Hey Wetback. Don't Vote!

Hey Wetback. Don't Vote!

That's what the republican party is using as their latest tool in attempting to keep the Minority vote out of the elections. Nothing they want more than to suppress the vote of them there Mexicans. Of course they're not outing themselves on the matter and a group that is calling itself Latinos For Reform is the puppet being used for the ads that are being aired in Nevada. If you saw this ad run you'd probably think it was a parody or something as it clearly can't be real..



You'd be wrong as it is entirely real.. not only that but it's currently being aired. But Latinos for Reform feel it's TV worthy.



Maybe the reason Democrats never got a chance to tackle immigration reform was because Republicans spent the entire time blocking any legislation from getting through. Often with threats of a filibusterer. That's right. Not actual filibusters, but just the simple threat of doing one was enough to hold everything up.

They would also make sure anything proposed was so diluted that it made the Republicans happy so we never got anything closely resembling change. It was pretty clear that the democrats could only do anything once they were literally 100% of the senate and house just so they didn't have the mean old republicans around as an excuse as to why they couldn't get things done.

with that said, the sad thing is that the ad is completely correct and I agree with them. Besides, Latinos already don't vote. The whole ad campaign and the creating of this fake non-profit Latinos for Reform was a complete waste of Republican time and money.

It's like they just don't give a shit anymore in trying to hide the message. The American political system is so beyond fucked that they should just start running campaigns based around throwing rocks and bricks through each other windows.

But we do know who is really behind it. Anything that suggest people not vote democratic in large groups like this is most def. funded by republicans. Ralph Nader comes to mind in 2004's campaign due to the backing of republican signatures just to separate the democratic vote.

Latinos are probably America's last hope for reform. In the sense of holistic medicine is the last hope for a cancer patient. It's pretty clear that the democrats will be slaughtered next month. Blood will run in the streets and the republicans will jump up and down and cheer thinking it's a huge win and people want change instead of what it actually is.. that people simply want to blame the people in office right now for decades of poor choices.

Basically, the democrats are fucked. We're all fucked and nothing is going to stop this bleeding and in another 2 years we'll want to "Throw out the bums and put in new bums" just because nothing is going to change. But hey, if you're Mexican - Please vote and not for something that is anti-gay.

Thanks in advance.

Vote Dale Peterson For Alabama Agriculture Commissioner

Vote Dale Peterson For Alabama Agriculture Commissioner

I don't live in Alabama, nor would I really ever want to... though with ad campaigns like this, I'm getting really tempted to set up a voting record there so I can vote for this fine American right here...



It's really when he brings out the gun for no reason that it gets bumped into satire. Let's go down the check list of things in this sucker.

I HAVE A GUN

I HAVE A HORSE

I HAVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT

LOOK AT MY WHITE COWBOY HAT

LOOK AT MY WHITE SKIN

LOOK AT MY WHITE PICKET FENCE

LOOK AT MY GUN OUT OF FUCKIN' NOWHERE

VOTE FOR ME

I think I almost got whiplash from all those jump cuts. I'm serious when I say this.. let's just vote for this guy as President 2012. Just think about it. I was sort of expecting him to do a jump cut to a close up and have him saying

"If somebody tries to steal ARE ag money..."

Jump cut to a close up

"I'll fuckin' shoot'em!"

I do have to wonder about some of the republican talking points and cliches that I didn't see. Where's the pickup truck? Where's the beard wife/kids that are the products of a fake, loveless marriage? Then again, Horse > Pickup truck. Only way it could have been better is if he had put a saddle on Ben Franklin. This was some serious old spice style politics.

I'm just going to assume that whomever wins the Republican primary will run unopposed in all of these races because, hey, who's dumb enough to sink any money into running as a Democrat in Alabama?

Alabama has a track record of just being insane when it comes to politics. I have to wonder if any Republicans in Alabama recorded anything remotely close to being non-ridiculous campaign commercials. I guess it's just a matter of what I consider "non-ridiculous". Maybe if it's just "standard republican talking points" as non-ridiculous, it'll make a lot more sense.

