Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Whole Lot Of Shaking Going On

Whole Lot Of Shaking Going On

So, yesterday there was an earthquake on the East coast. What up with that?

Take THAT Pittsburgh! It's pretty clear that California just wanted to share the love, so we built an earthquake generator. But apparently it was based out of Virginia.. and felt like a 5.8 in D.C.
This event has been reviewed by a seismologist. Magnitude 5.8 (Preliminary magnitude — update expected within 15 minutes) Date-Time
  • Tuesday, August 23, 2011 at 17:51:03 UTC
  • Tuesday, August 23, 2011 at 01:51:03 PM at epicenter
Location 37.875°N, 77.908°W Depth 6 km (3.7 miles) set by location program Region VIRGINIA Distances
  • 15 km (9 miles) S (179°) from Mineral, VA
  • 18 km (12 miles) SSE (154°) from Louisa, VA
  • 26 km (16 miles) ENE (58°) from Columbia, VA
  • 37 km (23 miles) E (97°) from Lake Monticello, VA
  • 54 km (34 miles) NW (314°) from Richmond, VA
  • 139 km (87 miles) SW (214°) from Washington, DC

And there was also one in Colorado the night before. One of the strongest on record, in fact. You know what this means... The Mole people are ramping up their attack. Or maybe it's just a matter of East Coasters being huge babies.

Considering I have lived in the center of the universe, otherwise known as California, I can safely say that I would not have been phased by this fart of an event. Earthquakes happen all the time, jeez. It's not a big deal. Oh, look at me. tectonic plates shifting frightens me!

For a while there the news seriously was talking about how this earthquake in the middle of Virginia WILL NOT cause a tsunami... I really was dumbstruck by this shit. Really? REALLY? At the very least not everyone was phased. Traders in the New York Stock Exchange felt the shaking and shouted to each other, "Keep trading!". Or at least that's what CNN's business correspondent Alison Kosick reported from the floor at around 2:20pm Eastern.

Fuck quakes, yo. Get money!

The most hiliarious shit about all this was that the epicenter was near some nuke plant that had been stripped of seismic measuring equipment a couple of years back because of budget cuts. HAHAHAHAHA. Gee, I bet they sure wish they still had those installed.

Earthquakes are probably the best instruments of proletarian justice expressed through the gestalt unconscious of the planet itself, or, something like that. Apart from that Haiti one. That was clearly caused by imperialism.

You just know that maybe, just maybe, this will create more talk about Fracking. Man, I really need to finish up my piece I have been writing for the past year about Fracking. But yeah, Fracking woke up the nameless god from his eternal slumber. Wouldn't that be the cool story behind this? Fracking in Virginia awakens an Old One who possesses the entirety of Washington D.C. As a result, American government moderately improves.

It does go to show you that Virginia is for Frackers. But yeah, we dug too greedily... and too deep.... *windows shake a little bit*

But no, really. Fuck Fracking. I really think that it's something that's causing situations like this. Why yes, let's blast water into a hole we dug into this solid piece of rock and get the natural gas out. What ever could go wrong? People do realize that it's a solid piece of rock that caused the earthquake yesterday to be felt as strong in New York as it was in Washington. Because there was no fault lines there to slow it down.

Oh well, fuck it. If the world is going to end, I should at least get some cheap gas out of it...

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