Congress Put In Surveyor's Marks

Congress Put in Cross Hair Surveyor's Marks

Well, no doubt you're still recovering from the whole Arizona congress shooting. That was some crazy shit. I mean, woah. Though I have to say there was many things about that incident and the few days after that blow my mind..... okay, that was an awful and uncalled for pun that I didn't realize I did till after my fingers left the keyboard to that last part of the sentence.



Anyway, I would like to point out what CNN was reporting shortly after news broke:

CNN reports that al-Qaeda is not a suspect at the moment.

Way to go CNN. I know I make fun of you for being such a shitty news source, but here you are somehow finding a way to show how you're becoming more worthless every year. How exactly do you achieve that with such ease?

Why not just point out that the local ABC affiliate in Tucson is called KGUN. That should show you how much of a nation of laxed gun regulations we really are.

It would also be worth noting, if you are CNN, that there's a certain bit of irony in a shooting happening outside of a SAFEWAY. And in the event that you are wondering what happened with business the rest of the day you only need to look towards the hard hitting online journalist for that.



You know, when they broke with the back story on the guy, I mean, they gave out his name, Jared Laughner of Arizona, and really that's all the internet needed to spark a massive fire that was digging up every bit of information about him that our modern age of computers allowed possible.

And believe me, they found a lot of shit. It's really a sign of how mighty our modern fake journalist in the blogosphere when they're able to dig up shit long before the media news outlets ever catch of a whiff of this. It's really sort of powerful when you think about it.



Within hours they were able to dig up his Youtube channel You have to admit that you can't say you didn't see it coming in this instance. The kid was a nut job. I'm sure if I ever start ranting about stupid shit, you have my permission to call the cops on me. At least I write a blog on a blog and not on a youtube channel. I mean, who would even vote for that? Get with the times kid, you need to put way more ball punching or kitten videos if you want to be taken seriously on the internets.

Sadly though, his Myspace had been taken down. I'm pretty sure that Rupert Murdoch got his money's worth in that 2 billion spent for that company now that he's able to pull up anyone's name and myspace profile at the drop of the hat and hide them from the world.



His videos really are just some bizarre shit about his dreaming and ability to use mind control. I mean, it's pretty clear that any defense attorney is going to have fun with the insanity card on this one. The punk left all the markings behind to prove that he is literally bat shit insane. Just take a look at the shooter's yearbook photo.



You do have to give this kid credit. He sure knows how to fire a bullet. The thing went in her temple and then went straight out side of her head. That's some marksmanship. Wait, he wasn't trying to do that and was hoping for an instant kill ala a video game? Well then. He just found out that video games lied and not all head shots are instant kills.

But we should stop for a moment to point out that this was some miraculous trajectory going on in the bullet. If only the JFK bullet had been fired by someone with a shitty Youtube channel. Then again, he was hiding out in a book storage place. So in a sense, L. Harvey Ozwald is this guy of the past.



But it shouldn't surprise anyone that the internet is much faster at digging up information on a person than the media. The media has always been slow as hell for shit like this. You can tell whenever there's an earthquake in L.A. It's a good 20 minutes of the news casters just sitting in front of a camera pulling shit out of their asses without any clear idea on what they should be saying and without any official word, that's the best they're going to do.

It's really the only time to ever watch the local news. That is to say that it's comedy in itself to look at news casters just winging it clearly showing how little talent they actually have without the words written on a teleprompter spoon feeding them everything they need to sound educated.

It's always up to the video tech guys to pull this shit out into the spot light. Also something else to take notice of -You would think that this sort of news would spark folks to.. you know, not want to own a gun. The opposite is true in fact..

After a Glock-wielding gunman killed six people at a Tucson shopping center on Jan. 8, Greg Wolff, the owner of two Arizona gun shops, told his manager to get ready for a stampede of new customers.

Wolff was right. Instead of hurting sales, the massacre had the $499 semi-automatic pistols -- popular with police, sport shooters and gangsters -- flying out the doors of his Glockmeister stores in Mesa and Phoenix.

“We’re at double our volume over what we usually do,” Wolff said two days after the shooting spree that also left 14 wounded, including Democratic Representative Gabrielle Giffords, who remains in critical condition.

I would have thought that a pistol like that would be more than $499. They're normally more like $900. The funny thing is that they don't have built in safety's. HA! Talk about responsible gun ownership. This is an accidental shooting waiting to happen. But hey, if only the congress woman had a gun, then none of this would have happened.



As for the dude. Worse than being crazy and actually carrying out his plan it looks like he also did this because he hates Jewish people.

THE suspect being held over Saturday's shooting of US Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords may have links to anti-Semitic race hate group American Renaissance.

An internal Department of Homeland Security (DHS) memo quoted by FOX News Channel revealed the gunman - named by the media as Jared Loughner, 22 - is "possibly linked" to American Renaissance.+

I just have to wonder why isn't the actually dead federal judge getting any amount of television coverage that the congress woman who is actually still alive and showing progress of potentially coming out of this with a big thumbs up. I mean, the dude did actually die.

