Sunday, November 7, 2010

Christmas With A Capital C

Christmas With A Capital C

Well now that Halloween is past us, it's time to finally accept Jesus into our hearts and expect his upcoming birthday to be nothing less than Capitalistic! After all, C is for Jesus, and that's good enough for me!

Just check out this awesome trailer for a new movie that deals with making sure you put the Christ into Christmas!

Wait a minute. This is an actual movie? Well, I guess "movie" is a bit of a strong word in this case, it's just Christmas religious circle jerking. Ugh.... Christians!

But really, I love the whole thing! I FLIPPIN' LOVE IT ALL! How about how the dad talks about how he scored mom. Yeah bro, you won that one! Way to not make women feel like an object, bro-ham!

I just wonder why this is actually real and not just satire. I mean, look at that film. It should be called Christmas with a Capitalism $. We should all remember that Jesus preached his ascetic philosophy by dressing up as a fat man in a red suit and handing out PS3's. So yes, we need to save Christmas or else God may be at risk!

After all, it is the reason for the season! But this does mean one thing.. that the War on Christmas started early this year. Wait, no. The War on Christmas never ends. It is an eternal battle. A forever war, if you will.

What kind of world do we live in where gay people can have butt sex with each other, IN THE BUTT, no less! But yet you can't put up a CHRISTMAS TREE in a COURTHOUSE?! What the fuck, America!

It feels like the save Christmas campaign starts earlier and earlier every year. But it does seem that the film really touches on the subject on if it's such a terrible thing to try and learn about other people so you can engage them properly instead of just tossing out a lazy "Happy Holidays"?

This Christmas.. it's up to a bunch of New Yorkers to save Christmas from Islamic terrorist! Ramadan with a Capital R! Coming soon to a Hallmark station near you!

You have Alec Baldwin as... Bitchard Cawkins. Did Alec Baldwin really need a paycheck this badly? Oh wait, this is Daniel Baldwin. I really have a hard time telling them all apart.

Look at that guy! He hates god! It's like Two Baldwins are down on the whole Getting down with Jesus..

Also starring that one guy who has been the chief henchman in a thousand other shitty movies as the guy that spouts off predictable reactionary revisionist history tea party drivel about America being founded by modern evangelical baptists!

The dude who played Jefferson D'Arcy must have turned into a Christian nut job after Married with Children ended or something like Kirk Cameron. There's no other way of explaining his role in this other than he was a day out of starving once the Subway dumpsters ran dry. What is up with 80's show actors turning into religious oddballs?

This whole thing is a fairly accurate depiction of most atheists though, only he was slightly more articulate and a lot better looking than your average atheist. Trust me, I'm one of them.

I'm literally the bad guy in this movie. Why? Because I'll have no problem in exposing the fact that Christmas is just a pagan celebration. Fuck you religious nut bags in the ass. You can't have a baby born in the desert in the middle of winter. How does that make any sense? Oh yeah.. and Jesus, if he ever existed, was a black man.

Wow, did I just take a huge dump in your stockings? Good!

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