Just take a look at all these other campaign ads.


"funny name, serious leadership"











Man, you can rape a lot of children in ninety days, uh, or so I'm told. Anyway, the point is, sex offenders should have to register with the state every ninety seconds. Some people say this would "inconvenience" the state clerks who record sex offenders, but I'm unemployed.

I think the best thing to take away from all these is that there's clearly a guide to how you run your campaign. Want to know the secret? Here it is..

How to Make an Alabama Political Ad in Six Easy Steps

1. Open with the story of how you grew up poor and made ends meet by picking cotton/working in a mill/farming. If you grew up rich, substitute video of yourself on a horse.

2. If you are a lawyer, talk about how you will "Stand up for the common man." If you are a business person, repeat that fact as many times as possible. If you are neither, what the hell are you doing in Alabama politics?

3. Short video of yourself leaving church/playing the piano in church/praying. (If way too many people know what you're really like to pull this off convincingly, you may insert video of yourself hunting instead.)

4. Video of you shaking hands with or talking to a black person.

5. Video of yourself surrounded by your spouse and kids. (If you are divorced and/or your kids can't stand you, substitute video of yourself in an impressive office.)

6. Close with a snappy slogan that sounds clever the first time you hear it, but becomes increasingly annoying over time.

Now you know.. and knowing is half the battle. Vote early and vote often! And vote for this dude... for the school board!

Capitalism - The Great Ponzi Scheme

Capitalism - The Great Ponzi Scheme

A couple of days ago I told you about how the SEC is investigating Goldman Sachs for fraud charges, well guess who is reporting a record first quarter profit...

Goldman earns $3.3B in 1Q as fraud case looms

NEW YORK – Goldman Sachs Group Inc. said Tuesday its first-quarter earnings almost doubled to $3.3 billion as its trading business again surpassed the rest of the financial industry.

Heh, Capitalism... I'm sure that 1 million dollar fine from the SEC will sure teach them not to ever defraud the public again!

I guess I should be looking at the bright side. Think of all the jobs they can make now. Oh yeah. the wealth is trickling down on me... it's all over my face!!! Look at that - 90% increase in profits. Then again, it's easy to make a profit when you're selling dud stocks and loans that you're betting against.



Oh man, 3.3 billion dollars by making stuff up. The value of this item is based off the value of this other item which I just made up. I know, I know. Slow down there, can you have somebody's neighbor's kid making hundreds of thousands of dollars put this in Excel or Powerpoint form? Hmm, nah. Actually it's more like stealing. But hey, if you believe Goldman, do I have a bridge in Brooklyn, would you like to buy it? It's quite large.

Give me your money, I promise I'll be good with it! You may think that what goldman sachs does is absolutely vital to the American economy, but I think it's mainly just rampant corruption. The bestest is when you hear someone mention they've bought shares of goldman sachs because "those guys are the best". In fact, if you own any goldman sachs stock you are a thief and a murderer.

I like NYC but burn the place to the ground already just to ger rid of old mans sacks. Burn NYC down... Oh god, imaginary feds, please don't hurt me. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean that as a threat! Please Feds, there is nothing that I love more than the United States of America.



But it does make you question the whole rationality of the president elect chair and the choices made behind the scenes. Take for example the last democrat there. The last democrat, Clinton, was known for having a lot of Hollywood types to sleep overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom; Obama's very first overnight guest at the white house was not a movie star or a sports celebrity, instead, it was Lloyd Blankfein CEO of Goldman Sachs. Yep.

So its no wonder that you see these guys get away with what is attributed with worse than murder. Betting against your own hedge funds and literally stealing billions of it is Vital for the American Economy after all, isn't it?

This all leads to some interesting questions. Can someone tell me why Capitalism isn't just one really big Ponzi Scheme? Take banks, for example. If everyone pulled their money out at once, there wouldn't be enough capital to cover it.



