Showing Off Your Levi's In Playgirl

Showing Off Your Levi's In Playgirl

Levi Johnston.. the guy who utterly destroyed Sarah Palin's career... Ok, let's be honest. Sarah Palin destroyed her own career as a politician the moment she opened her mouth. But one brick in the wall that was making her shut the fuck up was Levi Johnston. Someone who, I utterly laughed at at every possible news article he was ever mentioned. The dude was the quintessential Frat Boy and was one of the major highlights of the 2008 Presidential campaign as a form of entertainment.

Well, it seems that he can't just give up his kung fu like grip on his 15 minutes of fame for knocking up a potential Republican Vice Presidential daughter, Bristol Palin. He's appeared in ads for nuts and has been sticking it to Sarah Palin and being the ultimate in asshole potential son-in-laws around.

It's been over a year since the election and we're still dealing with hearing about Sarah Palin. And just as common, we hear about Levi. Well, in his latest move to flip the bird to Sarah Palin is that he posed in Playgirl. Yes, Playgirl magazine.



But don't get too excited, while there may be glimpses of Levi Johnston's baby maker, there is no full-frontal shot. Let the blame game begin, but the fact that there will not be wang in it shows that we need to start getting serious about America!

Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio has released a statement blaming Levi's manager Tank Jones. "He did not give 'full-frontal' as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."

This is indeed a tragic day for America. There is no point if there's no penis! Seriously, that was literally the only thing people gave a crap about. Why do they refuse to show us the penis that brought down a candidate? It is an integral part of history, we should demand to see it under the freedom of information act.

But this leads to more questions. As I have never purchased, nor do I see myself purchasing one as I don't think I'm going to prank anyone soon, I wonder if they have boners in playgirl or if it's like a tease. I mean, will he just hold his boner in the photo shoot? Gym sock? What exactly are you hiding, Levi????



Thanks to the internet, I just discovered that the first "full" erection in the history of Playgirl was sported by Geoff Minger in January 1980. When the Russian Playgirl launched in June 2004, it contained photographs of nude, circumcised American men which is said to have been perhaps an unfamiliar sight to Russian girls as circumcision is rare there, being practiced mainly by Jews and Muslims.

I wonder how many women actually go out and buy Playgirl compared to Men buying Playboy. This question was posed to EiC on CNN the other day, as well as "Is Playgirl gay?" His replay was classic "I don't know, is Anderson Cooper?"

SICK BURN!

But it's a valid question. Though the magazine is marketed to heterosexual women, Playgirl's then-editor-in-chief Michele Zipp said in 2003, "The gay readership is about 30%."
My response to that is, BULL-SHIT! I'm a straight male and I don't even buy Playgirl. I bet it's at least 70% Gay male's buying that shit.

So now that we got all that out of the way, where's the major photos?



I mean, he got a decent body, I guess. But 6 months, 3 hours a day in the gym for that? HA! Imagine how fucking soft he must have been for 6 months of 3 hour workouts and diets where all he can come up with is this. There's no doubt that he lied about that, because you could be in no shape at all and lookbetter than that after six months of basically being paid to work out and eat well.

HA! A personal trainer got him that?!?



Is that really his name on his arm as a tattoo? Seriously? Why did he pick that typeface for it anyway? I suppose the McCain Campaign tagged him and all the Palin's in case one got lost in the wilderness. Ha, you can still see Bristol's name tattooed on his ring finger.

As you can just imagine, Palin had some strong words to say about this when she was eventually asked about this photoshoot in one of her many interviews on her book tour. Her response?

