It's December and you know what that means.... PRESENTS!
Yes, it's time for little stocking stuffer. Well, let's just call them time wasters because they'll certainly be eating up your time. Like this little goody, It's a crossover that you will be pissing away hours of productivity playing. It's SUPER MARIO BROS CROSSOVER!
Do you remember when you were a child and you read all these bullshit rumors in EGM and Game Pro about how Mega Man was going to show up in the next Castlevania and how Mario will somehow work together with Sonic.. Especially that one bullshit lie about that street fighter secret character.. Yeah, fuck that rumor.
Well, at the very least you can cross one thing off your bucket list. Playing other characters in Super Mario Brothers. It's a game that throws all the classic heroes into one video game and lets you play it for free.
Hours of nostalgia without any of the downside of having to actually pay for the game. The best part is who you can play as in this little treat.
Come on, doesn't it sound fun to just go crazy with mega man in this against a lot of little turtles and koopa troopas? What the fuck were they anyway? It was like a mushroom with shoes and eyeballs. Only you ate mushrooms. So that still doesn't clear up why you smashed them or why they wanted to kill you.
Anyway, if that line up isn't enough, you can look forward to a new player as Sophia the 3rd! will be in version 1.2
The best part is you don't have to use your keyboard. If you want to use a Joy2Key pad, it's very easy to set up.
So there you go. Now don't say that I didn't get you anything on this last day of Jewish Christmas.
It's here! It's here! Another generic war FPS to numb your mind from the world and all the evils. In fact, this one not only numbs it from the world, it actually highlights the truly awful aspects of it. I mean, more than Modern Combat 2.. Okay, maybe.
But seriously, you're a Black Ops warrior? Seriously? Do you need to glorify that? It was annoying enough that people played Call of Duty 2: Modern Combat without taking in the fact that the CIA fucks everything up, but in this case they're going to be playing essentially the role of Black Water, or as they call themselves now Xe. However the fuck you say that.
So now we get this, which might I add, is better propaganda than any actual Army recruitment video ever produced by the armed forces. I mean, seriously take a look at this shit.
I want to rip on this game so badly. I seriously want to just mock it like no one's business. I want to just jump on a server and spray all over the walls some political message or images that will be ignored while people shoot at me and call me a stupid fag newbie.
But you know what, I can't. I really can't. That ad is simply too awesome. I mean, seeing Kobe walk around with a gun and that one fat chick. I mean, she looked like the patriarchy had nothing on her while she walked around with a 12 gauge shot gun. It was all her and nothing was going to stop her.
Besides that, how can you hate on that ad when in the past this other Xbox ad was taken off the air because it showed the same thing.. Every day people shooting each other.. Only they did it without any guns.
But getting back to Call of Duty: Glorified War Zone. Did you know they actually went one step further for the promotion of this game and made a fucking Black Ops Jeep that you can actually buy.
'Black Ops' Jeep Imitates Videogame As fans wait for the release of the new "Call of Duty: Black Ops" videogame, Chrysler Group LLC is turning out what may be the ultimate in automotive crossovers. Bolstered by its starring role in the videogame, which comes out Monday night at midnight, Chrysler is shipping a limited edition 2011 Jeep Wrangler Call of Duty: Black Ops model to dealers in the real world. The auto maker plans to build between 2,500 and 3,000 of the limited-edition Wranglers, which feature Black Ops graphics on the roof and front quarter panels along with high-gloss mineral gray wheels. The two-door starts at $30,625, while the four-door is $33,500.
Unlike in the videogame, released by Activision Blizzard Inc., the real Jeep won't come with the TV-guided missile launcher.
"This is the first time we have produced a vehicle based on a videogame and it may be a first for the industry," said Jeep Chief Executive Mike Manley. "The outside looks stunning and although we focused on the outside of the vehicle with the Call of Duty badging and graphics, the limited edition still features the interior improvements we
What the hell. I know about upgrading your Xbox to get the theme based console but this is utterly insane. Who in their right mind will go out and buy a limited edition video game car? Well, besides those rich fuckers who will just buy anything.
