Monday, June 27, 2011

Fuck Video Games - I'm Too Old For This Bullshit

Fuck Video Games - I'm Too Old For This Bullshit

A week or so ago a good friend of mine wrote his post-E3 sum up of what he felt was the problem with the gaming industry these days. He made some valid points and I figured I would jump on and attach my viewpoint of the state of the industry behind his.

I can tell you one thing that I see as the problem with the industry... we grew up while it didn't. In fact, quite the opposite. You know how in most video games they start you off small so you can learn how the world is like and then the task become increasingly more difficult. A sort of leveling up and what not.

Well, it seems like games today are designed in the opposite direction. They start you off and it becomes increasingly stupid as it goes along. It's not that gamers are fundamentally stupid, it's just that's what game designers actually believe.

Take the classic first person map design of the olden days and compare it to the ones now:

Your modern FPS has much more scripted shit than ever before. It's utterly insane how much of a straight path you have to go through in order to keep that cinematic feel going and what suffers and dies is what you were playing video games for in the first place - The ability to explore a new world.

Maybe it's not that the game designers think we're stupid. Maybe it's just that game designers themselves have become stupid. I mean, look at who is creating the video games you are playing...

So it really shouldn't come to a surprise to anyone that the modern games are made for and by retards.

You would think that programmers wouldn't be able to actually make a video game like that, but if you will even watch any amount of this Duke Nukem walk through from Giant Bomb.. Which I feel terrible for having to play this piece of shit.

Jump to that 11:40 mark and just watch..

If you couldn't make it past a couple of minutes I don't blame you. Their assessment is dead on. At this point, 12 years later,

ever since i tried to watch e3 but couldnt take it i've been having Deep Thoughts about how 80 years from now people are going to examine this era's cultural products and feel pity for such a wretched existence. there's a lot of really really dark stuff goin on in peoples brains

Oh, and if you couldn't tolerate the video for more than a few seconds, I don't blame you but this is all you need to know about Duke Nukem Forever...

Maybe I should just feel worse for the programmer. Can you imagine being the guy who had to animate that wall of tits? Just think of his resume.

1997 - 2011 (14 years): chief wall tits slapping officer
Yup, seems like it makes sense.

But maybe I'm just not hitting the mark here. These dumb games sell because they are dumb. Much like how the films that look like total shit make gangbusters in bucks at the theater, these games appeal to the widest demographic. It could very well be a case that the smart games aren't selling and so they don't make them as often....

But then that leads to the idea that what comes first the chicken or the egg. Will people flock to those fun/smart games if more of them were out there? It's much like health food. It's more costly to buy an apple in most places than it is to buy a bag of chips. Which one is healthier and which one is just cheap and filled with delicious chemicals that want you to eat more.

In this case I don't want to ever play Duke Nukem. Nor most of the other games hitting the scene. But maybe it's simply because I grew up from ever enjoying your average video game and became a crotchy old man about it.

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