Palin has now issued a statement responding to Levi's remarks. We have purposefully ignored the mean spirited, malicious and untrue attacks on our family. We, like many, are appalled at the inflammatory statements being made or implied." Palin also went after CBS and Levi's intentions to strip for Playgirl: CBS should be ashamed for continually providing a forum to propagate lies. Consider the source of the most recent attention-getting lies -- those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention and are likely to say and do anything for even more attention."

yes, she shouldn't throw stones from her glass house in Alaska;



Seriously, I think acting like a dick for no obvious benefit is the best sign of intelligence in an animal. But of course this went back to Levi Johnston and he did an interview further pimping his playgirl pictures and about his relationship with Sarah Palin and Wonkette pulled out the greatest out-of-context quote from him

“There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t said them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way… You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.”

But let's not ruin her book tour. I mean, it's not every day that you have a book out. There's plenty of chances to piss on her some more later. I mean, she'll be in the news until 2012, speculating whether or not she'll run, she'll drop hints in the media even if she doesn't and the 24 hour news cycle will eat it up and dissect the smallest hint of a possibility of a fraction of a chance that she'll run for president, then it will be whether or not she'll run for the GOP or as an independent and then and then and then and then...



Basically we're stuck with her, she's the consummate American celebrity politican and she's not going to go away so easily.

I suppose the nicest thing about it is that there's no shortage of dumb nuts that follow her every move and sing her praise. For what? I have no idea. I mean.. We have people like Palin Man, Who sounds like a man who has discovered that "PalinMan" is the only thing he's ever said or done that has given his wife an orgasm and he will just keep talking about it until his wife eventually leaves him for a professional Palin look-alike.

CAPTAIN BUZZ KILL: LEVi JOHNSTON'S SPECIAL POST ELECTION MESSAGE

bY LEVi JOHNSTON

LEVi ALL UP IN THIS GRILL

WELL....

Shit is over doggies and it looks like your boy Levi ain't gonna be no duke of no America. Even a week later my phone is blowin up like party balloons with all these media people try to call me to get my reaction. I've been passed out since last tuesday night when Mrs. Palin showed up with two bottles of Jack Daniels while I was huffing glue and oh boy, it was on. So what's I gots to tell you media fucks anyway?

I am like my crazy lil' nigga trib. That dude just stare off a million miles away and don't give no fuck about nothing. A bigass beetle could crawl up on his head, crawl right over his eyeball, and dude does not give a single fuck.

I am just like that shit. I am zen as hell. Unfazed by this nonsense.

Whatever happens to mrs. palin and that old dude, there will always be hockey and beers and titties and unless Bar Roboma is way worse than commie and abolishes huge juicy titties and beers then I will survive.

If that shit happens, well, I dont want to mess around with secret police guys but I will have to pull a jersey up over that bitch head and skate him into the glass.

fuck all yall for makin mrs palin cry

So what will Levi Johnston do with his life?

Not Bristol AAAHHAHAH. Bitch is fat as hell and talking about "my back hurts" and "take me to get amniocentipedes" or some shit and I am like "bitch your mom and gandalf got fucked up by a black dude there aint no way I am haulin your fat ass around to get some bugs" and then I popped a wheelie on my new honda and peeled out down the street!!

I am through playin nice. Team playin is for the ice. When I am off the ice I am playin for keeps with just me, Levi Johnston.

I got to look ahead to my careers and what fine ass guts I want to get up in. One thing I noticed is people are all talkin about some shit was in newsweek where they had all these crazy shit and all these little facts that they kept secret until now. Like here is one:

At the GOP convention in St. Paul, Palin was completely unfazed by the boys' club fraternity she had just joined. One night, Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter went to her hotel room to brief her. After a minute,Palin sailed into the room wearing nothing but a towel, with another on her wet hair. She told them to chat with her laconic husband, Todd. "I'll be just a minute," she said.

TODD is a DOUCHE

Yo, I admit it, that is where I got that word "unfazed" I looked it up and it means "bad ass" or something like that.

Anyway, big deal seein mrs. palin in her towel I seen her with her titties hanging out one time and I was like "fuuuuuuuuck" and I was gettin all pumped up and ready to do her hard and then I looked over and todd was sittin there without a shirt on on the couch and he was smilin that lactonic motherfukcer.

