Time To Break Up
We're only a few days away from Halloween and if there's one thing I have learned in my many decades on this third rock from the sun, it's that when you get past Halloween the year might as well be over. The time between now and the new years will zoom by with gatherings and festivities with friends and families coming up every three to four weeks.
This means that you're going to have very little breathing room and time for yourself when you factor how many social interactions you'll be juggling. Which brings me to the point of this post... Maybe you should break up.
Yeah, that's right. You heard me.
We're on the Saturday of the Halloween Weekend. What the fuck are you doing in a relationship anyway? Unless you really care about this person this should be your chance to have a gut check on if you even want to be in the relationship. Much like when you're on a road trip in the desert and you see the sign that reads "Last gas station for the next 50 miles", you need to look at your gas gauge and figure out if you have enough fuel to make it through to or if you need to just stop.
So why the sudden need to either stick around or head for the hills? Because with these holidays come a lot of cost and pressure involved in them. You need to figure if you're going to even be able to ride it out or if you need to jump out of this fast moving crazy train. The best advice I can give is to just remember to tuck and roll.
Remember, this is actually for the best interest of your soon to be ex as well. Why would you want to mislead them into thinking that you're in love with them. Because let's be honest, the holidays really do send the signal that you're in it for the long haul. Not everyone meets their parents, right? Besides that, isn't it better to be honest in the relationship and not mislead someone in making them believe you have more feelings for them than you really do.
Not to mention that it's the best way to escape and avoid any obligations without having to pull out a terrible lie of an excuse as to why you don't/won't/aren't going to spend the time with them.
You're probably wondering what the plus side to all of this is.. And let me break it down:
1. Halloween - I'm not sure I need to really explain this one. Considering it's a free pass to dress as liberating as you bloody well want to without any fear of being labeled a "Slut" or "whore" because of that short skirt you're wearing or the amount of cleavage that is showing. it's the perfect time to scope out a date. Everyone knows that this Holiday is far from being one for the children these days anyway.
Though I think the best situation you dodged in being single in time of Halloween is that you get to avoid any discussion about a "couples costume" God damn how I hate those.
2. Thanksgiving - If your heart is still aching from the break up or annoyed about dealing with family then there's one place that will welcome you right before Thanksgiving... A bar. The single best day to go out to "da club" or the bar scene is the night before Thanksgiving. It's super packed with people entertaining out of town guest or simply trying to escape the family. In short, everyone has a short work day gearing up to the eating festivities and they want to go party for the start of the 4 day weekend.
But more to the point, the best thing about being single around Thanksgiving is that you can do what you want. If you're in a relationship it's going to be either you go over to their families house or you go with her to yours. To be honest, I have never met a Thanksgiving dinner that didn't have some sort of family drama or melt down happen during it.
Stress is high. The cooks are timing everything and the only thing you really should give thanks about is that in another hour or two everyone will have food comas and you can sneak out, or stumble out depending on how much alcohol you needed to numb yourself.
This also leads to expectations. If you're meeting the family then that signifies that your relationship is one that will be asked about in another few months or whenever someone from the family sees you. It implies a more committed relationship than you may want it to.
3. Christmas - Not even a moment of rest happens before you're whipped into Christmas mode after Thanksgiving. Now this is when being single is probably the best. Mainly because you don't have to worry about living up to some high expectation in terms of gifts. I seriously don't want to go shopping any time after Black Friday through January because of the crowds. It doesn't help that the media injects it into their mind that they should expect some sort of diamond ring or bow around a brand new car in the drive way.
But even if it wasn't for the gifts being an issue, you're still going to be dealing with the family. It's sort of Thanksgiving 2: The Revenge. Only this time with ham and/or tamales. Christmas has that timeless foreverness to it. If you're in a relationship you can't help but be suckered into the whole warm cuddling by the fire and white Christmas image that has been imprinted in your mind.
One concern that worries everyone is the burning question of "Won't you feel alone?" or "You don't want to be that old single guy, do you? What exactly are you afraid of in being single during these following months anyway? Pfft! Don't you dare let anyone tell you that being single during this part of the year is a bad thing.
Always remember that you are born alone and you die alone regardless of how many people you've grown tired of over the years is standing next to you.
This whole notion that people commit suicide more often around then and it's the toughest time to be alone is just a terrible myth. Or at the very least it's being perpetuated by the same groups. In fact, suicides are more often during the beginning of the week and least common on weekends. The notion is that on weekends and Holidays it's a lot easier to repress your troubles during these times because it offers greater social interaction.
In any case, Christmas is tough enough, I doubt having a significant other makes it any easier and probably causes more stress in gift giving and time management. Especially since it's only five days before the next big Holiday.... NYE.
4. New Years Eve/Day - If there was one holiday that has the most expectations in it, it has to be New Years eve. That level of expectations for anything can only lead to disappointment. And considering you have had no time to recover from Christmas, these two holidays should just be one week long festival.
The thing with New Years is that for most people they can't see the positive in the year that just ended and have to go on about how this upcoming year will be their year. So they have this idea that in order for the whole 365 days to be any good, the first one has to be amazing and what better way to start out amazing than by getting kissed at midnight.
This can lead to a lot of issues of being in a far more committed/serious relationship than what you thought you were because the other person wants to be optimistic. And let's be real, you don't have to be in a relationship to have a midnight kiss. There's enough NYE parties with other singles buying into this notion that you can get a kiss you just chat them up. If anything, people are more into that because they're trying to land a date. Mainly to secure their spot for.... Valentine's Day.
5. Valentine's Day - You know what, I'm not going to pull any punches. I hate this day with a passion. I dislike the whole notion that you take the beheading of someone who was forbidden to marry people and you turn it into a day of getting flowers and sending candy. So if you can be single on Valentine's day, why the hell wouldn't you?
Or maybe you like pre-fixed dinners that are way expensive, reservations that are 10x's the amount as any other day and the bar to be so high on what you need to do to show your love.
In reality, Valentine's Day is one of the best days to be single. You bypass all the expensive shit and if you go to the bars, you'll be surprised at how easy it is to attract a mate. The amount of people out there that are seeking any sort of warm body on this holiday can only be due to the idea behind it. That if you don't have someone to share this day/night with, then you're undesirable.
My suggestion would be to go to a place like Lola's or some other joint that has colorful spirits at around $10 or so bucks and you'll be surprised at how just sitting there will get you a conversation. Who said that Valentine's Day had to be for couples only? Then hey, if you do land some conversation or more on Valentine's Day, guess what. You can start a relationship back up as you'll have another 364 days to go before having to deal with V-day anyway. Which all things considered, is the furthest you can get from Valentine's Day in your future.
As you can see the few holiday rush reasons why you have to take a moment and think to yourself if you're really into this relationship you have going on as we go into this trick or treating Holiday weekend. Because if your gut is telling you that you can't handle the onslaught of holidays and special moments to come, you better run for those hills.
Whedonesque turns 15 today.
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