Corporations - if every investor sold all at once, there wouldn't be enough company assets for them to cash out. All of capitalism exists on the assumption that all the investors don't pull out at once - and that is a ponzi schem, right? Just because everybody knows it doesn't make it any less of one. Many of Madoff's investors knew something was up, but did and said nothing. It just makes me wonder why hasn't anyone come up with a better system yet.

Our financial system really is a ponzi scheme though.. What banks do is called counterfeiting, there may be a subtle difference, but still, calling our financial system a ponzi scheme is kind of an insult to ponzi. All I know is that this blog post is now too big to fail.

A Guid To Voting On Super Tuesday

Hey California, Print This Out and Take it With You Next Tuesday

This is very simple. Print this out and take it with you on Tuesday. Consider it your last minute cramming to the American voting system. As we speak newspapers throughout California are printing op-ed pieces that reflect the local interests of their readers (i.e. whatever agenda the media company that owns them wants them to print). Especially of interest are California's wacky propositions that only serve to further convolute our state's laws, creating a rich tapestry of contradictions and confusion that rivals the Holy Bible.

A picture of democrazy in action. Hehe.

2008's ballot measures are a doozy. There are the usual suspects, initiatives that sound really good but really only benefit the ghost of Hitler, extravagant bonds that pay for kind of useful crap, "think of the children" nonsense, and the "parental notification" one that's going for a three-peat defeat. Then there's the anti-gay marriage one which appears to have taken home Best of Show this year. Come on guys, can we argue over a different ballot measure for five damn minutes? Jesus.

With so much crap being peddled by the people of this silly state it's hard to sort out the awful propositions from the really awful propositions. What is a voter who just wants to get back to playing Fallout 3 to do?

Why, the only thing you can do. Turn that brain off, print out this page, and bring it with you when you go to the polls on Tuesday. Don't just vote the wrong way, vote the goon way. Here's a rundown of California's ballot measures and how you should vote on them.

Proposition 1A - "Safe, Reliable High-Speed Passenger Train Bond Act for the 21st Century. Haha, No Really, Trains"

How you should vote: Yes.

California High Speed Rail will eclipse the current rail speed record in California held by the locomotive seen here.

If you've ever thought about becoming a homosexual, there's no better way to start than to vote yes on Proposition 1A. Trains are gay, and gays love trains. The No On 8 campaign and the Yes On 1A campaign should join forces and redefine what a train going through a tunnel really means (anal sex involving two men by the way). What better way to celebrate your legal homosexual marriage than with a romantic trip on the high speed rail to San Francisco and a quickie in the bathroom at 220 MPH?

Now I know what you're thinking. "Ten billion for trains? Those things still exist?" When most people in America think of trains they think of crummy old Amtrak. Well, the high speed rail network in California will do several things that our current railroad network doesn't.

• It will actually go somewhere.
• It might actually get there on time.
• It won't tip over and burst into flames.

"But public transportation..." you say, "Isn't that for illegal aliens from... Mexico???" No, see, that's the beauty of high speed rail. Manny from East L.A. is priced right the hell off the train! Unlike mass transit, high speed rail makes an operating profit in countries like Japan and France. There's no reason it won't in California, especially considering brown people like me won't be able to ride it. That's a win-win for everyone.

No illegals and plenty of man ass. What's not to love? Unfortunately someone had to show up to rain on our 10 billion dollar parade. The bulk of the opposition comes from The Reason Foundation, a libertarian think tank that writes in complete sentences and uses proper grammar, so instead of refuting their claims I'm going to cherry pick some retarded comments from the Internet. Click on them to bare witness to their logic.

There is nothing faster in life than a high speed train.

Come on, FreeRepublic! This train will be 100% white! You're going to love it!

Unfounded fear mongering. The staple of any good election.

Prop 1A will create jobs, NIMBY drama, and cure cancer, the cancer that infests our transportation infrastructure in this state, that is! Go ahead and vote yes on 1A, because lawsuit after lawsuit is just going to kill it anyway.

Proposition 2 - "The Chicken One"

How you should vote: Yes.

