apart. Christians, pre-Jesus, weren't allowed to eat pork. Something to do with being that it walks, has cloven hooves, but doesn't chew its cud. But not eating something when you're starving seemed like a silly idea and whatever pope decided to over turn the whole rules of Moses.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this guy has the right idea and I'm going to start selling Atheist salt and make millions. It'll be a 6-inch perfect cube that's a single salt crystal. It won't be used for flavoring, just for annoying your dinner guests.

DineLA Is Dead? Long Live DineLA!

Dining in L.A.... Everyone Dines in L.A!

Well, almost everyone. It seems that with the current economic situation dining out has become one of those fats that gets trimmed first. It seems that restaurants are having a hard time drawing customers

In a financial climate that has seen some franchises file bankruptcy during the national recession, restaurant patrons have lost a bit of their appetite.

People aren’t dining out as much, and independent restaurants in Cherokee County are suffering and changing to accommodate budget-wise customers.

“We are down 15-20 percent from this time last year,” said Dwayne Sneed, owner of Brother’s Restaurant in Ranger, discussing his seasonal profits. Winter is known in the industry for being slow in customer turnout; however it’s been un-seasonably slow for Sneed. He’s trying new tactics to bring in business including working with civic groups and local sports teams to draw in crowds.

When you realize how many people are losing their jobs, I guess it does make sense. I mean, McDonalds is actually getting a push in business with all this. McDonalds reported that its 2008 4Q profits were higher than normal I think it's safe to say that people stopped going to the restaurants and started hitting the dollar menu as they started to tighten their wallets.

When I think about it, it's really a tragedy. I dislike fast food. If you're not ordering from the dollar menu you'll be looking to spend around $6-8 on your combo meal and if you're already spending that much, you could at least toss in a few more bucks to get something that wasn't tossed into a microwave and taste like cardboard. I also don't want to eat in the car. If I'm going to spend money I'd at least like the quality of the meal reflect in me being relaxed enough to enjoy it.


Hello stock photo of good food!

Normally during the winter season restaurants are pretty slow in general. Last year was the start of DineLA. For a period of two weeks time many Los Angeles restaurants offered three course meals for the cost of what they normally charge for a main course. It worked out well enough that they did it again this year.

I didn't have much time to write about it as I was out there enjoying it. So while this was originally going to be a wrap up blog about the event, I come to find out that DineLA has been extended till the end of the month. You can find a list of restaurants taking part and extending the offer till the 28th. Well, they're excluding Saturdays. Especially a specific one coming up next weekend.

But that's not even an issue. Personally, I'd avoid going to restaurants on the weekend anyway. The service always suffers. They know that the majority of weekend dining is done by those who seldom ever go out any other time. Waiters care more about turning tables than provide that great service they'd give you when fewer tips are coming their way for the night. Chefs are more concerned about getting that five top's entrees out instead of coming up with something new, fresh and unique. I'm a weekday warrior all the way.


A romantic dining experience under a tree branch...

Since it's extended, this has become a DineLA Half-time report. And may I say that this is a great way to try new places without breaking the bank. So far from the few I've discovered places that I want to go to as soon as possible again.

The Foundry - A delicious assortment of treats from the albacore tartar to a Salmon skin that will make you reconsider how boring Salmon could be. Wine pairings and an atmosphere that is amazing. This describes it best:

Famed chef extraordinaire Eric Greenspan of Patina and Meson G strives to create "fine dining for the everyman" with his trendy Melrose restaurant. Unique tasting menus allow adventurous diners to sample a little bit of everything, with selections from the extensive wine list complementing each course. Live jazz performers add to the lively bar scene

Fucking AMAZING!

Ruth Chris -What can be said about Ruth Chris that hasn't been said a million times before? Amazing steaks served up amazingly hot.

Asia De Cuba - On the Sunset strip this place is surreal. With a cross shaped couch and a view of the city through a glass dining area, this is one amazing place to have a meal. The food's tasty as well with interesting fusions with desert being something amazing.