I didnt want a part of that scene so I said I had to take a dump and I left. Point is, if everybody is talkin about this shit there must be big money in these crazy ass factoids about the campaign and shit.

Well guess who has got all the craziest shit you can't even imagined? Me I am the dude who got that shit.

Of course I am not gonna give up all the good ones here, because I got to get PAID son. Levi wants to fly and these wings ain't free.

So here are some factoids. Consider these to be samples of just some of the iceburgs of which these are only the tips.

• 

  some csi dude will wonder why this moose was shot with pieces of a headlight
• The first time I got on the plane with todd he stared at me in the eye and then he just ripped this big huge fart. He kept staring at me and he kept going and going and then that old dude walked by and he made this face like he was scared of some shit, which it was some fuckin freddy krueger ass music goin on up there. Later I heard the old dude talkin to himself and I got the impression that dude for some reason thought he was the one who ripped the nasty fart.
• For about a month I didn't know which chick the old dude MacCain was married to and I accidentally felt up cindy MacCain and she was like, "oh levi that feels hella good and I want you to do me but I am married to that old as fuck dude" and I was like "oh shit girl I'm sorry I meant to be grabbin' on your daughters titties" and then she was like "no I take it is a compliment" and I said back to her "yeah most women do." And then I ripped that ass up, but actually I ended up with cuts on my dick cuz there is some weird shit goin on with her pussy. Call her ass the juicer.
• If you get too pumped up watchin the oilers get killed and you keep demanding MacCain give you some love up top eventually he gets really pissed off and calls you some names. If that happens do not push the dude over a table because some serious rod gobblers from the secret police will bust in and throw you around.
• One time I was seein if there were any hot ass bitches in the back of the plane that want to drill baby drill with the johntson not knowin they were reporters and one bitch said "who are you votin for" and I was all "I never vote dumbass thats retarded as fuck" but they started askin hypotheticals and hypothetic I am voting for tongues on my ball bag but they were all like "old dude or black dude" and I was like "guess I am votin black dude cuz old dude is a fucking faggot" and then they twisted my words all around and put them up on drummage report or some shit.
• Mrs. Palin has never killed a moose. They got all these pictures of her with mooses but pretty much todd is a drunk fuck who cant drive and he hits mooses all the time with his truck and then to keep him from getting hit with three strikes law and then he cant race snow machines mrs. palin always is posing up on those dead bloody ass motherfuckers and acting like she hunted that shit down. Yeah, okay, well then I hunted about 15 raccoons, a dog, and two homeless dudes in the last month alone.
• When she was mayor of wasilla mrs. palin secretly spent 150,000 dollars from special homeland security money on this van with all these cameras thats supposed to help with terrorists. When some people got all mad about it she pretended to sell it on ebay but really she just gave it to her cousin who hunts sasquatches. No luck so far, but if that hair motherfucker hides behind a wall they can still see him with one of them cameras.
• Me and bristols baby trink ain't really a retard he is just lazy as fuck. If you put a rattle in his hand he's just like "fuck that" and he drops that shit on the ground. Have you ever seen him move on TV? Nope, because he don't move. My guess is he will start movin about age of 16 or so when he sees his first pussy.

Anyway, those are just the boring ones. I've got way better facts I could hook you dudes up with if you got the cash.

Back to the crab monster and the bear corpse.

As for me, well, I am sad to say folks this is the last time you will probably hear from me. The whole family is goin back up to alaska and up there the internet only works for like 2 months of the year. We got to check all our email and do all our banking before the magnetic fields or aurora borneolis or whatever fucks everything up again.

Honestly I was running out of shit to say anyway. Maybe I would have come up with some new shit if I was a duke and had my own wizard and a palace and shit, but that was not meant to be. I hope whoever the black dude makes into a duke is as cool as me. Ha ha ha doubt it.