To sum up all the strange shit that has happened for those of you who decided to get blitzed out of their mind over the weekend and are just waking up in a pile of your own puke, let's do a run down. A dude shoots a congresswoman and it turns out that he's a schizo ron paul gold freak who probably has Alex Jones on speed dial. At the same time Sarah Palin was forced to take down a website where she had a map of congress people from this past election with cross hairs over each one asking the voters to take them out.



Then the local sheriff holds a press conference where he calls out right wing assholes for promoting violence in the way they have. Siting that their encouragement of shit like "Don't retreat, reload!" really sends out the wrong message.

I mean, how can you really say that? It certainly can't be a fair assessment of the republican extreme right, right? Right........

"I tell people don't kill all the liberals, leave enough around so we can have two on every campus; living fossils, so we will never forget what these people stood for."

--Rush Limbaugh

Let's stop for a moment to take a second look at what Glen Beck has been saying... specifically the strange do as I say and not as I show in the picture on the side bar.



I just.. I'm not even sure what the hell to say. The text reads one thing and yet right there an inch away Beck has that 24 inspired image. What was he thinking? Perhaps something along the lines that he was going to look so tough in that picture with his gun pointed down. Just like in Die Hard. Oh how he has no idea how to hold a gun.

This next part is a bit long but I encourage you to at least skim it. I'm not going to bold any of this. Just read it all. It's a fucking good article.

Crazy Talk
We're too quick to use "mental illness" as an explanation for violence.
By Vaughan Bell
Posted Sunday, Jan. 9, 2011, at 12:52 AM ET

Shortly after Jared Lee Loughner had been identified as the alleged shooter of Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, online sleuths turned up pages of rambling text and videos he had created. A wave of amateur diagnoses soon followed, most of which concluded that Loughner was not so much a political extremist as a man suffering from "paranoid schizophrenia."

For many, the investigation will stop there. No need to explore personal motives, out-of-control grievances or distorted political anger. The mere mention of mental illness is explanation enough. This presumed link between psychiatric disorders and violence has become so entrenched in the public consciousness that the entire weight of the medical evidence is unable to shift it. Severe mental illness, on its own, is not an explanation for violence, but don't expect to hear that from the media in the coming weeks.

Seena Fazel is an Oxford University psychiatrist who has led the most extensive scientific studies to date of the links between violence and two of the most serious psychiatric diagnoses—schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, either of which can lead to delusions, hallucinations, or some other loss of contact with reality. Rather than looking at individual cases, or even single studies, Fazel's team analyzed all the scientific findings they could find. As a result, they can say with confidence that psychiatric diagnoses tell us next to nothing about someone's propensity or motive for violence.

A 2009 analysis of nearly 20,000 individuals concluded that increased risk of violence was associated with drug and alcohol problems, regardless of whether the person had schizophrenia. Two similar analyses on bipolar patients showed, along similar lines, that the risk of violent crime is fractionally increased by the illness, while it goes up substantially among those who are dependent on intoxicating substances. In other words, it's likely that some of the people in your local bar are at greater risk of committing murder than your average person with mental illness.

Of course, like the rest of the population, some people with mental illness do become violent, and some may be riskier when they're experiencing delusions and hallucinations. But these infrequent cases do not make "schizophrenia" or "bipolar" a helpful general-purpose explanation for criminal behavior. If that doesn't make sense to you, here's an analogy: Soccer hooligans are much more likely to be violent when they attend a match, but if you tell me that your friend has gone to a soccer match, I'll know nothing about how violent a person he is. Similarly, if you tell me your friend punched someone, the fact that he goes to soccer matches tells me nothing about what caused the confrontation. This puts recent speculation about the Arizona suspect in a distinctly different light: If you found evidence on the Web that Jared Lee Loughner or some other suspected killer was obsessed with soccer or football or hockey and suggested it might be an explanation for his crime, you'd be laughed at. But do the same with "schizophrenia" and people nod in solemn agreement. This is despite the fact that your chance of being murdered by a stranger with schizophrenia is so vanishingly small that a recent study of four Western countries put the figure at one in 14.3 million. To put it in perspective, statistics show you are about three times more likely to be killed by a lightning strike.

The fact that mental illness is so often used to explain violent acts despite the evidence to the contrary almost certainly flows from how such cases are handled in the media. Numerous studies show that crimes by people with psychiatric problems are over-reported, usually with gross inaccuracies that give a false impression of risk. With this constant misrepresentation, it's not surprising that the public sees mental illness as an easy explanation for heartbreaking events. We haven't yet learned all the details of the tragic shooting in Arizona, but I suspect mental illness will be falsely accused many times over.

Like Slate on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter.
Vaughan Bell is a clinical and neuropsychologist at the Universidad de Antioquia, Colombia, and King's College London.

