Thursday, October 18, 2018

I SWEAR

I SWEAR 

Here's a bunch of curse words or comical cursing phrases. It's best to show this list to young children. Especially not your own. It's only fitting to fill up the hearts and minds of the youth with corruptible commentary. Besides, language is all we have to pass on the wonders of stories. Sometimes they just need a really descriptive sort of word to flesh it out.

So let's get down to brass tax - Let's get nasty with the words. What are some of the favorite curse words?

For me, it's probably going to be a close tie between cocksucker and cunt. It's all about the hard C sound. Also, Cunt because everyone in America seems to think it's a really awful word when every other country thinks it's no big deal. I bet you're wondering why this is exactly?

Probably because it's a byproduct of the word just not making it into more casual use in the US the way it has in the UK and elsewhere. So that makes the word both more rare in general as well as it makes it so if you do hear someone use it in the US, it's because they really mean it.

In saying that, let's talk about the phrase - Feckless Cunt.

Gobshite

Fuckman

Tittyfart

Dang

Tatersauce

Pee-pee  - As in, suck my dang pee-pee  (So edgy)

Cocksucker

Slich

Shucks

Cum Bubble

Dildard - I mean, it's the best of all worlds and just nails it really hard into their confidence.

Cum gugzzling baconsnatches

America's hottest new curse word - Clemin!   We'll tell you what it means, after the break!

I don't know, I appreciate "Goddamn" and "Goddamn it" because you can slip it in just about everywhere and any conversation without it having the weight of an f-bomb, but you can also pause between "god" and "damn" to really wind up right there before the pitch.

The other weekend someone called me a duck-dicked motherfucker and it was really inspired. I was all, like, "woah, that's rude as all hell". I guess ducks developed a strange convoluted genitals as a sort of sexual warfare and although I'm not sure if that's the real meaning they intended, it does add a little bit of a twist to it all. 

There's also another curse word that starts with the letter "N" and when you write it in public or in private, you'll catch a huge PR problem.. so I'm probably just not going to say it.. Oh screw it,

NANGOSTEEN

NAGGER!

To get around the profanity laws in the 40's, some radio characters would swear by saying "Cheese N Rice!" Which is partially innovative, but then again, it also still got complained about. So Bollocks.

Horseshit - Especially when sneered by a weary eye'd Harrison Ford on a talk show.

"Bitch" is really a fun one to say. "Son of a bitch" just seems to be on the wane in the past decade or so, which seems like a real shame. Those had their moment in the sun, I guess. Which I guess is mainly due to the fact that it is animal based.  You can pair swears with animals all day and make them great. Like "Shitweasel" or you can get creative with things like "cuntlobster" or "Jizzpanda". Really, the sky is the limit when it comes to those things. 

But let's just throw it out there. when it comes to swear words, it's not even close. The winner has been and always will be FUCK. It can be used in anger, arousal, in awe, can be used as an intensifier and to dilute, rings like a gunshot and dominates the letter F. It's all classes and a whole lot more. It doesn't discriminate and comes in all creeds and nations, all languages and all religions. It's four letters of pure magic.  Stub your toe? You can scream it. It's just in your DNA.

It really is the most versatile word in the English language.

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