A New Year - A New Diet....

A New Year - A New Diet....

With a new year approaching I have come to expect that just about everyone has it come across their mind that they think they'll get into shape in 2011. That finally, they'll reach that desired goal weight. This year it will happen!

More gym memberships get sold and people are out and about in this lovely southern California weather getting a good work out going. Well, not this person..

A WOMAN who hopes to become the fattest woman in the world is now 30,000 calories closer to her 453.5kg (1000lb) goal with a festive feast that could have fed dozens of people.

Donna Simpson, who weights 292kg, sat in a reinforced metal chair, chowed down on the world's biggest Christmas dinner as she ate for two straight hours.

The single mother-of-two, from New Jersey in the US, tucked into two 11kg (25lb) turkeys, two maple-glazed hams, 6.8kg (15lbs) of potatoes - 4.5kg (10lbs) roast, 2.3kg (5lbs) mashed, five loaves of bread, 2.3kg of herb stuffing, three litres of gravy, three litres of cranberry dressing and an astonishing 9kg (20lbs) of vegetables.

After polishing off her enormous main course, she still had room for dessert and ate a "salad" made of marshmallow, cream cheese, whipped cream and cookies.

Simpson's two children, Devin, 14, and Jacqueline, three, enjoyed a more modest feast.

The 157.5cm tall Simpson defended her meal, saying: "I eat as much as I want, whenever I want but at this time of year I really go all out.

"Christmas should give you carte blanche to do whatever you want."

Simpson, who insists she is healthy, told the Sunday Mirror newspaper in the UK: "People who feel guilty about eating are hilarious.'

She makes a living from being fat, getting paid to make public appearances and keeping a website where people can pay to watch her eat.

Already a Guinness world record holder for being the largest woman to ever give birth, Simpson hopes to gain 160kg (25 stone) more and officially become the fattest woman in the world.

She got the Guinness World Record as the world's fattest mother, when she gave birth in 2007 weighing 241kg (38 stone).

She needed a team of 30 medics to deliver her daughter Jacqueline during a high-risk Caesarean birth.

Simpson met Jacqueline's father Philippe on a dating site for plus-size people, even though he weighed only 63.5 kg (10 stone). He supported her 12,000-calorie a day diet and was a "belly man" who loved her enormous shape.

First off, I have to apologize. It seems that the article is British and one of their stupidities besides still having a monarchy is that they have a stupid way of taking scales. What the fuck is a stone?! I mean, what the fuck. Well, I'll drop some knowledge on you. A stone is 14 pounds. Why is a stone 14 pounds? Fuck if I know.

Perhaps the Lady of the Lake gave them this piece of knowledge like they gave King Arthur Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that 14 pounds is equal to one stone. But listen here, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme weight conversion derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcicial aquatic ceremony!

But anyway. Moving on to the article.. this is just digusting. There's better and easier ways to kill yourself. You don't have to make a dent into the world's food banks to go out as an attention whore.

That's all this really is. It's not every day that you decide to just eat yourself to death in a goal to achieve ultimate fatassness. I mean, how long can you really retain that title for anyway? What with the amount of pressure your blood must be under to pump its vile body fluid to your lard clogged organs.



I still don't get why there is even a Guinness world record for fattiest mother. Isn't that just begging your kids siblings to make fun of them? I can't possibly think of every "yo momma is so fat" joke that will now have scientific backing as to the validity siting Guinness as a source.

But hey, at least she has the market cornered. She gets paid to eat as people will gladly watch her. I guess if you can make a buck off of it, why the hell not? It's not like it's slowly... okay, who am I kidding, it's quickly killing her.

Now I'm not all for using the new years as an empty promise to change your typical American eating habits of crap, only to give up before the first weekend of 2011, but perhaps you could limit yourself from making it a target goal to become the world's fattest fat fuck. If you want an excuse to eat, then just say you want to eat. But no way am I buying that there's anything remotely redeemable about this venture.

McFood

McFood

When I was growing up I didn't eat a lot of McDonalds. While I would like to think that it was because my parents didn't want me to eat crap, it was most likely because they didn't want to spend money. Which I suppose is just as well since it didn't expose me to the horrors that is what you cal their food.

But unlike me, there is millions and millions of people who visit McDonalds on a daily basis. It is the #1 drive thru fast food chain after all. And even with that they do seem to find a way to change up the menu to keep it fresh... yeah, the word FRESH and McDonalds should probably never be uttered in the same sentence.