Article URL: http://www.slate.com/id/2280619/

Now I leave you with a great example on how any group will latch on to any aspect of this

The only certain fact about the motivation of Arizona killer Jared Loughner is that, like the lunatic who opened fire on the Pentagon last March, he is a pothead. Several people who knew Loughner say that he was a serious abuser of the drug and “liked to smoke pot.” What’s more, Loughner had been arrested in 2007 for possessing drug paraphernalia.

The use of marijuana has been linked to mental illness, including psychosis, and increases the kind of paranoia exhibited by Loughner in his writings.

Words escape me. I mean... really? You're going to try to blame this one on weed? I mean.. I don't recall weed having the effect of shooting up local elected officials. In fact, it's the opposite. If you're stone then you're not even going to know who your elected officials are. Shit, unless there's a proposition to legalize pot, they're more than likely not even going to vote anyway.



Yup, pot is not what made this dude attempt to kill a congress woman and shoot up others. That was the crazies. The weed, if anything, was something he should have had more of. Then he'd probably still be at home playing Xbox and posting stupid shit on youtube while visiting those crazy conspiracy internet websites.

I mean, does marijuana-induced psychosis have any credibility as a diagnosis?

Palin On Fox News

Palin On Fox News

During Sarah Palin's interview with Glenn Beck the other day, something extraordinary happened -- Beck challenged Palin on a stock, noncommittal answer to a question. Beck asked: "Who's your favorite Founder?"

The results.. well, they were comedy at its finest



Here's the transcript to see a worm wiggle;
"You know, well, all of them, because they came collectively together with so much--" Palin began, in a manner much like her non-answers to Katie Couric's questions about which newspapers she's read ("All of them.") and which Supreme Court decisions she's disagreed with (which brought a similarly broad answer about how there are a lot of decisions).

"Bullcrap," Beck interrupted. "Who's your favorite."

"--so much diverse and so much diversity in terms of belief, but collectively they came together -- and they were led by, of course George Washington, so he's got to rise to the top." Palin then gave a short speech on Washington's virtues.

I just weep because this could have been our President if McCain died.. We were that close. THAT CLOSE!

I just have to wonder if "all of em" her stock answer for every question. You know what, You betcha. *wink*

I just wonder how one human can encompass so much that is wrong with the united states. She's more ridiculous than any possibly parody. I'm nearly at a loss for words with this whole fascination in her.

That answer would work fine with porn. I mean, you have that fake porno Mrs. Palin and you show her a room full of naked dudes and then ask her "Out of all these dicks in this room, which one would you like the most to suck dry?"
Other than that, I really can't imagine her

It seems that every sentence is a struggle for Palin, every time she speaks I feel like I'm watching someone learn to read for the first time. She's so slow to react and I could just hear the nuts and bolts slowly cranking away in her head. Though, I'm sure she only said "all of them" so she could have time to think, it's not like you can just come up with the name of one of the founding fathers off the top of your head or something... Hamilton, Madison, Jay, Adams, Franklin, Washington... TIME!

But really, the best founding father was without a doubt, Benjamin Franklin. He invented electricity, was poor, never owned slaves and was never a part of the US Government. Looks like he has a clean slate. Not to mention she could have just mentioned that he was a maverick, just like her or some dumb shit like that.

Maybe this is all because of the strain of dealing with Levi Johnston. Having family problems with the father of your grandson must really be hitting her hard. I want Obama to have a beer with Sarah Palin and Levi and see if we can work this out. Then again, that would only continue to give him pointless fame forever more, which will only annoy Levi's baby mama's mama much more.

I just have to wonder why the only pundit on any American news show with the guts to call Sarah Palin out on her shit is Glenn Beck? What the fuck, America. Here's hoping that Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin will destroy each other through jealous attacks for the control of tea parties and Fox News.

Showing Off Your Levi's In Playgirl

Showing Off Your Levi's In Playgirl

Levi Johnston.. the guy who utterly destroyed Sarah Palin's career... Ok, let's be honest. Sarah Palin destroyed her own career as a politician the moment she opened her mouth. But one brick in the wall that was making her shut the fuck up was Levi Johnston. Someone who, I utterly laughed at at every possible news article he was ever mentioned. The dude was the quintessential Frat Boy and was one of the major highlights of the 2008 Presidential campaign as a form of entertainment.

Well, it seems that he can't just give up his kung fu like grip on his 15 minutes of fame for knocking up a potential Republican Vice Presidential daughter, Bristol Palin. He's appeared in ads for nuts and has been sticking it to Sarah Palin and being the ultimate in asshole potential son-in-laws around.

It's been over a year since the election and we're still dealing with hearing about Sarah Palin. And just as common, we hear about Levi. Well, in his latest move to flip the bird to Sarah Palin is that he posed in Playgirl. Yes, Playgirl magazine.



But don't get too excited, while there may be glimpses of Levi Johnston's baby maker, there is no full-frontal shot. Let the blame game begin, but the fact that there will not be wang in it shows that we need to start getting serious about America!

Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio has released a statement blaming Levi's manager Tank Jones. "He did not give 'full-frontal' as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."

This is indeed a tragic day for America. There is no point if there's no penis! Seriously, that was literally the only thing people gave a crap about. Why do they refuse to show us the penis that brought down a candidate? It is an integral part of history, we should demand to see it under the freedom of information act.

But this leads to more questions. As I have never purchased, nor do I see myself purchasing one as I don't think I'm going to prank anyone soon, I wonder if they have boners in playgirl or if it's like a tease. I mean, will he just hold his boner in the photo shoot? Gym sock? What exactly are you hiding, Levi????



Thanks to the internet, I just discovered that the first "full" erection in the history of Playgirl was sported by Geoff Minger in January 1980. When the Russian Playgirl launched in June 2004, it contained photographs of nude, circumcised American men which is said to have been perhaps an unfamiliar sight to Russian girls as circumcision is rare there, being practiced mainly by Jews and Muslims.

I wonder how many women actually go out and buy Playgirl compared to Men buying Playboy. This question was posed to EiC on CNN the other day, as well as "Is Playgirl gay?" His replay was classic "I don't know, is Anderson Cooper?"

SICK BURN!

But it's a valid question. Though the magazine is marketed to heterosexual women, Playgirl's then-editor-in-chief Michele Zipp said in 2003, "The gay readership is about 30%."
My response to that is, BULL-SHIT! I'm a straight male and I don't even buy Playgirl. I bet it's at least 70% Gay male's buying that shit.

So now that we got all that out of the way, where's the major photos?



I mean, he got a decent body, I guess. But 6 months, 3 hours a day in the gym for that? HA! Imagine how fucking soft he must have been for 6 months of 3 hour workouts and diets where all he can come up with is this. There's no doubt that he lied about that, because you could be in no shape at all and lookbetter than that after six months of basically being paid to work out and eat well.

HA! A personal trainer got him that?!?



Is that really his name on his arm as a tattoo? Seriously? Why did he pick that typeface for it anyway? I suppose the McCain Campaign tagged him and all the Palin's in case one got lost in the wilderness. Ha, you can still see Bristol's name tattooed on his ring finger.

As you can just imagine, Palin had some strong words to say about this when she was eventually asked about this photoshoot in one of her many interviews on her book tour. Her response?

Palin has now issued a statement responding to Levi's remarks. We have purposefully ignored the mean spirited, malicious and untrue attacks on our family. We, like many, are appalled at the inflammatory statements being made or implied." Palin also went after CBS and Levi's intentions to strip for Playgirl: CBS should be ashamed for continually providing a forum to propagate lies. Consider the source of the most recent attention-getting lies -- those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention and are likely to say and do anything for even more attention."

yes, she shouldn't throw stones from her glass house in Alaska;



Seriously, I think acting like a dick for no obvious benefit is the best sign of intelligence in an animal. But of course this went back to Levi Johnston and he did an interview further pimping his playgirl pictures and about his relationship with Sarah Palin and Wonkette pulled out the greatest out-of-context quote from him

“There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t said them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way… You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.”

But let's not ruin her book tour. I mean, it's not every day that you have a book out. There's plenty of chances to piss on her some more later. I mean, she'll be in the news until 2012, speculating whether or not she'll run, she'll drop hints in the media even if she doesn't and the 24 hour news cycle will eat it up and dissect the smallest hint of a possibility of a fraction of a chance that she'll run for president, then it will be whether or not she'll run for the GOP or as an independent and then and then and then and then...



Basically we're stuck with her, she's the consummate American celebrity politican and she's not going to go away so easily.

I suppose the nicest thing about it is that there's no shortage of dumb nuts that follow her every move and sing her praise. For what? I have no idea. I mean.. We have people like Palin Man, Who sounds like a man who has discovered that "PalinMan" is the only thing he's ever said or done that has given his wife an orgasm and he will just keep talking about it until his wife eventually leaves him for a professional Palin look-alike.

I'm No Better Than Letterman - Welcome to "erf", Sarah Palin

I'm No Better Than Letterman - Welcome to "erf", Sarah Palin

On this day you normally spend it watching drunk idiots play with fireworks. As for me? I suppose grilling up stuff would be the best motivation as well as watching those same morons blow shit up. Hell, I'm going to show you the most patriotic thing possible.



Yup, that's a hot dog getting ready to eat himself. There's nothing more American than that. Well, nothing more than Sarah Palin. You see, she quit her job yesterday and if that's not American, well then I don't know what is.

While everyone is wondering and speculating as to why she decided to call it quits, I think I know the answer. Don't get me wrong. I can't fault CNN for taking guesses, FOX NEWS for assuming that she stepped down in order to focus on running for President in 2012... because really, after Obama we're going to need some President who quits midway through their term.



She was making a lot of waves on the media circuit lately trying to ride that wave of being in front of the camera. She had a feud with David Letterman. Mainly because she claimed he was talking shit about her daughter getting knocked up... thinking that he meant her youngest daughter....

