Thursday, August 27, 2009

KFC - Keeping It Unreal

KFC - Keeping It Unreal

You have to give it to KFC. The Colonel just doesn't give a fuck. The dude has no qualms with creating unhealthy foods and jamming them down the throats of anyone who will shell out the bucks for it. And really, growing up I never really had KFC because as a poor kid in East L.A, I always thought Pioneer chicken was a lot better in taste and a whole lot cheaper.

That doesn't mean it was a healthier option. Hell no. Pioneer chicken was beyond oily. I mean, you could use a bunch of napkins and still not cover the amount of oil that the thing was drenched in. But as unhealthy as that was, it can't begin to touch what KFC is trying out currently in two markets (meaning in two states).

You see, human civilization has reached its highest point with America's current fast food menu. While those of you who get your double double at IN-N-OUT protein style to not have to deal with the bun are failing to realize is that instead of lettuce, you can be using meat as a bread substitute. I present you the Double Down from KFC.

Forget what you knew about sandwiches because it just got reinvented. Now you don't need to mess with silly bread. Why would you want to when you can easily replace it with two chicken patties. At least I hope they're de-boned chicken patties as biting down on a sandwich only to meet a breast plate would not make for a great lunch time meal.

My one question is how do you eat that without getting disabling diarrhea? Ok, that's a lie. I have a lot more questions. For example, why would anyone buy this combo for $7? That's pretty god damn expensive as hell. Then again, everything at KFC is expensive so I shouldn't be surprised.

I just wonder if people come in asking if they could super size their combo of this.

That's not a sandwich that's just a pile of chicken

It's funny that KFC has had this mentality that anyone who eats here must love to smash their food together or has no problems with that neurosis about food touching as just about everything on the menu or being introduced lately is a mashed up entire dinner into one giant ball or bowl. It's really disturbing to think that some Executive thinks all Americans have poor teeth and can't chew very well.

I suppose it's only fitting that they called it the Double Down, because it's like you're placing a bet on congestive heart failure and coronary thrombosis. How fucking disgusting is that blog of a sandwich? I don't care if you're only eating it ironically, as it seems most hipsters do anything these days. I show concern because what about the clogged arteries and fat ass that comes with that? Are those ironic as well?

Here's a poor quality video of the ad for this monster pile of shit sandwich

I love the part in the ad where the one guy exclaims "Finally.. Someone listened to me!" As if anyone was out there thinking, "Fuck, man, you know what would be good?" The copy guys in the creative department were having a little fun there I assume. Because there shouldn't be anyone on this Earth who was thinking that this is a good idea. Then again, if I was given this ad copy, I don't know if I could take it seriously either.

Perhaps I should thank KFC for weeding out the human racist from all the fatasses who will choke down this god awful menu item. Especially those who are getting a diet coke with this combo meal. I hope those are the first ones to choke on the massive amounts of chicken in this chicken sandwich.. Oh, sorry. I almost acknowledged this pile of crap as a sandwich. My apology.

Way to go KFC..

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