Continuing the gay theme of this update, I'm recommending a yes vote on Proposition 2. My support for this measure isn't so much about animal rights than it is about revenge.

I used to be one of those guys who bought cage free eggs. I figured it was a good compromise. People who want chickens treated better will pay a higher price to do so. Those who don't can continue to pay lower prices for eggs. You know, free market and all that nonsense.

Hens that are allowed to extend their wings and go out for a smoke every once in a while live longer, healthier lives and produce eggs that glow in the dark.

Then I realized that just because it says "cage free" on the carton doesn't necessarily mean more humane treatment. In fact, some of these cage free hens are better off in cages.

The "free range" movement was marketed as if chickens would be chilling on Old MacDonald's farm and shitting out an egg every once in a while like Yoshi. Instead, it's cramped conditions in dark, filthy warehouses where chickens just piss and shit everywhere. And I was paying, what, 4 dollars a dozen to support this? Fuck eggs.

Since these so called free range farmers didn't hold up their end of the bargain, they all get to suffer through eggs that cost pennies more to produce, costs that will only be passed on to consumers who will hardly notice, if this measure passes. This will surely make or break many farmers struggling to survive. California may lose millions of dollars because of egg producers that left to other states or even the country just so they could stomp on chickens' heads while jerking themselves off.

We might even have to import our eggs from, God help us, Mexico. Whoops, I mean huevos. They don't screw around with giving chickens rights down there. If anything, they make them fight a couple rounds between laying eggs.

Proposition 3 - "Children's Hospital Bond Act of 2004 2008"

How you should vote: No.

The joke should be obvious here.

Proposition 4 - "HERE WE GO AGAIN"

How you should vote: No.

It wouldn't be a California election without parental notification.

I'm pro-abortion. No, not pro-choice, but pro-abortion. Abortion is simply a tool used to prevent unwanted births, nothing more or nothing less. This means abortions should be readily available at low, low prices. The stigma associated with getting an abortion should be removed through hip advertising campaigns that paint abortion as the hot new trend all the cool girls are participating in.

Maybe it could be like a Sex in the City thing where these teens strut around with their designer handbags and walk into an abortion clinic and spread their legs. I could see that commercial running on TV.

In any case, anything that gets these women to terminate their pregnancies is a good thing and anything that stands in the way of that is a bad thing. I'll tell you what the real danger is. A girl not getting an abortion because she doesn't want her parents to know, waiting until it's too late to terminate the pregnancy, only to get beaten by the abusive father figure once she ask for permission or advice on getting the abortion. Or choosing to then giving birth to a kid that's only going to grow up and carjack you.

I can fear monger too, you know.

Proposition 5 - "Get Out of Jail and Into the Treatment Center of My Heart Act"

How you should vote: Yes.

People don't always vote so much on the actual text of the law a proposition is based on but on the ideology that led to its creation. Regardless of what Proposition 5 specifically does, it breaks away from our failed drug control policies to offer something that may just be more effective, treatment as opposed to jail for nonviolent offenders. As long as a line making the act of shot putting newborn puppies off a cliff legal isn't buried somewhere deep in the text of the law, I'm okay with it.

The idea is that the guy who stole my stereo, if he did it to feed a drug addiction, would be offered rehabilitation instead of jail so that when all is said and done, he hopefully loses his insatiable lust for drugs and thievery and becomes a productive member of society.

Of course, it doesn't always work. But then again neither does our ridiculous "war on drugs".

Proposition 6 - "Gently Caress The Police"

How you should vote: No.

Tupac opposes Prop 6 because it will spend one billion dollars on unproven programs with ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY.

If Prop 5 is designed to relieve stress on our overcrowded prisons, then Prop 6 is its mortal enemy. It seeks to pack more prisoners into jails with tougher penalties on trivial things like being a gang member while committing extortion, robbery, and intimidating witnesses. A life sentence for carjacking sounds nice, but don't these guys usually find Allah in prison (well, the version that doesn't want to kill us all)? A parole hearing isn't out of the question after a couple of decades if the dude starts seeing Muhammad in the walls of his prison cell.

