Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I Am The (New) Law!

I Am The (New) Law!

Now that you're long past with celebrating your independence, it's time to bring you back to earth with a slew of new laws that you should be aware of if you're in the Los Angeles area.

Plastic Bags - You should understand that the unincorporated ares of Los Angeles County are now faced with the reality that your plastic bags have been outlawed. Pharmacies and supermarkets may no longer use plastic bags for carryout items. Except for fruit, veggies and raw meat. If you do not bring in a reusable bag, you will face a 10 cent charge for paper bags.

Hybrid Cars no longer can abuse the carpool lane solo. So you can kiss that yellow sticker goodbye because it doesn't make you special anymore. If you want to get in on the carpool lane solo, you'll have to have a Green decal which will only go to plug-in hybrids and vehicles with hydrogen internal combustion engines.

Gas stoves are now under a new mandate. If your place has a gas stove, fireplace or an attached garage, you will now need to buy a carbon monoxide detector and get it installed.

Classrooms now need to be able to lock from the inside. Yeah, that's right. Due to the increase level of campus violence, you need to plan for a new school by making it so you can lock the doors from the inside. Hello the chance for HS kids to now bang in the chemistry room with some privacy.

Push to talk cell phones no longer get special treatment. So now you need to comply with the hands free law, mother fuckers!

Insurance disclosures must be concise and to the fucking point. No longer will you have to read a huge ass document to know if you're covered or not.

Restaurant food-handling test are now mandatory for everyone working in the industry currently. And those entering the field will have 30 days to pass the test.

Whooping cough vaccination is now required for any student entering the 7th-12th grade.

You'll also, finally need to make up your mind about what to do with your organs as the DMV will now force you to decide if they you want to be an organ donor or not.

So there you go. Those are the new laws. Now be happy that it's not that bad.

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