Sunday, December 14, 2008

Nice Duck, Lame Duck.

Nice Duck, Lame Duck.

Iraq is a scary place. The locals hate you for bringing down their status quo, dropping bombs on their innocent and generally wrecking shit up. Of course they're going to lash out in the form of shooting our troops. Today the shit got real...

BAGHDAD — His legacy forever linked to an unpopular war, President George W. Bush visited Iraq under intense security Sunday and declared that a long, hard conflict is necessary to protect the United States and give Iraqis hope. "The war is not over," he said.

Bush got a size-10 reminder of the fervent opposition to his policies when a man threw two shoes at him _ one after another _ during a news conference with Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. "This is the end!" shouted the man, later identified as Muntadar al-Zeidi, a correspondent for Al-Baghdadia television, an Iraqi-owned station based in Cairo, Egypt.

Before you start with anything about how it was only a shoe remember that this was the president that almost was taken out by a pretzel. So there is reason to definitely be some concerned with what a shoe could do to him.

While "I threw a shoe at him." wont get you out of being raped in prison, it may have some credibility when you say you threw it at Bush's head. What will not get you any street cred though is that you not only missed the toss -but you missed a second attempt!

Bush wasn't the only thing lame duck at the top. How the hell did he get the chance to go down, get his second shoe and make another toss before secret service took him down? One thing for sure, this dude is going to disappear forever. This does explain why they check your shoes at the airport.

Who throws a shoe?

The president comes under attack... be it by shoes being flung at his head, and he is grinning like a schoolboy as he ducks out of the way. Really does show off his lame duck powers. On closer inspection, at least the guy hit the American flag. TAKE THAT, AMERICA! These colors don't duck. I love how the news sites are all like "In arab culture, throwing your shoe is a grave insult!" as if there were any culture anywhere where that wouldn't be taken as some sort of insult. Is there some obscure central-asian country where a boot to the head is a sign of respect?

But what am I doing actually writing a real report here. We know I can't be serious for more than five minutes and really, if you're coming to me for your latest news... well, that's two steps below getting all your actual news from Comedy Central.... and five steps below getting it from FoxNews.

No, no. You know me as the guy who mocks things. It should be common knowledge that I make terrible puns. I do so because I grew up on the Muppets. You know, they weren't exactly puppets and nor were they mops. My favorite Muppets are actually two that many don't even know their name. Statler and Waldorf. They were the two old Muppets in the balcony that always heckled everyone.

In times like this I just wonder what they would say to these sorts of news pieces.

Looks like his trip got off on the wrong foot!

He's a SHOE IN for worst president ever!!!!!

Well no one can ever accuse bush of being a LOAFER!!!!

I think there was a 2nd SHOE-ter on the grassy knoll!!!

That's what he gets for being such a HEEL

He's certainly not IN STEP with the times!

Obviously the guy knew Bush didn't have a sole.

Bush is a bad president, we should give him the BOOT.

They should make a game, Hit the president with a shoe and win a free ringtone.

what's with all the SHOEpid puns

That's what you get for destroying Sole-shoe security!


HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... They dropped my blue shield coverage....

My medicine cost so much I can't afford these balcony seats anymore.

Fuck you bush!

Bush really does show that he's out of touch with the American people. He blew a perfect opportunity for an Austin Powers reference. He hasn't been anywhere near a decent president. I mean, his foreign policy hasn't been inspiring in the slightest.

But as bad as Bush has been, do you really want Cheney as the president for the next month?

Yeah... I didn't think so.

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