I do have to admit that even though I own one, I never feel the desire to play online with Xbox live. I just can't justify paying for internet play on a monthly basis. That is why I never got into Warcraft and that's why I'm not getting into Xbox live. It's too much of a money pisser.
So oh well. Go out and buy the latest point and shoot war game. I'm sure it wont be replaced within 6 months with a newer, fresher version of the same game...
I mean it. I'm not even trying to be all mid 90's conservative parents either. A video game literally caused the death of a small child in South Korea. Pretty fucking amazing, right? I bet you're wondering how the fuck that happened.. Well, I'll fuckin' tell you how!
Internet addicts guilty of starving baby to death
By SANGWON YOON (AP) –
SEOUL, South Korea — A South Korean couple were convicted Friday of abandoning their newborn daughter, who starved to death while they addictively played an online game raising a virtual child.
The husband, a 41-year-old taxi driver, and his 25-year-old wife were sentenced to two years in prison, but the woman's term was suspended because she is pregnant.
The couple played at Internet cafes on average 10 hours every day and bottle-fed their baby only once a day, prosecutors said in an affidavit.
The girl, who was born prematurely and weighed 5 pounds (2.25 kilograms), was often fed rotten formula and was beaten when she cried out of hunger, the affidavit said.
They found her dead when they returned to their home in Suwon, just south of Seoul, after an all-night gaming session last September, the ruling said. They hid at a relative's home after a autopsy found the baby died of malnutrition.
It's clear I have to point this out again because.. what the fuck...
A South Korean couple who were addicted to the internet let their three-month-old baby starve to death while raising a virtual daughter online, police said.
The game enables players to interact with Anima and as they do so, help her to recover her lost memory and develop emotions.
South Koreans can't really be this serious about their Bideogames, right? I just have to know, what the fuck game were they playing? Because I can't guess from the description they posted. Here I thought I was pretty good with video games, or at least keeping in the loop but I have no clue what the fuck they are talking about in the story.
Why is it that all these people who let their kids die from neglect are playing games I have never fucking heard of? It makes me wonder if I'm really missing out. It's like hearing that some junkie died from a really really good hit of cocaine or something. You start to wonder if you're missing out on the grand scheme of things. So what does this thing look like?
You have to wonder how committed these people really were to the video game. They obviously took time away from playing video games because somehow the woman got pregnant again. Don't they know about birth control? Condoms, Motherfucker!!!
It also makes me wonder if anyone has ever done anything criminally neglectful because they were too busy writing stupid blogs daily or looking at porn on the internet. I just really have to wonder about these things. I guess I have seen a lot of stories like this, including people dying of exhaustion from days of playing. Man, I can't wait till South Koreans all die at the iron fisted hand of glorious Kim Jong il. Only then will I totally own at Starcraft.
We have to take a moment and think about the situation that South Korea is in. Just imagine America during the Cuban missile crisis or all throughout the cold war against Russia. Is South Korea today anything like we were as people, constantly waiting for the second that the other shoes drops and a bomb hits us. Just think about their war with North Korea. That shit has to be scary. Nothing some helpful headbanging couldn't fix...
I really wonder if the mentality of "YOU WILL DIE AT ANY SECOND BECAUSE NUCLEAR BOMBS!!!" from ol' Kim Jong il, that MMOS are the Korean versions of cocaine and synthesizers as a means to deal with the stress. I get the concept.
Koreans : Internet :: Native Americans : Alcohol
What the fuck is up with South Koreans using all these internet cafes instead of owning their own PC? I can understand why there might be lots of Chinese who need to do this, but in South Korea? Come on.
The lesson to be learned here is that Video Games are a great way to have fun, and enjoy things that are available to you in life. Not only this, but the making of a game is an art form - by playng through, say, an RPG, you are treated to a grand story that is just overwhelmingly more fulfilling than going out, fucking some chick, high fiving yourself and calling it a night.
