This past weekend Food Network cranked out their latest version of their reality show where they look for the next Food Network star. This is such a bullshit show. You know how we all know this is a bullshit show? The competition spawned Guy Ferrari to the world.
I couldn't give a shit about that show. What exactly is the point? You pull out some nobody from the world and you give them, at best, a job hosting a traveling around different cities promoting a restaurant type of show. Because let's face it, any person who went on to host their own cooking show has been nothing but horrible all around.
I would normally say the same thing about The Next Iron Chef. While in the past seasons they have had some contestants that should have been given an automatic place as an Iron Chef in kitchen stadium, they've filled them with other people who really had no place to be there and I will go out on a limb and say, they really aren't going to be ever picked as a challenge on the show.
That is until this upcoming season of the show. Take a look at the folks who are competing to be the next Iron Chef..
Anne Burrell** (Host of "Secrets of a Restaurant Chef" on Food Network)
Michael Chiarello (Chef at Bottega in Napa, Host of "Easy Entertaining" on Cooking Channel)
Elizabeth Falkner* (Chef at Citizen Cake and Orson in San Francisco)
Alex Guarnaschelli* (Chef at Butter and The Darby in New York, host of "Alex's Day Off on FN)
Chuck Hughes** (Chef at Garde Manger in Montreal, host of "Chuck's Day Off" on CC)
Robert Irvine* (Chef at Robert Irvine's Eat in Hilton Head, host of "Dinner: Impossible")
Beau MacMillan** (Chef at Sanctuary on Camelback Mountain in Phoenix, co-host of "Worst Cooks in America" on FN)
Spike Mendelsohn* (Chef at Good Stuff in Washington, D.C., two-time "Top Chef" contestant)
Marcus Samuelsson* (Chef at Red Rooster in New York, judge on "24-Hour Restaurant Battle" and "Chopped" on FN)
Geoffrey Zakarian* (Chef at The National and The Lambs Club in New York, judge on "24-Hour Restaurant Battle" and "Chopped" on FN)
I have got to say... I'm actually really impressed. They learned a lot from the last season. They figured out that the next iron chef needs to be someone who is, well, known to the audience and to the chefs who compete against them.
Why choose a nobody who isn't already known or famous for other things when you can go up against a Batali or a Morimoto? I'll even toss in Flay to the mix because hey, who doesn't want to beat him?
After the last season with Ming Tsai losing out, I wasn't sure if I was going to be at all interested in this season, but here I am and I actually can't wait for Next Food Network Star to be over so Iron Chef can begin.
I can't wait to watch Guarnashcelli wobble through the kitchen. That chick is sooo bottom heavy that it's comical to see her from the waist up and then from the waist down and wonder what the fuck did she eat? But it's not just here. This sucker is like a Chopped Judges reunion tour with Geoffrey Zakarian and Marcus Samuelsson.
I don't even mind that most of the list reads as "Food Network personality who wouldn't mind getting a second show and/or additional income." You see a couple of COOKING Channel host on there as well. Which really makes it feel like they're trying this time to not get someone like Garcas. Forgione has done what? Two battles?
I'm really surprised that Michael Chiarello is taking part of this. I can sort of see this happening...
(Michael:) "This secret ingredient cannot be grown sustainably in Napa, so I cannot prepare it."Though we should sort of expect a female winner from this whole thing considering Cat Cora is suppose to be leaving ICA. Which is a good thing if she goes because man, Cat Cora is so incurably bland. She's a lackluster as a chef in general. All of her food is just barely above olive garden level.
(Chairman:) But, Iron Chef Hopeful, you must prepare any secret ingredient I desire!
(Michael:) Once again, If it is not grown in Napa, and cannot be paired with a wine from a winery which I have a joint-venture, I refuse to prepare it.
(Chairman, emphatically:) And the NEXT Iron Chef is NOT this self-aggrandizing piece of shit!
I just get tired of how she runs around Kitchen Stadium really really fast with knives in her hands and then almost eats it at least once an episode. It's the same reason I hate Flay. Because maybe I want to see an Iron Chef make something more than Ancho Chilies and Mole.
Though I'd rather see any of these two get a food network show
My Drunk Kitchen
Now those are shows I would watch on Food Network. I just hope that The Next Iron Chef competitions get increasingly ridiculous as the show goes on. Something along the lines of making the secret ingredient be pork shoulder and a bucket of cheese with the stipulation of making 3 kosher dishes.