Thursday, May 26, 2011

No Wonder, Woman!

No Wonder, Woman!

This isn't breaking news by any stretch of the imagination. By all means this is pretty much old news. But hey, at least this is a gathering of all the information, thoughts and at least one different perspective than the typical "Ugh, they're idiots who just don't get it!" that seem to be going on with the subject matter of the now not-picked-up Wonder Woman reboot pilot by NBC.

Might I add that it was a 2 million dollar not-picked-up Wonder Woman Pilot? Yeeeeeaah...

Seeing the old Wonder Woman show in such clarity as an older person and not just some young dumb punk looking at his PG-13 rated boobs, it really does highlight how utterly unconvincing that shit was in live action. Lynda Carter did make a mean Diana Prince though. So when news broke that a new live action show was in the works I was a bit hesitant at first. How could you really pull this off?

Sure, I grew up watching - and I'm sure it shaped my sexual fantasies/fetish as a young child, to see the Lynda Carter show. And I have to admit that I was on the set a couple of seasons ago when on Bones, Emily Deschanel dressed as Wonder Woman for a Halloween costume. I have to say, I don't think I have ever been happier to be on set for something than that moment.

Up till then I didn't think I ever noticed how much Emily Deschanel looked like Lynda Carter. Thus, my on the set crush on her finally made sense.

I have to say that I was pretty surprised on the reaction of the nerd community when the actress and costume for the TV show was revealed. As a big fan of Friday Night Lights, hearing that Adrianne Palicki got the role was pretty good news to me, but yet was getting a resounding "meh" from the general public.

I guess the reboot pilot story was also not very assuring for many.
The series pilot is a reinvention of the iconic DC Comics title in which Wonder Woman – a/k/a Diana Prince – is a vigilante crime fighter in Los Angeles but also a successful corporate executive and a modern woman trying to balance all of the elements of her extraordinary life.
That's right, there was no Themyscira in the reboot. But then name of her company was going to be Themyscial. So there would be a little nod here and there to the origins of the character.

I have to admit though, that the costume really did do evil things to those breasts. Them boobs looked like they were in separate time zones.

But even with the awful things they did to amazing breast, I didn't hate the concept of the costume. It was just the execution that made it look a little cheap. It sort of reminded me of a Halloween costume at first. The metallic bits didn't look like metal. Not sure if changing that would have helped much though.

The gauntlets looked like they were made by Fisher Price. And yeah, much like Thor and Captain America's costumes, it would probably have looked a lot better after the whole filming process was finished and they added shit in post.

The concept was that it would look a lot better in motion. Which I'm guessing it would have. I mean, you really should see the poorly constructed wardrobe that most actors have to put up with on the set. It's like it's all tied together with shoe string and bobby pins. So maybe it would look better in motion...

The costume was based on the latest comic book costume change. One that was really a bad story arc that the writer gave up entirely on. Which I had some issues with over it anyway. I mean, if you had asked me to name ten potential A-list artist who could possible redesign Wonder Woman's costume for a more sensible and modest costume, Jim Lee would never get close to that list.

Don't get me wrong, he's a great artist but he's all about the cheesecake. Though he is one of the DC head hanchos now, so that's why you had him pulling the trigger and giving Wonder Woman some leggings.

You do have to give them some credit. They actually tried to pull off the old iconic look of Wonder Woman with Adrianna as you can see in this really... strange picture

Yeah, I think the problem here is that she doesn't have any panty hoses. That would have made a world of difference here. And I'm all for a more realistic redsign for Diana, but I don't feel that this was going to be a success. It simply isn't iconic looking. The bracelets shouldn't have been touched. And she also no longer has her breastplate.

There was even a whole website devoted in trying to fix this wardrobe failure.

Soon after that first photo came out, there was news that another picture was released where they seemed to fix a lot of things that the nerds on the internet were complaining about. But even then, the pants eventually just looked like spandex and not PVC.

The problem with Wonder Woman is that she always looks like she was just pantsed. The only way my brain can consolidate the blue short-shorts with the rest of the outfit is too assume someone took her pants away and she was left standing around in her undies. I mean, even though Superman and Batman wear colored briefs, they have leggings/tights on under it.

Then again, I guess the problem could have come from the very fact that they were trying to reinvent a character whose original purpose was to be the subject of bondage fantasies. Which really is at its core the main reason Wonder Woman has become so obsolete as a character. Mainly because they try to sweep that stuff under the rug. Just embrace it, embrace the bondage, please!

You take away the sexual stuff and all that you're left with is a female superman with all the usual cliches. The TV show's Wonder Woman fretting over her boob size is all wrong. Wonder Woman is suppose to be a fish-out-of-water sort of tale. She's an amazonian in a society that isn't used to her sexual freedom at all. A Wonder Woman would be confounded by all this.

If you want Wonder Woman to ever work you really need to play up that whole fish out of water theme home. The story of a diplomat whose morals and beliefs are archaic, primitive and outright sexist could be a really told story for the very much boring character that she is currently.

You toss in the magical lasso, some badass gladiator like armor and some crazy huge sword, pitting her against some mythological foes attacking the modern world, you've probably go a good story in there that people would watch.

As it currently stands, the collected nerd world right now is breathing a sigh of relief that NBC passed on Wonder Woman. But I have to say, the hatred over the costume was way overblown. Especially if you've ever watched the original show. Just listen to the theme song itself.

In your satin tights.. fighting for your rights and the red white and blue. Seriously? You fucking have to be kidding me that it was by any means less silly looking and sounding as the leaked stuff for this updated pilot.

Just look at how cheesy these transformations were

Why bedazzles me is that this is the same network that greenlit The Cape (which is the greatest homage to Adam West's Batman) yet Wonder Woman was so bad that even they passed up on it?

I have to wonder why NBC even bothered commissioning this very pricey project from Warner Brothers. They utterly fucked up Heroes beyond any realm of possibly in how awful the second season and on were. The Cape was simply the worse possible thing around and I could only possibly understand it if it was some sort of homage to Adam West's Batman.

The Event was canceled and it seems like Sci-fi is essentially dead on prime time. So was this really so awful that you can green light The Cape but you will pass up on a Wonder Woman franchise around the same time when a Green Lantern film is being released? Seriously NBC?

And I know that the cries of nerds on the internet were beating the dead horse when it came to how her costume looked or how much speculation there was that it was going to be awful. But you know what, I was actually really looking forward to this.

And it's not simply because I was turned on by the sight of boobs in a tight top or the fact that I didn't think she was that attractive as a blonde, but for some reason the moment she dyed her hair for Lone Star and for this, Boooyah, I thought she was amazingly attractive.

So we're left wondering if there's ever any chance of this getting picked up by anyone else. The CW, after all, does have a comic book opening now that Smallville is over. But sadly no. No this will not be seen or picked up by other networks.

Though I guess I'm not entirely sure about the whole "not be seen" thing. I mean, this is the modern age where just about everything floats onto the internet at some point or another. So if it ever came across someone's desk who wants internet fame, they will be posting it up online on bittorrent.

Which I would be most excited to watch. Not because I believe in David E. Kelly, but because I don't mind Wonder Woman being a terribly cheesey character. Guess what, that's what she has always been.

People sure do need to get over it and realize she's nothing more than a fetish character.

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