Maybe this has nothing to do with video games. Maybe this is just how South Koreans are. They're just like this sometimes and there's nothing we can do about it or change the status quo. Look at me right now, I can totally relate. I'm really hungry right now but I'm way too busy writing a blog post for a daily blog hardly anyone reads to go make some dinner.
Maybe we're making a big deal out of this. Abortion kills way more babies than Korean video games, right? Maybe we should ban abortions instead... or maybe we should ban abortion and video games together.
Though perhaps we're taking away too many rights. Maybe we should go the other way. Just think, Mothers SHOULD be able to kill their babies at any time in the first year. They're allowed to kill it within the first two trimesters anyway, so they should apply that to post-birth as well. Meaning that they could kill their young within the first 2/3rds of their life... or 48 years. Sounds about right to me.
And if that's too much to ask for, perhaps we should just settle on my classic view that up until the baby/child can pass the mirror test, it's no different than killing a cow or a pig in terms of death of something that isn't self aware. Typically that self-awareness happens within the first 18 months... so you mothers better hurry up and decide if you actually want to keep the baby or if you just want to play some online video game.
When I was younger there would be a couple of computer games I would be so eager to load up on my 300mb hard drive and play before the days of Doom. Prince of Persia was one of them. Compared to modern day video games it was total shit, but I like to look back at it with some fond memories.
I mean, I could do that first level in under 30 seconds. Seriously. I was that addicted to the game. Though my computer couldn't really handle it till I upgraded (holy shit, I'm a nerd) so I would play this at my uncle's house all the time. Either way, I was a die hard fun of the game.
Thanks to the people who brought us a theme park ride made into a film franchise, Pirates of the Caribbean, we now get Prince of Persia as an action packed Disney movie..
My first reaction was. What? I suppose it does make sense. I have to be perfectly honest, I didn't play the video game on this one till way later. I'm a little meh on the next generation of gaming systems. I may just not have the same amount of time to invest in them, I don't know how to explain it any other way. I'm just not into Video games like I once was but even without that, my interest is still peaked on this project.
The original script was written by Jordan Mechner, who wrote the original story for the Sands of Time video game. But he takes it old school as well since he's the designer of the original Prince of Persia games! How much more straight to the roots can you get with this franchise? Considering I work in the film industry and have script experience, it's no question that the script doctors have mess with his original script. It's only a matter of asking by how much.
Then there's Ben Kingsley... At one point in time he was a great actor. What happened to him? His role in this actually cheapens it all. Lately I've seen him as a guy who will jump into any old shit movie just for the hell of it. It's amazing how Kingsley's career seems to be a complete inverse from where it started or where it was early on. I hope he's getting paid well, because I cringe when I think that the only roles the man who played Ghandi can do these days are for shitty video game based movies.
And now to talk about the big issue. Jake Gyllenhall's portrayal of the Prince of Persia. Now this is a touche subject but I recently played the Xbox 360 game which ha a similar sassy prince, so maybe that's swayed me towards my feeling that I like him as the prince. It does seem like Jake is trying to sound like the voice actor from Sands of Time, and does a pretty good job at it.
Welp, I may be called Donnie Darko-look-a-like, but I certainly wont be mistaken for Jake now...
Yeah, sure. on the inside I'm sort of giggling at the fact that they have a Jewish man play a Prince of Persia, but that's because I'm actually into world news and know the relationship between the two nations. I'm sure it'll break records in Iran.... ha! And as for him not being Arab looking.. here's a hint, Persians are NOT Arabs.
As for Gemma Arterton, she seems more out of place. She's like Keira Knightley's stunt-double or something. The poor man's Keira Knightley when she has a conflicting project. Women never get that much interesting to say or do in these films anyway. If she's given something above damsel/sidekick/love interest, it would be a pleasant change.
The whole film reminds me of Pirates of the Carribean in that kind of Disney-adventure-romp style. Should be a fun little film when it's all said and done. The real kicker is if they kept the same ending as the game. The Prince uses the sands of time to reverse everything that happened to before the start of the game.
