Springing Forward To a Steak and a Blow Job Back

Springing Forward To a Steak and a Blow Job Back

You feel that? You, my friend, just went ahead in time. All the way ONE HOUR into the future! Yes, that's right. Time travel is possible and you just did it. Then again, everyone else who practices the ancient religion of catering to the farmers and fucking around with their clocks. Arizona, you're actually pretty smart on this one. All without the need of going 88 mph.

So why do we do this dance with the clock? Well, there's a couple of reasons, of course. It's mainly for farmers to be able to wake up with the sun and get as much done in the day. Then there's the safety element. U.S. law enforcement found that during Daylight Savings Time violent crime was down 10-13%. Which only leads to the question as to why we don't encourage the changing of time year round to maximize day light for all evening hours?



While it remains true that car accidents go down during the summer/daylight saving time, it actually increases the amount of pedestrian accidents by 186%. I guess it's simply because there's more people doing late evening walking with all the added sunlight. Still, you're losing an hour of sleep. That in itself should get you pretty pissed.

Most people can find plenty of reasons why to hate George Bush. One of my favorite and least cited is the fact that he signed into law a bill that made it so daylight saving time went from the second week of March till November instead of April till October. It used to be that it was Easter Weekend that you lost that hour and Halloween we gained one, now where here a full three weeks earlier and I'm about to lose another hour of sleep. What the fuck, man. At least this day isn't a total loss. It is, after all, Guy Valentine's day.



You know that old saying of "what's good for the goose is good for the gander"? Well, if you recall that around this time last month there was a certain celebration for a decapitated Saint who married people by secret. It revolved around buying flowers, candies and cards for your significant other. Seeing as that most guys don't give a shit, nor even like flowers and cards and would rather have a steak than some candy, it means that men got the short end of the stick on that one.

The solution? Steak and Blow Job Day! Yes, that's right. It is Steak and Blow Job day.

Forget the cards, we don't need them. The only flowers we're interested in is two-lips. No special night on the town with expensive pre-fixed menus. The name of the holiday explains it all. Just like snakes on a plane, this is snake in your mouth. This is the Ying to Valentine's Yang and oddly enough it's all about wang.. (I'm on a roll!)



How can you really go wrong with this holiday anyway? It's two things that will make a guy happy. A big portion of steak and someone to suck their dick. What more can you ask for? But.. How could I even suggest such a misogynistic thing?!?! Look, we took one for the team last month, now it's your turn to take one. It's not like guys are jumping for joy to shower you with those things that are forced upon by Valentine's Day.

Oh, what about chivalry? Don't get me wrong, while I generally think that the women's rights movement justifiably did away with Chivalry, I don't think it's dead... you'd be surprised how much chivalry will result from proper blow jobs. Believe you me, suck dick good enough and you'll get someone completely whipped on you.

Just think about it this way, how good do you want Valentine's to be next year? Impress him today and you may make a lasting impression so that he starts to think about making Valentine's day special for you next year.



Now listen guys, I know I'm standing up for the rights to get y0ur dick sucked, but let's not make this any harder (HA!) than it needs to be. You can do something to cut through any tension. How about making your sperm something that is actually desired to be eaten? Here's a couple of ways to change the way you taste;

1. Cut out alcohol, caffeine and nicotine from your diet
2. Drink lots of water to flush out the toxins.
3. Eat plenty of fruit a day to sweeten your sperm up.
(Pineapple, papaya, cranberry, melons, mangos, apples and grapes are all good choices. They're high in natural sugars and offset the bitter taste.
4. Eat plenty of vegetables.
Avoid vegetables from the cabbage family - Cauliflower, broccoli, asparagus
5. Cut back on red meat consumption - It'll make your man juice be salty. Cheese and milk can also have this effect.
6. Avoid heavy spices like garlic and onions - high sulfur content.
7. Parsley, Wheatgrass and celery are particularly recommended for sweeter semen taste.
8 Cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon are particularly recommended for making semen taste sweeter.
9. Avoid junk food, they're loaded with chemicals and preservatives that pollute your body and your semen's taste.