Mrs. Palin will be cool. I know some of yall are worried about her but she will be just fine. She has a huge beautiful house she got the contractors from that hockey rink to build for her for free, she has got a giant ass crab monster in her office to cheer her up, and any time she gets really freaky and wants to hook me and bristol up with some kinky shit I am down. I will even let her videotape it, but todd cant be in the room I cannot keep goin with that fuck watchin and making all them loud breathing sounds.

Fuuuuuuck. Anyway, I'm gonna go get tore the fuck up and out.

Peace, fags!

- Levi "HOckey" Johnston

JOHNSTON IN THE HOUSE, ONE MO' TIME BEFORE SOUP TUESDAY LAYING THE FUCK DOWN!

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BIDENG OFF A PIECE OF THAT <--JO BIDEN ON THURSDAY

Notorius L.E.V.I up in this mother

Levi Johnston back in your shit, in full FX yall. Things have totally flipped upside down since last week so let me just give you the rundown on all this crazy shit.

First up, I got high as fuck last week and Willow fuckin called me at like 2 AM from New York or some shit and I was like "talk me through while I rub one out" and she was all "its like 5 oclock here what are you crazy." Damn girl I saw you on the TV and your ass looked fine, but she was all road blockin my shit. Anyway, word somehow got back to Bristol and of course she goes crazy over it because of pregnant hormones. Im not pointin any fingers but I suspect carol fiorina that dumbass because bitch got sent to the minor leagues for being a jackoff and now she hates mrs. palin.

So me an bristol have a fight, but it turns out good because we make up and she is totally gettin ready to give me a BJ when the friggin security guys knock on the door. We had some visitor from all those Maclain lawyers that are up here for something about the troops or something, I don't know I was lit when they told me the first time. Anyway this guy named Ambramowitz or some stupid shit tells me that because of the election suckin a huge dick and the polls suckin even bigger dicks I gotta marry Bristol like just about right away.

bristol and trips at some republican shit

Im like "no fuck that dude I am Levi fuckin Johnston this bird was born free! now get the fuck out before I put you through that plate glass" and he gulped like I was gonna throw his ass through the door onto the deck. I bet he was shittin huge dooks, but downside was Bristol started cryin and was all I thought you loved me Levi like I love you FUUUUUUUUCK

I cant deal with that shit, ya know? I fuckin lock up when bitches start really cryin and I'm huggin her and then I reach for her titty, ya know, just a little to feel the side or somethin because I was bored and shes like YOU DONT LOVE ME!!!! WHAT THE FUCK? I dont love you bitch? Whos idea was it to see if theres a special class to put twang in so he stop bein so fuckin stupid. Whos idea was it to get those matchin keepsake glass beer mugs with our faces lasered into that shit? That shit is bad ass dont try to take credit for that shit.

Don't love you? Pshh, great work detective sherlock thats why im sleepin on Bodies couch listenin to him fight with Rianna. I calmed Bristol down though got her to chill out and do some jager shots and then she started pukin and I was like "does this mean I dont get that BJ?"

Of course not. Of course not. Guess who always comes last? Me. My feelins. I've got shit too, right? Issues and shit. I need BJs.

So like then that Ambramowitz guy comes back and hes like "yo, Levi, you want a new motocross bike" and im like shit yea I wrecked my last one passin out on a frozen lake and drove it into a fuckin boat dock. Lucky I fell off and slid onto the rocks because I didnt even wake up and the shit caught fire and melted through the lake. Coulda been me on that shit. Thank god every day for that shit.

I aint gonna lie bro shaine might be pregnant too

Ambramowitz is like "all you gotta do is marry Britsol before the end of October and I can get you a motocross bike, snow machine, four wheelers and whatever" I was like, fuck it, if he's just throwin shit out there get me some singles for shaine and jasmine to double dance at alaskan bush company, free wings for life from wings street, some new skates, you know, shit I need for the baby.

Dude was like "sure whatever Levi you the fuckin pimp daddy its yours" so the next day he shows up with just about everythin I asked for includin this laminated card that gets me free wings for a million years. I already used that shit like six times. Dude said its comin from some black account and dont worry or whatever the government is payin.

