Digital Conversion

Digital Conversion

If you can read this, you did not get a digital converter box for your computer monitor. Oh, what? You thought it was only for your tv? I'm sorry buddy, but all you get is this mocking body of text as well as a lot of images of static. It seems that you were not prepared for the digital conversion that all the media outlets have been warning you about for the last year or so.

In fact, I think this digital conversion is long over due. I mean, how long have I've been hearing about this shit? I recall back in about 2001 at NAB that everyone was going on and on about how we were going to be fully converted and the government would mandate the switchover. They would say that there was no way they could get everyone converted in time for 2006. Here we are in 2009 and they finally did it. Way to go technology.



It's funny that the television signals that we broadcast decades ago are still flying through the solar system. passing Pluto right now is some I Love Lucy episodes from back in the day. I guess if any alien life form has a dish they can pick up what we were watching a decade ago. Our analog signals are polluting the sky and will forever be floating around. But not anymore. We're going green. Our carbon footprint will no longer be a huge mass of stupid reality tv shows. Well, I guess it still will be. Just not as intrusive.

So why change over? Well, first of all, the digital signal can handle a lot more message/signals per bandwidth. So that means instead of a single channel 4, you can have about 9 signals in one broadcast signal. So you'll have 4.1, 4.2, 4.3, 4.4, 4.5 and so on all be their own channels providing different content. Pretty snazzy.



More importantly there is only so much bandwidth to go around. So using digital compacts the size of that signal down so that we can free up room for someone else to use it. The old signal that we used to use for broadcast signals are now going to go towards emergency channels and the like of that. So while you wont be able to pick up a television station through them, with the proper use of wires and tools, you'll be able to use them as a form of entertainment.

Now the real question is why aren't you ready for the switch over? This has been in the media for the last year or so in how they've been pimping it. They even pushed it back from the Feb. date because they said 6 million people weren't ready. Now the number is down to about 2-3 million people not being ready.



Did you guys not realize you can get a digital converter box for free at target by simply going to target with a government coupon? You know what. You people don't deserve to get tv. I mean, shit. If you have cable you don't even need one. So this only really effects those people to poor to have cable. And frankly, if you don't have cable, you're not missing much. Well, you're missing The Tonight Show with Conan, which I must say, is god damn funny beyond all belief.

Still, you should be left out in the dark. Way to not think ahead. Hope you enjoy your VHS tapes since you can't get a signal. Yeah, I said it. You more than likely don't even have a DVD player either. Maybe you're stuck on beta max. Then again, if you don't have any of that shit, you're more than likely not computer equiped and how else are you going to be reading this to begin with? You might as well be looking at static.

Don't Try To Upfront It, Yo.

Don't Try To Upfront It, Yo

Well, with a name like WeirdTV, I think perhaps I should touch on strange shit or at the very least shit that happens on TV, right? Yeah. It has been a while since I even focused on that sort of stuff. Generally because I was busy working on some god awful sing-a-long lip singing production that will not be named due to potentials of lawsuits and nondisclosure agreements. But it's good to have a chance to talk about Television news.

Today I touch on the Upfronts. What are the Upfronts? The upfronts are where the Studio brings its new pilots in front of Executives and Advertisers, allowing marketers to buy commercial airtime "up front", or several months before the season begins. Upfronts typically occur during the third week of May, the last full week of that month's sweeps period.

Although a lot of news has dribbled out over the last few weeks, official announcements should be forthcoming for any existing shows left on the bubble, as well as a surprise announcement or two surrounding your favorite pilot. Ah yes, the wonderful world of pilots. I've helped write a failed one and then there's all the ones I did work on that never saw the light of day.

Since you're more than likely wondering what actually made it and what didn't, here's how your tv watching will shape up to be come fall.

CBS Schedule:

MONDAY

8:00-8:30 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
8:30-9:00 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE
9:00-9:30 TWO AND A HALF MEN
9:30-10:00 THE BIG BANG THEORY
10:00-11:00 CSI: MIAMI

TUESDAY

8:00-9:00 NCIS
9:00-10:00 NCIS: LOS ANGELES
10:00-11:00 THE GOOD WIFE

WEDNESDAY

8:00-8:30 THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE
8:30-9:00 GARY UNMARRIED
9:00-10:00 CRIMINAL MINDS
10:00-11:00 CSI: NY

THURSDAY

8:00-9:00 SURVIVOR
9:00-10:00 CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION
10:00-11:00 THE MENTALIST

FRIDAY

8:00-9:00 GHOST WHISPERER
9:00-10:00 MEDIUM
10:00-11:00 NUMB3RS

SATURDAY

8:00-9:00 CRIMETIME SATURDAY
9:00-10:00 CRIMETIME SATURDAY
10:00-11:00 48 HOURS MYSTERY

SUNDAY

7:00-8:00 60 MINUTES
8:00-9:00 THE AMAZING RACE
9:00-10:00 THREE RIVERS
10:00-11:00 COLD CASE

Thrilling, right? Looks like Big Bang Theory is being nurtured to be Two and a Half's replacement as the comedy anchor of the night. Not much else to say besides this: NCIS:LA? Really? It looks like it's an NCIS night in there. I can't really say I care much about this line up. There's like two shows that I'll watch in there.