Or you can just forget all that hard "lifestyle change" bullshit and probably get away with buying this SEMENEX product. Though if you thought buying your girlfriend tampons was awkward, it's going to look funny when you take that to the register. Now that would potentially sell them on the taste.. but what if they don't know HOW to give a blow job?

Step 1. Get a new girlfriend.

If you feel like you've invested enough time with this one you can check my old blogs around February where I posted some article I found going into big detail about how to suck cock. It was comical as all hell, but if you don't want to click a month back, then here's this handy Blow Job 101 guide to help you out.

But on a final note.. maybe EVERYDAY should be a day you enjoy a steak or a blow job. Much like I raged against the machine during Valentine's day... maybe if you need a specific day to get something as simple and as common as this, than perhaps your relationship is suffering more than you'd like to admit. Now.. moving on to warm pie....



And on another note, I have to say that it's not by chance that another special day happens today. March 14 is a huge nerd celebration. Mainly because if they're left out of the blow jobs, they got to celebrate something. In this case they do. 3/14 is 3.14 day.. which is Pi day! Yes, that's right. Not only is it Daylight saving time and Steak and Blowjob day, but it's also Pi day.

Yes, that Greek letter that stands for the ratios of the circumference of a circle to its diameter. Pi is an irrational number.. so much like women, irrational.. I mean.. wait, what? Well, since it's an irrational number it can't be expressed as a fraction. That also means that its decimal representation never ends pr repeats forever and ever.

Here's the first few hundred digits of pi;

3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164
062862089986280348253421170679821480865132823066470938446095505822317253
594081284811174502841027019385211055596446229489549303819644288109756659
334461284756482337867831652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936
072602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903
600113305305488204665213841469519415116094330572703657595919530921861173
819326117931051185480744623799627495673518857527248912279381830119491298
336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798609437027705392171762931
767523846748184676694051320005681271452635608277857713427577896091736371
787214684409012249534301465495853710507922796892589235420199561121290219
608640344181598136297747713099605187072113499999983729780499510597317328
160963185950244594553469083026425223082533446850352619311881710100031378
387528865875332083814206171776691473035982534904287554687311595628638823
537875937519577818577805321712268066130019278766111959092164201989380952
5720106548586327886593615338182796

Yup.. that there is a lot 'o' numbers. So perhaps you should eat some Pie on this Pi day. Sure seems odd to write about farmers, blow jobs and steaks and Pi eating nerds all in the same blog post, but trust me - they all come together (BAZINGA!)



On a final note, this is also Albert Einstein's birthday. Look at that man. If he wasn't all about eating the pi than I don't know what to believe. I mean, look at his tongue!

Happy-Going BACK TO THE FUTURE-Steak and Blow Job-Pi-Albert Einstein's birth.. -DAY!

Found On The Internet - How To Suck A Dick

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News To Women - Swallow already!

News To Women - Swallow already!

I like to think that I'm fair and balanced but it's blogs about news pieces like this that undermine my creditability in every possible way, but you know what? Let's roll with it. I'm not going to lie, I like to pick my blog topics for a reason.

Sure, I get on a soap box every now and then and provide a voice for the much talked about and even more ignored issues like Health Care, Wars on foreign soil, Political nonsense and other random stuff. But the news pieces I like to work on the most are the random most whack news articles that pop up out of nowhere and allow people who have crazy ideas run with them.



Now this may be hard to swallow as actual news, but let's just feel it out and take it slow. You might want to sit down to take all this in, but did you know that there's actually medical evidence to support the wild idea that swallowing semen is very healthy? Yes. This sort of article pops up every six to eight months, so let's take a look at let's see this months version of it:

If you're thinking about conceiving, or certainly if you are already pregnant, there is some pretty convincing evidence that instead of just swallowing, say, folic acid, you might want to swallow something else.

