Friday, July 15, 2011

Good Night, And Good Luck

Good Night, And Good Luck

Here's hoping that you hugged and kissed your friends who live on the West side of Los Angeles goodbye. For the next two days they will be on their own. They will be completely in the dark. They will be consumed by Carmageddon.

Like any Hollywood film about impending doom, we need a pussy leader to calm the masses. So here's our worthless mayor who is the only person I am glad was hit by a car on a bicycle.

As you can see, this weekend will see the end of the west side. No longer will you have beautiful Santa Monica to get harassed by the cops. No longer will UCLA students be able to.. well, to be Asian. I guess. I'm not sure.

Maybe they can use this as an excuse as to why West Wood is a ghost town at night. Right this moment they are starting to close down the on-ramps to the 405 between the 10 and the 110. Right now, if you're still on the West side of town... well, I hope you brought rations and I hope you have found shelter. Because I'm pretty sure you're hearing the sirens and last call to escape alarms going off.

My suggestion to anyone on the west side - Just grab yourself a Popov straight from the nearest CVS that hasn't been looted for all it was worth and drink it straight from the plastic pint bottle. All while sitting under the light of a single bare bulb.

Why am I so mean to the west side on this one? Because of The Daily Truffle basically did a bit of a rant saying good riddance to all of the outsiders.
Since I was a young girl forced to carpool at John Thomas Dye, since my favorite tanning hole on Bellagio Road was rendered useless by 405 traffic noise and pollution, since the prices of homes in Bel Air plummeted because of said freeway hauling in the world, since housing developments appeared up and down the Mullholland overpass (a development is a development even if it has a golf course), since I started having to outrun GP in my earliest of club days, I have been waiting for this day.
Like, fuck these assholes. Whatever, let them deal with gaining tax dollars from visitors again with this sort of attitude. Then again, it is on the boarder of Santa Monica, so I shouldn't be surprised in the slightest.

So what is traffic going to look like? Who knows, but enjoy this trippy show of traffic problems on a normal day..

One thing that I wish did happen would be to use the highway as an extended bike riding path. In fact, the good folks of Los Angeles did ask for permission for such an act. They requested permission to hold a block party on the Santa Monica Blvd. off ramp and to take a joy ride on their bikes over the hill, but all of those ideas were tossed out. Only to be followed by a stern warning that they were going to fuck you if you tried such a thing.

...anyone who thinks it would be fun to have a impromtu block party worthy of a beer commercial or zip their bike or skateboard down the freeway should expect "a swift and certain police response," [said LAPD Cmdr. Andy Smith].
I have to say, you're no fun, Los Angeles. You make us deal with a closed down highway for a weekend and you don't let us fuck around on it? Well piss off, you no fun having mother fuckers!

Either way, I don't know where I was going with this other than to suggest that you tuck your head between your legs and kiss your not-sitting-in-traffic ass goodbye.

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