The measure also makes meth possession a felony and increases prison terms for possession of meth with an intent to sell. I wonder how someone could reconcile voting yes on both 5 and 6.

There's also some wacky stuff about expanding the situations in which hearsay evidence is permissible in court. Lionel Hutz is spinning in his grave.

Of course, this thing is going to pass because hey, police funding and gangs. What the hell am I going to say? "Fuck the police"? Sometimes you just have to pick your battles.

Propositions 7 and 10 - "The Feel-Good Ballot Initiatives of the Year!"

How you should vote: No on both.

Both the California Democratic Party and the California Republican Party are opposing Prop 7. You don't even have to read the goddamn thing to know that you're going to vote no on this. I'm not going to waste your time even telling you what it's about.

Prop 10 is the infamous payday for natural gas baron T. Boone Pickens. Renewable energy and alternative fuel vehicles sound good and a few morons will vote yes on this, but this proposition will provide a billion dollars in rebates to purchasers of "heavy-duty vehicles weighing 25,000 pounds or more" as opposed to $340 million for high and very high fuel economy light vehicles.

The idea is to sell more heavy-duty vehicles that run on natural gas, a product sold by the backers of this ballot measure.

Both measures sound good in theory, like the time my girlfriend said her flow was light and that it was okay to go down there, but all these two propositions will result in is a bloody fiscal mess.

Proposition 8 - "The Make Sonic The Hedgehog Less Gay Act of 2008"

How you should vote: No.

If you don't know my stance on this issue, you haven't been reading this blog much. So I'll just take this time to make a stupid joke at the expense of Sonic The Hedgehog.

In the glory days of 16-bit consoles Sonic the Hedgehog was the edgy alternative to Mario. He was faster, more hip, and was blue, basically the opposite of poor old Mario. Unfortunately Mario has aged far more gracefully than Sonic has, turning Sonic into the video game equivalent of an old queen.

This goes against my religion. I'm pretty sure it goes against all religions though.

Sonic the Hedgehog has always been a progressive figure. The Sonic saga was one of the first to feature the first openly gay video game character, Miles "Tails" Prower ("Miles Per Hour"). Sonic did not care that Tails was gay and neither did we. Unfortunately homosexual liberals have perverted the legacy of Sonic to turn his games into festering piles of queer bait that are played in our schools.

Prop 8 seeks to redefine Sonic from the icon of furry perversion back into a figurehead for alternative console mascots everywhere. It was Sonic who led the fight against Mario, alongside Crash Bandicoot, Gex, and other failed mascots, similar to how Rachael Ray and Ellen battle Oprah in the eternal struggle for the attention of stupid women.

This law mandates that Sega make a good Sonic game within three years of its passing. Failure to do so would turn Sega into a furniture company.

VOTE YES TO PROTECT THE SANCTITY OF THE GREEN HILL ZONE. Vote no on the real one by the way.

Proposition 12 - "Round Eye Bond Act of 2008"

How you should vote: Don't bother. It's money for veterans.

It's going to pass anyway, like it did the last 26 times. In fact if you try to vote you might even screw up and become the only one to vote no on it. Then you go to hell.

Budget crisis be damned. This is your chance, California. Let's put newly rehabilitated big gay construction dudes to work on our big gay trains so we can get gay married while we eat gay eggs from Mexican chickens. California, redefining gay while hiding from creditors.

Damn, by the way, I left my wallet in my other pants. Can you get this one? Thanks a ton.

New To Voting: An FAQ

The New Voter FAQ

Elections come and go, but one thing all of these elections might have in common is voting. Unless you own a scoped rifle accurate beyond 200 meters this is your one chance to tell your government exactly how you feel. Give them a piece of your mind and tell them by filling in a bubble on a Scantron sheet. Exercise your right as a citizen or someone pretending to be a citizen and vote! Since it is clear from the video above that many of you start drooling on yourself whenever thinking about the action of voting, perhaps it's time to give you a new FAQ to you first time voters and you long time town idiots on how to vote!