Let me be delicate about this, if I can.

As far as I can tell, not only should you be having lots of oral sex with the father of your baby -- even up to a year before conceiving -- you should also make sure to ingest his seminal fluid. Listen to what I'm telling you: the international medical community is giving you an Rx for oral. Sure, they say frequent intercourse is good, too, but oral is better. So, if you care about having a healthy baby and not potentially unleashing what scientists call a "destructive attack on the foreign tissues" of your fetus, if you want to avoid immunological disorders during pregnancy, and I'm sure you do, get to work. Or to pleasure, depending on how you feel about it.

Basically, the research says you need to be able to tolerate your baby's foreign, paternal DNA; in other words, you need to get your body accustomed to the stuff, need to cozy up to some daddy double helix for a while so your body doesn't reject it.

I'm no doctor, just a pregnant lady with Google, so maybe I'm horribly confused, but here is what I found excerpted online, from the Journal of Reproductive Immunology:

"While any exposure to a partner's semen during sexual activity appears to decrease a woman's chances for the various immunological disorders that can occur during pregnancy, immunological tolerance could be most quickly established through oral introduction and gastrointestinal absorption of semen."

I could not make this up. Gastrointestinal absorption of semen. I know. For the man in your life, this news should not be hard to swallow. Sorry.

According to a group of Dutch researchers, "exposure to semen provides protection against developing preeclampsia." That's from a paper with the catchy title, "Immune Maladaptation in the Etiology of Preeclampsia: a Review of Corroborative Epidemiologic Studies." Or you could use the subtitle: "Semen is Your Friend."

I just can't figure out why the whole "blue balls" thing has gotten so much traction with men, but they never got ahold of this medical morsel.

One of my favorite pregnancy hobbies is obsessively researching dangerous pregnancy-related conditions. I know, I know, I could knit, but that would be relaxing, whereas this is more congruent with my other pastimes, which include worrying about the future and raking over the past. That's how I happened to look up preeclampsia, specifically because I interviewed actress Jane Seymour and she said she got it during one of her pregnancies, so I figured I needed a new worry charm for my shiny bracelet of maternal concerns.

First, I found this description on the Mayo Clinic's website:

"Preeclampsia is a condition of pregnancy marked by high blood pressure and excess protein in your urine after 20 weeks of pregnancy."

This merited a trip to Wikipedia, where I found all sorts of links to academic papers on the subject and, buried therein, the dryly worded but unmistakable information about oral.

After I did some digesting about ingesting, I had to stand up from my desk chair and say to no one in particular, "Really?" If I've heard about a new mother eating her own placenta in a panini, if I've scoured sights like this for every possible detail about pregnancy, how have I missed this gem? Some of the studies I read weren't all that new, but you'd think they would have made a bigger and more long-lasting splash.

Maybe penises need a new publicist.

Now, to be fair, the Dutch researchers do warn that with a new partner, condoms should be used to prevent sexually transmitted diseases: "However, a certain period of sperm exposure within a stable relation, when pregnancy is aimed for, is associated with a partial protection against preeclampsia," they insist.

As far as I can tell, there seem to be myriad causes of preeclampsia and similar conditions, and it's too complicated a medical issue for anyone, least of all me, to fully understand. Still, while some of these hypotheses have been challenged, they don't seem to have been debunked. So to conclude, I will fall back on the medical opinion I always have about things that are either Suzanne Somers-y, or reek of placebo-ness, but are obviously benign: It can't hurt, right? At the very least, your baby will have a happy, relaxed father and parents who are intimate.

And suddenly, you wonder if the phrase "going Dutch" might acquire new meaning.

I don't post this animated gif much, but I think that in this instance it is well called for.




A standing O for such a great piece of written work. That whole article was a mouth full.. (Ok, I've gotten it out of my system now [BOOOYAH! high five, anyone?])