Needless to say, I'm looking forward to this film. It should be a good time and it just tosses more films based on Video games and comic books out there. Which can't be a bad thing, right? Now I'm either going to have to hit the gym because as much as people say I remind them of Donnie Darko and Bubble Boy, there's NO WAY I'm going to get confused with Jake now. I mean.. look at this!
Ladies, I know I re-typed a really strange internet "How to" guide on giving head. And while it may seem like common sense to NOT pay attention to whatever I say, take that with a grain of salt as nothing more than a crime against keeping the internet alive and full of strange shit. This little guide, on the other hand, is a guide to making what you're going to be dropping on Vday a bit more humor filled. (Before it's filled with something else. Boooyah!)
Life is to short to not be laughed at. So here's some suggestion on panties you should go out and get for the big reveal on Sunday...
Why don't you want to support America and buy these USA made panties? Not only that, but you can advertise and reassure him that you know your stuff in the bed room. The only down side is that he may think that you're a slut. Laugh it off. If he gets hung up on that.. Just move on along, clearly he doesn't have a sense of humor.
Growing up I loved playing Ms. Pac-man and Space Invaders. And while Ms. Pac-man can't really be all that sexy, I mean how can a round yellow circle with a hair bun really be? Space Invaders on the other hand can be.
Just think of the fun had here. Shooting at those space invaders never got so messy!
Need to know how to drop those panties? There's an app for that..
These will be funny. At least it's honest where you need to run your fingers to unlock the iPhone in this situation.. Booooyah!
Eh, they're different. Besides, don't you want to be blogged about? Just be careful if that first one is worn by a religious one... You break it, you buy it.
Who doesn't want a girl who has a little nerd in them (and the panties haven't even been taken off yet!) This will touch any guy who was alive during the 80's. The classic NES controller. Now if only that contra code worked...
I'm no achievement whore. I dislike the whole idea that Xbox seems to run with. But I can enjoy the funny joke to this pair of panties. Now the real question is if you can get this achievement taken care of.
Oh the internet.. what will you think of next?
Same concept as the iPhone one. Clearly the app for this one is not being creative. Again, it's to the point in telling you what to do.
This is your chance to call the IT guy and ask what the default log in info is. Just remember, most of the times the default password is actually password.
And for the final one, it's not even panties. It's a shirt, but really. I had to chuckle at this design. I'm not sure if I know anyone bold enough to wear it outside.
So there you have it. Some strange clothing to turn on that nerd of yours. Though I would still read through that whole "how to suck a cock" guide. You know, so that the fun won't end when he sees your underwear..
This post is about Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (in stores now) and the rather surprising racism contained within it highlighted by a section of game play. So that you're in the loop, early on in the game you take the role of a CIA operative who has infiltrated a Russian terrorist cell and, not wanting to risk your cover, you go along on a terrorist raid to an airport in Russia (in mother Russia, airplanes fly you!); Your crew of terrorist pals walk out of an elevator and open fire on a group of unarmed civilians murdering all of them. Tally that up to the cost of freedom.
The people scream, bleed, twist and die in a way that is frighteningly realistic. The player is expected to shoot at the civilians because, if they do not, their cover is compromised. The player is given free reign to walk through the airport terminal and pick off fleeing, wounded civilians at their leisure - it is not until you cross a checkpoint do local law enforcement officials arrive.
Activision, the publisher of COD:MW2, have said though that there will be a checkpoint where the game stops and says to the player "the following sequence has content that some players might find distressing." I have played a lot of very violent games and I feel I can say that this section of MW2 takes things to a whole new level of fucked-up. But it's okay because you can skip it...
No wait. That's exactly why it's terrible. Why give the player the ability to kill fucking innocent people in such a sick manner to prove they're with the terrorist? I've played GTA for as long as I remember, running over hookers is one thing, this is something else entirely. Take a look at this video clip of the airport scene if you can stomach that sort of thing...
