Monday, August 30, 2010

Fuck You, Entourage

Fuck You, Entourage

I have to vent here. Entourage, you're suppose to be a silly male version of Sex And The City that guys aren't ashamed to watch.. Well, just a little bit. But you know what I mean. You're suppose to be the lighthearted fun filled half an hour that HBO has around just to fill in time and be a tad comical while laced with male fantasy, but you're just too fucking stupid right now.

Your story lines are all fucking stupid right now and it's hard to picture this being the same show that it was in season 1 through 4. What am I talking about? Let's take Turtle's story right now.

The whole tequilla thing is stupid because why would you want a celebrity endorsing your product if you can't handle or don't want to handle the demand. It ends up sounding like this

Turtle we want to bring this brand to the US. Bring Vince aboard!

*brings Vince aboard, creates insane demand for the tequila*

TURTLE you are not a marketing department why the FUCK did you make my product so wanted in the industry that I cannot possibly keep up with demand! We aren't nearly able to handle this many orders! FUCK! We would need at least $5,000,000 invested to get our new factory built, which would help us meet this new demand and make us very very rich!

*gets $5,000,000 investment*

TURTLE! What the fuck! Why would you get us exactly what we wanted!? Now we are going to explode in a business faster than we ever dreamed! THANKS A WHOLE LOT
Carlos must be the worst businessman possible on the planet. Do I need to point out the obvious in that he takes great pride in his "Family Business" but takes tips from waitresses and lim-hoes drivers in hiring strangers with no qualifications to publicize his booze. Clearly he cares about who works for his family business...

Even how we got here was stupid. Annoying object of Turtle's confused desires feels sexual harassed and quits, then turns around and gets him a job with family friend across the border. Wait what? Then he goes above and beyond the call in every instance to get what was asked for/implied and he faces more hardship. What's wrong with this picture?

It's just so far fetched that it's barely watchable. I'm just glad that there's only one more episode this season so that way we never have to hear about this stupid tequila again. Oh, and for those of you who were hoping on a wing and a prayer that this was some sort of ploy or scam to get Vinny to invest and just be assed out of money, think again. Avion is actually a real product, so they would never do that.

And I guess that's where it the shittiness of this story really starts. It's been nothing more than one season long huge product placement. I'm used to product placement in Entourage, the show has been about 50% name dropping/product placement but this shit's way too much.
The creators of Avion tequila didn't have to pay a penny for all the priceless publicity the new booze brand has gotten on this season of "Entourage" -- all it took was 35 years of friendship.

Marquis Jet tycoon Kenny Dichter, who just launched Avion in New York and California, grew up with Doug Ellin, the creator of the HBO hit about movie star Vince Chase (Adrian Grenier) and his posse.
So I guess it's less product placement and more name dropping. Let me tell you, being in the film industry, I hate name dropping more than a stupid product placement sales pitch. But what gets me is that it's such a terrible product placement because it doesn't do anything favorable to the label. In fact, let's go to an advertising expert to get his take on this plug.

What do you say, Don. Do you like it?

Yeah. That's what I thought. These people are power players in Hollywood. They've drank more high end quality shit than all of us combined. Stuff that has been aging in a barrel for more years than you've been alive. The fact that they are going around acting like they are on ecstasy is just absurd.
"Man, this is really good shit. I feel like I'm floating!"

"This is good tequila, and trust me, I know hard liquor!" (Yeah, right. You cosmo-drinking fairy!)

"And only 50 calories per serving!"

"I hear it's available at all Bevmos, isn't that right, Turtle?"
I recently went to an event that had this as its featured drink. So it was in every free drink for the night. Was it good? You know what, it fucking tasted like tequila. nothing more. I can tell you one thing, this season long ad for that tequila has made me never want to buy it on the simple principal that the make believe owner of this company is so fucking stupid.

Then you have the rest of the back scratching that is just as annoying when you figure how much of a plug it is and how much it takes away from the show to sound like an old radio program with one sponsor.
"I watch Viking Quest on Spike"
Ugh. Really? Do you really need to rub the back of your syndication network like that? They're doing you no favor in showing a watered down version of your show. Let alone the number of ads that they place in the show is at least 5 minutes

But moving on. Sasha fucking Grey.. What the fuck is she still doing on this show? She can't act and when she told Vince to mark his territory, I assumed she wanted him to piss on her or something.

I figured they would play the jealous boyfriend of a porn star card eventually, but I didn't realize it was going to be so annoying when it was put down on the table. Can anyone really be surprised when your dating a porn star and they tell you that they're going to do another scene? It's her fucking job. That's her profession... A porn star!

The better actress, and in my opinion based off not taking a train of guys at a time, the better looking one, Sloane, is getting the shaft in screen time here.

Sasha Grey must be the most annoying thing that has happened to this show, second only to Avion tequila. But not only is she a piss poor actress, but she carries herself with such pretentiousness I want to cringe every time I see her and her smug smile after a delivery of a line on screen.

We get it, you aren't the average airhead that one would expect the porn biz to produce but spare us the never ending intellectual facade. She acts as if she's a bloody Ivy League graduate and not some junior college one who has made a name for herself getting gang banged on camera.

And don't get me started on the Ari storyline. It's a crime that you got rid of all the chemistry between Ari and Llyod, which this season they've had maybe two or three quick interactions. But then you give Ari this really shitty position. How many times do we need to hear his wife play the "bad husband"/"Bad father"/"you don't pay attention to your family"/"I'm jealous of your career" card. It got old a long ass time ago.

Then you bump him down a couple of slots with this whole forced NFL deal. As a resident of Los Angeles, I don't give a shit that we don't have an NFL team here. What a waste of perfectly good land to put a football stadium anywhere on county property. All 12 home games are not worth the money spent on bringing a team here. Besides, if you want to go to a football game, one is only two hours south.

As for his story of being outed as a potty mouth. What a load of horse shit. It made NO fucking sense. Anyone who has met or heard of Ari knows he's intense. How is this news on any level? Not to mention that the writers felt like they didn't have to give a shit about any sort of resolution to this and that any viewer of Entourage would be too stupid to remember anything is even more insulting. Look at Amanda's whole course of action;
"Here, I just lured away your ex employee, convinced her to attempt releasing slanderous material against you illegally in an attempt to destroy your NFL chances at least, but now I'm in a meeting with them, I didn't actually leak your stuff, my assistant did and i was going to bring you back onto the NFL team thing, because I'm a nice person even though your ex-employee left me and pulled out of suing you because she said I was taking it too far."
Fuck off. Seriously, fuck off. What a worthless and pulled out of ones own ass story line that ever was. There's no way to salvage that one. All season long they've showed Amanda as delighting to bring Ari down with the scandal. Now she was just trying to help? Bull fucking shit. Terrible writing, even for Entourage standards.

Oh, and by the way. One thing for TruBlood. Why the fuck do they keep trying to give Tara depth by giving her so many crying scenes? NO ONE CARES!! Hell, I didn't give a shit about her character since they recast the original actress. You've been dead to me since then, why the show can't commit and kill off the worthless character once and for all is beyond me.

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