I've heard that it's pretty common for the lady to 'close down the southern kitchen' when they're with child, and while I'd assume that's because sex starts physically becoming painful at the later trimesters, what's wrong with doing your husband a favor and swallowing your pride... and his load (I'm sorry, I couldn't resist)

But now that science has come out and taken one for the men in what seems like it is really, really good for you. It does make sense, too. Although I didn't think it would have been as black-and-white as "immunological tolerance can be quickly established through gastrointestinal absorption of semen." but even this author, who isn't a doctor; simply an interested pregnant woman who cites plenty of medical evidence as references though, so I has to be pretty valid enough.


It does make me wonder though, are all pregnant women total ice queens or was this article just ghost written, edited, and published by a long succession of desperate men. Because if not, I'm going to tstart using this doctor recommended "immunological tolerance" argument, but I think it would be best to leave out the reproductive part cause I don't care too much about that.

Then again, a woman who doesn't like to swallow when she ISN'T pregnant is hardly going to do so once she is. No amount of late night-strange craving getting you can do will change that. Best you can hope for is that you convince them that it cures breast cancer too as applied directly to the area. Of course, be prepared to to get accused of being a snake oil salesman. One can only wonder how effective is it if you introduce the semen anally?



Then again, this isn't the first or the last story to be told about this act. It seems that it's a popular request. I can say that it's one of those actions that.. yeah, let's just say all is right in the world. Besides, it's not only a great time for the receiver, the giver is also going to get some benefit out of it as this next story on the subject goes... Seman makes women Happier.

Women exposed to their partner's semen during sex may find themselves feeling happier than those who use a condom, say scientist.

Scientist in the US believe the mood-altering hormones in semen absorbed through the vagina help to boost women's mood.

Semen contains a range of hormones, including testosterone and oestrogen, both of which have been shown to improve mood.

And I think I speak for men everywhere when I say to just swallow it. There's no need to roll it around your mouth like a fine wine. That doesn't let you guys go off the hook so easily. Men, Eat Fish. Lots of Fish! She'll appreciate it very much so. Eating almonds and fruits improve the taste of your semen gentlemen. Some foods, such as asparagus, can detrimentally affect its flavor. If the girls don't like swallowing your product, try eating more fruit for a few days and see how her reaction changes.



This does bring up the age old question, is God a man or a woman?

The woman argues: God must be a man, for if God were a woman, she would have made semen taste like chocolate.

The man argues: God must be a woman, for she deliberately made semen taste as it does to make womankind reluctant to perform blowjobs (to finish perhaps).

My position? I believe God is a hermaphroditic snail like creature who doesn't give a fuck either way, semen is not of its concern. Just swallow the god damn stuff already! No need to put something else in the trash can. It has a lot of protein!

On that same note - men, do we not know the golden rule of if you want it done to you, then you'll have to do it first? So put on that miner's hat and get to mining, mister! What? you don't like the smell? Don't worry, there's a new mint that can help you out! It's a Vagina Mint


Vagina mints; They keep your down south nice and minty.. even on humid days.

Linger Internal Feminine Flavoring was create to flavor the woman in such a manner that is safe and effective... You know, opposed to those unsafe and lacking methods. It also decreases self consciousness - and I have to say, if your girl is self conscious of getting oral pleasure.. what's wrong with you? Oh yeah, this also increases excitement. as there's nothing more exciting than putting a mint in someone's vagina.

It's a small, naturally sweetened flavoring, free of artificial dyes, which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused. Linger is shaped for comfort during insertion and use and is formulated to dissolve slowly, so the effects last and last.... For some reason that pitch isn't selling me all that well.




But it's all part of paying the cost of admission, right guys? I mean... it's not like you can stare at boobs all day.... Or can you? (this is the fake news piece)

"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.

For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.......

I'm just going to stop it right there because this is the one bunk article of the group that is always popping up. I guess guys just want justification for looking at a body part. Maybe it's just that I haven't been objectified... or for that matter most any guy has been objectified, and thus we don't know how to be sexy any more.

I have to admit though, this line is really convincing.

"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." said Weatherby, who even recommends that men aged over 40 should spend at least 10 minutes daily admiring breasts sized "D-cup" or larger.

Oh yeah, nothing like calming the blood pressure by showing a hot D-cup size boob in your face. Yup, I think the only thing that happens to me when I see cleavage of a D-cup size boob is that the blood goes to one place and then runs a circular pattern around that... not much of a circulation booster there.

So I hope you learned a lot about this entry. But if there's one thing you can take away from all this is that while Christmas may only come but once a year, your changes of finding better health cums very often...

Bill Clinton Should Be King of America

Bill Clinton Should Be King of America

This is simply a reminder that despite some shitty domestic policies and international bombings, which if done correctly, would have stopped 9-11, Bill Clinton was probably the best President since FDR.

I mean it. The dude was fucking awesome in every way possible. If you need any more proof, even the New York Post has how he's so bad ass.



He did something no one has done for a while. Deal with an unreasonable short freak who wears pant suits... And when he's not dealing with Hillary, he's totally working his voodoo over in North Korea.

If you haven't heard or you just don't give a shit about world news, North Korea had some local journalist and wouldn't let them go.. and thus.. Bill Clinton was called in..

Aug. 5 (Bloomberg) -- Bill Clinton’s trip to Pyongyang to free two U.S. journalists has given his host, Kim Jong Il, a moment in the global spotlight that may help open a path for a return to talks over North Korea’s illicit nuclear-arms program.

The success of the former U.S. president in securing the release of reporters Euna Lee and Laura Ling eases strains created by North Korea’s nuclear and missile tests and the regime’s refusal to return to negotiations, former U.S. officials said.

The international attention from Clinton’s visit gives the North Korean leadership “an opportunity to pull themselves off a ledge” and a chance for the U.S. to benefit from “a ratcheting down of tensions and a potential for re-engagement,” said Victor Cha, who ran North Korea policy at the White House National Security Council under President George W. Bush.

At stake for President Barack Obama are the prospects for persuading Kim to abandon the North’s nuclear-arms development and his regime’s belligerent behavior. Clinton’s wife, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, has spearheaded a campaign to enforce sanctions on North Korean shipping and foreign assets to push Kim back to the table.

Obama called the journalists’ families and expressed his relief that they will be reunited, according to a senior administration official who briefed reporters on the condition of anonymity. Clinton’s visit was “a private mission,” White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters yesterday.

So what did Hillary have to say about the subject?

"he was so relieved, and so happy to bring these young women home"
- Hill Dawg



And yes, before you point it out, it's 2009 and we're taking it old school to making jokes that were played out a decade ago regarding Bill Clinton keeping it in his pants. If you don't get my joke, let me break it down for you. This is potentially humorous because Bill Clinton had a reputation for philandering that dogged him throughout his presidential administration so it is ironic that his wife would so enthusiastically describe him "bringing young women home", a deliberate misunderstanding of his diplomatic accomplishment. Now you're up to speed.

Back to Hill-Dawg regarding North Korea. Did you know that North Korea blasted Hillary Clinton on July 23, calling her “a funny lady” whose recent comments “suggest that she is by no means intelligent,” in remarks released by the state-run news service. I think it's pretty ironic that they let two of their prisoners go to her husband. Maybe they just felt bad for him.


"We're getting the BAND back together, man!"

Either way. Fucking-A! Bill Clinton back in da House! Way to upstage Obama on his Birthday. Oh, you republicans... making such a big deal about a blowjob. He just rescued two ladies in North Korea from making your wal-mart merchindise, get this man five or six interns to give him some oral pleasure!

You guys gave him shit for smoking pot (but not inhaling) but he deserves a toke for this act of bravery. Carter got some Noble peace prize for his work over seas. Give Bill Clinton a fucking award! Cause he sure doesn't have a Trophy wife to put up on his mantle. Ok, I'm just giving Hill-Dawg cause I have a friend who is in love with her. Though she loves Bill even more. So hey, High five! Bill Clinton Rocks!

China Gets Anal - Doesn't Like Protection

Anal China Doesn't Like Protection - This Blows

With the way that society views of sex these days becoming more liberal, these two news pieces are pretty strange while at the same time being something I'd write about. Which is double talk since I generally write about strange things. Thus the whole Collection of Odd, ruh rauh.

China doesn't like the use of Mao in Condom ads.

BEIJING: China's official media and outspoken bloggers on Friday protested over a German advert promoting the use of condoms which shows revolutionary leader Mao Zedong as a sperm cell alongside Adolf Hitler and Osama bin Laden.

The Communist Party's People's Daily devoted a page to the storm, quoting internet commentaries which called for the makers of the advert to apologize to China.

The Global Times newspaper said advertising agency Grey Worldwide, which made the safe sex advert for Doc Morris Pharmacies, had sent a letter of apology to the Chinese consulate in Frankfurt.

The campaign showing Mao, Hitler and Bin Laden as human spermatozoids has sparked a debate in China and among international blogging. Not all Chinese appear to agree with the official line of anger.

"I am a former worker who is now 70. I have thought about it a lot and I still cannot understand why these people defend Mao so strongly," said one comment on the sina.com website.

Last year, French car maker Peugeot Citroen apologized for using an advert in Spain which showed Mao as a cross-eyed old man.

dsad

mao sperm coming out of zedong


For a country trying to control its population through the limitation of one child per household, the whole idea of condoms should be something they warmly embrace. Something they can wrap themselves around.. Something that will... Ok, I ran out of puns here. You get the idea.

So condoms may prevent the reproduction of evil dictators. Who knows? Maybe it'll just help out everything in the long run. Especially when all is said and done, this could be of use. So what if they're using the whole "Evil" stuff. I'm sure if they used Bush as a sperm example everyone would be at agreement with this situation.

So what other evil sperm did they use for this ad, you ask?



Which is odd because I would imagine that sperm to be covered by more cloths..



Now that's the sperm that doesn't need condoms. When it sees that it's not the one chosen for the egg it'll just get into a bunker and kill itself. Har har.

Moving on to more things that blow... or at least do the job for you..

Has your girlfriend ever explained her complete hatred of going down you? Well perhaps you're just using the wrong tools. Perhaps you should take into consideration the Blow Job Mouth Aid is here to rescue your situation. Careful now, that link may not be safe for work. But if you're reading this blog at work, you should be fired. So what does the Doctor behind this piece of shit equipment has to say about the matter?

Dr. Joe said:

A 47 year old female patient came to see me a few years back. I made her a beautiful set of upper and lower dentures (she had no teeth). They looked and fit great!! She left the office satisfied. The very next day she returned to the office unhappy. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her teeth moved when she gave her boyfriend a blow-job the night before. I joked with her and told her to take out her teeth - that he would love that. She said that he didn't know that she didn't have teeth. So I took the dentures from her and made a soft custom night guard to cover the teeth. The next day she called me and was very happy.

It worked. Blowguard™ novelty toys for couples was born!

The only type of woman whom I could imagine having dentures at 47 and complaing to the dentist about how they interfere with her BJ givings is some janked meth addict living in a trailer park

I did not think I'd see a product that could actually make me avoid blowjobs. Amazingly enough, this product makes me not want head at all. The use and care video is one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever watched. That poor girl's face during the money shot isn't going to be moving any product any time soon.

It's essentially a lower jaw mouth guard with a vibrating piece at the end that sticks out the mouth. Seems like it would feel pleasurable, though its the same concept as a vibrating cock-ring condom. And really, you're not feeling anything other than a little jiggling motion that is pretty pointless.