Oh, yeah, the other shit that is messed up is the debate shit. I almost forgot about that shit because I been doin wheelies down 5th street with jasmine on the back with her titties all out. I made that shit rain it was crazy. They gave me a special ATM card with the CIA symbol on it and I just put that shit in the ATM at great alaskan bush and out comes like 600 singles and its on.

This douche is the jo biden dude

So this squinty dude Jo Biden is workin with that Obamna guy and tryin to be Veep. I guess hes some sort of homo from New York or some shit. Rides the train all the time. His whole family died or some shit so hes in politics to avenge them like some sort of gayass rambo. Bro, no matter how much socialism you pass for illegal immigrants it cant bring back your faggot wife.

The dude is a total chodelover but the liberal media has it in for mrs. palin on account of she is a hot bitch with fine ass titties and loves guns and babies and shit. The media thinks Trend is her baby, which is cool with me because bitches in the club is like that alien from species. If they know you had a retarded baby with them crazy Chinese eyes they will never hop up on your dick.

Anyway nonwithstanding bitches triflin in the club on my genes the media has this story they made up like mrs. palin is dumb as fuck and cant answer shit. BS. She is smart as hell. If you ask her a crossword she knows that shit like instantly. She is always yellin out shit on jepardy or guessin fuckin wheel of fortune before any vowels get bought. Seriously.

Bitch is scary smart. She knows the capitals of like half the states and the only ones she cant get are those gay ass states like New York or Illinois where everybody knows its New York or Chicago or whatever but then they have a stupid fake capital for tourism.

Springfield? What the fuck is that I want some nasty ass giant pizza and some fuckin tix to see the blackhawks get trashed. Ha ha. AS BORAT WOuld say VERRY NIICE!

Oh shit dont let him use the picard manuver FUCK

Too bad for those faggots in the news media always talkin shit about mrs palin and all the liberals like obanama, who seems like a badass but I guess hes a fag. Shit he was in a helicopter wearin shades and shit and he looked like a baller but I guess hes JAB (just another bitch). Anyway too bad for all of them. Mrs. palin is at some sort of debate trainin camp. Its like the same shit delta force goes through when they gotta debate somebody like Iran or some shit. I havent heard who is trainin her, but it looks like captain riker from star treck.

everbody knows that dude was rough as hell and would as soon fuck a bitch up as look at her, but mrs. palin is tough as shit. I bet she not only gets on with commander riker but when he starts bustin out his trumpet solo she pulls out that flute and goes to to town on that shit. He'll be like "whoa those are crazy good skills" and shell be like "thanks, but you might want to look behind you" and when he turns to look behind him shell make the deabte point and win the debate.

So look out jo biden. Expect the unexpected!!

Oh yeah and before I go I gotta remind you guys. My nigger Tucker in LA took a shitload of money that the government was giving me and hes gonna shot a porno and then well split it 50/50. Basically its autobigraphical and I wrote all the scripts and shit. Hes castin for mrs palin right now.

Theres a great opportunity for when I come to LA next saturday for you to give me a BJ and then ill pee on you in a Hummer. Don't worry, I dont have to do you in the butthole if yall dont want to. Its up in the air, ya know? If you look like mrs. palin just contact Tucker.

Whatever, well just throw some wig and stupid ass glasses on a fine bitch if nobody shows up. That Tina Faye bitch gots a good mrs palin look going. so if palins busy bashing some douche in a deabte, that snl trim can fill in.

LATER FAGS!

- LEVI

- Levi "HOckey" Johnston

BEING PIMP AND DEFENDING MY BITCHES,

LeVI UP IN DIS BITCH AGAIN!

Whatcha lookin' at, skinny punk? Yeah. I know. I said I was putting this shit on hold till the shit stopped getting real. But you know what. I saw a bunch of you cock faggots bashin' on the milf. aNd I don't mean bristol. Damn retards keep flyin' out o fher cooch I can't plug it up in time, yo.

first off I saw this Story.

