Long before Grant Morrison had a grip on the weird comic idea genre, there was a little comic put out by Richard Hughes and Ogden Whitney of ACG comics...
This is Herbie Popnecker, the fat little nothing.
He can talk to anything he likes.
He travels through time.
And has terrible powers if you threaten his lollypop consumption.
And fought the Devil, after he accidentally sold his soul.
Is stoic in the face of his terrible father.
And is best friends with JFK and Jackie O.
He also moonlights as a superhero, the Fat Fury.
And did I mention he's beaten Castro?
I can't recommend it highly enough. Need more proof on this bazaar comic book? The plot of that story is every bit as good as it sounds...
Herbie's dad takes him to see a boxing match in the hopes of motivating Herbie to act like a real man. The match is between American Sonny Liston and the Cuban Pablo Popsicle. Popsicle is going to use the match earnings to ransom the Cuban counter-revolutionary Juan Buanana from Castro.
Unfortunately, while training, Popsicle decides he wants one of Herbie's lollypops. Turns out it's an anti-gravity pop, and he floats away.
And so Herbie has to take his place in the match.
Unfortunately, because Herbie disappears after the match, they award the prize money to Liston. So Herbie decides to walk to Cuba and give Castro a piece of his mind. He sneaks into Castro's stronghold...
But Castro won't deal with him, after Herbie offers him 10 million lollopops!
So Herbie seduces the female prison guard with his saucy dancing skills...
Now that you watched the movie, enjoyed the Nite Owl Coffee! and get the joke that I've been beating into the ground about who watches the watchmen as well as doing things 35 minutes ago, we can move on to more serious humor. And by serious I mean jokes you'll more than likely get now that you've seen it.
Come Monday you'll see a slew of papers use the tag line "Who Watches The Watchmen" in all the many forms to report the box office numbers. Just remember who beat it into the ground first, folks.
Besides the amount of attention this book of an old era has gotten there's a lot more merchandise tie-in's to Watchmen to come. So you can show off to all your friends how much of a comic book nerd you are. Before all the fun and games, I'm sure Alan Moore would like to say something to you
Alan Moore:
I'm very disappointed in all of you for watching this filth. How dare they bend over and rape my masterpiece in such a fashion. I feel like Silk Spectre. I am so disappointed in you. You should all go out and read Lost Girls... because, seriously, that's like.. no wait, don't do that. It'll ruin your childhood. Go and read League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It's nothing like the film and a shit ton better. Don't make me strike you down with my snake god! He's almighty and powerful!
Don't worry. Alan Moore may be a little upset with you but he'll calm down with a nice book.
Little Lulu always calms him down
The man does make a good point though. It seems like Watchmen is all over the place. It was hard to drive anywhere in L.A. without getting flooded with the marketing of it. Does the world need comic book coffee? More than likely not. At least it stays true to the source material. That is it looks like cheesy 80's stuff.
Then you have the viral material for this. Check out this old MTV parody
Ah yes.. the memories of the 80's when MTV stopped showing videos.
Then there's the idea that comic books aren't just for kids. I suppose every comic nerd has been spearheading this idea for a long time now in order for folks to shut up about us reading "Real books".
There's a scene where the Comedian tries to rape Silk Spectre. It fails but it's later hammered home that the two of them worked it out and out of that produced a love child of our favorite New silk spectre. Oh yeah, super hero movies. I hope everyone takes their kids to this movie.
EVERYONE.
Nothing like trying to explain to little billy why that Blue Man group member is walking around with his huge blue penis waving around.
Just cause Sackboy is for kids doesn't mean Watchmen is...
And what better way to prove that this ISN'T for kids than to have a manga/anime out for it. Yes, that's right. The fine folks in Japan have been so kind as to put Watchmen into a Manga series. I suppose it makes sense to keep the Octapus in that version of it.
But like everything they touch, they have to make it cute. Even if it's being raped by some huge penis monster, it doesnt' matter as long as it's cute and has a chan at the end of the name. Then, and only then, can you call it something for kids. Here's the example of their calendar for this manga-chan watchmen.
I recognize everyone but December. I'm not sure if it's suppose to be Hollis or the child murderer. It could go both ways... I really don't know.
Then there has been the more weirder of watchmen material. I wrote once before about how the internet takes things and runs with them. Yeah, Watchmen is really showing that people do run. In most cases, I'd encourage these folks to run with a pair of scissors in their hands.
It is 12pm. Billy is about to throw the frisbee. Woof. It is 12:03pm. The last pleasurable yelp brought on by the belly scratch escapes my doggy lips, harf.
One thing's for sure, you better get that dog away from Rorschach.
If the movie doesn't grab your kids attention, you should be greatful. It's not for them. Again, it's not for them. This cartoon on the other hand, is made entirely for them. It's a kid friendly watchmen.
Saturday Mornings with a bowl of cereal have never been so good.
But it's not all fun in animated form. Besides having the motion comics, Watchmen humor has come from the pages that are black and white with red all over. In many forms this was long before the idea of the film ever came to be. Well, at least this version. The production has been through hell for a long time.
You haven't had a good BJ till you've had one on Mars.
It just goes to show you that all comics can get the watchmen treatment.
You block head!
But besides all that, did you like the movie? Did you read the comic before or after? I want to know the thoughts of you folks. I have owned more than a long box full of watchmen trades in my day because they were so cheap and I would just give them out to comic readers. So it's interesting to see folks walk in blind to this comic book movie.
I think the main thing to take away from the film is that it's a 160 minute long trailer for the 200+ minute long DVD. Think of it like Lord of the Rings. Very long special editions that I personally can't wait for. And no, it's not because I want to see a giant blue penis in 1080i on a Blu ray disc.
