The Real America Votes

The Real America Votes



On this election day I'm reminded of what Sarah Palin said

"I believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hardworking, very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation."

I hope that all of you in the fake America like Los Angeles, New York and any "Big City" that doesn't have a main street with a hardware store and a coffee shop show just how anti-American we are by voting for change.



America is not a Chevy truck commercial. This isn't any ones country. This is "Are" Country and I can't sit by and think that Sarah Palin would be, as cliched as it sounds, be a (lack of) heart beat away from becoming our nations first first lady in a way never heard before.


pro-America, not to be mistaken for pro-wrestling

Last I recall, our nation was founded by immigrants and the trimming of other societies that came here for freedom to live free lives. The last time I was in a small town I got a lot of looks because I wasn't blonde or white. I guess the best thing about this whole situation is that the most electoral votes come from these non pro-America places. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, Palin.

So far election turn out is on the high. People having to wait 3 hours to vote. Maybe I'm just in a place that's filled with apathetic turn outs, but there wasn't any wait for me to get an I VOTED stick. Hmmm, where should I go and load up on the free stuff?


So after casting your vote you have nothing to do other than complain some about the results. The choice now is how to watch the info come in? CNN is going to take us into the future because Wolf Blitzer will be talking to a Hologram

As election night officially kicks off in just a few hours, the network’s Wolf Blitzer will be conducting interviews with faraway strategists not via the traditional two-pane window, but by hologram. Believe it or not, professionals in Chicago and Phoenix will be beamed live to CNN’s New York studios in order to give viewers a look at Wolf and a ghostly counterpart.

Did CNN not see the Lawnmower man? Were they asleep during Tron? The shit just got real. You don't want to mess around with virtual reality. It's like WOW, only filled with less apathetic and lethargic people. Without substance, who knows what they will do? I hear there was voter intimidation at some local insane asylums from ghost in transparent sheets.

The main issue I have with this is that while I'm a gadget type of guy, I couldn't care less about 3D hologram graphs. I couldn't care less about Hologram interviews. I'm perfectly fine with just seeing one right wing conservative yap on to a left wing liberal about the current swing in the poll outcome. If you're talking about small town America being the ones that are pro-America, why are you trying to scare them with this new technology? To them it's like showing a lighter to a caveman.


The Situation Room

You shouldn't try to sell your coverage by the neat toys you got. Just give me the lay down and tell it to me straight, what states went to whom and who is winning. Stop trying to make it some web 2.0 sort of information. The fact that you're on my tv screen and you're giving me the general info on the election I'll watch. I'll tell you what I wont watch. Coverage that constantly freezes up because the equipment is so cutting edge and we all know how well new program software runs. There really is no need for a green screen. Seriously. Just give me the results.


Save the green screen for Hollywood

With the polls closing across the country, it's only a matter of time before we see what the next four years holds for our nation. If you haven't gone out and voted yet, by all means do so.

I Want My ObamaTV 2.0

I Want My ObamaTV 2.0



So we're one day away from ObamaTV rocketing on to our television screens and we're still a bit in the dark as to what he's actually going to do with his air time besides Pointless guesses. But I'm the type of person who will continue shooting in the dark in hopes at hitting something. So here's some more guesses as to what the Senator will be using for his on air talents. I know one thing for sure, it's not the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, cause that shit aired tonight and well, you already missed it.

An in-depth discussion on the merits of the Magic Bullet and how it will save our economy.

Testimonial on how ExtenZe has changed his life and how it could give you and your special someone a better President.

Hang out at an unspecified location in Phoenix AZ sipping whiskey, smoking a cigar, and talking about how much he wishes Barry Goldwater were still alive.

talk about all his campaign money - "And this $20 bill was donated by Richard Hernandez of Chula Vista, CA!"



Comparing the number of bouts with face cancer that he and McCain have each had to deal with.

concedes to mccain, reasoning "democrats aren't meant to win elections"

Rap Battle with Orrin Hatch.

30 minutes of rolling around in money


Obama represented on the boob tube....

Obama and Shaq playing hoop to the tunes of Quad City DJ's "Space Jam" against Putin and Karl Rove.

speaks about his christian faith at length while he has his fingers crossed

drops out of the campaign, nominating Oprah as his replacement. AS WAS THE DEAL.

airs footage from "who's nailin palin"


But then America gains a President...

He'll be sitting in a nice comfy chair next to a fireplace and start reading children's books to us. No I do not want green eggs and ham....

Thirty minute lecture on superstring theory

Shows footage from the ring causing us all to be cursed.

Reveals himself to be Andy Kaufman


Look at that smooooth mother fu....

First 30 mins of soul plane

The last 30 minutes of 2001

Just loops of McCain stumbling and acting like an idiot set to Yakety Sax.

Re-enactment of muhammad ali v. sonny liston, with obama standing over a mccain impersonator shouting GET UP, GET UP




On NBC, Obama will discuss a few tips on fitness, and even give share the secret of his jumpshot.

On CBS, Michelle will host a cooking show, where she will teach America some of her favorite home recipes. Sasha and Malia assist.

