Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Showing Off Your Levi's In Playgirl

Showing Off Your Levi's In Playgirl

Levi Johnston.. the guy who utterly destroyed Sarah Palin's career... Ok, let's be honest. Sarah Palin destroyed her own career as a politician the moment she opened her mouth. But one brick in the wall that was making her shut the fuck up was Levi Johnston. Someone who, I utterly laughed at at every possible news article he was ever mentioned. The dude was the quintessential Frat Boy and was one of the major highlights of the 2008 Presidential campaign as a form of entertainment.

Well, it seems that he can't just give up his kung fu like grip on his 15 minutes of fame for knocking up a potential Republican Vice Presidential daughter, Bristol Palin. He's appeared in ads for nuts and has been sticking it to Sarah Palin and being the ultimate in asshole potential son-in-laws around.

It's been over a year since the election and we're still dealing with hearing about Sarah Palin. And just as common, we hear about Levi. Well, in his latest move to flip the bird to Sarah Palin is that he posed in Playgirl. Yes, Playgirl magazine.

But don't get too excited, while there may be glimpses of Levi Johnston's baby maker, there is no full-frontal shot. Let the blame game begin, but the fact that there will not be wang in it shows that we need to start getting serious about America!

Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio has released a statement blaming Levi's manager Tank Jones. "He did not give 'full-frontal' as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."

This is indeed a tragic day for America. There is no point if there's no penis! Seriously, that was literally the only thing people gave a crap about. Why do they refuse to show us the penis that brought down a candidate? It is an integral part of history, we should demand to see it under the freedom of information act.

But this leads to more questions. As I have never purchased, nor do I see myself purchasing one as I don't think I'm going to prank anyone soon, I wonder if they have boners in playgirl or if it's like a tease. I mean, will he just hold his boner in the photo shoot? Gym sock? What exactly are you hiding, Levi????

Thanks to the internet, I just discovered that the first "full" erection in the history of Playgirl was sported by Geoff Minger in January 1980. When the Russian Playgirl launched in June 2004, it contained photographs of nude, circumcised American men which is said to have been perhaps an unfamiliar sight to Russian girls as circumcision is rare there, being practiced mainly by Jews and Muslims.

I wonder how many women actually go out and buy Playgirl compared to Men buying Playboy. This question was posed to EiC on CNN the other day, as well as "Is Playgirl gay?" His replay was classic "I don't know, is Anderson Cooper?"


But it's a valid question. Though the magazine is marketed to heterosexual women, Playgirl's then-editor-in-chief Michele Zipp said in 2003, "The gay readership is about 30%."
My response to that is, BULL-SHIT! I'm a straight male and I don't even buy Playgirl. I bet it's at least 70% Gay male's buying that shit.

So now that we got all that out of the way, where's the major photos?

I mean, he got a decent body, I guess. But 6 months, 3 hours a day in the gym for that? HA! Imagine how fucking soft he must have been for 6 months of 3 hour workouts and diets where all he can come up with is this. There's no doubt that he lied about that, because you could be in no shape at all and lookbetter than that after six months of basically being paid to work out and eat well.

HA! A personal trainer got him that?!?

Is that really his name on his arm as a tattoo? Seriously? Why did he pick that typeface for it anyway? I suppose the McCain Campaign tagged him and all the Palin's in case one got lost in the wilderness. Ha, you can still see Bristol's name tattooed on his ring finger.

As you can just imagine, Palin had some strong words to say about this when she was eventually asked about this photoshoot in one of her many interviews on her book tour. Her response?
Palin has now issued a statement responding to Levi's remarks. We have purposefully ignored the mean spirited, malicious and untrue attacks on our family. We, like many, are appalled at the inflammatory statements being made or implied." Palin also went after CBS and Levi's intentions to strip for Playgirl: CBS should be ashamed for continually providing a forum to propagate lies. Consider the source of the most recent attention-getting lies -- those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention and are likely to say and do anything for even more attention."

yes, she shouldn't throw stones from her glass house in Alaska;

Seriously, I think acting like a dick for no obvious benefit is the best sign of intelligence in an animal. But of course this went back to Levi Johnston and he did an interview further pimping his playgirl pictures and about his relationship with Sarah Palin and Wonkette pulled out the greatest out-of-context quote from him
“There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t said them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way… You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.”
But let's not ruin her book tour. I mean, it's not every day that you have a book out. There's plenty of chances to piss on her some more later. I mean, she'll be in the news until 2012, speculating whether or not she'll run, she'll drop hints in the media even if she doesn't and the 24 hour news cycle will eat it up and dissect the smallest hint of a possibility of a fraction of a chance that she'll run for president, then it will be whether or not she'll run for the GOP or as an independent and then and then and then and then...

Basically we're stuck with her, she's the consummate American celebrity politican and she's not going to go away so easily.

I suppose the nicest thing about it is that there's no shortage of dumb nuts that follow her every move and sing her praise. For what? I have no idea. I mean.. We have people like Palin Man, Who sounds like a man who has discovered that "PalinMan" is the only thing he's ever said or done that has given his wife an orgasm and he will just keep talking about it until his wife eventually leaves him for a professional Palin look-alike.

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