Sunday, September 4, 2011

Entourage is a Terrible Show - Why Can't I Stop Watching It?

Entourage is a Terrible Show - Why Can't I Stop Watching It?

Entourage is terrible. Simply terrible and it's amazing that in one week's time, it will be done with. Look back at the past few week's episodes you'll be amazed to think that this was a "final" season of anything.

What other show would bother putting Andrew Dice Clay into the show on its final season? I guess I'm just one of those who has stuck around this show because it'll be over soon anyway. I can say that there was a few moments that I did get some enjoyment out of so far this season.

-Sloan telling Eric "FUCK YOU" and then seeing Eric rifling through her panties. Why? Who the fuck knows why.

- Ari going to war with Bobby Flay. I mean, this show is all about star-fucking circle jerking anyway, but seeing Bobby Flay come off as an ass.. well, I guess I'm just used to that from all his Food Network shows.

- Billy moaning about Dice... about Drama.. well, about anything. Billy has been the best thing so far this season.

It's strange though. For writing a show about business, Entourage really has no idea how to write about business. Especially last year with the whole "YOU GOT A BUYER TO PAY MANY MILLIONS FOR MY COMPANY?! TURTLE YOU ASSHOLE!" part.

Currently Turtle went to business school, and then decided to sell his shares early of a god damn Tequila company that Mark Cuban is sticking with so that he can start a new business franchise? Seriously?! SERIOUSLY?! He could have gotten a loan to do it using soon to be public stocks as collateral as means to pay for this new clam company.

Why exactly does Turtle have to do his restaurant right this minute? Couldn't he have waited for Avion to go public and then sell? Turtle is a terrible business man. If he had to open the place right away, he oculd have easily gotten Cuban or Vince to help him initially with it. But wait, he wants to do this all by himself... Even though he has Vince doing promotions for it in magazine interviews.

I'm not even sure why Vince is apart of this anyway. Tough choices. Either stay with Mark Cuban and get rich off Avion stock or go with the guy who started Lim-hos? I'm in, Turtle! Then you have Don Pepe being flown out and being nothing but a star struck tourist couple. Which makes me confused as to why these people would even care about going to a Lakers game.

And Clams? Really? I don't see how anyone can consider him maturing when all his ideas seem to be your basic service need with "hot chicks working there" attached to the end of the sentence. I don't even want to think of what he's going to name the place.

But that's not the biggest problem of the show. I think it's really the issue that there's no grand plan. I just can't believe a show about the height of showbiz fame is going to end on a made-for-tv movie, a clam shack and some monkey cartoon with Dice Clay in the mix.

Entourage, how far have you've fallen? We're one episode away and this is utterly what we get? Hell, how many episodes in a row has it been this season that you haven't seen any nudity? That has to be a record for Entourage. Or maybe they just decided to cancel nudity because they have to think of the syndication aspect of the show going to SpikeTV.

Hey Spike, recovering addicts like to fuck too, you know. Speaking of which, they sure dropped that whole side story about the addiction that they ham-fisted into the story last season as quickly as they introduced it. No mention of Sasha and he's able to drop the addiction with no problem.. yeah, that sounds stupid. You put the character in this shitty situation, the least you could do is just try to write him out of it with something that doesn't sound stupid.

I also don't know what the fuck is going on with Sloan and E. Their breakup was off screen and it had to do with Eric not wanting to sign a pre-nup that was mandated by her father. Which I have to admit is pretty sad that you have far more progress to every story off screen then you do during the majority of episodes DURING the season.

Two or three weeks back they also aired a 20 minute episode. 20 fucking minutes. This season is made up of 8 episodes and its the last season and they couldn't even give us eight 25+ minute episodes? At this point it's pretty clear that they just don't give a shit anymore now that they already got the other network to pay for syndication rights.

My biggest problem with it is the fact that here we are with one episode left and this entire season has been aimless and pretty much pointless. Which in Entourage low bar set of entertainment is saying something really sad about the state of the show. That movie that they're leading up to with the last remaining episode really is just not a "must see" sort of thing. Not when it's this shit over and over again.

Spoiler talk for Episode 7

So even tho this show is total shit and really deserves not only a total lack of respect in terms of spoilers, it would be a disservice to you for me not to spoil it for you and warn you on how awful this shit is.