Gus's bbq - Mmmm Mmmmm.. BBQ! I'd say you should stick with the smaller beer because you'll get stuffed with their ribs.

Ocean and Vine - Meh. Didn't care much for it.

These and many more are still participating and are worth checking out. Lunch will run you around $16-28 and $26-44 for dinner depending on the place. For a starter, entree and desert at these highly rated place (minus bubba gumps....) it's a steal.


Cuban Opera... and it's not over till the fat lady sings...
cause.. you know, her mouth is over.

Considering how Hallmark Valentines day is, I say skip taking them out to dinner on the 14th. The prices will be fixed and rather expensive and your enjoyment wont be nearly as good as any other time. Getting them a great meal on a budget on any of the other days when everyone isn't doing the same thing may be a better token of your affection anyway.

And if you miss out on DineLA you don't have to worry about finding a good meal and a night on the town for a date. You can always follow the ongoing cheap date segment of this blog and if that doesn't do it, many dining establishments have been answering back to a poor economy by using cheaper deals to lure more customers in and creating something that is unique and tasty to keep them coming in.

"The winter, post-holiday, is traditionally a time when diners don't like to spend as much dining out, and this (is) especially true in the current economic climate," says Nick Valenti, CEO of Patina Restaurant Group. "We want to provide our guests with an offer that is in sync with the times."

A "Soup Kitchen Cocktail Hour" at the Edison Lounge in downtown Los Angeles on Fridays from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. provides customers complimentary grilled cheese melts and tomato soup and 35-cent Depression-era cocktails, such as the 401(k), a gin cocktail served in a half-empty glass. The lounge donates 25% of its net proceeds from the entire evening to local food banks and charities.

The "Blue Tray Special" is a hit at Luna Park San Francisco and Luna Park Los Angeles. Rotating entrees, such as the honey-glazed grilled pork chop with arugula salad and cigar onion rings (regularly $19.50) sell for $10-$12 and are served on blue cafeteria-style trays. Cocktails served in matching blue glassware are $5.

"When the economy slowed down, we did it as an experiment to see if would generate enough incremental business to make it worth it, and it has," says owner A.J. Gilbert. "People weren't spending as much money. They were trying to find deals."

So there's no reason why you shouldn't go out and Dine in L.A. With a hip new Downtown scene, delicious food all around trying to give you the most bang for your buck and the constant need of food you hunger for, there's many reasons why you should go out and have a good meal.

Obama Eats Waffles

Obama Eats Waffles

Long ago there was an episode of Invader Zim called Zim Eats Waffles. It was as titled, Zim eating waffles and it made me wonder how entertaining it could be to watch someone eat waffles. I was not let down. So while others bring you news on our President Elects other actions such as his round table of transition staff or his giving Hillary some position that will do nothing but upset any puma out there or what dirty laundry Bill has before getting "bedded", as the press likes to point out. No no, I bring you this filler blog on the wonders of Obama Eating...


There is not a red salsa or green salsa meal, it's a united taco meat meal!


That's no Chicago Hot Dawwwg


Waffling on the issues


Burgers you can believe in


That doesn't look deep enough to be Chicago style


Who cares, Eat it down!


Eating in a pro-America establishment


More waffling on the issues


Fair and balanced fair food


Pork barrel spending? Nah, just pork belly sandwich!


YES WE CAN... have some desert pie


Manners we can believe in


What the? What sort of crazy Muslim
food is he eating in this picture?


Oh look Obama is all full now

And there you go. I hope you enjoyed this little romp into when Obama eats and what he shoves into his mouth. One funny little story about the campaign trail. Don't take him eating local fair as that big of a deal. A newsweek series imply that he lost weight on the campaign trail by purchasing popular local favorites *to go* before carrying it on the bus and probably throwing it away or handing it off to his Bus workers. That's not change we can believe in!