Monday, April 11, 2011

Captain Gay Caveman!!!!!!

Captain Gay Caveman!!!!!!

Because I'm sure your Monday is pretty boring and miserable as the next guy, this news story should be a good way to kill some time. Not to mention, if you have an easy to agitate republican Grandparent who does nothing but send you worthless fwds all day, you can piss him off with this article.
Archaeologists have unearthed the 5,000-year-old remains of what they believe may have been the world's oldest known gay caveman.

Archeologists believe they have discovered a 'transsexual' or 'third gender grave' in the Czech Republic

10:00PM BST 06 Apr 2011
The male body – said to date back to between 2900-2500BC – was discovered buried in a way normally reserved only for women of the Corded Ware culture in the Copper Age.

The skeleton was found in a Prague suburb in the Czech Republic with its head pointing eastwards and surrounded by domestic jugs, rituals only previously seen in female graves.

"From history and ethnology, we know that people from this period took funeral rites very seriously so it is highly unlikely that this positioning was a mistake," said lead archaeologist Kamila Remisova Vesinova.

"Far more likely is that he was a man with a different sexual orientation, homosexual or transsexual," she added.

According to Corded Ware culture which began in the late Stone Age and culminated in the Bronze Age, men were traditionally buried lying on their right side with their heads pointing towards the west, and women on their left sides with their heads pointing towards the east. Both sexes would be put into a crouching position.

The men would be buried alongside weapons, hammers and flint knives as well as several portions of food and drink to accompany them to the other side.
Women would be buried with necklaces made from teeth, pets, and copper earrings, as well as jugs and an egg-shaped pot placed near the feet.

"What we see here doesn't add up to traditional Corded Ware cultural norms. The grave in Terronska Street in Prague 6 is interred on its left side with the head facing the West. An oval, egg-shaped container usually associated with female burials was also found at the feet of the skeleton. None of the objects that usually accompany male burials  such as weapons, stone battle axes and flint knives were found in the grave.

"We believe this is one of the earliest cases of what could be described as a 'transsexual' or 'third gender grave' in the Czech Republic," archaeologist Katerina Semradova told a press conference on Tuesday.
She said that archeologists had uncovered an earlier case dating from the Mesolithic period where a female warrior was buried as a man.
She added that Siberian shamans, or latter-day witch doctors, were also buried in this way but with richer funeral accessories to appropriate to their elevated position in society.

"But this later discovery was neither of those, leading us to believe the man was probably homosexual or transsexual," Semeradova said.

The Corded Ware culture takes its name from the frequent use of decorative cord impressions found its pots and covered much of North, Central and Eastern Europe.
It is also known as a single-grave and battleaxe culture due to separate burials and the Mena's habit of being buried with stone axes.
I really hate to nitpick here, but is 5000 years ago really long enough to call him a caveman? That's well after the development of agriculture and what not.
Yes we can!!

But I guess that's more for your average reader who doesn't know the difference between Homo habilis, Homo erectus, Homo homo, Homo sapien.

I'm seriously confused on why this is even a news article. It's really a giant leap to make based on the simple fact that he was buried like a woman. Clearly he must have been taking it up the pooper and had a great sense of style.

Did ancient hieroglyphs found in the dead gay caveman's mound scratched into a corded potsherd, translated by graduate student Vlanders der Srothben, "Better gay than grumpy" followed by a crude drawing of a smiley face.

It's not like the ulna and radial bones show extensive signs of stress, possibly due to excessive use of jazz hands, while the pelvis displays a distinctive "mincing" profile. So it was pretty evident that it had to be that he was a bottom?

I wonder what the anti-gay agenda was back then? Ban interlingual mixing, vote no on prop λ

They more than likely just beat him to death and buried him like a woman to rub it in. What the fuck, folks. How on earth could they really have determined that he wasn't just a trans gender?

Where does this archeological speculation shit come from? I mean some of it may be correct, but to say that he's gay is obviously projecting current cultural values backwards and there's also the possibility that they buried the wrong body by mistake or something...

"The limited information skeletons offer makes it difficult to determine their sexuality," archaeologist Katerina Semradova told a press conference on Monday. "They are a very shy and timid people."

Either way, I'm pretty sure that the moment that the gays started bashing other gay cavemen, it ruined the sanctity of head bashing and hair dragging a mate to your cave.

No comments: