Thursday, December 20, 2018



Well, it's clearly that time of year when everyone starts slowing their roll and is in fully Holiday cheer and binge watching.  First off, I'll fully admit it. I have never actually fully watched Elf because it looks dumb as all fucking hell.

Christmas spirit? Nope, but it's the truth and I mean, we got to have at least honesty with one another. This is me being real. Elf looked fucking stupid and I probably won't change my mind on that shit even if manic pixie Zoey is in it.

But let me guess what the most common answer to this is going to be "My favorite Christmas is Die Hard" oh wow. really? I wonder if Die Hard is now actually the most popular Christmas movie. I just google searched the best and most popular movies and it showed Die Hard right away. It's a very well made movie, that's very popular and isn't subtle at all about being Christmas time. So I guess there's that going for it.

Also, there was also the entire horror-christmas genre long before it, so it's not like it exactly broke ground on being a violent Christmas story by any means. But perhaps we should just take note that Gremlins is a way better Christmas movie than Die Hard. It involves a dead Santa, Snow White and the 7 Dwarves AND a fucking barbie car going at full fucking speed.

Die Hard only has 1 of those things. Also, the porn parody of Die Hard is called Guy Hard, it's also a holiday film if you really want to fulfill the whole experience this Christmas time. 

Lethal weapon and Die hard 2 are also good christmas movies as well that don't get the same attention as Die Hard because they both weren't as good as Die Hard. I mean, let's be real, Home Alone 2 is better than both of them. Though for some reason I will be watching all the Harry Potter films this Christmas while eating my mandated Jew friendly Chinese take out food this Christmas...

Yippie Kay Yay Harry Potter 

Look, this isn't a hot take anymore. This isn't something folks should say to try to shock one another and blow the minds off someone by making them think that an action film is their favorite movie. Whoa that's not about family or Santa at all. Yeah, we get it bro, you're fucking edgy as all hell. I like Die Hard as well, shit, I worked next door to the building everyone recognizes, but who gives a fuck if it's a christmas movie or not any more.

Next thing you'll be telling me is that The Nightmare Before Christmas is your favorite Halloween film. I mean, yeah, I guess it can be either a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie.. and since Thanksgiving falls between those two, it's basically a Thanksgiving movie as well. Not to many of those around other than Addams Family Values. Besides, Nightmare does span all three holidays, making it tough for any other movie to cover you for three full months like that.

And yeah, Boyhood took 12 years to make and thus covers all of those holidays 12 times. Damn son, that's a lot of time to cover.

Maybe you should just keep it simple when having a favorite Christmas movie. Me? My favorite movie is the VHS tape that showed up on my doorstep which oddly enough shows me the exact moment of my death. Trippy, sure. But still not as horrific and devastating as the VHS tape that shows the exact moment of my conception.

Who the fuck is sending me these videos and more importantly, WHY?!

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