Take for example McDonalds introducing "mini-meals". Which are a burger with a small version of fries and soda for a much lower price. I took one look at this and thought to myself, that's a happy meal without the toy. No wonder they renamed it, it's no longer happy. Was it an issue that adults were getting the large portioned burgers that have meat stacked up to the sky because they were to ashamed to buy a "Happy Meal", but not too ashamed to be seen in a McDonalds drive-thru? I'm not sure I exactly get the appeal here.

Maybe it's just that the healthy options at McDonalds aren't all that healthy.. or at least not all that appealing. Why spend a couple of bucks on a salad when you can go to the market and get all those key items to make a salad at home for a fraction of the cost. Not to mention that a home made salad doesn't come with countless hidden calories and large fries



Then you have the religious band wagon jumping that they do every year around this time with the Fillet-o-Fish Friday deal. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed that they crank those out during lent. Let me tell you one thing, if there's something that you SHOULD give up for lent, it should be fast food. But hey, what about those who are giving up better things like swearing or giving up lent itself? Yeah. Exactly.

I do sometimes wonder what a Fillet-o-Fish is. It's not like I go to a steak place and ask for a "slab-o-cow". You have to wonder what kind of fish you're getting and at what quality the meat it is. Then again, at $1.29, who wants to ask what exactly you're getting. Besides, people have better things to do with their time. They're at a fast food joint because it's fast.. right? It doesn't mean these people aren't crafty. Take for example the Mc:1030



So what is the Mc10:35? I'm glad you asked

I heard about this from a cashier at one of the local McDonald's. He said it's getting kind of a cult following in San Francisco.

1. Go to McD's right when they are transitioning from breakfast to lunch. 2. Order one of the remaining Egg McMuffins from the breakfast menu and also order a McDouble since the lunch menu is now open. 3. Take the egg and Canadian bacon from the Egg McMuffin and put it on the McDouble.

The guy at the register said people call it a Mc10:35 because that's pretty much the only time you can pull this off.

They're damn good when hungover!

I don't think it really can be called something as "SECRET MENU ITEM" consider it's not actually one thing to order and just an utterly vile looking combination made by the person ordering it who couldn't decide if they wanted breakfast or lunch. All I have to say is, finally a brunch menu for gigantic people. They sure have suffered a long time without an option to eat massive amounts of food...


I have just needed an excuse to post this picture

And egg? On a burger??!? WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?! It's not like Fat Burger hasn't been doing this for ages now and the amount you're going to waste on a burger and an egg McMuffin at McDonalds could be better spent at Fat Burger for a better quality meal that is equally as fattening. At least Fat Burger is honest with their name.

This is also just a less healthy version of a standard sausage egg and cheese sandwich they have already on their breakfast menu. Oh yeah, I guess it also has ham. No big loss, why not just ask for some bacon while you're at it. Besides, you shouldn't encourage McDonalds, they'll probably do this for a limited amount of time and then never serve it again to create demand for it, just like the Shamrock Shake



Which I have to say that MILK has a much better Shamrock shake on their menu year round. So don't believe Ronald's lies and fall in for the hype of getting something nasty like it.

I guess the only real question is who is ordering all this shitty food? I sure as hell am not. Bu



Woman aims to become world's fattest

An obese mother in the US is trying to put on weight in order to become the world's fattest woman.

Donna Simpson, from New Jersey, weighs 273kg but told the Daily Mail newspaper she had her heart set on reaching her goal weight of 1000lb (450kg) in two years.

The 42-year-old already holds the title of the world's fattest mother after giving birth to her daughter in 2007 when she weighed 241kg.

"I'd love to be 1000lb ... it might be hard though, running after my daughter keeps my weight down," Ms Simpson told the Daily Mail.

Ms Simpson, who needs a mobility scooter to go shopping, eats huge amounts of junk food each week and tries to move as little as possible so she doesn't burn off as many calories.

"I do love cakes and sweet things, doughnuts are my favourite," she said.

Ms Simpson said she also loved eating sushi and would often eat 70 big pieces in one go.

Her 49-year-old partner Philippe — who she met on a dating site for plus-size people — was encouraging her to reach her goal, she said.

"I think he'd like it if I was bigger ... he's a real belly man and completely supports me," she said.

To put on enough weight, Ms Simpson will need to eat 12,000 calories a day, which is six times the recommended daily intake for women.

