Sunday, May 22, 2011

So... About That Rapture

So... About That Rapture

Right now you're probably wondering why you're still here on Earth. For sure you would have thought that buying $500 for that gold bible would have guaranteed your place during the great rapture of yesterday, right?

While you may believe the rapture didn't happen.....

And here I thought All Dogs Go To Heaven...

One question I have about heaven is if you need to bring a towel. Which I guess shouldn't be a question after all. How stupid does one have to be to not bring one? You always need to bring a towel. It's the most useful thing in the universe after all.

I guess they could still hold on hope that the volcano eruption in Iceland yesterday was something to do with relation to the end of times prophecy... I know that angle will be played out. But otherwise, The BBC has reported that the world hasn't ended, so that makes it official.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe the rapture did happen and we're all still here on Earth because.. well, because we're simply not good enough to ascend to heaven? What about that. Maybe the rapture happened decades ago and we don't even know that we're all stuck in hell.

Think about it, it would explain a lot.

God just cruised on by Earth after stopping by his many other thousands of life forms created in the universe and it simply was a case that we weren't worthy. Like how on a blind date when you do that one pass by to see if the date is at least attractive before going to sit down.

Man, maybe God needs to lower his standards or they'll end up with only a few people up there. Must not really be heaven if it's only a few folks.

For those of you who are feeling a distinct lack of rapture and end of the world fear in your life, fear not, for the next earth shattering event to look forward to isn't to far off. We have October 21, 2011. This is when the crazy old dude who predicted yesterdays rapture has claimed that the end of all life on Earth would occur.

Though I guess given that the rapture didn't pan out yesterday, I don't really find the October 21, 2011 event to be very likely to occur now. One could hope though. One could always hope.

Then there's the December 21, 2012 date which you've probably seen a movie about. It's the end of the current Mayan long count calendar and many believe it to be the end of the world.... as we know it. So there's plenty of speculation abounds as to what will actually happen that day.

My guess is that the Mayans will hang a new calendar up. Though if they're anything like me, it'll be months before they actually throw the old one out.

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