Wednesday, March 13, 2013

New Pope!

New Pope!

Earlier today when the news came out that white smoke was billowing out of chimney pipe, I thought to myself that they either just selected a new out of touch ghoul to run the global blight that is the catholic church, or they all realized just how evil they were and set themselves on fire.

We clearly aren't so lucky for the second one just yet. But hey, we are lucky enough to get an Argentinian Pope who is something called a Jesuit. You're probably wondering what that shit is. We'll get to that in a bit. Let's focus on his chosen name.

He did pick his name to be Francis the first. Way to go and fuck up that whole doomsday prediction that the next and last pope would be called Peterus. You could have just named yourself that so you could appeal to the doomsday preppers in all of us. Doesn't anyone get the memos at the Vatican anymore?  

Back to the whole Jesuit thing. Clearly it's just another arm of the church in an attempt to get new followers. But hey, go on about having a Black President and now a Mexican Pope. The minorities are clearly winning again.    

Oh wait, I spoke too soon...
 On April 15, 2005, a human rights lawyer filed a criminal complaint against Bergoglio, accusing him of conspiring with the junta in 1976 to kidnap two Jesuit priests, whom he, as superior of the Society of Jesus of Argentina in 1976, had asked to leave their pastoral work following conflict within the Society over how to respond to the new military dictatorship, with some priests advocating a violent overthrow. Bergoglio's spokesman has flatly denied the allegations. No evidence was presented linking the cardinal to this crime. 
 What the world gets is a guy who talks about poverty but won't make a move on gay rights. We have a liberal pope indeed! Besides, did anyone expect anything less? He's from a white Italian expat family and is pro-poors and anti-gays who supported the rightist Junta. It seems pretty status quo to me.

His stance on gay adoption is that it's a "plot straight from the Prince of lies", but was more than happy to give communion to Videla, a man who literally stole babies from leftist parents

Maybe his plan to tackle poverty is that by tackling atheism and gay rights and other scourages of Satan, compassion for the poor will be increased to the point where the problems uuuuuuugh, I can't even finish this sentence. It'll be really funny when he eventually gets sainted, he'll be San Francisco.  

The only shocker really is that he's a Jesuits. I was under the impression that the Jesuits were on the church's shit list lately. Then again, I'd be a bullshitter if I said I was following the box scores or anything. I mean, in the end, he's a cardinal. So of course he's going to be who he's going to be.

The new pope just has to remember that a life time supply of root beer isn't the same as an unlimited supply of root beer.

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