You Wont Have Osama To Shoot A Round Anymore

You Wont Have Osama To Shoot A Round Anymore

So unless you were living under a rock.. or perhaps as our government believed Osama was located in, some Afghanistan caves, Sunday simultaneously marked a victory for America as well as a loss for beard enthusiasts everywhere.

But sure enough Obama came out to release the news and sure enough, our president said many words, though some were really odd.

"On nights like this one, we can say to those families who lost loved ones to al Qaeda's terror: justice has been done," Obama declared.

Get ready to hear this shit millions of times over the next week. By "Get ready" I'm suggesting that involves drinking yourself into a stupor. Because that shit is already annoying, even Hillary said it. So what else did Obama say?

"America did not choose this fight"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahaahahahahah seriously? I mean, fucking seriously?! Why yes, America didn't specifically ask for a terrorist to attack them - But hey, I guess it's all about them starting it and us ending it, right?

And that's what we just did.. Ended that mofo. Straight up Navy Seals style... AM I RIGHT!? Right in the eye!! WOOOOOO! Good job! It only took 10 years and billions of dollars to kill an old guy in a house. YOU ESSSS EAAAAAY! Come get some!



The next few weeks are going to be god damn unbearable. It's like stepping into a time machine to a few days after 9/11, but with the knowledge of how embarrassing and ugly things will look in the future.

Which gets me to the first point, what is with this idea that justice has some how been served? On face book all I see is people going around acting as if this is some sports game. Proclaiming that "USA - 1/ AL QAEDA - 0"

Well, I guess that's it. Now the wars will wind down, everyone will be heroes, the middle class will boom and Obama will be the next Eisenhower while the two thousand teens will be the new 50's.....

And all us commies will be fuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

But just look at how the people took to the streets and acted after the news broke...



What sort of mentality brought this about? Yeah, Osama's dead, y'all. Let's burn a couch and sing the national anthem! That will show them the might of our nation!

I don't understand why people are celebrating. Nothing is going to change because of his death. In the end they're just celebrating a murder. We're still at war and we're about to start yet another war in Pakistan.

Basically all this is looking like Obama is going to win that re-election in a landslide. He is the toughest president on terrorist so far. We've seen that Obama takes out the garbage. There's literally no greater president in the US. We should put his face on Mount Rushmore. America got themselves a magic negro they asked for! He delivered!



Though I have to ask, can we pull out of Afghanistan now? The whole purpose of that campaign and predator drone target practice was to track down terrorist as well as hunting down Osama.. and yet he was in some luxury home in Pakistan.

Oh, and just a quick FYI, for anyone of you people for whom this isn't plainly obvious: This is all a prelude to Obama invading Pakistan.

I read that the raid was scheduled for Saturday, the day when Obama and most of the West Wing was due at the White House Correspondents Association dinner. But weather pushed it to Sunday. But wouldn't that be a great joke? "We got Osama, no really! And now the comical styling of Seth Meyers! Weekend update, who's with me?"

And not to be a complete Debbie downer on all this feel good moment we're going through, but the US is still under an insurmountable amount of debt, our economy is still shit. Osama will only go down as a martyr to the cause, because really, go ahead and shoot the guy all you're killing is a man. The idea still goes on. Our country on the other hand is still going down the tubes.



Hell, just wait until you learn that hundreds of predator drone pilots just lost their jobs because of Obama. It may have been a situation where Osama was good for business. What with the oil speculators and the amount we've spent on the military machine, we've just killed the golden goose!

As for the body.. yeah, why would you want to dump it off in the ocean? I can't help but think of the conspiracy theories from 2004 that Bush would trot out Bin Laden's body as an October surprise to win that second election. And here we are right before the next elections campaign begins and it's time to roll out the body that's been frozen in storage for years.

This was a good way to kick off the 2012 campaign. How else are you going to change that approval rating to hit that 75% mark. Where's the death certificate, Obama? Where it be at?! You want to get into more conspiracy theories? Hitler's death was announced on May 1st, 1945. Osama's was May 1st, 2011.

2011-1945 = 66

May 1 = 5+1 = the third and final 6. Yup, the Illuminati is going to execute order 66 soon. You just watch and remember who told you so first! Though it's not just me making that love connection. Look at TIME magazine's latest cover in all its shitty glory.



I don't recall the last time I read TIME magazine. Maybe it was in high school, but by god, what the fuck did my school try to teach me to be informed with? TIME has to be one of the worst rags around.

Don't get me wrong, Osama Bin Laden deserved what he got. He was a trust fund revolutionary who exploited people with less money to die in his stead. He was really no different than the other rich assholes running this planet into the ground. He was an over-privileged borderline fascist on the payroll of the CIA who actively worked to undermine the communist government of Afghanistan before setting his sights on the American hegemony.