You can see the many other reasons why she's stepping down in this full transcript of her speech. Which, I highly recommend if you want a good laugh. There's a lot of gems in there that will just crack you up on how amazingly stupid she sounds. At one point she refers to Politics as a basketball game. Though none of the Alaska governor's former employees saw this coming. I guess that's like Kobe taking the ball and going in for one more. There's an I in her team.


07/03/09 never forget

Looking at that transcript has taught me one thing. Apparently if you get in front of a camera and say a bunch of incoherent babble the news will stop talking about Michael Jackson for five minutes to hear you out. Well, I guess you'd have to be as crazy as Palin.

But even with all those reasons for stepping down and mixed in with my hopes and prayers for a huge criminal investigation. I think that David Letterman did something he didn't really expect to do... Touch on a nerve. yes, that's right folks. I'm about to drop a mother of all fireworks explosions right in your face.... I mean, it's the fourth of July, you either go big or you go home and this one is going to light up the night sky because David Letterman is actually a prophet.



Worse of all, it's not Willow, It's Piper! Noooooo! Why did you have to teach her about abstinence??!

Ha, I'm just messing. I'm sure that the pregnancy speculation is going to get so creepy. I mean, she's 8... 8 year olds, dude.

But seriously, The fact she announced it on the ultimate bad news Friday of the year pretty much guarantees a massive fuck up on her part we are going to find out about just after she resigns on the 25th. There's already talks that she had to step down due to some corruption scandal and really, that does sound about right.



The reason it would be juicy is because she condemned Ted Stevens repeatedly for exactly the same style of scandal. It's probably a corruption scandal involving kickbacks to the company that built her ridiculous hockey rink. But then again, I find the typical lame financial scandal reassuring because I was sure that she was quitting to begin a master plan for 2012.

Whatever I bet willow actually is pregnant.

In other news,
To: The United Kingdom.
From: The Colonials!
Subject: FWD fwd - Just a reminder.



Happy July 4th!

Run, Sarah. Run

Run, Sarah. Run

Editors note: This was written before the events that occurred yesterday and was set to be posted later this week. But because she went bat shit insane and resigned, I think this needs to get bumped up some. Also, it's the fourth of july, do you think I'll be re-touching this piece? Yeah, go blow yourself... Or some fireworks....

Add to my ongoing list of things that are wrong in this nation.. Sarah Palin. I mean, first she was running for Vice President. And really, why I didn't vote for her.. Well, it's because I have common sense. Why any of you would? I don't know. I mean, come on. Someone should have ran her back to Alaska.

Well, we did.. and much like a flock of sea birds, Sarah Palin is constantly running for something..

I'm not going to post the article here. It is hilarious to read though, so if you happen to like laughing your ass off at the few choice quotes I put up, well then, it's well worth the laughs of clicking through and reading the rest. So join me as I attack this feminist and Alaska governor...

"Last May, Todd asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day. I said, 'Give me an hour for my run and I'll be happy.'"

Yes, who would take a tard baby running? I do not know. Oh wait, I do. A tard baby momma. Ugh, I hate the fact that I just said that, but it's true.. why would you run with a baby like that?

The sad thing is that the stroller cost more than most small income families make in a month.

"I used to joke around with John McCain during the campaign about coming jogging with me. And once I asked him what his favorite exercise was, and he said, 'I go wading.' Wading. He lives on a creek in Arizona, so he goes wading. That cracked me up."

If she's trying to identify with the average American in hopes for a 2012 election bid, perhaps she might want to pick a different activity. It's not as if running, or for that matter moving, is much of a American past time.

"It's so cool to go out on a summer night at 10 or 11 o'clock with the sun still shining and the beauty of Alaska right there at my feet. Winter isn't as much fun, but even when it's 20 or 30 below and pitch black, I still try to get out. I just put on tons of layers and bigger shoes so I can wear two pairs of wool socks."

Look at my toned legs! Look! Guys, vote for me because I'm pretty! She goes on about how she could beat Obama in a race one-on-on.

"When I run, I'm totally incognito because I'm not wearing the trough full of makeup. I can go running through a mob of tourists and they don't recognize me."

I have to say that her legs are like three shades more tan than her face. Is that photography lighting even balancing it? I don't speak as a lighter on this. I mean, maybe I'm just stupid and Alaska sun is different, but she has to be wearing the fake tan leggings that they wear at Hooters in these pictures.

"I get spooked once in awhile when I'm running a trail and I hear a rustling in the woods, but it just makes me run faster and get the heck out of there."

I mean, Bear just love this as it triggers their natural hunting instinct like crazy. Hopefully we will have a bear mauled governor up in here as they are getting more active around the trails this year.

"In Anchorage on the coastal trail there have been many times where I've had to stop right in my tracks and turn around because there's been either a moose standing there staring at me or a moose's butt plopping on over into the trail. I have to turn around and leave or I'm going to get clobbered."