NBC Schedule:

MONDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Heroes”
9-10 p.m.–”TRAUMA”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

TUESDAY

8-10 p.m. - “The Biggest Loser” (two-hour edition)
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. - “PARENTHOOD”
9-10 p.m. - “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

THURSDAY

8- 8:30 p.m. - “SNL WEEKEND UPDATE THURSDAY” (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. - “Parks and Recreation”
9- 9:30 p.m. - “The Office”
9:30-10 p.m. - “COMMUNITY” (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after multi-episode run “30 Rock” returns)
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

FRIDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Law & Order”
9-10 p.m. - “Southland”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

SATURDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Dateline NBC”
9-10 p.m. - “TRAUMA” (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. - “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY

7- 8:20 p.m. “Football Night in America”
8:20-11 p.m. “NBC Sunday Night Football”

NBC MID-SEASON 2010 SCHEDULE

(2010 WINTER OLYMPICS preempt regularly scheduled programming from February 12-28, 2010)
*New programs in UPPER CASE

MONDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Chuck” (season premiere)
9-10 p.m.–”DAY ONE”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

TUESDAY

8-9:30 p.m. - “The Biggest Loser” (90-minute edition)
9:30-10 p.m. - “100 QUESTIONS”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. - “MERCY”
9-10 p.m. - “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

THURSDAY

8- 8:30 p.m. - “COMMUNITY”
8:30-9 p.m. - “Parks and Recreation”
9- 9:30 p.m. - “The Office”
9:30-10 p.m. - “30 Rock”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

FRIDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Law & Order”
9-10 p.m. - “Southland”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

SATURDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Dateline NBC”
9-10 p.m. - “Southland” (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. - “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY

7-8 p.m. - “Dateline NBC”
8-9 p.m. - THE MARRIAGE REF
9-11 p.m. - “The Celebrity Apprentice” (season premiere; two-hour edition)

My Name Is Earl is shit canned. So is Medium. Medium is getting put on CBS, which is funny since they put it on next to Ghost Whisperer. And while Jennifer Love Hewitt over Patricia Arquette, you kinda have to appreciate the oddness of having the knock off version of one show next to the other.

My Name Is Earl, that's a sad state. I worked on that show. I enjoyed it. Sure, I haven't sat down and watched the last season, but seeing it go out like that because NBC doesn't make bank off the television production of it is sort of a shame. No worries, Fox, who does produce it, is shopping it around.

Also on the list is WAAAAAAAY too much Jay Leno. I'm looking forward to Conan taking over the Tonight Show though.


ABC's fall schedule:

MONDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars” (two hours)
10:00 p.m. “Castle”

TUESDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Shark Tank”
9:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars the Results Show”
10:00 p.m. “The Forgotten”

WEDNESDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Hank”
8:30 p.m. “The Middle”
9:00 p.m. “Modern Family”
9:30 p.m. “Cougar Town”
10:00 p.m. “Eastwick”

THURSDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Flash Forward”
9:00 p.m. “Grey’s Anatomy”
10:00 p.m. “Private Practice”

FRIDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Supernanny”
9:00 p.m. “Ugly Betty”
10:00 p.m. “20/20”

SATURDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Saturday Night College Football”

SUNDAY:
7:00 p.m. “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
8:00 p.m. “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”
9:00 p.m. “Desperate Housewives”
10:00 p.m. “Brothers & Sisters”

Quite a bit of new shows, especially on Wednesday night. Castle gets a second season? Nathan finally gets a show into second season status? Well color me surprised. Good job, captain tightpants.

Sadly, ABC decided to pass on the U.S. version of No Heroics. Which is a British original and it was a pretty funny take on the whole heroes stuff. I doubt the U.S. version would ever keep in the gay sex jokes. though. Ohwell.

Then we get to Fox. Thank you for the paycheck, bend over so I can pucker up my lips..

