Friday, September 18, 2009

Lady Gaga Is Totally Awesome

Lady Gaga Is Totally Awesome

I have avoided this subject for a while now because I felt it was too mainstream to talk about but I can't deny talking about it any longer. I must admit that Lady Gaga is totally awesome in every way possible. Though, I guess I'm not one to listen to her(?) music, but I can respect her(?)

Like a ton of pop stars wear lingerie just to expose themselves and be thought of as a sex goddesses, but really internally they're oppressed to shit and it doesn't work. Madonna for instance.. For someone who was all about sex and even wrote a damn book about it, she sure seems like an up tight bitch. Lady Gaga is like Madonna but she is classy and also has talent.

Gaga like knows what she's going on about, she's straight copying glam rock David Bowie/Freddy Mercury shit. It's all very retro-queer chic, but it's on a fricking GIRL! Sure, I should put the question mark there, but let's face it, she's not a dude. No way. All those rumors of her packing a dick are nothing more than her excelling at that whole David Bowie/Ziggy Stardust gimmick.

But even if she was packing a dong, she would be just as awesome and would get my respect, if not more for packing double weapons. Bestowing a penis upon a woman is the best gift a patriarchy can give, after all. Like,you can see it everywhere on the net. When paparazzi pictures get posted there's always an argument and some dudes who are like "Lady Gaga is hot!" and others are like "Eww, she's a MAN! She's hiding a penis in there! What a gross transvestite and not hot at all, you are so gay, no real straight guy would ever think she is hot because she is a man" Those clearly have to be males trying to pump out their chest in an act of male dominance. Silly boys.

Now obviously she's not a man. Just evoking something dangerously close to leather daddy fagmos for average white males. Which is totally sweet, because it's turning the male gaze against the male, which usually ends up with broken noses and bleeding gashes, but since she is just this little 100 pound blonde chick it totally leaves homophobic men with no outlet but to call her names and start flamewars on the internet to attack other males who do think she is hot.

It's really all amusing. That's not to say she isn't sexy. No, she is sexy as hell. But I don't want to have sex with her because if we were ever in that kind of situation that might ruin our friendship and frankly, I wouldn't want to taint such a sacred thing. Frankly, she seems like a really cool person to be friends with because of all the wacky strange shit she will wear and do. Not to mention what will come out of her mouth. Talk about a firecracker, that Lady Gaga. So no, we're just gonna hang out cause she's cool like that.

Lady Gaga, if you're reading this....

Let's just be friends. Ok?

I once read an article that argued that the reason rock bands are usually all-male is so that men have another outlet for success and fame. Which is why pop is less legitimized because pop is more female dominated. I could be hallucinating all this though in some bad acid trip. But if it's somehow true or carries some truth to it, it would make sense of it. See what Lady Gaga does? She breaks through that in a less than PINK annoying way. Not to mention that I'd believe that Pink was packing a dong more than I would believe Lady Gaga would be.

Yeah, you may be thinking "What's up with Lady Gaga dressing up like that Boss from Metal Gear Solid". You sort of half expect her to ask you if you like playing Castlevania. But she's cool like that. See what I mean, her sense of style goes beyond just dressing slutty. She's making a statement. And while we may misinterpret that message as "I'm fucking crazy." Those of us in the know are aware that she's really just ten years ahead of everything. Didn't you think Ziggy Stardust was pretty far out, man? Yes, she's pretty far out.. MAN! What next, will she kiss a frog? Oh wait, here she is doing that. What would Miss Piggy think? Wait, I just figured it out. She's saying SHE'S Miss Piggy. See how far out she is?

I don't know who decided that wearing the decapitated head of a puppet was fashionable, but I suspect that it was the most awesome thing in the world. I mean, I love the muppets. The idea of killing them seems a bit extreme but, this is fashion after all. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made. Besides, I'm not sure who it was that said you shouldn't wear white after labor day but they must not have ever said anything about wearing green after a certain time. While it's not easy being green, it sure is easy wearing it.

Besides if you disagree with using muppets as a wardrobe and fashion statement, Jean-Charles de Castelbajac's Fall 2009 RTW collection would not be up your alley. See that, I'm hip to the chic. I know my fashion. Yes, I may wear jeans and wacky/comic book t-shirts, but when it comes to chic muppet fall lines, I know my shit. Take that Stacy and Clinton!

And lastly, why do I not consider her just another christina aguilera? Lady Gaga is literally more talented than most other corporate pop stars of the last few years. I suppose I have to admit it, I once did think, upon first hearing her name and some generic synthesized sounds that she was a carbon cutout. But then I saw this acoustic version of one of her songs that sounds autotuned like hell. I was impressed.

That in itself was pretty good. So hey, I may not like all of her music but I do respect the gal. Much more than I expected and her message/look and out of her fucking mind mentality when it comes to the way she handles the MTV word is hilarious to watch.

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