"It doesn't matter your background, your demographics, your race, your political affiliation, it's such a uniting, healthy, fun, awesome activity. It cracks me up going to some running event and seeing some dude who campaigned so hard against me, or a lady who's been blogging some mean comments about me. But we're all there together and we're smiling and we're having a good time because we're going to do something healthy and active. We need more of that."

I'm getting worried about 2012 guys... can't run from being an insipid, reactionary yokel. I mean, you have to admit that it's pretty bad form to just throw the American flag over the back of a chair like that. It's not a god damn arm rest, now is it?

I mean, notice how she can sound intelligent when it comes to how much she loves to run but you all remember her during the debates, don't you? You guys should really read through the Q&A, it's hilarious.

"I feel so crappy if I go more than a few days without running. I have to run. No matter how rotten I feel before or during a run, it's always worth it to me afterwards. Sweat is my sanity."

I just have to wonder how many middle-aged conservative men are beating off right about now... Ugh, I don't want to have that image in my head anymore.... Neither of them!

This Is Why I Watch Conan

This Is Why I Watch Conan

Not only is Conan funnier and on the correct coast of the U.S., but he's also not hating on women. I mean, if you thought Sarah Palin was done with being on any sort of blip on the media's attention, then you'd be wrong since David Letterman, in his usual manner, made a lot of New York based humor. Last week palin went on a trip to new york. On monday night, he included this line in his monologue:

Letterman said:

One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.

but UH OH!!!! she wasn't with Bristol, she went with her 14 year old daughter Willow! And then in his top ten for that night, the topic was "top ten highlights of sarah palin's trip to new york", and #2 was

Letterman said:

Bought makeup from Bloomingdale's to update her slutty flight attendant look

He continued again the next night with this witty bit:

Letterman said:

The toughest part of her visit was keeping Elliot Spitzer away from her daughter, that was the hard part

The Response
the palins were obviously Not Happy about this because their daughters would never do anything yucky like sex. they responded like this:

Sarah Palin said:

Laughter incited by sexually perverted comments made by a 62-year-old male celebrity aimed at a 14-year-old girl is not only disgusting, but it reminds us some Hollywood/NY entertainers have a long way to go in understanding what the rest of America understands - that acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone's daughter, contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse others.

David Letterman is literally raping minors. literally.

Todd Palin said:

Any 'jokes' about raping my 14-year-old are despicable. Alaskans know it and I believe the rest of the world knows it, too.

If they were about your 14 year old daughter though, well, you're on your own there buddy.

The Apology
So on Wednesday night, letterman apologized like the fine gentleman he is. (also is it just me, or does the audience just laugh whenever he pauses even if he didn't make any kind of joke)


Since this came off to some as insincere, he apologized again this monday with more oomph behind it


Or you can get it summed up in this one little clip if you're not following words


The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy
Of course this was enough to please most people, and Palin even accepted the apology. However, since palin's fans simply don't go for that kind of thing, they had themselves a good old protest, coming out in numbers too big to ignore! (final count: 15, fewer than the number of press that showed up to cover it)

This is the late show



and this is where it gets funny...



That Dirty Ole' Man!


What's Olive Garden got to do with it?


And there's some humor injected in there.


This here is a true Misogynist


Fire him? But with Conan in the tonight show spot, where would he go?





Zoom.. enhance


You know he's trying to get laid


Take what, exactly?


So you're all stupid?


This is a strange sight. Something intelligent coming out of a Fox news van.


Well this one is straight to the point.


In addition to this, they've called for a boycott of letterman's sponsors and all those other things tv protestors do.

And now the article that made me want to make this post in the first place since posting it on its own would be dumb, and keeping the pics tangent going would be annoying, here are some delicious quotes from the rally!

Among the more alarming lines of attack -- particularly given that the rally was held because Letterman supposedly made a joke about Sarah Palin's teenage daughter Willow -- was that Letterman's son Harry was born out of wedlock (he recently wed Regina Lasko after dating for over a decade).

"Should we talk about his son?" one protester asked Green. "I believe his son was born out of wedlock. I believe there's a term for that."

"Is someone making jokes about his child?" asked another. "Especially, you know, when he had a daughter out of wedlock himself" (he doesn't; 5-year-old Harry is his only child).

"How dare he?" asked yet a third, the most offensive of all. "When he has a bastard son, and a slut for a wife" (Letterman's wife Lasko has kept a notoriously low profile).

It should be noted that Sarah Palin's teenage daughter Bristol gave birth to baby Tripp (out-of-wedlock) in December and broke up with the baby's father, Levi Johnston, in March.

Other conservative talking points thrown around at the rally included, "Close the borders!" and "I only watch Fox News," as well as the general sentiment that Jay Leno is a better host than Letterman.

So there you have it. A bunch of pictures and an article to show you how silly this whole mess is. Also makes me question if most women have a sense of humor.. But that's a topic for another day.....