Local restaurant creates Palin sandwich

ANCHORAGE, Alaska-- A local restaurant is incorporating politics into its menu.

Lion's Den restaurant in Midtown Anchorage has created its own specialty: the McPalin Grilled Pig Sandwich. Lion's Den owner Dale Keefe says he normally keeps politics out of work conversation, but when he was making sandwiches with his crew last week, the big top news story was Barack Obama's comment, "You know, you can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig."Obama's comment began Keefe's political food creation.

The McPalin sandwich has grilled pork tenderloin on it, with caramelized apples, red onions, melted cheddar cheese, and crisp bacon. Most food creators add some type of garnish such as parsley or fruit to top off their dish, but Keefe decided to do something a little more personal. The sandwich is served with a side of lipstick and fries. The McPalin grilled pig sandwich runs for about $13, and has been selling out.

W.T.F. $13 bucks? For a sandwich? For dat much I could just buy a couple of ounces and blow some smoke in the tard babies face. But then they get me on the fact that I'd be eating mrs. Palin. I think we all know how much of a milf she is. Oh man, I would take that Palin and munch on it all-night-LONG! Yeah!

Comes with a lipstick? Please, I come with a pink lipstick to have her put on her lips, if you get what I'm sayin'. Yo. And fuck you Obanana, with your lipstick comment. You made that bitch come home crying. I couldn't try to get my game on because of your trash talking. You never read the Game or anything? Shit man, you know how much of a pain in the ass it was trying to get some after that emotional shit? not even bristol wanted to give it up.


You can put lipstick on dez nuts
but they'll still be dez nutz.

The old dead dude was chilling back over here the other day. I thought he was dead sitting on the couch all pale and shit. I poked him with my bong and he woke up and was muttering about going to some star wars senate and voting. I told him votings for pussies and bitches, Which are you? Then he shut up. Yeah, that's right. Levi showing his mad pimp skillz.

He started babbling on about some vote to save the market from crashing and I was not even bothering to pay attention. Markets can't drive you stupid fuck. How would they crash? Anywayz, he realized I was spouting off wisdom and I popped in From Russia, with Love. That james bond movie is the shit, yo. He passed me his medical marijuana that he had cause of his huge boil on his face and we toke'd it up.


Look at that pussy act like he's Bond.
Faggot, you aint no bond! aND my tard baby
aint getting no tiara. I'm the only king of this castle

Then you got katie curic talking shit to her in front of her own face in them interviews. What the fuck. I bet you thin ass is just jealous that Palin was some hockey mom and was governor and shit. nOT like you who has what? A failed cbs news job? Shit, you should have just stuck to that morning news shit I used to flip on when I came home after banging bristol.

Bristol's been all stressed out that mrs. Palin is going to go stand infront of some hall on thursday and debate some old douche. I'm hoping that it helps in making this knocked up stuff go away. Cause I saw on house once that it happened that way. I don't got no money for champaign and the last time we tried that, we got retard baby and all. So no go on that shit, you hear.


You know what Im talkin' bout! YEAAH!

tHen when I was cleaning up Tards shit on the floor, cause I spent the diaper money on those Palin sandwiches, I read this shit.

Fatwa against Zardari for flirting with Palin

New Delhi: A Pakistani cleric has issued a fatwa against Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari for flirting with US Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

Maulana Abdul Ghafar of Islamabad's Lal Masjid said that Zardari's behaviour was un-Islamic and that the President has shamed the entire nation.

The Maulana said that President Zardari's indecent gestures, filthy remarks and repeated praise of a non-Muslim lady wearing a short skirt is not only un-Islamic but also unbecoming of a head of state of a Muslim country.

