ACTING LIKE YOUR SHIT DON'T STINK
Look, everybody poops. It's a fact of life. Just like how you take the good and you take the bad and then you forget the lyrics to that 80's sitcom show and where the fuck was I going with this? Oh yeah, poop smelling.
I'm pretty sure you've tried many ways to cover the smell of your food coming out in a normal human body function. But here we are still finding the means to do so. Well, now you have this product;
It's the best invention since sliced bread! I bring you sliced poo smells! It's so simple to use, even a shit head can learn how! What you do is you spray the toilet with this wonderful spray thing just create a layer that the stank won't be able to escape once it gets under the water. It's really a miracle of science and we should have been investing all the cancer research into this long ago.
But there is, after all, always some warnings. For example. You have to make sure you lift the seat. Because you think you are able to get proper coverage with the seat down, but you really can't. You will be foolishly and with much unwarrented confidence taking a dump only to find that your stank factory droppings are leaving the toilet and going everywhere unable to be contained by the wonders of this product. Soon your friends will smell it and you will be shunned forever.
So remember. Just lift the seat before your first spray. Your nose will thank you for whatever the fuck it is that you ate that made you lay that stank egg. On top of that, when you sit down your ass will be wet. Which, I guess isn't the worst thing because it's just your butt cheeks and who the fuck cares about that. You'll also smell better for a while with a circle of this scent all around your ass.
Also, do not apply it to your butt hole. I mean, seriously, did you not read the directions or the instructions I just wrote above? Why was your default to spray something into your butt hole. What the fuck is wrong with you or what strange fetish do you fucking have, man? And yeah, I get it. You figure that you need to spray it in your butt hole because that's where the liquid comes from. Also, if it's just liquid spewing out of your ass, go see a goddamn doctor or stop eating so much Mexican food.
Then again, if you spray it directly onto your asshole, all your farts for the rest of the day will have that lemony fresh smell. Tho it would give you away as the farter in the elevator, so perhaps try not telegraphing your farts so much, man. You have to keep it on the down low a little better.
Welp, 8 days into the year and my content is this shit. Literally. Great start to the new year. Then again, this is being posted as Trump is talking about boarder crisis, so perhaps it's not the worst content I'm presenting all things considered.