CAPTAIN BUZZ KILL: LEVi JOHNSTON'S SPECIAL POST ELECTION MESSAGE

bY LEVi JOHNSTON

LEVi ALL UP IN THIS GRILL

WELL....

Shit is over doggies and it looks like your boy Levi ain't gonna be no duke of no America. Even a week later my phone is blowin up like party balloons with all these media people try to call me to get my reaction. I've been passed out since last tuesday night when Mrs. Palin showed up with two bottles of Jack Daniels while I was huffing glue and oh boy, it was on. So what's I gots to tell you media fucks anyway?

I am like my crazy lil' nigga trib. That dude just stare off a million miles away and don't give no fuck about nothing. A bigass beetle could crawl up on his head, crawl right over his eyeball, and dude does not give a single fuck.

I am just like that shit. I am zen as hell. Unfazed by this nonsense.

Whatever happens to mrs. palin and that old dude, there will always be hockey and beers and titties and unless Bar Roboma is way worse than commie and abolishes huge juicy titties and beers then I will survive.

If that shit happens, well, I dont want to mess around with secret police guys but I will have to pull a jersey up over that bitch head and skate him into the glass.

fuck all yall for makin mrs palin cry

So what will Levi Johnston do with his life?

Not Bristol AAAHHAHAH. Bitch is fat as hell and talking about "my back hurts" and "take me to get amniocentipedes" or some shit and I am like "bitch your mom and gandalf got fucked up by a black dude there aint no way I am haulin your fat ass around to get some bugs" and then I popped a wheelie on my new honda and peeled out down the street!!

I am through playin nice. Team playin is for the ice. When I am off the ice I am playin for keeps with just me, Levi Johnston.

I got to look ahead to my careers and what fine ass guts I want to get up in. One thing I noticed is people are all talkin about some shit was in newsweek where they had all these crazy shit and all these little facts that they kept secret until now. Like here is one:

At the GOP convention in St. Paul, Palin was completely unfazed by the boys' club fraternity she had just joined. One night, Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter went to her hotel room to brief her. After a minute,Palin sailed into the room wearing nothing but a towel, with another on her wet hair. She told them to chat with her laconic husband, Todd. "I'll be just a minute," she said.

TODD is a DOUCHE

Yo, I admit it, that is where I got that word "unfazed" I looked it up and it means "bad ass" or something like that.

Anyway, big deal seein mrs. palin in her towel I seen her with her titties hanging out one time and I was like "fuuuuuuuuck" and I was gettin all pumped up and ready to do her hard and then I looked over and todd was sittin there without a shirt on on the couch and he was smilin that lactonic motherfukcer.

I didnt want a part of that scene so I said I had to take a dump and I left. Point is, if everybody is talkin about this shit there must be big money in these crazy ass factoids about the campaign and shit.

Well guess who has got all the craziest shit you can't even imagined? Me I am the dude who got that shit.

Of course I am not gonna give up all the good ones here, because I got to get PAID son. Levi wants to fly and these wings ain't free.

So here are some factoids. Consider these to be samples of just some of the iceburgs of which these are only the tips.

• 

  some csi dude will wonder why this moose was shot with pieces of a headlight
• The first time I got on the plane with todd he stared at me in the eye and then he just ripped this big huge fart. He kept staring at me and he kept going and going and then that old dude walked by and he made this face like he was scared of some shit, which it was some fuckin freddy krueger ass music goin on up there. Later I heard the old dude talkin to himself and I got the impression that dude for some reason thought he was the one who ripped the nasty fart.
• For about a month I didn't know which chick the old dude MacCain was married to and I accidentally felt up cindy MacCain and she was like, "oh levi that feels hella good and I want you to do me but I am married to that old as fuck dude" and I was like "oh shit girl I'm sorry I meant to be grabbin' on your daughters titties" and then she was like "no I take it is a compliment" and I said back to her "yeah most women do." And then I ripped that ass up, but actually I ended up with cuts on my dick cuz there is some weird shit goin on with her pussy. Call her ass the juicer.
• If you get too pumped up watchin the oilers get killed and you keep demanding MacCain give you some love up top eventually he gets really pissed off and calls you some names. If that happens do not push the dude over a table because some serious rod gobblers from the secret police will bust in and throw you around.
• One time I was seein if there were any hot ass bitches in the back of the plane that want to drill baby drill with the johntson not knowin they were reporters and one bitch said "who are you votin for" and I was all "I never vote dumbass thats retarded as fuck" but they started askin hypotheticals and hypothetic I am voting for tongues on my ball bag but they were all like "old dude or black dude" and I was like "guess I am votin black dude cuz old dude is a fucking faggot" and then they twisted my words all around and put them up on drummage report or some shit.
• Mrs. Palin has never killed a moose. They got all these pictures of her with mooses but pretty much todd is a drunk fuck who cant drive and he hits mooses all the time with his truck and then to keep him from getting hit with three strikes law and then he cant race snow machines mrs. palin always is posing up on those dead bloody ass motherfuckers and acting like she hunted that shit down. Yeah, okay, well then I hunted about 15 raccoons, a dog, and two homeless dudes in the last month alone.
• When she was mayor of wasilla mrs. palin secretly spent 150,000 dollars from special homeland security money on this van with all these cameras thats supposed to help with terrorists. When some people got all mad about it she pretended to sell it on ebay but really she just gave it to her cousin who hunts sasquatches. No luck so far, but if that hair motherfucker hides behind a wall they can still see him with one of them cameras.
• Me and bristols baby trink ain't really a retard he is just lazy as fuck. If you put a rattle in his hand he's just like "fuck that" and he drops that shit on the ground. Have you ever seen him move on TV? Nope, because he don't move. My guess is he will start movin about age of 16 or so when he sees his first pussy.

