post was totally done while in an emotionally exhausted state while I
was probably laying in a bed silently. Why you ask? I mean, I don't
know, perhaps it's just a state of depression. These things happen. Even
more so now that the Holidays are coming up.
had that feeling every now and then. None of us are safe from it. Those
days you get home fro work to just lay in bed with your work clothing
still on, watching re-runs of some boring sitcom you really have no
interest in because you literally can't get your body to do anything
else. Then you can only twitch when thinking of actually getting up.
not the best of states, but it happens. Then that cycle repeats for
however long it takes to be late for something important. Only to feel
like even more of a piece of shit and you decide to pull the covers over
yourself even tighter and forget whatever it was that you needed to get
out of bed for.
I know what you're thinking. "Come on, Life's not THAT bad"
be honest, it can sometimes be pretty bad. Then you try to think of how
you can improve the quality of your life and become emotionally drained
from thoughts and lies down for another few hours dwelling on it.
to brag, but a top depression highlight in my past was not eating for
days on end because I was too lazy to go to the grocery tore, then
leaving to buy booze the second I ran out of liquor. Gotta have
One time when I was down I got asked
why I'm depressed again. I didn't feel like explaining it, just needed
to realize that it's something that happens sometimes so I shrugged it
off, they continue to tell me that I should just cheer up.
for therapy. I have the idea that while therapy may not be able to fix a
sort of chemical imbalance that can cause this sort of thing, it can
teach you things like coping mechanisms t deal with it or fix the toxic
thought processes that it causes. And you know what, I'm not opposed to
any of that.
There's also the factor that personality disorders are present and
that complicates shit because there is a huge percentage of psychs and
LCSWs out there who feel the need to gatekeep the hell out of basic
healthcare with shit like "Are you sure you're really depressed?"
would like to ask them if they think "real doctors"
would insist a patient prove their illness is real. Are you sure your
broken leg is actually... broken? Really makes it difficult to trust the
system that seems to just want to cast anything that isn't easily
treated with pharma medicine aside.
Then there's the issue of socialization. Man, I don't know about you,
but there's been one or two instances were you just stare at your unread
phone messages for days, getting more anxious about it as each day
passes by in terms of how or when you will respond to them.
out to old friends after being completely apathetic about the
friendship is one of the most troubling and stressful things you can
think of. I'm pretty sure a lot of people suffer from this. Even though
we live in an age where you can literally contact anyone a hundred
different ways ranging from email, social media, telephone, cell phone,
smoke cloud, carrier pigeon, etc. I think the best advice for this is to
be apologetic while also not groveling or whining and most of all not
making excuses. Everyone realizes that life happens and you can just
chalk it up to that.
Even so, you can get to a
place where you just start typing in your phone but then doubt sets in
and you get that pathetic feeling and it will make any small effort feel
like climbing a mountain. Ultimately the best advice I can give you for
this or when you feel like you want to actually do some socialization
but... not really too much. Just reach out with the statement
"I can't think of anything to say. I'm not ignoring you, I just think I'm too dumb and boring for friends. In
conclusion, I want to be your friend, but I don't know if you hate me
and you're much cooler than me and I sort of just hope you'll initiate
this friendship even though you probably think I hate you because I'm
too pussy to interact with you"
Man, that got dark fast.
But you know what, that's not a problem. Sometimes it's okay to feel the
way you feel. Being sad is okay at times. Just do you, man.