That's what you get, new Deli. What the fuck, why didn't anyone tell me there was a new deli opening up? I'm tired of eating fucking rations. Maybe they have some moose meat. When I'm over at mrs. Palin's pad, she's always cramming those hockey pucks at me. Bitch needs to learn how to cook a burger without burning that shit, yo.

But what the fuck, why you messing with my baby momma's momma? Fuckin' faggot. I'll fucking go over to that deli of your meat till its thin as slices, fucking faggot. Don't you know I'm trying to get a mother-daughter shit going? Just like that bang bus video where the dude picks up the chick and at the end he doesn't even pay her ass! YEAH!


I gave her that crabs she has. Yeah, you heard me.

Now I hear shit talk about how she'll be nonanswering answering during that masterbate on thursday and I agree. bitch always gives me nonanswers to when I ask for a little bit of that ass, you know. STIll, no need to have the shit talk that is going around.

Anywayz, I'm done with dat shit. Talk to you mother bitches later. And just stop talkin yor shit about Palin. Bitch is smart, you can tell that by her glasses. Damn nerd girl glasses reminds me of those skinny bitches I made fun of in high school before I dropped out. You know, the ones I secretly wanted to bang while I was copping a fill on Bristol.

So be warmed, you fuckers. I got my eye on you, and my third eye on bristol. BOo-yah! catch you fags on the flip side.

- LEVI

- Levi "HOckey" Johnston

SHIT JUST GOT REAL! SO I AM SUSPENDING MY SHIT

I am back to SUSPEND this shiT

Yo what is UP

So I figure you all know shit just got REAL in the election. That monster zombie dude pulled some move like in constantine when shit is goin totally wrong and so keanu reeve kills himself and freezes time and then the devil appears and keanu is like "yo lucifer you can have my soul but the gay dude got the spear of destiny in the pool and hes gonna fuck everything up." And then lucifer saves the day and puts everythin right and cleans shit up and then unfreezes time and keanu is cool.

This is basically what old dude who is makin Mrs. Palin into a VEep is doin'. Its called a metaphor. Look it up, dillweeds. He is gonna fuck up obanamas shit now with the help of george bush. The alliance cant be beat.

And like minds obviously think alike cuz I just thought up the same plan to deal with the stupid shit is runnin rampage in my life.

Let me tell you, too much drama is what you get from your babys mama.

First thing first, the ecomony is all fucked up. I dont know if yall been to alaska but shit is always like way too expensive so we get around that by gettin free money. Well shit is gettin too expensive so we need more free money, but the gaywads runnin this gay ass state are not hurryin up enough with the money. I dont know who the fuck is in charge of things right now but they need to fix that shit because a tim horton costs like 20 dollars.

Yo I rented the hulk from blockbuster and that shit was 9 dollars and that dont even make sense. How can the cost of a rental go up because of teh econmoy? they already bought that shit!

Thats nothin though because the economy problem is just something for bristol to bitch about. She is gettin hella fat and she is complainin too much. Shit with hotels spoiled her ass. after like two weeks sleepin in fine ass hotels in the lower 48 and doin bristol doggystyle on everythin includin this treadmill thing they put in one room that was badass we had in New York the bitch is spoiled

SHIT it IS fuckin tight as hell to get all the dominoes pizzas you can eat and just call up and they will bring you a beer without checkin id. shit yea that rules, but you gotta come back down from cloud 9 some time. Got to face reality. And now bristol aint facin shit because not only is her fat ass back in alaska AND stayin with me in my apartment that Mrs. palin bought me in anchorage, but she is also takin care of trog.

What THE fuck?!??

yo I dont even know if this is real or aliens
or what but fuuuuuck just a sweet
lil picture I thought I should show yall

when we gave that baby to mrs. palin she was all like "this is gonna be great trunk can be my baby now because everbody in shit dumb alaska loves a fuckin mommy." well shit i love a fuckin mommy too if shes on the business end of my dick and has huge titties, but now she is pawnin the baby off on bristol an me because her back was sore or some shit.