But even with all that, I sort of had to roll my eyes when I heard the report that the civilian death in the navy seal raid was caused when Osama used her as a human shield. The seals accidentally pulled the trigger and murdered some woman in the course of their raid. So of course Osama was going to be blamed with such silly stories of him using her as a human shield.

But sure enough, I wasn't just being silly as this came out soon after:

[Updated 9:10 p.m. ET] A senior U.S. official says that the woman who has killed during the raid on the compound where Osama bin Laden was found was not a wife of bin Laden, and that she may not have been used as a human shield as previously reported. A wife was there, according to an official, but not killed.

Earlier Monday, John Brennan, assistant to the president for homeland security and counterterrorism, told reporters that it was his understanding that the woman who was killed was one of bin Laden's wives. Other officials had said that the woman who died was used as a human shield in an attempt to protect bin Laden.

Honestly didn't expect them to admit it. I mean, yeah. She was in his compound, obviously she was deserving of death. Not to be all nerdy, but it was mentioned in Clerks talking about the Deathstar II's contracted workers. You knew the risk before taking the job. But by no means I expected people to still fall for the human shield line in 2011.

I mean, why can't we believe what our officials tell us. Oh yeah, because it all makes you wonder why Osama wasn't found in his cave fortresses that looked like some sort of G.I. Joe playset.



Man, if that was the case, I could understand why it took ten years to finally penetrate his mountain stronghold. Oh wait, he was never hiding in that. Nope, the reality is that he was chilling in a much nicer hang out that looks like something straight out of Orange County.



Shit, the dude was essentially living in the suburbs. Which I guess does warrant his death, now that I think about it. But take a moment and look at the next quote. It wasn't said by some dead peace maker, but it does seem pretty accurate.

This is not gonna have one positive change. It's not gonna change anything about the impact of Obama's economic policies. It's not gonna change what his health care law's gonna do to people. It is not going to change our debt situation. It is not going to change the price of gasoline or energy or its availability. None of the realities that people face each and every day are at all affected by this. In fact, you could say -- and you'd be truthful in saying it -- that as a terror leader and somebody who posed an ongoing threat, Osama has been irrelevant for as many years as he's been forced to hide out with no direct communications.

The above is a quote... from Rush Limbaugh. I can't for the life of me believe that I actually agree with a word that man said. But today, I guess I do. Because all this does is celebrate the death of a mass murderer while also ignoring the pile of dead civilians we're racking up from our needless wars.

And while I know full well that the following quote IS NOT something Martin Luther King Jr. ever said,

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiples hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: Only can do that"

But even if it's some fake quote made up by the internet, it still rings very much true. More than 1,500 troops died in Afghanistan. A country re invaded because we were searching for Osama and other terrorist. We killed him in Pakistan.

Does that not just sound completely wrong and shows us how much effort we wasted on this? We only had to kill 2 million people to get him. Also, we're going to keep killing people.

Even turning to The Daily Show and Colbert Report felt a little odd. I guess for Stewart and Colbert their shows were as cathartic for them as perhaps dancing in the streets was for many others. But this massive celebration of a human being killed makes me feel awkward. I'm trying to laugh and take some sort of entertainment to the news but these shows are totally making me feel awkward.

Maybe it's because I can't join in Jon Stewart's celebration. What actually was achieved in all this? Go ahead and point a gun at Osama, you don't really do much in shooting him other than killing a man.

Maybe if it meant that our troops were coming home then I'd feel different. Maybe then I'll feel like celebrating. That's the difference between this situation and things like VJ Day. Victory Days were celebrated because they meant an end to violence, loved ones were coming home and the killing was all over. Life would get back to normal.

This is some justice/revenge celebration that is just as hallow as Bush's Mission Accomplished banner. The only difference is that we have a new president waving that flag.

When it's all said and done, I'm just kind of bummed out by the news of Osama's death. Not because Osama is dead. All kidding and ironic type of stuff set aside, the guy was a piece of shit. who had it coming.

But I'm bummed because after trillions of dollars spent waging wars to expand the American empire, invading Iraq under false pretenses, hundreds of thousands of dead civilians, millions of displaced refugees, the destruction of irreplaceable cultural artifacts, a war on our own civil liberties and freedoms.

As well as thousands of dead and wounded soldiers - the survivors of which are wounded in mind, spirit and body for years to come - and so much more of the torrential flood of shit in the past decade. I wake up and see my facebook filled with people congratulating themselves over the death of a fifty year old with kidney failure as if it's going to have a bit of difference in the safety and lives of selfish short-sighted Americans.

We're still in massive economic debt. We still have high unemployment, shitty health-care and no end in sight on stopping the corruption in Wallstreet. I'm left wondering one thing.. How does this improve the average American's life? I can't think of any way other than their general smug index increases.