Wisdom

1. What is Voting?

Voting is nothing more complicated than making a choice official. When you get ready to go to work or school in the morning you usually decide which pair of pants you want to wear.

Do you want to wear the red pants with the snakes? The orange pants with a world map on the legs? Or do you want to wear the pants with the zig-zag lightning bolts down the sides and a picture of lamb's face on the crotch? Go on, take a moment to decide. If you can't get them on try putting them on like anyone else, one leg at a time. It works better than running at them at a high speed.

Give up? Just go get your care taker to pick and put them on you.

You wore the orange pants. Now, imagine making the orange pants a United States senator. There you go! It's just like voting!

2. What Should I Vote For?

That's a good question, but there's no easy answer. Who or what you vote for is up to you and depends on the issues on the ballot. Some popular things people in America vote for are:

• Less taxes
• More taxes
• Less guns
• More guns
• Bushes
• Not gays
• Less Mexicans
• Less Iraqis
• Less money for trains
• More money for trains
  

You can't just go into the voting booth and vote on whoever you want. The government will give you a choice. Here is a sample ballot:

As you can see, someone has rudely filled out this sample ballot without asking. They have voted for Cameraman Swiss Pisser as president and, operating under the assumption that they are The President, they have voted to become a robot. Your ballot might look different, so beware!

3. How Do I Vote?

Voting is a little harder than it sounds, but a lot easier than the legend foretold. Yes, true, okay, I admit, you must be a United States citizen to vote.

This rule was established to prevent the French from ever again deciding our presidency. We learned our lesson in 1857 when Napoleon decreed the election of James Buchanan and Parisians flocked to the voting booths to select him as our President.

Only a giant gay man named Abraham Lincoln, elected by Americans, was able to throw off the yoke of French tyranny by dissolving the Union and fighting a war against the American States and the French States in the South. To this day people in Louisiana speak a language called Creole which is based on their support of James Buchanan.

Don't worry if you are not a United States citizen. You can still vote, all you have to do is believe in the American dream enough to lie about your citizenship. Then you just register to vote. You can register as long as you have a driver's license or the social security number of a recently deceased person. Or a utility bill. Or a guy willing to vouch for you. Or a note written on government stationary. About anything. Including you being ineligible to vote.

There is no more shameful moment in our history.

4. Wait a second, I'm a felon! Can I still vote?

Only if you are white or Cuban.

5. When should I vote?

Once every four years. There are other elections and issues to be voted on at other times, but only by professional voters and you'll more than likely not care about the issues then or be too drunk or stupid to remember to vote. So don't worry about it, homie. As a reserve voter you and the millions like you will only be called upon to vote during difficult times or every four years. You have not received the intensive training of the professional voters and specialist voters, so you do not understand complex issues like "school bonds" and "mayors."

6. I feel this great urge to vote, but there is no election! What do I do?

Don't panic, this can sometimes happen. This is called "caring" and it should be avoided. This happens when you learn too many things or watch too many Youtube videos. You'll start to believe in change. And really, you should only be believing that change can get you something on the dollar menu at McDonalds. Either you are informed and upset or you are wildly misinformed and even more upset. Both of these problems have the same solution:

Post on the Internet about it.

Blogs, message boards, Twitter it if you can confine your rage within 160 characters. You can also add them into the comments sections of news websites to exercise your votin' jones. Here is a sample of what this might look like:

If you know what any of those things mean you probably want to vote when you shouldn't! That's okay. Like this post you don't have to make any sense, just use a lot of puns like "lamescream media" or "rethuglican" or "demoncrat" and you should fit right in.

7. Should I really vote?

Absolutely. You should vote at least once to have a complete and adult understanding of what it means to be powerless in a nation ruled by people a lot stupider than you and that's saying a lot!

Don't Bother Asking Me No Poll

By The Undecided Voter

I think this is the Arab guy.

