Sunday, June 5, 2011



So this may be a few days late to the party in terms of current affairs, but bare with me, I've had a pretty filled plate of blog post to get through before this one.

This may or may not be Anthony Weiner's wiener. I say may be because the dude doesn't know what his junk looks like and has refused to answer the question.

Wait a minute, let me back up a bit for those who are just catching up on this funny as hell story. So basically this is what happened in a nutshell.

On Friday night Weiner's Twitter account directed a crotch shot picture to a college co-ed in Seattle. He probably meant to direct-message it. That is if he did indeed send it. Direct messaging is a feature available to those parties who sign up for each others' tweets. (At that time, Weiner followed 91 people on Twitter, including the Seattle co-ed, and a stripper and a h.s. student who'd bragged, in the past, about getting messages from Weiner.)

As soon as he realized the picture had gone out on to his tens of thousands of followers on Twitter, he took down all his pictures and tweeted that he'd gotten a message from Facebook a week ago that there'd been suspicious attempts at logging into his account. He then alluded to a hacking having been responsible for the picture going out to his Twitter followers.

A conservative dude who'd been shadowing Weiner's account, and noting his predilection for following the young & buxom, took a screencap of the pic before Weiner deleted it and passed it on to Andrew Breitbart, who went public with the story Saturday morning.

Daily Kossacks tried to prove that the pic was a forgery. The right went wild over finding what they were sure was a Democratic version of Chris Lee. The only thing both sides agreed was that Weiner, if he'd been hacked, should go to the police or FBI and ask for an investigation. Alas, Weiner hired private counsel and refused to answer whether he'd filed a complaint with the authorities. (The Capitol police told CNN he hadn't done so.)

After even MSNBC started raising eyebrows and telling dick jokes, Weiner turned around and gave every cable and broadcast news network individual interviews--but he can't say with "certainty" whether the picture is of his crotch or not.

In fact, every chance he has had to come clean about it he always avoids answering on if that is his junk or not. As if someone wouldn't know how their crotch area looks by simply turning one's head downward.

Had Weiner come clean early on, he could have likely avoided the mess and gotten on with his life. His attempts to downplay a federal official's possibly being hacked as a prank, as well as his hubris at the other day's gaggle only hurts him further.

With Memorial day BBQing, the news media had a field day with the silly puns they were able to grasp in this weiner situation.

Get it? Grilling weiner? Har har har! Comedy gold. Why am I not hired to write for a news outlet? At the very least the piece brought up a good point. What about his wife? She is staying quiet about the whole thing. Even though she could clear this whole thing up by conforming/denying that those are his boxers.

Then again, they probably have a maid who does all the laundry. So maybe not. But still, how hard is it to figure out if it's your crotch or not?

You have to admit that it's really sleazy for a married politician to be following a bunch of young girls on Twitter and direst messaging them is really just stupid and just asking for trouble. How about you make up a fake account for that shit or something? Or do you think they wouldn't follow you if you didn't lay it out there that you're a representative?

Guess this is just another example of how the new media will swallow up those who don't know shit about it whole. Way to go new media, claiming yet another retarded public figure.

I'm sure that there won't be a big lasting effect from this. He's certainly not going to resign over it. At worse it's going to dash any aspiration to run for the mayor of NYC. If any of the other young chicks Weiner followed were also the recipients of pictures of Tiny Tony, though, and decided to sell their stories then it's essentially time to consider him fucked.

Maybe this should be a lesson to the old timers out there and use this as a cautionary tale on why you should stay the fuck away from social networking altogether. Especially if you're a member of Congress.

At least it's good to know that Fox news is all over this story.

Though maybe he agreed to the interviews for other reasons...

Well, I guess he's not that picky given that he went on Rachel Maddow to answer a few questions. The only down side is that he actually refused on Rachel Maddow to flatly say that it wasn't a picture of him. I'm pretty certain that a man would recognize a picture of his own dick. Even if it was covered in some boxers. Guess what, you know what underwear you own.

It's pretty obvious that it was him. I'm just really surprised that he'd be dumb enough to do something like this. There's no doubt in my mind that it wasn't him. Just look at the only other scenarios here:
* His account was hacked for the pic-send, even though he was able to immediately delete all the photos linked to his account within minutes of the dick-pic showing up.

* The screencap was forged, even though there's a record (on some congress-tweet thing) of the pic having been sent out under his account.

* He had some random photos of his undies-clad weiner hanging around and a staffer mistakenly directed one of them to the co-ed's account.
So I really can't understand why anyone would think that the "I can't say with a certainty whether that is or is not my dick" is a good line to use, but the part I CANNOT FUCKING FATHOM is the way everyone in the press and the democratic party nods sagely every time they hear it. Are you people really that stupid?

If you really believe it wasn't Weiner's doing, why the hell isn't he denying it as a picture of himself? At this point a non-denial is as good as an admission.

Everyone's trying to play 10-dimensional chess with this thing, but the most effective way to make this go away is this: "That's not my picture, that's not my tweet, I didn't take that picture, it's not a picture of me, I've never seen that picture before, I didn't post it on my account, I didn't send it as a tweet. No questions, thank you." Incidentally, it's also the natural thing to do if you didn't do it.

Weirner claiming not to know his wiener was just all the proof anyone needed to know this thing was true. There's no part of a body that a man is more intimately familiar with than his own dick.

Anthony Wiener claimed he could not recognize a picture of his own penis. Not "refused to aggressively deny." Specifically stated he could not tell whether or not the light entering the lens of the camera had first reflected off his johnson.

To me, this is just silliness.

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