In order to pay for the enormous amounts of food she is eating — her weekly grocery bill is $815 — Ms Simpson makes money by running a website where men pay to watch her consume fast food

Well.. I guess everyone has to have some goals, right? Maybe I should just accept this and buy 200 shares of McDonalds stock right now. Ms Simpson can no longer walk more than 20ft before needing to sit down. Yeah, wouldn't want to burn calories by actually walking, right? That's why she goes to the shops in a mobility scooter. I wonder when she'll reach the weight limit for that.

"To fund the massive $750 weekly food shop, she runs a website where men pay her to watch her eat fast food." I think that's the most disturbing thing and yet the smartest thing. She's literally getting fatter on the money she makes while gaining more fat. I wonder if she'll probably get mercury poisoning from eating 70 big pieces of sushi 3-5 times a week. That poor fabric on her underwear



You know that feeling you get on your fingers after you eat potato chips, I get that feeling when I finished reading that article.. and as I type this blog post about McDonalds.. ugh, that's enough of that. I'll be in the shower scrubbing down with steel wool and Lysol.

Fuck you, McDonalds!

A Women Dies Because She Had A Pain In Her Ass

A Women Dies Because She Had A Pain In Her Ass

Yes, that's right.. rectum? It killed'em! Ha! I guess I just had to do that joke. But check this news out..



In case you weren't up with your Argentina tongue, here's the news story in your own language.

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (Associated Press) — A 38-year-old former Miss Argentina has died from complications after undergoing cosmetic surgery on her buttocks.

Solange Magnano, a mother of twins who won the crown in 1994, died of a pulmonary embolism Sunday after three days in critical condition following a gluteoplasty in Buenos Aires.

Close friend Roberto Piazza said the procedure involved injections and the liquid "went to her lungs and brain."

"A woman who had everything lost her life to have a slightly firmer behind," he said.

Magnano's burial Monday was shown on Argentine television.

Dr. Gonzalo Cortes y Tristan said she arrived at his hospital with an acute respiratory deficiency. Her condition deteriorated until she suffered the embolism.

Oh no! Someone dies of a voluntary surgery for which she knew the risks! We better ban the act of choice. I mean, it was her own choice. She had everything and she lost it to have a slightly firmer behind. Yup, this is a shameful death indeed.

The funny thing about the youtube video link was that it asked me if I'm dissatisfied with my body and want to participate in an experimental treatment.. Ha, so the cycle begins. What id the Catholic Church have to say about this? Oooh, nothing. They're too busy denying human rights to gays.



Let's light a candle for these poor women who died under the kinfe to give you pig scum a boner! I hope the plastic surgeon at least fixes her up pro-bono for the wake. She tried to fake her way into having a great ass. A member of the ass bourgeois. Plastic surgery does a lot of good for a lot of people.. except rich people. It usually makes them look like zombies and sometimes kills them. Wooo hoo!

You guys need to watch toddlers and tiaras on TLC. that show displays all the wrong in our nation. It's all a bunch of fat southerners making their daughters prance on stage and the mom's dance around during their kids performance and they look ridiculous and it's just so disturbing.

What I'm trying to say is that there's this stigma on females self image... Which seems pretty wrong. Perhaps you should just be happy with the ass you are given. Especially when you were a former Miss Argentina. Be happy with what you got. Oddly enough, my next post is about Porn.. Ha ha! Patriarchy FTW!

Weighing In On The Holidays

Weighing In On The Holidays

It's that time of year where you start eating like crazy all sorts of things that will go straight to your hips. On average, 51% of your annual weight gain happens between Thanksgiving through New Years Eve. That is all before the New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds. Way to go, you just gained 7lbs!

Why is this? Well, the holidays cause you to compulsively socialize with people... who, well, you really otherwise would choose to ignore. often at parties or family functions that just cause a whole lot of stress. A way that people choose to react to stress is to, of course, get comfort food as it helps you forget all about that hardship.



You also have to spend a lot more money on people when you really don't have all that much money to spend in the first place with this economy. The quest for the perfect present is one that causes a lot of stress as well as the fact that you don't have all that cash to begin with, dealing with the crowds.. All in all, you're pretty much going to be losing your mind and burying yourself in some chocolate to get away from it all.

Let's be realistic here. Thanksgiving is going to be a lost cause for you and everyone else. You are going to be encouraged to get seconds and thirds. This is stacked on top of the fact that you have a lot of food in front of you, you're going to over eat on Thanksgiving. There's no question about that.