The reason why old people are still having sex.

I don't know how it supposedly stops the movement: If you adhere it to the fake teeth they are not being anchored and they would still move. So, her problem wasn't solved.

In the video however the woman looked like she didn't have any lower teeth when she put it in, but the woman he originally made it for didn't want her boyfriend to know she had no teeth. So, if you use it without teeth he still didn't solve her other problem. I'm not really sure how he actually helped her like he says. How about more testimonial?

We are an older couple that wears dentures. We are active in the swingers lifestyle. The blowguard fits over my dentures and when Im giving other men blowjobs, my teeth don't move.

Thank you!
Howard and Elaine T. California

Oh dear. Oh god. Why are people old enough to have full sets of dentures still active in the swinging community? I don't know about you but I would never take part in the swinging community. When I think of swingers I think of a couple of people stuck in 70's haircuts sitting in a hot tub being all creepy like with a ton of chest hair. Yeah, not what I need to picture.

I know I'm over thinking this but let's get the break down here so everyone knows the score on this matter. The dentist says his patient has no teeth, so he makes her dentures. The VERY NEXT DAY he tells her to take them out when giving a BJ. But she says her boyfriend doesn't know she has no teeth.

So a.) She's been dating her boyfriend for less than 24 hours, b.) she had other dentures that were so wrecked she needed new ones (and the boyfriend never noticed the difference), or c.) bullshit.

Nitpicking, yes, but these details bother me. And with that disturbing discovery, I'm calling it a night.

Merry Muffins and Muff Diving Day

Merry Muffins and Muff Diving Day

A month ago was Steak and Blow job day. The history of this day was that it was created to counter the amount of effort men are pushed into by society and their significant others because of Valentine's Day. It's a nice idea in theory. Who doesn't like oral sex and steak? I know I'm a big fan of both. Though I generally like only one of those half done. Who doesn't like both steak and blowjobs? Nazi's! That's who. Oh yeah, and those crazy religious types. I guess feminist also don't dig on them too much as I'm sure it's seen as some sort of degrading act that goes against being equal.

I guess the major problem with this whole thing is that I made a clear stand when it comes to Valentine's day. I don't do it because it's something that seems pretty forced by the society or specific dates.



In an odd attempt to even the odds females took the ball(s) and ran with them. In response to Steak and Blowjob day there's Cake and Cunnilingus day on the 14th of April.

Why? Well, as some enterprising men have declared March 14 to be "Steak and Blowjob Day", we women thought we'd get in on the act as well, a month later.

Cake and Cunnilingus Day is about celebrating female pleasure. It's about putting our orgasms on the agenda and demanding pleasure equality! It's about lying back and gorging on chocolate mud cake while our lover sticks his eager tongue into our pussy!

Valentine's Day is for lovers, no matter what their gender. It's about emotion, about committment [sic], about relationships.

Cake and Cunnilingus Day is a little more carnally obsessed. Forget the roses! This day puts the focus on women, their sexuality... and their tastebuds!

Of course, it doesn't have to be all about cake. If you're so inclined you're welcome to celebrate Muffins and Muff Diving Day. Or Pudding and Pussy Licking Day. Or even Candy and Clit Licking Day. The important thing is that our coochies get the oral treatment they deserve!

We'll take steak and cunnilingus, followed by some cake, thank you very much.

Talk about a press release. I just have to wonder what's the point? If you're with someone who doesn't like giving you head on any other day and you sort of have to force them to celebrate a specific day of it... I think you're with the wrong person. While the act of the day is something I can get behind, the intent ruins it for me.



Much the same if you need to come up with a witty day to get your boyfriend to put on the scuba gear and go down on you, you're with the wrong person. These actions should be voluntary. How about this, make every day steak and blowjob day and clit lick and cake day. Well, maybe you shouldn't have the food along with it. Could raise your blood pressure to unhealthy levels. But you get the idea.

A DUI To Remember

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