On Fox, Biden will offer his pre-game analysis for Phillies-Rays game, with a brief rundown on sports the rest of the week.

30 minute in-depth revelation of the wu tang secret



30 minute video let's play of Obama beating street fighter ii as dhalsim

Drama set two years into the Mccain presidency, will smith plays one of the few survivors

An old tape of Bob Ross painting. digitally edited to make him paint a serene obama figure in the American countryside.

Season 1 episode 4 of the Ferris Bueller TV show


Well, that's one way to lock up the East L.A. vote

Obama stars in an episode of mtv cribs

A new episode of Sports Night, after a mere eight years or so of languishing in obscurity?

Barack Obama halloween special

Re-enact debates using finger puppets and squeaky voices

No matter it is, Obama has some tough competition. Game five of the world series is in need of wrapping up after a long rain delay that lasted two days. Not to mention that Obama has some heavy shoes to fill when it comes to political infomercials.

Don't Bother Asking Me No Poll

By The Undecided Voter

I think this is the Arab guy.

Them polling people called up last week and asked me which person I wanted as President and I told them the same thing I'm fixin' to tell you: I ain't got no idea who I'm votin' for. Only just now put on the TV and saw there was some sort of election thing happenin'. Some convention parties or somethin' goin' on and balloons and stuff.

I don't even know who it is. This guy Obama and this McCain feller. I think I heard of the McCain one, but I don't know. Is he the one with the blimp? Harold at the Blockbuster Video said he was good. The blimp guy, I mean. I don't know if that's McCain.

And then is the other feller a Mexican or an Arab or somethin'? I was gettin' my hair cut and I saw his picture on the TV but they was runnin' the blow dryer and I didn't hear what they said. And there's lady talks like the Nanny and the old squinty guy with the white hair, who are they? Are they the other party or what? Eh, I don't know.

Blimp guy??? Maybe??? Wants gold coins?????

I registered independent. I used to be a Democrat but then I read a while back the Democrats wanted us to lose a war or somethin' and that is just damn shameful. But that was awhile back so I ain't gonna blame whichever one is the Democrat for it this time. Nope. I got me an open mind on this one.

The main things important to me is the economy, change, Iraq, and national security. I also want lower taxes and universal healthcare. I don't really trust that Arab guy on the national security, cuz what if he is one of them? I saw an email my cousin got said the Obama guy I think won't do no pledge unless his hand is on a Korean. I don't even know about that but it sounds weird.

On the other hand, I don't think the old guy knows about no change or economies. I heard he lives in seven different house and got his self a rich wife he married from Alaska.

Education is important to me too. I don't want nobody tellin' me I gotta teach creationism and especially not when I'm home schoolin' my kids. The Bible ain't got no place in my room where I set up a dry erase board and teach my baby girls about dividing stuff.

I know this one. This is the old President ain't nobody likes no more.

If only I could get me some vouchers so I could afford to get that Ten Commandments statue moved out of my front yard. Previous owners left it. Thought they was cute or somethin'. I covet who I damn well please!

And ya'll see them cranes fallin' down? Which one of these so-called presidents gonna take care of cranes fallin' down? Musta been 100 cranes fell down over the summer. I ain't seen no white paper on that. Give me a URL I'll plug that into my computer and look at that sometime.

Iraq is important to me, like I said. What's important is we start bringin' our boys home in victory as soon as possible. It was a war we shouldn't have gone into in the first place, but now we're there we messed it all up and we gotta fix it and honor our sacrifices by winning. So shit yeah I support the troops. I support 'em by bringin' 'em home in victory.

My opinion on gay marriages is pretty complicated. It's fine if ya'll marry whoever or whatever ya'll want, so long as I don't have to hear about it when I'm tryin' to eat dinner. They had a guy on a TV married his own sister in some foreign country and that is exactly what I don't want to see gays doin' here in America. Keep it to yourself and let the states decide. Marriage is between a man and a woman who ain't his sister or a dog. Or two women. And don't put no dudes kissing each other on the mouth on the TV.

Why is he always pointin' at people? A little elite if you ask me. Like a commando.

The very single most important thing of all to me is change. This is a change election, so I think we gotta get the bums out. I'm sick of the guy in there. Eight years is enough. Now I know one guy ain't from his party, but I heard the other guy is a maverick. So I don't know. One guy is new and we ain't had an Arab president before, but then on the other hand that other guy (Mitt Huckabee??) was a POW in Vietnam and he'll be the oldest president which is also a first when you think about it.

It's a hard decision. Does the Arab got the experience to make the change I need? Does the guy who got tortured only he don't call it torture under the new torture rules have the maverick heart to reform Washington? Where did Hillary Clinton go? I was watchin' one day and they said she won South Dakota and then she's just gone. Anyways, I don't know yet. I ain't made up my mind.

Aw, you know what? To hell with this. I'm votin' LaRouche again.

-The Undecided Voter

This was a special update by the average Undecided voter. Please don't worry, after they were done typing away I beat them up with a bat. Now that's how you rock the Vote.