Them polling people called up last week and asked me which person I wanted as President and I told them the same thing I'm fixin' to tell you: I ain't got no idea who I'm votin' for. Only just now put on the TV and saw there was some sort of election thing happenin'. Some convention parties or somethin' goin' on and balloons and stuff.

I don't even know who it is. This guy Obama and this McCain feller. I think I heard of the McCain one, but I don't know. Is he the one with the blimp? Harold at the Blockbuster Video said he was good. The blimp guy, I mean. I don't know if that's McCain.

And then is the other feller a Mexican or an Arab or somethin'? I was gettin' my hair cut and I saw his picture on the TV but they was runnin' the blow dryer and I didn't hear what they said. And there's lady talks like the Nanny and the old squinty guy with the white hair, who are they? Are they the other party or what? Eh, I don't know.

Blimp guy??? Maybe??? Wants gold coins?????

I registered independent. I used to be a Democrat but then I read a while back the Democrats wanted us to lose a war or somethin' and that is just damn shameful. But that was awhile back so I ain't gonna blame whichever one is the Democrat for it this time. Nope. I got me an open mind on this one.

The main things important to me is the economy, change, Iraq, and national security. I also want lower taxes and universal healthcare. I don't really trust that Arab guy on the national security, cuz what if he is one of them? I saw an email my cousin got said the Obama guy I think won't do no pledge unless his hand is on a Korean. I don't even know about that but it sounds weird.

On the other hand, I don't think the old guy knows about no change or economies. I heard he lives in seven different house and got his self a rich wife he married from Alaska.

Education is important to me too. I don't want nobody tellin' me I gotta teach creationism and especially not when I'm home schoolin' my kids. The Bible ain't got no place in my room where I set up a dry erase board and teach my baby girls about dividing stuff.

I know this one. This is the old President ain't nobody likes no more.

If only I could get me some vouchers so I could afford to get that Ten Commandments statue moved out of my front yard. Previous owners left it. Thought they was cute or somethin'. I covet who I damn well please!

And ya'll see them cranes fallin' down? Which one of these so-called presidents gonna take care of cranes fallin' down? Musta been 100 cranes fell down over the summer. I ain't seen no white paper on that. Give me a URL I'll plug that into my computer and look at that sometime.

Iraq is important to me, like I said. What's important is we start bringin' our boys home in victory as soon as possible. It was a war we shouldn't have gone into in the first place, but now we're there we messed it all up and we gotta fix it and honor our sacrifices by winning. So shit yeah I support the troops. I support 'em by bringin' 'em home in victory.

My opinion on gay marriages is pretty complicated. It's fine if ya'll marry whoever or whatever ya'll want, so long as I don't have to hear about it when I'm tryin' to eat dinner. They had a guy on a TV married his own sister in some foreign country and that is exactly what I don't want to see gays doin' here in America. Keep it to yourself and let the states decide. Marriage is between a man and a woman who ain't his sister or a dog. Or two women. And don't put no dudes kissing each other on the mouth on the TV.

Why is he always pointin' at people? A little elite if you ask me. Like a commando.

The very single most important thing of all to me is change. This is a change election, so I think we gotta get the bums out. I'm sick of the guy in there. Eight years is enough. Now I know one guy ain't from his party, but I heard the other guy is a maverick. So I don't know. One guy is new and we ain't had an Arab president before, but then on the other hand that other guy (Mitt Huckabee??) was a POW in Vietnam and he'll be the oldest president which is also a first when you think about it.

It's a hard decision. Does the Arab got the experience to make the change I need? Does the guy who got tortured only he don't call it torture under the new torture rules have the maverick heart to reform Washington? Where did Hillary Clinton go? I was watchin' one day and they said she won South Dakota and then she's just gone. Anyways, I don't know yet. I ain't made up my mind.

Aw, you know what? To hell with this. I'm votin' LaRouche again.

-The Undecided Voter

This was a special update by the average Undecided voter. Please don't worry, after they were done typing away I beat them up with a bat. Now that's how you rock the Vote.