Some shit i am just realizing about bitches & babies since bristol and tramp moved in. especially bitches around babies with their hormones out and shit.

first thing that sucks mega dicks is bitch constantly is a nazi about blunts. OHHH don't smoke the chronic in here it makes me cough OHHHH dont stand over turk and blow rings in his face FUCK THAT lil nigga is retarded as fuck what the fuck does he care about gettin tore up?

oh yeah thanks there chuck todd im sure we feel more secure

So i take it outside but then this one secret security dude is like "son u better put that shit out or I gotta call the regular police" and I was gonna be all like "snitches get stitches motherfucker now what" and then he was flashin iron in his pocket so I know that nigga is a coward. I will give him his some day. hell be standin there lookin for snipers or whatever and I will just bust in on his ass with a pipe and knock him crazy. knock his ass retarded like little dope fiend my nigga trench

The other thing when a bitch gets pregnant she is cool for a while like you can do her without jimmy hats and just blow loads wherever, but just wait later she starts gettin diarea and is takin craps and fartin at night and she eats like NON STOP I was like slow the fuck down michael phelps you gonna win eight gold medals with all these frozen pretzels and fuckin ice cream you are tearin through

Bitch is like "YOU DONT RESPECT ME" and im like "BITCH dont talk to me about RESPECT I am lettin you give birth instead of throwin your ass down some stairs and you fuckin RECOGNIZE I put bristol on my finger even though like ten strippers would suck my dick right now if I called them"

Then a carollory of that rule is bitch cries any time you say anything or throw anythign at a wall. shit and then she cries and the retard baby cries and then the security secrets guy starts poundin on the door yellin "is everythin okay in there" and I'm like SHIT MOTHERFUCKER it would be if you could calm the fuck down you woke up the fuckin baby with all that poundin on shit.

So that is IT. I am through. I am not puttin up with any more of this shit. I am officially supsendin my shit. I am just gonna fuckin suspend and straighten shit out. WHATEVER it takes. I mean WHATEVER.

I will grab a bitch and drive her into the woods if I gotta. I will throw a brick at some punk in a suit with a hearin aid listenin to shit. I KNOW YOU ARE LISTENIN TO THIS SECURITY SECRETS DUDE. Hackin in with your robot ear listenin in on my private thoughts. Right now Im thinkin abotu a middle finger you see that??

Right now im on my friend bodies couch. Plus side is I can smoke chronic whenever and when the baby cries its not mine so I dont have to do shit I can just yell for it to shut the fuck up and go back to drinkin.

I can never get salt to stcik to shit that good and who tthe fuck eats MUSTARD on a pretzel??? Fuckin cheese, bro it makes everythin better

Down side is my phone is blowin up non stop with mrs. palins people tellin me i gotta come home and i gotta take care of bristol and its my patriotic duty to watch that stupid baby roll around like a worm. nigga cant even crawl he so stupid. Why would I want to watch that shit? It is boring as hell. He never rolls anywhere cool like into the kitchen to microwave me some frozen pretzels. No, dumb little faggot rolls up against the couch and his face is up against it and bristol comes in yellin and shit about how he prolly cant breathe SO WHAT?

Maybe he would breathe better if he could SMOKE UP. loosen up them lil lungs.

I mean GOD DAMN. What the fuck is up with that?

Annnnyway...

I will probably have to unsuspend my shit eventually. Like get back in the game. After all when mrs. palin turns into a veep shes gonna make me baron or whatever. I was lookin on the internet at scepters and there are some pretty sweet ones. I'm totally debatin which one to get.

Like my favorite is a snake that is goin up between the titties of this naked chick and then on top of her is a big ass skull and the snake is all curled around it and shit. Bad fuckin ass. But then there is this other one that is just the naked chick but her tities are bigger and there is more detail on her cooch.I think thatll be mine.

Ill let you know what i pick.

catch you fags on the flip side.

- LEVI

- Levi "HOckey" Johnston