Having read the comics, the film was like a Watchmen Pockets Guide. You can see hints at some of the cuts like the transition between Manhattan being attacked by the press and zapping himself to Mars. I just wonder what they left on the cutting room floor of the script writers. I really do miss having Rorschach jump out of the fridge.
All of this must be driving Alan Moore mad.. Then again, I'm sure he's just looking up new ways to ruin our childhood by writing Lost Girls Two... Who knows, really.
While it was a great movie, I'm sure there's going to be those who hate it and those who love it. I doubt there will be much middle ground. Ultimately, I'm sure Alan Moore is hoping this situation plays out like this
You may remember when I talked about who releases the watchmen, Well, Fox and WB have worked out their difference. In that Fox is now getting a wheel barrel full of cash and WB gets to release Watchmen like nothing ever happened on March 6.
What's a motion comic? Well, it's sort of like the Invincible shorts MTV did. It hearkens back to old Marvel cartoons, but I really really dislike it. I don't understand why other people do. The voice actor is also terrible when it comes to the voice of women. How hard would it have been to hire a woman for that role of.. you know.. a woman? I'd rather read the actual comic myself, I like audiobooks for the "hands/eyes free" convenience, this thing doesn't offer that. Plus I can imagine being twitchy about the reading speed aspect too.
Then we come across the other piece of info on the music for the film.
Music From The Motion Picture Watchmen, the film's official soundtrack, includes My Chemical Romance's powerful reinterpretation of Bob Dylan's "Desolation Row," recorded exclusively for the film. The soundtrack also features a collection of classic songs by such artists as Nat King Cole, Simon & Garfunkel, and Janis Joplin, which, once heard in the context of the film, will never be thought of the same way again.
Um... interesting selection, I must say. With The Watchmen coming out in a little over a month, it's nice to see the advertisement dollars roll in. For starters they have a twitter profile going for the The New Frontiersman, a center piece in the comic. Which is offering nice updates daily on other material that is key to the comic and film. Then they went the full mile with this mock up Night News report set in the 70's about Dr. Manhattan, a certain key character of the film.
So the only thing to question now is Who Watches The Watchmen film?
Though I have to admit, it's going to pain me to see the vast amount of Rorschach Halloween costumes this year. Much like how you hot topic kids pissed on my love for Nightmare Before Christmas in the early 2000's, I'm sure this year's Halloween costume will be of Rorschach just like every person and their grandma was dressed as Health Ledger's Joker. The grandmas were able to pull it off. Those fat nerds on the other hand... not so much. And as old and cranky as I sound, there's far worse out there on the internet. A slew of geeks on the internet with every possible combination of Watchmen and whatever possible start popping up.
"Ten minutes from now, she's pulling the football away just as I attempt to kick it. I am already lying on the ground, twelve seconds into the future. I will be grief-stricken."
See that right there? A combination of the Peanuts and The Watchmen. It's the true spirit of the internet. Demented nerds coming together and dreaming about combining things. The best part was in the late 90s when people thought that would be worth money somehow. Stupid fools.
But then again, there's those who will complain about anything. For example, in this case we have the morons in the world complaining about the Video game. Heaven forbid they make a game based off a comic book. Face it folks, if they can make a game about Fight Club, a film that talks about the problems with mass marketing and consumerism, they can make a film about a comic book that points out the blurry line between what is consider the good guy and the bad guy.
In this case, the The Watchmen Video Game is getting shit because fans are wondering how you would make a game based off the comic book with very little real action. That and how it fits into the story line.
Watchmen: The End is Nigh is a video game tie-in for the movie version of the Watchman graphic novel. No, don't leave yet! Keep reading.
The beat-'em-up-meets-puzzle-game will be released in an episodic format to coincide with the upcoming film. While Watchman writer Alan Moore is off being bonkers and not involved with the game, Watchmen artist Dave Gibbons is acting as advisor. That's a good sign!
Another good sign? The game is being written by the book's editor Len Wein, and what's more, it's completely in the Watchmen cannon.
Dave Gibbons says the Watchmen beat-em-up that has you playing as Nite Owl and Rorshach is canon and based off of some RPG that was written at the time of the original comic release. Which works out. It sets you in a time when Rorschach wasn't totally batshit and worked with Nite Owl to take down the mob which was alluded to in the book a few times.
No matter how much explaining or reasoning there is behind this, it wont let those crazy nerds complain about what is canon and what isn't? For those of you who aren't nerds, Canon doesn't refer to a gun, it refers to the time line or history of the franchise. But with comments like:
"BUT THE ARTIST DIDN'T WRITE IT. Jesus. This isn't Japan. He has no say in this."
It really makes you wonder how the internet hasn't imploded in on its own self importance. Then we have this nugget:
"Alan Moore isn't bonkers. He's more sane than whoever thought up this stupid game."
Oh snap! No he-didn't! Yeah, I'm sure a game developer who likes money has less sanity than some hairy bearded dude in a shack that shuns the world.. Yeah, given the fact that his books have been crapped on, this one may actually be good.
Let's not forget that most of these people are guessing that Owlman must clearly be a take on Batman instead of realizing that he's actually a take on the Blue Beetle. And in saying that I pretty much assured that I'm a huge nerd.
It clear that the internet is a silly silly place. Forget who watches the watchmen, who the hell keeps tabs on all these crazy ass fucks? I want to know who watches them and why they aren't being taken to a detention camp.
Once was a writer, tho, you see words to your left, so I guess I'm still that to some degree.
You can find my scribbles and mind ranting on this and various other places as a means to keep the creative, satirical and costco talk muscles worked out.
Was once apart of the tv industry, but I'm sure the NDA's are still in effect so let's move on from that. Now I spend my time slinging beer and keeping a building in one piece.
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