FOX Fall 2009 PRIMETIME SCHEDULE:

MONDAY
8:00-9:00 HOUSE
9:00-10:00 LIE TO ME

TUESDAY
8:00-10:00 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Performance Show

WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Results Show
9:00-10:00 GLEE

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 BONES
9:00-10:00 FRINGE

FRIDAY
8:00-8:30 BROTHERS
8:30-9:00 ‘TIL DEATH
9:00-10:00 DOLLHOUSE

SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 COPS
8:30-9:00 COPS
9:00-10:00 AMERICA’S MOST WANTED
11:00-Midnight THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (working title)
Midnight-12:30 ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES

SUNDAY
7:00-8:00 THE OT (NFL post-game)
8:00-8:30 THE SIMPSONS
8:30-9:00 THE CLEVELAND SHOW
9:00-9:30 FAMILY GUY
9:30-10:00 AMERICAN DAD

Here is the Fox 2010 Mid season Schedule:

MONDAY
8:00-9:00 HOUSE
9:00-10:00 24

TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 AMERICAN IDOL Performance Show
9:00-10:00 PAST LIFE

WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 AMERICAN IDOL Results Show
9:00-10:00 HUMAN TARGET (January) / GLEE (spring)

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 BONES
9:00-10:00 FRINGE

FRIDAY
8:00-8:30 BROTHERS
8:30-9:00 ‘TIL DEATH
9:00-10:00 DOLLHOUSE

SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 COPS
8:30-9:00 COPS
9:00-10:00 AMERICA’S MOST WANTED
11:00 -Midnight THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (working title)
Midnight-12:30 ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES

SUNDAY
7:00-7:30 ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES
7:30-8:00 AMERICAN DAD
8:00-8:30 THE SIMPSONS
8:30-9:00 SONS OF TUCSON
9:00-9:30 FAMILY GUY
9:30-10:00 THE CLEVELAND SHOW

A lot of interesting things to be seen from that. First off, did you see that Saturday night line up? America's Most Wanted is still on the air? WHAT THE FUCK? No, not that, silly. I'm talking about the midnight and later stuff. Looks like they're trying to tap into the Adult Swim crowd. Which is strange because they sell most of their shows to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim program line up.

American Dad is also getting the dredded 7:30 Sunday death slot. While it shows that it's the bottom of the totum pole, King of the hill survived a lot of years there. Still, doesn't show a lot of promise to a healthy future for that show.

Then you have dollhouse. Which is getting two comedies to lead into the Friday night slot. At least with Terminator, which was killed and WB doesn't give a shit about keeping alive somewhere else, it had a Sci-fi/Nerd appeal. Dollhouse also is booked for both parts of the season. Maybe Fox is really hopeful that they'll order more?

My vote for BEST IN SHOW goes to Jimmy Kimmel. Mr. Kimmel then took a verbal swing at his own network, reminding the audience that ABC had attempted to hire away Mr. Leno when his tenure ended at NBC’s “Tonight Show.” But, according Mr. Kimmel, NBC said it would not give up Mr. Leno, “even if we have to destroy our own network to keep him.

Jimmy Kimmel Said

Let's get real here. Let's get Dr. Phil-real here. These new fall shows? We're going to cancel about 90 percent of them. Maybe more.

Every year we lie to you and every year you come back for more. You don't need an upfront. You need therapy. We completely lie to you, and then you pass those lies onto your clients.

Next year on ‘Grey's Anatomy,' your product could kill Dr. Izzie. It just depends on how much you want to pay.

"I think all our shows are going to work this year. I really do. I don't, really."

"The important thing to remember is: who cares, it's not your money."

Kimmel also took a shot at NBC and Jay Leno, whom ABC once courted to possibly replace him when his contract with NBC expired, saying that they're "giving Jay's viewers exactly what they want. An early-bird special."

I'm sure ABC will return the favor once they are up for renewing his show. Still, it's a pretty honest thing to say. Wont change a thing, but honest.

So there you have it. A preview of your fall tivo setting lineup. Hope you enjoyed this boring trip into the actual TV world of a blog by Wierd TV...

We Can Be Heroes, Just For One Day... I Just Wouldn't Want To Be.

We Can Be Heroes, Just For One Day... I Just Wouldn't Want To Be.

A show is born to innocence. A show demonstrated it was good. Why then did it go so horribly wrong? Was it will? Was it destiny? Was it complete fucking incompetence? To fight evil, one must know evil; one must journey back through time and find that fork in the road, where Heroes turned one way and shows of lasting quality turned another.

You made me this way, Heroes. Ever since I watched season two, the most drawn-out, tedious, needlessly-slapstick-and-romance-enhanced torture session of my life, I've hungered for punishing entertainment experiences. I have come to feed on the anger and betrayal. That pain, I'm always so grateful for it now, because it's the only time I know I'm still human. But for all the wretched movies and music I've voluntarily inflicted on myself in the past year, nothing managed to sustain its horribleness for eleven hours. A numbness filled my mind with cotton and ice.

Finally, I've found a way to recreate, and perhaps even surpass, my initial agonies. I stored season three episodes in my DVR, where they undoubtedly tainted other recorded programs with their rotting putrescence, until I could no longer bear the cursed anticipation, then I subjected myself to a fourteen-hour marathon. I endured an evil twin, amnesia (again), more jittery quick cuts than the entire Saw franchise, and more variations on the phrase "How is this possible? You're dead!" than I could have imagined possible. As soon as the ordeal concluded, my eyes retreated behind a glazy film, and I started scribbling the revelations laid bare by this masochistic viewing approach.

A Goonies-related epiphany:
Angela Petrelli is a slight variation on Mama Fratelli's tale. Disappointed with the antics of her two favored sons, a sinister Italian matron unleashes a monster child who's been kept in captivity. Like the Fratelli mutant, Sylar turns out to be a misunderstood nice guy - at least for a few minutes. But remember, Sloth didn't stay tame forever, either. He became pretty goddamn brutal in his spinoff sequel The Hills Have Eyes.

New catch phrase that must end now:
Claire Bennett: "It ends here."
Peter Petrelli: "This ends now."
Noah Bennett: "This ends today."

Let the old catch phrase fucking die, already:
Hiro Nakamura: "Save the cheerleader!"
Nathan Petrelli: "Save ourselves, save the world."

Most accurate occupational depiction:
Freshly appointed Senator Nathan Petrelli, who manages to avoid any congressional votes, duties or appearances throughout the entire season.

Worst introduction of a mystical black man:
Wandering shaman Usutu eventually gets to feed time-travelling imp Hiro hyena dung while spouting wise-elder quotes like "The future can only be the future for so long, then it becomes the present" and "Evil forces gather. The dark sun rises." First, though, he must crack a Britney Spears joke and deliver a product-placement quip ("No service here [in the African desert], you should've gone with Sprint"), as if he were devised as a comic foil for the two already-clownish characters with whom he briefly interacts before being beheaded.

Best unintentional reference to Hayden Panettierre's horrifying singing career:
Electric Elle, discussing Sylar's botched hanging: "Maybe his suicide was a wake up call."

Grace in the face of tragedy:
1) Angela Petrelli's not-at-all suspicious first words to the doctor after learning the husband she'd poisoned had died: "I'd like a cremation as soon as possible."

2) Tracy Strauss, twin sister of split-personality skank Niki Sanders, wears fashionable white and retarded oversized sunglasses to a press conference at which her husband, President Nathan Petrelli, laments the deaths of 200,000 people in a nuclear blast. On a related note, most of the zombie-eyed future sketches are vague, with unspecific locations and broadly rendered faces that, if used as police sketches, would place half the city under suspicion. However, the painting of this disaster considerately includes a "Welcome to Costa Verde" sign in front of the mushroom cloud.

Abstinence-inducing sex scenes (Not coincidentally, these were the only two sex scenes):

1) Wrong-headed scientist Mohinder says he needs to make useless twin Maya angry in order to stop her fatal Hershey's tears from flowing. He starts espousing idiotic theories and touching her inappropriately, but this turns out to be alarmingly unrelated. After injecting himself with super powers, Mohinder enjoys a brief stint as a sweaty shirtless douchebag, during which he rips off Maya's shirt during an unwatchable seduction. It's worth noting that Mohinder later crawls nakedly out of a gelatinous afterbirth cocoon.

2) Nathan saves Tracy from plunging to her death during a sub-Charmed flying sequence. Rewarding him with spectacle, she demonstrates the ability to freeze objects with her touch. Nathan observes "your hands aren't even cold," then kisses her immediately. Ladies, take note: Suicidal depression and frigidity are the ultimate turn-ons!

Files of the Forgotten:

Remember Monica Dawson, the little girl who inspired beleaguered New Orleans viewers to stand up and cheer with her inspiring ability to mimic what she saw on TV? Well, she died, I guess. But fear not, Katrina-ravaged metropolis, for I predict she will soon be available to inspire you and teach you how to live and love again! It seems Monica revived when a funeral-home worker watched an idiotic sci-fi soap opera that featured multiple resurrections.

Remember Caitlin, the uninteresting Irish lass with whom amnesiac Peter had an interminable tryst before leaving her stranded in a disease-infested futuristic dystopia? Apparently Peter doesn't. Neither do the shows writers. Eh, good fucking riddance.

Blue-Collar Comedy Villain:

Flint's power seems pretty lame (see, there's already someone who makes fire with their hands, but his flame burns blue). However, he serves another purpose - recruiting slack-jawed yokels to watch one of their own kick ass on that city-folks show with the Indian fella and his fancy science words. This balding hick drawls plenty of yee-haw punchlines ("you want him crispy or well-done?") Even when he attempts to rape a hostage, he's still providing redneck comic relief ("I hear Stockholm Syndrome is like Spanish Fly!")

Mohinder's Burden:
Mohinder's narration seems to exist outside continuity, as you might expect someone who's rapidly becoming a reptilian deathbringer to have a bit more of a panicked tone to his philosophical ramblings. However, they're actually Future Mohinder's punishment for killing two people, even though his victims were conveniently a wife-beater and a drug-dealer. He's been sentenced to babble incessantly, ignored by all who hear him.

There is good and there is evil. Right and wrong. Heroes and villains. We're a ship without a storm, the cold without the warm, the throw before the toss, the hand that writes and quickly moves away. We wait in silence for these times when sense can be made of this show's ludicrous plots, when meaningless characters come into focus. And if we have the strength to be endure absolutely anything, then what we find there, staring back at us, is our own reflection, bearing witness to the duality of life. And each one of us is capable of both the dark and the light, of good and evil, of either, of all.

I Want My MTV.COM

I Want My MTV.COM



I recently went on the record and announced that I wanted my ObamaTV. I should remind you that long before pseudo-reality tv filled the air of MTV, there was actual music on the air and they carried the whole tag line of people craving for their MTV. Every so often when the stars align and the moon hits just the right peak over the rockies, you'll see MTV play some music videos. But for the everyday music fix you've been turning to Youtube. Since Viacom is a law suit happy corporation, most videos are often pulled down before you can enjoy them to the fullest.


What does the M stand for these days? Mundane?

MTV has done something that I thought would not happen again. They've turn cool again. While not deviating from the format of showing crap, crap and more crap, they have allowed us, harnessing with the awesome mighty power of the internet, to check out music videos that they've shown for free! I'd gladly take the days of Jenny McCarthy over the current MTV we have going.


Back then I thought this was the worse MTV can do..
I was wrong

By clicking your clicker here, you'll be lead to mtv music, which will grant you all sorts of magic powers to avoid the hills, date my mom, Mtv's Why am I watching Mtv, Parental control, Cribs, generic reality show and any other non-music video show on a network called Music TV...

Forgotten favorites and classic's like Land of Confusion, Walk This Way, a whole stack of Weird Al, Hot for Teacher, and Puttin' On The Ritz. are at your finger tips now.



Not surprisingly, the Rick Roll is currently number two top-rated. Might I give you, the internet, a big middle finger for ruining yet another thing I found funny. That was till every April fools prank done outside of April links to. So forget this service for the popular titles you'd see on every internet meme.

For those who remember a those lesser known classic, you can find them. Hell, I even found 80's Crazy looking Tori Amos. Who I haven't seen a good quality video for in years. Be honest with me, have you ever even seen the King Missile video for detachable penis? Yeah, that's what I thought. Doug the Slug would be proud of me. Money for nothing is the most viewed. Damn right.


Tori Amos.. Crazy then... just as crazy now... Crazy Hot!

In the long run, we may never see the full episodes of Beavis and Butthead in their true form with all the videos still in there. But thanks to Mtvmusic.com, we can at least be Beavis and Butthead from the comforts of our own home. Though I do think my favorite was when they mocked this classic punk rock female inspired song. I mean, Ween is way too easy to mock.

Best of all, they have POP UP VIDEO! How do I know this? Cause I searched for Jewel's Who Will Save Your Soul, which was one video, among others by Jewel that had a different meaning in terms of popping up. ZING! Oh yeah, here it is without the stupid pop up. I dare anyone to listen to this and not be a little... teared up..


Can you blame me for crushin' on her?

But there's other classics that todays youth wouldn't ever know, like this little number about three little pigs that everyone should see. The fact that they have Purple Haze makes up for any video they don't have. Who can forget some Toni Basil's Mickey.. cause he's so fine.. he's so fine he blows my mind... Even if you don't enjoy campy music and no matter what isn't on there(Beastie Boys - Sabotage) this is probably the best music related thing MTV has done in decades. Even if they have to censor out the hash in the hash pipe by Weezer


Now if only they got the old Jon Stewart show up somewhere.