Thursday, December 30, 2010

A New Year - A New Diet....

A New Year - A New Diet....

With a new year approaching I have come to expect that just about everyone has it come across their mind that they think they'll get into shape in 2011. That finally, they'll reach that desired goal weight. This year it will happen!

More gym memberships get sold and people are out and about in this lovely southern California weather getting a good work out going. Well, not this person..
A WOMAN who hopes to become the fattest woman in the world is now 30,000 calories closer to her 453.5kg (1000lb) goal with a festive feast that could have fed dozens of people.

Donna Simpson, who weights 292kg, sat in a reinforced metal chair, chowed down on the world's biggest Christmas dinner as she ate for two straight hours.

The single mother-of-two, from New Jersey in the US, tucked into two 11kg (25lb) turkeys, two maple-glazed hams, 6.8kg (15lbs) of potatoes - 4.5kg (10lbs) roast, 2.3kg (5lbs) mashed, five loaves of bread, 2.3kg of herb stuffing, three litres of gravy, three litres of cranberry dressing and an astonishing 9kg (20lbs) of vegetables.

After polishing off her enormous main course, she still had room for dessert and ate a "salad" made of marshmallow, cream cheese, whipped cream and cookies.

Simpson's two children, Devin, 14, and Jacqueline, three, enjoyed a more modest feast.

The 157.5cm tall Simpson defended her meal, saying: "I eat as much as I want, whenever I want but at this time of year I really go all out.

"Christmas should give you carte blanche to do whatever you want."

Simpson, who insists she is healthy, told the Sunday Mirror newspaper in the UK: "People who feel guilty about eating are hilarious.'

She makes a living from being fat, getting paid to make public appearances and keeping a website where people can pay to watch her eat.

Already a Guinness world record holder for being the largest woman to ever give birth, Simpson hopes to gain 160kg (25 stone) more and officially become the fattest woman in the world.

She got the Guinness World Record as the world's fattest mother, when she gave birth in 2007 weighing 241kg (38 stone).

She needed a team of 30 medics to deliver her daughter Jacqueline during a high-risk Caesarean birth.

Simpson met Jacqueline's father Philippe on a dating site for plus-size people, even though he weighed only 63.5 kg (10 stone). He supported her 12,000-calorie a day diet and was a "belly man" who loved her enormous shape.

First off, I have to apologize. It seems that the article is British and one of their stupidities besides still having a monarchy is that they have a stupid way of taking scales. What the fuck is a stone?! I mean, what the fuck. Well, I'll drop some knowledge on you. A stone is 14 pounds. Why is a stone 14 pounds? Fuck if I know.

Perhaps the Lady of the Lake gave them this piece of knowledge like they gave King Arthur Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that 14 pounds is equal to one stone. But listen here, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme weight conversion derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcicial aquatic ceremony!

But anyway. Moving on to the article.. this is just digusting. There's better and easier ways to kill yourself. You don't have to make a dent into the world's food banks to go out as an attention whore.

That's all this really is. It's not every day that you decide to just eat yourself to death in a goal to achieve ultimate fatassness. I mean, how long can you really retain that title for anyway? What with the amount of pressure your blood must be under to pump its vile body fluid to your lard clogged organs.

I still don't get why there is even a Guinness world record for fattiest mother. Isn't that just begging your kids siblings to make fun of them? I can't possibly think of every "yo momma is so fat" joke that will now have scientific backing as to the validity siting Guinness as a source.

But hey, at least she has the market cornered. She gets paid to eat as people will gladly watch her. I guess if you can make a buck off of it, why the hell not? It's not like it's slowly... okay, who am I kidding, it's quickly killing her.

Now I'm not all for using the new years as an empty promise to change your typical American eating habits of crap, only to give up before the first weekend of 2011, but perhaps you could limit yourself from making it a target goal to become the world's fattest fat fuck. If you want an excuse to eat, then just say you want to eat. But no way am I buying that there's anything remotely redeemable about this venture.

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