Anyway, those are just the boring ones. I've got way better facts I could hook you dudes up with if you got the cash.

Back to the crab monster and the bear corpse.

As for me, well, I am sad to say folks this is the last time you will probably hear from me. The whole family is goin back up to alaska and up there the internet only works for like 2 months of the year. We got to check all our email and do all our banking before the magnetic fields or aurora borneolis or whatever fucks everything up again.

Honestly I was running out of shit to say anyway. Maybe I would have come up with some new shit if I was a duke and had my own wizard and a palace and shit, but that was not meant to be. I hope whoever the black dude makes into a duke is as cool as me. Ha ha ha doubt it.

Mrs. Palin will be cool. I know some of yall are worried about her but she will be just fine. She has a huge beautiful house she got the contractors from that hockey rink to build for her for free, she has got a giant ass crab monster in her office to cheer her up, and any time she gets really freaky and wants to hook me and bristol up with some kinky shit I am down. I will even let her videotape it, but todd cant be in the room I cannot keep goin with that fuck watchin and making all them loud breathing sounds.

Fuuuuuuck. Anyway, I'm gonna go get tore the fuck up and out.

Peace, fags!

- Levi "HOckey" Johnston

The Real America Votes

The Real America Votes



On this election day I'm reminded of what Sarah Palin said

"I believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hardworking, very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation."

I hope that all of you in the fake America like Los Angeles, New York and any "Big City" that doesn't have a main street with a hardware store and a coffee shop show just how anti-American we are by voting for change.



America is not a Chevy truck commercial. This isn't any ones country. This is "Are" Country and I can't sit by and think that Sarah Palin would be, as cliched as it sounds, be a (lack of) heart beat away from becoming our nations first first lady in a way never heard before.


pro-America, not to be mistaken for pro-wrestling

Last I recall, our nation was founded by immigrants and the trimming of other societies that came here for freedom to live free lives. The last time I was in a small town I got a lot of looks because I wasn't blonde or white. I guess the best thing about this whole situation is that the most electoral votes come from these non pro-America places. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, Palin.

So far election turn out is on the high. People having to wait 3 hours to vote. Maybe I'm just in a place that's filled with apathetic turn outs, but there wasn't any wait for me to get an I VOTED stick. Hmmm, where should I go and load up on the free stuff?


So after casting your vote you have nothing to do other than complain some about the results. The choice now is how to watch the info come in? CNN is going to take us into the future because Wolf Blitzer will be talking to a Hologram

As election night officially kicks off in just a few hours, the network’s Wolf Blitzer will be conducting interviews with faraway strategists not via the traditional two-pane window, but by hologram. Believe it or not, professionals in Chicago and Phoenix will be beamed live to CNN’s New York studios in order to give viewers a look at Wolf and a ghostly counterpart.

Did CNN not see the Lawnmower man? Were they asleep during Tron? The shit just got real. You don't want to mess around with virtual reality. It's like WOW, only filled with less apathetic and lethargic people. Without substance, who knows what they will do? I hear there was voter intimidation at some local insane asylums from ghost in transparent sheets.

The main issue I have with this is that while I'm a gadget type of guy, I couldn't care less about 3D hologram graphs. I couldn't care less about Hologram interviews. I'm perfectly fine with just seeing one right wing conservative yap on to a left wing liberal about the current swing in the poll outcome. If you're talking about small town America being the ones that are pro-America, why are you trying to scare them with this new technology? To them it's like showing a lighter to a caveman.


The Situation Room

You shouldn't try to sell your coverage by the neat toys you got. Just give me the lay down and tell it to me straight, what states went to whom and who is winning. Stop trying to make it some web 2.0 sort of information. The fact that you're on my tv screen and you're giving me the general info on the election I'll watch. I'll tell you what I wont watch. Coverage that constantly freezes up because the equipment is so cutting edge and we all know how well new program software runs. There really is no need for a green screen. Seriously. Just give me the results.


Save the green screen for Hollywood

With the polls closing across the country, it's only a matter of time before we see what the next four years holds for our nation. If you haven't gone out and voted yet, by all means do so.