Once you forget about Thanksgiving, just go at it with a pro-active approach to defeat the potential of gaining weight this season. I have no idea what I weigh right now, but I'm not going to join the masses and gain 51% of my annual weight this year. If anything, I'm going to do everything in my power to LOSE weight. I will weigh myself later today and post it. Hey, I'm no lady and I'm sure putting myself on blast like this will only serve as encouragement to lose it.



You can join me and do a daily weigh in and track how much you gain or lose through the 35 days between Thanksgiving and New Years. Keep a chart handy. It's very important that you have a visual reminder of your progress or catch yourself before you start slipping. It may keep track of your progress, but it's also emphasizes long-term, positive goals and maintaining personal health. The ol' saying in Weight Watchers is "Never let a lapse become a collapse," While it may sound like some buzz words, it does make sense.

Don't let the fact that it's cold and perfect time for some comfort food become a major Achilles heel to your potential healthy weight loss. Especially if you are going to make the generic resolution in January to lose the weight, it's better to start now. You can also cut out red meat out of your diet. Not only is it less of a strain on your arteries, but it will make your cum taste better. Who cares about that, right? I'm sure your girlfriends will appreciate it. And if you think my suggestions are silly, perhaps you can take a note from this wacky lady who has some helpful hints;


Who, for some reason thinks that rice is key. Even though rice is pretty heavy on the carbs. I mean, it's no fade diet or anything, but maybe the key here is simple common sense eating. I mean, let's take the following image to see how much the average American eats in Calories per day:



I'm not sure how you can justify that supersized meal. I mean, you have to be eating a lot of Baconators per week to get to that level of consumption. Just look at the nutritional facts about it with this handy link

I have to say, the triple baconator left me mesmerized. I'm not sure if it's because of the sheer ridiculousness or because deep inside I want to try one... and then die. I remember back when i ate fast food regularly and I saw Super size Me, I didn't understand why that guy threw up after eating a super sized McDonalds meal, I thought he was being overly dramatic/feigning it, but now after eating normal-human-sied portions for years I am just appalled at the thought of eating something like a triple baconator. I feel like vomiting just looking at that thing.

I mean, Jesus fucking christ, it's like two days worth of calories and a week's worth of fat, and the meat is literally predigested parts-slurry from growth-hormone-ballooned fairy animals. Fuck! My dinner tonight was like, maybe 360-370 calories and I'm being generous. How does one eat literally 10x that in one day?



The answer, of course, is Soda. Two cans of Coca Cola run you 320 calories themselves. I used to drink a lot of it. Almost a liter of non-diet Pepsi a day. I can't fathom to even consider going back to that lifestyle. I see people who get chemically dependent on energy and caffeine drinks that they get bad headaches at this point if they don't have the daily fix.

Here's the basics. Seldom ever drink soft drinks and avoid eating from fast food places and go to the gym or get some healthy exercise once or twice a week for an hour. Congrats, you are now living healthier than 90% of America.

Oh, are you offended, you 90% of Americans who are eating way too much? I know, I know. It's hard to maintain. Between your Modern Warfare 2, Episodes of South Park and the rigorous demands of working at Staples, I'm surprised you have even 20 minutes a week to yourself.



Oh? what was that? You literally get to work at 6am and finish at midnight and only earn $2/hr and don't have the time to cook and fast food is your ONLY option? I know, I must have been living in my fantasy world of bulk rice and beans. Cooking a simple meal with inexpensive bulk meals SEEMS like it's cheap and healthy, but you forget the TIME costs... it literally takes upwards of 45 minutes for some of these so called "simple" meals, do you have any idea how busy my life is, Javier? I have 15 KIDS for gods sake, constantly crying about being hungry, fast food is seriously a gift from god!

And a Microwave at work? I'm sorry we can't all work at some major television production company, Javi. Ebgame doesn't have those luxury items, so precooked meals are literally NOT an option, please stop suggesting those. The only other REASONABLE option would be that I eat at subway, but please keep in mind that subway is a whole 4 blocks away. So getting there, eating and getting back in my 30 minute lunch break would be quite the feat indeed. Does anyone know if A&Ws is somewhat healthy if I'm only getting diet soda?



See how silly that sounds? I get the fact that fatty foods are cheaper than eating healthy. Just look at the price of a bag full of frozen meat patties versus a bag full of frozen veggies. If you want to point the finger at someone, it may not be the consumer - they're just caught up like pawns in a bigger game.

So how about you stop being that pawn and start owning up to your own eating habits? If there was ever any time to rebel against these habits, it would be in this time of the year when it will effect you the most.

