Friday, October 28, 2011

This Is Halloween....Costumes

This Is Halloween.... Costumes

It wouldn't be Halloween if it wasn't for stupid costumes and me talking shit about them. What can I say, I always did something creative and that wasn't poorly made out of some Chinese sweat shop. So it gives me every right to talk shit about the costumes that they're cranking out in mass.

Oh, I'm sure I'll get into the stupid "Sexy" costumes. Though I'm just probably going to admit to being a little jealous of those cause on the one night it's okay to dress slutty my girlfriend has the same moral objection to them. Herumpf! Though thankfully I talked her out of a couples costume. Because really, couples costumes are the worse thing to ever appear on the earth and should be a justified reason to break up. Take this example:

Ho-ho! How witty. You see, one fits the other in a very open and public sexual reference. You know how most people will feel awkward displaying a lot of public display of affection? Yeah, this costume not only does that, but I imagine anyone wearing it will also be bitten by this sudden wave of awkwardness when they realize they're a fucking electric socket and plug in cord.

Though I'm a bit confused by the two slots to put his plug in. You can't insert your penis into a woman's chest. This costume is impossible! How dare it pass quality control in any shape or form! Stuff like Bonnie and Clyde and all those other couples costumes always just make me feel like the couple has lost their identity and are no longer two people, but are now a freakishly scary variation of themselves that wants to eat your brains... or that will be so co-dependent towards each other that you'll be sick of hanging out with them anyway.

Back to the subject of sexualization for the sake of sexualization. May I state, for the record, that I do think sexy costumes are stupid when they're just pointless. I mean, look at the following:

I.. don't even have words to describe how awful that is. Where do I even start? The Pac-Man bra? I don't know. The purple ghost under her skirt. This isn't a costume, it's a sex clothing. Clearly you're suppose to eat the ghost as suggested, which is on her snatch. Best hope that it smells of those bonus point fruits and not of a pretzel.

That is not the type of "Sexy" costume I speak of. There's plenty of ways to dress sexy without having a suggestive ghost on your cooch. Dressing as pin-up icons for example is a good one. You remain classy and yet seductive. Though I guess sexy costumes are mainly for those who are desperate in trying to hook up on Halloween night parties.

Then since it's hip to be square these days, there's those costumes that are tailor made to attract that nerd. Look at the following green lantern costume

Oddly enough, that costume is very much comic accurate. Which I don't know if that's a good thing to say towards the comics that it appears in. not to mention that the character who wears this exact costume is also a teenager who Hal Jordan had... well, let's just say Hal may have to go knocking door to door whenever he moves somewhere new.

But I do give them credit for getting it right. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a costume looks nothing like what it's suppose to look like. As if it was too much trouble to get the copy rights for the character you're trying to make a costume for. Look at this Batgirl:

What the shit is that?! Though I have to be honest and say that I was complaining more about the fact that she does not have red hair. How dare they allow anyone without the crimson top to wear a batgirl costume!

But yeah, the costume is total shit. It's like they never bothered to read the comics or even flip through a single issue to see how exactly she looks like. Though I shouldn't go after the girl costumes only. I really don't know what I'm going to be for Halloween. Which seems like a problem. Though considering I'm now 31, maybe I'm getting too old to wear a silly outfit.. and go around trick or treating.

Maybe I could do an easy one and just go as Hunter S. Thompson.

No, wait. While I loved his writing and respected this mad man way too much, I just can't do it. I can't go around like every other college student on Halloween wearing the basics that make up this Doctor of Journalism. Even if at most you'll only need the following objects:
  • Hawaiian shirt
  • Khaki pants / shorts
  • Long socks
  • Fishermans hat (Skip if you are bald or have the guts to shave your head to look like you are bald)
  • Avaiator sunglasses
  • Cigarette holder
  • Flyswatter
Which seem like all things you can get at your local thrift store with ease. But still, I won't take the easy way out. No sir, not I!

In the end, I guess all that really matters is that you feel like you want to feel wearing something silly or close to your heart.. or if it's just something you pulled out of the closet in a quick hurry to get a Halloween costume put together just in the nick of time. In short, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

No comments: