No Funbags Makes Babies Cry

How Dare My Baby Want To Nurse off My Funbags!

While I'm always at attention when it comes to boobs, this news story crossed my radar recently and while it's a subject that is a bit of a sore subject, it's still a strange subject. So here it is...

Criticism over breastfeeding 'creepy' article
Breastfeeding baby Breastfeeding has many health benefits for babies and mother

An article in a magazine for new mothers that described breastfeeding as "creepy" has drawn widespread criticism.

Mother & Baby Magazine's deputy editor Kathryn Blundell said she bottle fed because she did not want to put her "fun bags" in a "bawling baby's mouth".

Breastfeeding is seen as the optimum way to nourish a baby in the first six months.

Critics say the article could have put off vulnerable mothers.

Mother & Baby magazine is read by thousands of pregnant and new mothers, with many looking to it for advice on how to manage early motherhood.

'Dangling boobs'

Although she acknowledges breast milk has the edge over infant formula, Ms Blundell says in her article that she did not "fancy it" and went straight to bottle feeding.

She adds: "Even the convenience and supposed health benefits of breast milk couldn't induce me to stick my nipple into a bawling baby's mouth."

She goes on to say that she wanted her "body back" and to give her "boobs at least a chance to stay on my chest rather than dangling around my stomach".

Of her breasts, she adds: "They're part of my sexuality too - not just breasts, but fun bags.

"And when you have that attitude (and I admit I made no attempt to change it), seeing your baby latching on where only a lover has been before feels, well, a little creepy."

The article in the July issue of the magazine has drawn criticism on many parenting websites.

One mother wrote on Baby Centre: "Surely putting her sexual feelings before the 'supposed health benefits' means she is a little creepy?"

Another on Mumsnet said it could have a "bad effect on someone who's feeling vulnerable post-natally and struggling with breastfeeding".

Editor of Mother & Baby, Miranda Levy, says her magazine is a "constant and vocal supporter of breastfeeding".

She said the writer was describing her personal experience and that it had a place in the ongoing parenting debate.

"We have been inundated by supportive e-mails applauding her 'refreshing' point of view; we have made readers feel 'normal'; and less of a failure for not managing to breastfeed," she added.

"The way you feed your baby is not a moral issue and at Mother & Baby we seek to support all new parents."
Health advantages

The Department of Health recommends that babies are fed breast milk alone for the first six months.

NHS leaflets given to pregnant women and new mothers say that breastfeeding protects babies against obesity, allergies, asthma and diabetes.

Breast-fed infants also have a lower risk of gastroenteritis and respiratory and ear infections, research shows.

The advantages also extend to women who breastfeed. They have a lower risk of pre-menopausal breast cancer and tend to lose the weight they gained in pregnancy faster.

Figures show that eight in 10 women in England start off breastfeeding, but only one in five is still breastfeeding by the time their baby is six months old.

I know what you're thinking.. Breastfeeding in public is gross! But is breastfeeding at all gross? Hmm. That's a good thing to think about here. So we have two view points on the matter with this article.

A. Listen, when I got pregnant nobody told me my fun bags were going to be involved! I did not sign up for this BULL SHIT. Get away from that tit, infant, it is not for you. It is only for... my lovers!

vs.

B. Women should not be pigeonholed into biologically-mandated roles that have been made obsolete by culture and technology. The modern obsession with breastfeeding is further festishization of the breast by a patriarchal public obsessed with displays of fertility and femininity in the context of pre-approved "nurturing" actions.



I have to say that I'm mostly confused by this whole situation. If you are that spooked by the idea of your body changing shape and that creeped by the physical act of mothering an infant, why get pregnant in the first place? Adopt a toddler and just bypass the whole thing.

How can you possibly go through the entire process of gestating and expelling a baby and then balk at slapping a nip in its mouth like every other mammal on earth? But before we get ahead of ourselves, let me stop for a moment and point out that she seriously said FUNBAGS. How in gods name would taking advice from that woman seem like a good idea?

I suppose men should start calling their moobs "loafs of depression". Will someone shut that damn kid up? Mama's trying to get her freak on all up in here.



Should we actually bring back wet nurses? Because by not breastfeeding she's causing harm. Basically you get your immune system from breast milk. It matters less in a developed nation, but it's still pretty important. It's also really the only thing that triggers oxytocin bonding, which is associated with post-partum depression levels. Whether the infant will thrive or not, it's beneficial to you.

These mothers are literally telling their kids "Sorry babies, these boobs are claimed by grown men and their media-drive fetishization. Have some powdered crap from China instead." Let's be all organic and healthy but then feed our babies chemical sludge instead of risk droopy breast.

It's as if she feels like her body's priority is as a sex object and made a decision based on this internalized objectification that was not optimally healthy for her or her infant. While some people can't breastfeed or have economic reasons that they cannot, she seems to be basiing her objection on being scared that anyone would see her breasts for anything other than plush sex toys.



Woah there! That baby just straight tore through that dress to get some titty. Not a baby you want to fuck with. How you gonna rip a bitch's blouse open like that, you macroencephin fucking fat demon wing baby!

You also don't get pregnant without your boobs being physically altered. They will swell up as milk doesn't just fill in or evaporate overnight. It can take months of painful swelling and leaking before it does. Then after they will deflate and be different than they were before.

There's no reason for the woman in the article to think that denying her kid the opportunity to nurse is going to somehow rush her along in getting back on the sexy train any sooner. Adults need to realize that you have to make some concessions when you have a child. They're the babies, you aren't. So deal with it.

But even then, most women's tits don't get that messed up with one or two kids. Your flat tummy's probably going to never return since chances are your linea alba's gonna get tore up a little. Exercise can help with that but it's a rare luxury once you got a kid to look after.

You should only worry about it if you're one of those religious nuts who just has to crank out kid after kid for "god". Yeah, right there around kid 20 is when you'll be good and messed up. But if you're involved in one of those cults you got a whole host of more important problems than just saggy boobs.

And who said you even had to make a big show out of it. I doubt there's much of a benefit in breast feeding a baby directly opposed to just pumping it out with a machine and feeding them with a bottle of your milk. I did read a report that said that babies who get to suck on boobies develop fewer bad habits relating to sleep and putting foreign objects in the mouth.



Ugh! Disgusting! Look how fat that baby is. Maybe he should be drinking water instead of making out with his mom's tit milk. Hey so-called "Masters", Learn how to draw a tit for christ sakes!

While I completely disagree with the woman, I guess I can see how feeling like you've been a little used can come into play. I'm thankful I'm a guy at those moments when I realize that pregnancy is essentially playing host to a 7lb parasite and at the end of which you're essentially a food source.

Then again, why do I care? If she wants to raise some anemic, immune system-deficient, cavity riddled, pale, weakling that's one more kid my kid will be able to dominate physically and mentally on the playground.

In the writing of this I saw the following news story pop up on my window page about the healthy benefits of breast feeding...

A large part of human milk cannot be digested by babies and seems to have a purpose quite different from infant nutrition — that of influencing the composition of the bacteria in the infant’s gut.

The indigestible substance that favors the bifido bacterium is a slew of complex sugars derived from lactose, the principal component of milk. The complex sugars consist of a lactose molecule on to which chains of other sugar units have been added. The human genome does not contain the necessary genes to break down the complex sugars, but the bifido subspecies does, the researchers say in a review of their progress in today’s Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The complex sugars were long thought to have no biological significance, even though they constitute up to 21 percent of milk. Besides promoting growth of the bifido strain, they also serve as decoys for noxious bacteria that might attack the infant’s intestines. The sugars are very similar to those found on the surface of human cells, and are constructed in the breast by the same enzymes. Many toxic bacteria and viruses bind to human cells by docking with the surface sugars. But they will bind to the complex sugars in milk instead. “We think mothers have evolved to let this stuff flush through the infant,” Dr. Mills said.

Dr. German sees milk as “an astonishing product of evolution,” one which has been vigorously shaped by natural selection because it is so critical to the survival of both mother and child. “Everything in milk costs the mother — she is literally dissolving her own tissues to make it,” he said. From the infant’s perspective, it is born into a world full of hostile microbes, with an untrained immune system and lacking the caustic stomach acid which in adults kills most bacteria. Any element in milk that protects the infant will be heavily favored by natural selection.

The proteins in milk also have special roles. One, called Alpha-lactalbumin, can attack tumor cells and those infected by viruses by restoring their lost ability to commit cell suicide. The protein, which accumulates when an infant is weaned, is also the signal for the breast to remodel itself back to normal state.

Such findings have made the three researchers keenly aware that every component of milk probably has a special role. “It’s all there for a purpose, though we’re still figuring out what that purpose is,” Dr. Mills said. “So for God’s sake, please breast-feed.”

So any of you who are pro-formulas, you best wrap it up. Make it all natural.

While on the subject, is it just me or has the frequency of casearians in wealthier neighborhoods gone up? It seems to be because it's easier to get c-section scars cleaned up than vaginal reconstruction surgery down the road. I mean, hey, it's just at the expense of your child's lung development and all, but you know, mama want's things to be tight and in place down there.



Then again, on the flip side you have mothers who are way too gung-ho to want to show the world they're feeding..

Mums furious as Facebook removes breastfeeding photos

Facebook has become the target of an 80,000-plus protest by irate mothers after banning breastfeeding photographs from online profiles.

Facebook's policy, which bans any breastfeeding images uploaded that show nipples, has led an online profile by protestors - called "lactivists" in some circles - called "Hey Facebook, breast feeding is not obscene".

The online petition, which accuses Facebook of instituting the policy to "appease the closed-minded", has attracted almost 82,000 supporters.

The actions of the group came to a head over the weekend when the protesters organised a virtual "nurse-in" on the social networking website where for a day angry supporters posted a profile picture of an image of a mother breastfeeding and changed their Facebook status to say "Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene!".

A small demonstration was also launched outside Facebook's office in Palo Alto, California.

Hey, you dumb lady. If you're breast feeding maybe you should be busy raising your damn kids instead of fucking around on Facebook and playing Farmville all day! I'm a great mom!- every knocked up slut from here to eternity.

Booo hooo, I have to adhere to the Terms of Service I agreed to. Sell my information to whoever you want but please just let me show my tits and underage non-consenting child to possibly masturbating strangers!

Can I just get offensive here? I mean, it is Friday, time to let loose before the weekend, what is this "miracle of birth" bullshit? As far as things goes, can something really be a miracle if it happens a billion times every day? Get over yourself baby makers.

The true miracle would be if they could shut up about how much it hurts all the time. You know what really hurts? Having to give up half your paycheck for some dumb kid you've never even met. And who gives a shit about how long labor took you anyway? Schedule a c-section like every other rich white woman who has decent health insurance and get over it.

Try having kidney stones and then come back and tell me how bad a naturally occurring process that your body was designed to perform hurts.

I'll never understand women. When I want to see your tits, you won't show them to me; when I DON'T want to see your tits, you can't keep them out of my face. I guess I'm just really impressed that feminist were able to reclaim "funbags"

News To Women - Swallow already!

News To Women - Swallow already!

I like to think that I'm fair and balanced but it's blogs about news pieces like this that undermine my creditability in every possible way, but you know what? Let's roll with it. I'm not going to lie, I like to pick my blog topics for a reason.

Sure, I get on a soap box every now and then and provide a voice for the much talked about and even more ignored issues like Health Care, Wars on foreign soil, Political nonsense and other random stuff. But the news pieces I like to work on the most are the random most whack news articles that pop up out of nowhere and allow people who have crazy ideas run with them.



Now this may be hard to swallow as actual news, but let's just feel it out and take it slow. You might want to sit down to take all this in, but did you know that there's actually medical evidence to support the wild idea that swallowing semen is very healthy? Yes. This sort of article pops up every six to eight months, so let's take a look at let's see this months version of it:

If you're thinking about conceiving, or certainly if you are already pregnant, there is some pretty convincing evidence that instead of just swallowing, say, folic acid, you might want to swallow something else.

Let me be delicate about this, if I can.

As far as I can tell, not only should you be having lots of oral sex with the father of your baby -- even up to a year before conceiving -- you should also make sure to ingest his seminal fluid. Listen to what I'm telling you: the international medical community is giving you an Rx for oral. Sure, they say frequent intercourse is good, too, but oral is better. So, if you care about having a healthy baby and not potentially unleashing what scientists call a "destructive attack on the foreign tissues" of your fetus, if you want to avoid immunological disorders during pregnancy, and I'm sure you do, get to work. Or to pleasure, depending on how you feel about it.

Basically, the research says you need to be able to tolerate your baby's foreign, paternal DNA; in other words, you need to get your body accustomed to the stuff, need to cozy up to some daddy double helix for a while so your body doesn't reject it.

I'm no doctor, just a pregnant lady with Google, so maybe I'm horribly confused, but here is what I found excerpted online, from the Journal of Reproductive Immunology:

"While any exposure to a partner's semen during sexual activity appears to decrease a woman's chances for the various immunological disorders that can occur during pregnancy, immunological tolerance could be most quickly established through oral introduction and gastrointestinal absorption of semen."

I could not make this up. Gastrointestinal absorption of semen. I know. For the man in your life, this news should not be hard to swallow. Sorry.

According to a group of Dutch researchers, "exposure to semen provides protection against developing preeclampsia." That's from a paper with the catchy title, "Immune Maladaptation in the Etiology of Preeclampsia: a Review of Corroborative Epidemiologic Studies." Or you could use the subtitle: "Semen is Your Friend."

I just can't figure out why the whole "blue balls" thing has gotten so much traction with men, but they never got ahold of this medical morsel.

One of my favorite pregnancy hobbies is obsessively researching dangerous pregnancy-related conditions. I know, I know, I could knit, but that would be relaxing, whereas this is more congruent with my other pastimes, which include worrying about the future and raking over the past. That's how I happened to look up preeclampsia, specifically because I interviewed actress Jane Seymour and she said she got it during one of her pregnancies, so I figured I needed a new worry charm for my shiny bracelet of maternal concerns.

First, I found this description on the Mayo Clinic's website:

"Preeclampsia is a condition of pregnancy marked by high blood pressure and excess protein in your urine after 20 weeks of pregnancy."

This merited a trip to Wikipedia, where I found all sorts of links to academic papers on the subject and, buried therein, the dryly worded but unmistakable information about oral.

After I did some digesting about ingesting, I had to stand up from my desk chair and say to no one in particular, "Really?" If I've heard about a new mother eating her own placenta in a panini, if I've scoured sights like this for every possible detail about pregnancy, how have I missed this gem? Some of the studies I read weren't all that new, but you'd think they would have made a bigger and more long-lasting splash.

Maybe penises need a new publicist.

Now, to be fair, the Dutch researchers do warn that with a new partner, condoms should be used to prevent sexually transmitted diseases: "However, a certain period of sperm exposure within a stable relation, when pregnancy is aimed for, is associated with a partial protection against preeclampsia," they insist.

As far as I can tell, there seem to be myriad causes of preeclampsia and similar conditions, and it's too complicated a medical issue for anyone, least of all me, to fully understand. Still, while some of these hypotheses have been challenged, they don't seem to have been debunked. So to conclude, I will fall back on the medical opinion I always have about things that are either Suzanne Somers-y, or reek of placebo-ness, but are obviously benign: It can't hurt, right? At the very least, your baby will have a happy, relaxed father and parents who are intimate.

And suddenly, you wonder if the phrase "going Dutch" might acquire new meaning.

I don't post this animated gif much, but I think that in this instance it is well called for.




A standing O for such a great piece of written work. That whole article was a mouth full.. (Ok, I've gotten it out of my system now [BOOOYAH! high five, anyone?])

I've heard that it's pretty common for the lady to 'close down the southern kitchen' when they're with child, and while I'd assume that's because sex starts physically becoming painful at the later trimesters, what's wrong with doing your husband a favor and swallowing your pride... and his load (I'm sorry, I couldn't resist)

But now that science has come out and taken one for the men in what seems like it is really, really good for you. It does make sense, too. Although I didn't think it would have been as black-and-white as "immunological tolerance can be quickly established through gastrointestinal absorption of semen." but even this author, who isn't a doctor; simply an interested pregnant woman who cites plenty of medical evidence as references though, so I has to be pretty valid enough.


It does make me wonder though, are all pregnant women total ice queens or was this article just ghost written, edited, and published by a long succession of desperate men. Because if not, I'm going to tstart using this doctor recommended "immunological tolerance" argument, but I think it would be best to leave out the reproductive part cause I don't care too much about that.

Then again, a woman who doesn't like to swallow when she ISN'T pregnant is hardly going to do so once she is. No amount of late night-strange craving getting you can do will change that. Best you can hope for is that you convince them that it cures breast cancer too as applied directly to the area. Of course, be prepared to to get accused of being a snake oil salesman. One can only wonder how effective is it if you introduce the semen anally?



Then again, this isn't the first or the last story to be told about this act. It seems that it's a popular request. I can say that it's one of those actions that.. yeah, let's just say all is right in the world. Besides, it's not only a great time for the receiver, the giver is also going to get some benefit out of it as this next story on the subject goes... Seman makes women Happier.

Women exposed to their partner's semen during sex may find themselves feeling happier than those who use a condom, say scientist.

Scientist in the US believe the mood-altering hormones in semen absorbed through the vagina help to boost women's mood.

Semen contains a range of hormones, including testosterone and oestrogen, both of which have been shown to improve mood.

And I think I speak for men everywhere when I say to just swallow it. There's no need to roll it around your mouth like a fine wine. That doesn't let you guys go off the hook so easily. Men, Eat Fish. Lots of Fish! She'll appreciate it very much so. Eating almonds and fruits improve the taste of your semen gentlemen. Some foods, such as asparagus, can detrimentally affect its flavor. If the girls don't like swallowing your product, try eating more fruit for a few days and see how her reaction changes.



This does bring up the age old question, is God a man or a woman?

The woman argues: God must be a man, for if God were a woman, she would have made semen taste like chocolate.

The man argues: God must be a woman, for she deliberately made semen taste as it does to make womankind reluctant to perform blowjobs (to finish perhaps).

My position? I believe God is a hermaphroditic snail like creature who doesn't give a fuck either way, semen is not of its concern. Just swallow the god damn stuff already! No need to put something else in the trash can. It has a lot of protein!

On that same note - men, do we not know the golden rule of if you want it done to you, then you'll have to do it first? So put on that miner's hat and get to mining, mister! What? you don't like the smell? Don't worry, there's a new mint that can help you out! It's a Vagina Mint


Vagina mints; They keep your down south nice and minty.. even on humid days.

Linger Internal Feminine Flavoring was create to flavor the woman in such a manner that is safe and effective... You know, opposed to those unsafe and lacking methods. It also decreases self consciousness - and I have to say, if your girl is self conscious of getting oral pleasure.. what's wrong with you? Oh yeah, this also increases excitement. as there's nothing more exciting than putting a mint in someone's vagina.

It's a small, naturally sweetened flavoring, free of artificial dyes, which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused. Linger is shaped for comfort during insertion and use and is formulated to dissolve slowly, so the effects last and last.... For some reason that pitch isn't selling me all that well.




But it's all part of paying the cost of admission, right guys? I mean... it's not like you can stare at boobs all day.... Or can you? (this is the fake news piece)

"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.

For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.......

I'm just going to stop it right there because this is the one bunk article of the group that is always popping up. I guess guys just want justification for looking at a body part. Maybe it's just that I haven't been objectified... or for that matter most any guy has been objectified, and thus we don't know how to be sexy any more.

I have to admit though, this line is really convincing.

"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." said Weatherby, who even recommends that men aged over 40 should spend at least 10 minutes daily admiring breasts sized "D-cup" or larger.

Oh yeah, nothing like calming the blood pressure by showing a hot D-cup size boob in your face. Yup, I think the only thing that happens to me when I see cleavage of a D-cup size boob is that the blood goes to one place and then runs a circular pattern around that... not much of a circulation booster there.

So I hope you learned a lot about this entry. But if there's one thing you can take away from all this is that while Christmas may only come but once a year, your changes of finding better health cums very often...

Touching Tits For A Good Cause

Touching Tits For A Good Cause

There's nothing I stand firmly for more than I do boobs. I like to believe that I'm a big supporter of them. Really, it's true. Crude puns aside, I think it's Breast Cancer awareness month. Either that or everyone accidently slipped a red shirt into their laundry load of whites, because I'm seeing pink ribbons, shirts and other associated brands all over the place. Which leads me to question one thing, when isn't it breast cancer awareness month?

Didn't I go to a Breast Cancer awareness event just in July? What about when all those Baseball players played with a pink Bat? Was that not breast cancer awareness events? Maybe this is just social commentary in the sense that breast are always on everyone's mind, and thus it's Always breast cancer awareness month.. Cause we're always aware of them. ( . Y . ) Yes. I just went there. What? I'm immature. You should know this by now.



On to some serious news - Jaime King has teamed up to write and product Tit for Tat, a breast cancer awareness campaign in partnership with Stand Up 2 Cancer to bring about a great deal of PSA's to help encourage women to give themselves test and better know their breast so they can tell if there's any differences or lumps to be found.

While I do not have breast to be concerned about, I'd like to think that I keep them close to my heart whenever possible... (ok, that one wasn't intended. I swear) and I'm all for the discovery of the cure that could better improve the quality of life as well as bring to light the methods of breast cancer prevention and early detection whenever possible.



While I hate all forms of energy drinks because it shows a lack of self powered bootstraps, I can't help but think that this companies heart was in the right place. A pink lemonade energy drink made for females with a lot of vitamins that you females seem to lack, named Her Energy, is sponsoring a six-month, six-episode viral campaign for breast cancer prevention and early detection. Which yet again doesn't help me wonder how often it's breast cancer awareness month..

The first PSA, The Booby Scare, was shot a couple of weeks back and it stars Jaime King, Emily Deschanel, Minka Kelly, Katherine McPhee, and Alyson Hannigan. Two of those on the list are some of my favorite people so it's easy to see that besides BOOBS, why this story caught my eye. So be on the look out for The Booby Scare. A film that you would expect to be placed behind a curtain, but in this case.. nah, it's on the internet. In fact, here you go..



See, now wasn't that fun? Emily and Alyson touching... ok, this is for science.. I have to remember that.. FOR SCIENCE!! only.. I mean, you could have a much cruder commercial if you really wanted to. You could always create awareness through some pretty sleaze method, at least this way allowed you to get your celebrity fix on and didn't pander to the "OMG, LOOK, TITS!" crowd. Unlike this ad...



Tits.. it's what's for dinner.. Wait, what? Let's declare it Booobtober! Yeah, there you go. Though I do want to remind you folks that it is October and there's nothing more scary than breast cancer... well, prostate/colon cancer is pretty high up there, but checking for that leaves you with a finger up your ass. So, perhaps that shouldn't be something you try to do yourself.

I suppose if you really want to be crude in your marketing for breast cancer, you could do what the folks in the Netherlands did with their breast cancer awareness ads

Yup, another breast cancer ad designed to reduce women to their tits.. Great! It sometimes makes you question if we even care about saving women's lives or if we just care about saving a pair of breast from being uneven... Either way, check your boobs, ladies. It's great for your health!

Making The Cut

Making The Cut

I like the cut of your jib, you fine reader of this blog. The only problem is that I'm currently away on vacation on the open road. What I will find out there? I have no idea. Maybe it's just a bit of good ol' fun. Maybe it's more work. Maybe it's the American dream. I don't know. The only thing I do know is that I fear getting stabbed by hobos.

It is a constant fear, I tell you. I mean, it would be something I could ignore if it wasn't for the fact that people and the outside world scare me. So why the hell did I take a trip up north? I hear there's nothing but coffee drinking criminals out there. And with the idea that Hobos want money and I may have some in my pocket, they may very well stab me.

So I present you and to myself this video. Which is a helpful tool on how to survive an edged weapon attack.



I hope you enjoyed that. I would write more but then again, I'm more than likely on the road right now. So no time to type. Just remember that The Knife Video is brought to you by the breast Council.



Nothing is more pointy than a good set of....
woah now! Can't go there. You get the idea. Breast, it's what's in your shirt.

Hopefully rancid hobos don't kill me and take my money. If I don't see you again in about a week and a half, more than likely that happened. In which case, enjoy some of the best of.. blogs I have in store for you to read as well as a mixture of new stuff that was written before my untimely hobo stabbing.

Selma Hayek's Boobs Can Save The World

Selma Hayek's Boobs Can Save The World

I always said that she could cause world peace with her breast and I wasn't that far off. She can at least cure world hunger. With her actions last week she showed us all how with the simple words of 'I had milk so I breastfed baby'.

By STUART PINK
Published: 11 Feb 2009

HERE is the amazing moment when Hollywood actress SALMA HAYEK breastfeeds a stranger's baby in Africa.

The Ugly Betty star was visiting a hospital in war-torn Sierra Leone when she met a woman unable to feed her starving tot.

Salma gladly came to her aid and fed the baby, ignoring the TV cameras.

Salma said: "The baby was perfectly healthy, but the mother did not have any milk.

"He was very hungry - I was weaning my daughter VALENTINA, but I still had a lot of milk, so I breastfed the baby.

"It was amazing because he's really looking at me and he's very little. My baby is one year so she can suck a lot harder."

At first I questioned why I was reading an article from The Sun again and why this was even remotely my business. Then I remembered that it's Selma Hayek's breast and any concern was tossed out the window and I just enjoy this. You'll excuse me if I find this oddly erotic. Sometimes just reading a news piece isn't enough.. Sometimes Video is called for

This is one of those sometimes.

When I saw this I couldn't decide if I was touched or a little creeped out. I mean, who just randomly feeds a baby who isn't their own. I put that behind me and you have to admit that Salma Hayek isn't just doing humanitarian service as a flyby photo op, so good for her.


Yep, She has milk alright...

Upon sharing this news with a friend, they jumped on the "Aren't her breast fake anyway? I am embarrassed to say that I wasted* 10 minutes of my life googling to find the answer as to whether they were real or not. The answer appears to be 'maybe'.

Even if she isn't all real, she had boobs to begin with and isn't super thin. So if she did, she didn't go super huge from where she started. When you have some fat tissue around the implants I'm sure they'll look more natural because it blends in better than tightly stretched skin around a bag of water. But then I remembered again that I wasted 10 minutes googling this stuff and shook my head.



Back on Selma's breast, they can save the world! They should be a recurring character on Heroes. I'm sure then the show wouldn't suck so bad. Breast can win against bad writing any day, just ask Baywatch.

At first I thought this was an act of kindness to a starving baby. But then I remembered what Fox news said about Selma and here ADDICTION to breast feeding.

The actress, who gave birth to daughter Valentina in 2007, says she can't stop breastfeeding.

She said: "I'm like an alcoholic. It is like, I don't care if I cry, I don't care if I am fat, I am just going to do it for one more week, one more month, and then when I see how much good it is doing her and I can't stop."

Clearly this was just a quick fix. Then again this was a situation where both parties were getting something out of it. Just imagine. One day, that kid can tell his friends that they sucked Selma Hayek's tit.

Now how do I fool her into thinking I'm a tiny starving baby?

The Beautiful People, The Beautiful People

The Beautiful People, The Beautiful People



Fake tits and plastic surgery is one thing that most link to this great (currently) smoky city of Los Angeles. The glitz and glamor is very often attached to the palm trees and Hollywood image. You would think that with all the L.A. 9's and 10's as the gold standard in image that the look had to be bought. You'd be surprised as to where the most cosmetic surgery is taking place in America but first, I have a confession to make.


It's seriously like an infomercial with the "SIX-PACK ABS IN DAYS!" promises

I have come to a shocking conclusion that I look forward to my issue of Men's Health more than I do my subscription of Maxim. Maybe something is broken about me. As I get older my health concerns are different than when I was young. And when you were young you could eat anything without any ill effect. Five chili cheese burgers before drowning it down a couple of cold ones? No problem! When you're older you can't do that without feeling it in the morning. I used to drink 2-liters of soda a day. Now I shutter to think of such things.


He actually has a shirt on? Wow. That's a first

So with my every growing priorities of keeping myself in a condition that is not dead, Maxim's SpikeTV-frat-like format doesn't age well. So I find myself flipping through Men's Health a lot more. I can honestly say it's for the articles.



While Maxim has tits and ass that is good eye candy, Men's Health is full of information that I can actually use. What I should be eating. What ab work out I will try to and fail to complete after a week and the ever so often sex related articles. It's the best of all worlds.



The compromise to not picking up Maxim's eye candy is to grab an issue of Women's Health. Besides having women in great shape on the cover, they often have informative tidbits like this one, which has their source came from the old saying of "If you don't use it, you lose it" Thanks women's health, I'll make sure I don't lose it anytime soon. Reporting at its finest.


The Map of cutting, sucking and tucking

With that off my back let's get back to the main point.....
It seems that the stereotype that Los Angeles is full of fake and upgraded women may need to get a face lift as this Map in Men's Health shows what location performs the most cosmetic surgery. Surprise, surprise. It's not Los Angeles. In fact Los Angeles ranks #48 on the list.

Even more shocking is that San Francisco is #1. Perhaps the old song needs to be updated. Not only did you leave your heart but also your excess liposuction fat, double chin and A cups in San Francisco. An area full of people that go green and only use organic are the highest numbers in improving themselves with saline instead of yoga and botox instead of granola.


Hurry up, I have to go to a prop 8 protest in an hour

Maybe plastic bags where banned there because enough of a carbon footprint was being made by the plastic breast they produced. Silicon Valley takes on a new meaning entirely. Perhaps Nip/Tuck went to the wrong city.

Or maybe they're just getting it cheaper elsewhere. Much like how I roll into a baseball game or a bar with a few drinks in me already so that I don't have to spend that much on the over priced drinks inside. Maybe everyone is getting their plastic surgery elsewhere and then coming to Los Angeles after with their discount nose jobs and tummy tucks to show off.


Nurse, I said to prep them
Not put them on you!

Perhaps we're starting to see a backlash of the "perfect look" and being enhanced doesn't cut it. I know I always hear a backlash of reaction when a photo spread on a magazine is obviously airbrushed beyond the point of believability. To be honest, whenever I see a magazine cover with an over airbrushed or photoshopped model on the cover I really don't care much.


This ain't no MS Paint project!

All the girls who can be in those magazines have to have nice bodies and facial structure so that they're palatable to the biggest number of eyes. They end up being kind of unmemorable, blank kind of attractive, the only girls I remember are interesting-pretty. It's a special unique look. Like a piercing in a perfect spot or hair color or cut that is stylish but unique. Freckles always help.

Women don't have to have Double D breast that defy gravity to be eye candy. A certain look that is perfectly special and all their own. I'm glad for this study as it shows that maybe, just maybe, there's those here that are perfectly fine to use a little elbow grease to lose whatever weight they have that they don't like, tone up what they feel isn't tone and work with what they have without having to go under the knife. L.A. is a huge place with a lot of places to work out at. Hiking in the mountains or swimming and biking at the beach. There's always a place to work out. Just not while this smoke is in the air.



Soak it in L.A., today we find out that we aren't as shallow as everyone thinks we are. We have some self control when it comes to injecting cosmetic surgery items into our system. Today we can walk with our chin up and not have to worry about it being doubled or wrinkled.