Then again, you can always just give into over eating and stuff your mouth with some of Paula Dean's deep fried butter balls. Want something to go with your fried butter balls? How about a double chocolate gooey butter cake y'all.



Though, before I judge America too harshly, let's see the graph again and break it down. It gets its info from the WHO. The WHO says it gets its info from FAOSTAT, which is the statistical food organization of the UN. You can look through the FAOSTAT consumption statistics here:
http://faostat.fao.org/site/609/default.aspx#ancor

According to their FAQ, FAOSTAT's glossary defines dietary energy consumption per person as:
FAOSTAT said:

Dietary energy consumption per person refers to the amount of food, expressed in kilocalories (kcal) per day, available for each individual in the total population during the reference period. Caloric content is derived by applying the appropriate food composition factors to the quantities of the commodities. Per person supplies are derived from the total amount of food available for human consumption by dividing total calories by total population actually partaking of the food supplies during the reference period. However, per person figures represent only the average supply available for the population as a whole and do not necessarily indicate what is actually consumed by individuals. The actual food consumption may be lower than the quantity shown as food availability depending on the magnitude of wastage and losses of food in the household, e.g. during storage, in preparation and cooking, as plate-waste or quantities fed to domestic animals and pets, thrown or given away.

So it's a little bit of a myth busted. Your average American may not be eating 3767 in calories a day. Your average American is probably only eating 2,600 calories and then throws away enough to feed sub Saharan Africa. In other words, Cheer up!

KFC - Keeping It Unreal

KFC - Keeping It Unreal

You have to give it to KFC. The Colonel just doesn't give a fuck. The dude has no qualms with creating unhealthy foods and jamming them down the throats of anyone who will shell out the bucks for it. And really, growing up I never really had KFC because as a poor kid in East L.A, I always thought Pioneer chicken was a lot better in taste and a whole lot cheaper.

That doesn't mean it was a healthier option. Hell no. Pioneer chicken was beyond oily. I mean, you could use a bunch of napkins and still not cover the amount of oil that the thing was drenched in. But as unhealthy as that was, it can't begin to touch what KFC is trying out currently in two markets (meaning in two states).

You see, human civilization has reached its highest point with America's current fast food menu. While those of you who get your double double at IN-N-OUT protein style to not have to deal with the bun are failing to realize is that instead of lettuce, you can be using meat as a bread substitute. I present you the Double Down from KFC.



Forget what you knew about sandwiches because it just got reinvented. Now you don't need to mess with silly bread. Why would you want to when you can easily replace it with two chicken patties. At least I hope they're de-boned chicken patties as biting down on a sandwich only to meet a breast plate would not make for a great lunch time meal.

My one question is how do you eat that without getting disabling diarrhea? Ok, that's a lie. I have a lot more questions. For example, why would anyone buy this combo for $7? That's pretty god damn expensive as hell. Then again, everything at KFC is expensive so I shouldn't be surprised.

I just wonder if people come in asking if they could super size their combo of this.


That's not a sandwich that's just a pile of chicken

It's funny that KFC has had this mentality that anyone who eats here must love to smash their food together or has no problems with that neurosis about food touching as just about everything on the menu or being introduced lately is a mashed up entire dinner into one giant ball or bowl. It's really disturbing to think that some Executive thinks all Americans have poor teeth and can't chew very well.

I suppose it's only fitting that they called it the Double Down, because it's like you're placing a bet on congestive heart failure and coronary thrombosis. How fucking disgusting is that blog of a sandwich? I don't care if you're only eating it ironically, as it seems most hipsters do anything these days. I show concern because what about the clogged arteries and fat ass that comes with that? Are those ironic as well?

Here's a poor quality video of the ad for this monster pile of shit sandwich



I love the part in the ad where the one guy exclaims "Finally.. Someone listened to me!" As if anyone was out there thinking, "Fuck, man, you know what would be good?" The copy guys in the creative department were having a little fun there I assume. Because there shouldn't be anyone on this Earth who was thinking that this is a good idea. Then again, if I was given this ad copy, I don't know if I could take it seriously either.

Perhaps I should thank KFC for weeding out the human racist from all the fatasses who will choke down this god awful menu item. Especially those who are getting a diet coke with this combo meal. I hope those are the first ones to choke on the massive amounts of chicken in this chicken sandwich.. Oh, sorry. I almost acknowledged this pile of crap as a sandwich. My apology.

Way to go KFC..