So here's the warning on what used to be a fun escapism show:

Turtle turns to his investors for more money when his business partners eye an expensive property. They start shooting him down and he comes to realize that Avion went public and he just missed out on making millions of dollars. When breaking this news to Vince, Vince ends up telling him that he never sold his shares and actually bought Turtle's under the advice from Mark Cuban. This move makes Vince 15 million and makes Turtle 4 million.

Which having Vince pull a saving move on himself brings me some hope that even he realized how fucking stupid Turtle's decision to sell the stocks was. Again, let me remind you of the past ideas that Turtle came up with:

"Hey, I like that restaurant in New York. I want to put it in LA."
"A lot of celebrities use limos. How about we make the limo drivers hot girls?"
"I'm gonna spend a shitload of money on some fucking sneakers."
"Time to buy a Sandy Koufax jersey with the money I made managing a rapper who stole cars and left his demo CD in the car stereo."
"There's a huge demand for Avion tequila and the company is about to go public. I better sell my stock ahead of time to avoid making any profit."

Then there's Johnny Drama's problem that get solved rather quickly when Phil is given a shit ton of money for a dog charity So I guess the movie is back on.

Then there's E... what the fuck can be said about E. He continuously act like a dick and this week he gets the surprise news - in the final minute before the end of the second to the last episode of the series, that Sloane is knocked up and he's the father. Not only that but she doesn't even want him near her.

Though I have to say, all of that is much better than the "resolution" to Vince's courtship of Sophia. Because as it seems, that's the plot progressing for Vince in what has to be the most creepiest method ever conceived.

Vince, in a hail Mary approach to trying to date Sophia, he video tapes all of his past relationships talking into the camera about how much of a great guy he is, puts it on a DVD and gets Drama to get it to her. Sounds fucking creepy, right?

Well, this gathering of Vince's ex's in a DVD montage of girls he's been with can only lead to good things, right? Yeah. Sadly they do. Him getting a DVD put together somehow convinces Alie Eve's character on what a sweet guy Vince really is - which may have worked great on paper, but in the theater it just comes off as being extremely creepy. The fact that this approach actually worked on the show really made me want to punch my television screen.

Good god this show is terrible. There is literally no point to anything that happens. "You didn't want to date me because you think I act like I care about women in order to get them to sleep with me, so I'm proving you wrong by having all the women I've done that to tell you that I did it, now will you date me? Oh you will! Entourage!"

I'd hoped, HOPED that by the end of the last episode where Vince talked to that waitress girl and found out that he'd banged her sister soon after her, that he'd realize that the journalist was actually right and change his ways. But that would be too much to ask for.

Over all, episode 7 was so bad it actually made me physically cringe and just not want to finish the episode. It seriously boggles the mind that they could have ran this show into the ground any faster.

If it wasn't for the fact that there's only 1 episode left, I would have dropped the show altogether for being so stupid. But as it is, I'm just watching it next week for fucking closure on this god awful thing already.

1 comment:

Scary Spice said...

I agree 100%. I recently started rewatching the show from Season 1 cuz I missed some episodes along the way. I loved it in the first season but seeing all the eps one after another is making me realize just how far down the tubes it really went. Right now they are all annoying me but particularly Drama and Turtle. God Turtle is such a fucking waste of space and so goddamn lazy I cannot stand it. I'm on the episode in Season 5 where he asks Drama to hire him as his assistant. The fact that Drama is even desirous of an assistant is laughable because he doesn't do shit. But Turtle, the guy who last ep offered to help out with money since Vince is broke, asks how much an assistant gets paid. When Drama tells him his castmates pay $700, Drama offers $250 at which point Turtle balks. Vince promises to pay him the difference. First of all, why in the HELL is Turtle looking to Drama for work when the objective is for all of them to make money to help pay for shit for the all of them? That is defeating the purpose. And the fact that Turtle is annoyed at the offer of $250 makes me fucking SICK. He's such a damn freeloader, poseur, greedy bastard that I cannot stand him. Hey asshole! $250 is way more than what you have been making which is zero. And the previous episode where "his car" is repoed and he calls the repo man an MFer when he says "shoulda paid your bills" really pissed me off too. It's like a big F-U to Vince who is the bill payer and is currently out of work. Goddammit Turtle if you want the car, then YOU pay the goddamn note! But no of course you can't do that because you're a fat lazy bastard who freeloads off Vince for every part of your life including the sex you are only able to have because you name drop Vince. He smokes all the weed, eats all the food, and carelessly drives the car in Vince's name with drugs in the car. He is a disgusting little maggot and I wish he would die and soon!