As you can see, if you waited for the ending.. you did all that blood shed for absolutely NOTHING. Perhaps this is what makes it brilliant. The CIA dude gets shot in the head by the terrorist leader, basically showing that the CIA is evil, incompetent and actively elped the terrorists' cause. Just like in real life. Though, if it really was a CIA agent his gun would jam or something, the CIA is not competent enough to do these kinds of things.
But then again, most of the gamers playing this aren't going to realize this, even with this ham fisted message in their face. They'll consider the CIA agent as the protagonist and any game that the CIA agent is the "Hero" is a shameful game. If not for the before seen game play where he goes along with mass murder for the sake of information or to get in good with the terrorist. But hey, want to see that part again?
Those scenes are entirely brutal not just in concept, but the sound. That Youtube video doesn't do it justice on how sick and over the top this is. It's beyond scary. Then you have to remember that there are people who would willing do this in real life, for either faith or politics or just because they are crazy, and that real bodies, real blood, real screams, and real guns are much messier and louder respectively. Personally, I'm glad video games aren't all that realistic in the grand scheme of things. But the fact that you're numbing someone to these really just screams bad taste. There should be a game where you play as a CIA agent and do actual CIA agent stuff like checking in to a Moscow hotel room, waiting around until you are paralyzed by ennui after your 49th hour of Russian state tv, and then being informed your mission has been canceled due to bad intel
Why can't I just kill Makarov in the elevator during the airport level instead of mowing down hundrest of Russian citizens? Sure, I'll die.. maybe, but I mean, what the fuck. Are you not suppose to value the life of Russians because they aren't Americans? I think you could definitely kill all three of those dudes before they ever fired a single shot. Forcing you to go through with it would make sense if General Voldemort and Makarov were in cahoots to start the third world war, but apparently they hated each other since the beginning. So the story doesn't even make sense.
It would be an interesting social experiment if they would keep track of the average number of civilians killed in the airport level and post it on the internet. I'm pretty curious as to how horrible our youth really is.
Then again, this isn't new to Modern Warfare. The first game had a bit where you are in a bomber a few thousand feet up and you can shoot and kill people that run back to their homes from a mosque. Again, killing civilians from the safety of a bomber is OKAY AS LONG AS THEY ARE MUSLIMS.. or brown people. Hooah!
Just think of the "enemy infantryman's" last moments as they are spent in absolute terror as hell rains down around them, but to you it just looks like you're shooting at ants on the screen while you circle thousand of feet above free from any threat of harm. You and your bro share a chuckle as a tiny ant torso flies across the screen. God bless you, America.
"Hey roach, imma torture this towelhead in shorts, you go shoot someone or something"
I mean, look at that image. The black guy is just staring into space. They clearly already worked him over and got essential information out of him that we all know torture provides. In the original modern warfare, the player takes on the role of the president of an unnamed middle eastern nation. You are dragged through the streets of your former capitol city, beaten with the stock of an AK, watch unarmed prisoners be executed and are powerless to stop it. You are then knocked out and dragged to a pole in the middle of town square, tied to it and executed.
In another sequence the villain of the game detonates a nuclear bomb in the middle of a the aforementioned middle east city. You are playing the role of a Marine at this point who has confirmed his status as a hero by rescuing the pilot of a downed troop carrier helicopter when a nuclear bomb goes off. Your evac chopper crashes and you crawl through the destroyed city bleeding out until you are dead.
A survey published by U.S. video game specialty retailer Game Crazy this week found that 86 percent of teens and "tweens" will ask for a video game this year, with Guitar Hero 5 and the M-rated Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 among the most wanted.
AHHHHH, MOM. I WANNA PLAY SHOOTERMAN 5: FALL OF FALLUJAH!
This game is going to sell over 10 million copies and at least, AT LEAST 1/10th of those people are going to fist pump or go "Hell yeah!!" at the torture scenes. Let that settle in your mind a little. Then again, the percentage that will fist pump their arm at the airport scene is more frightening.
Then there's those that are angry that this game comes out 2 days later on steam. Which I suppose is justified question. Why should people want the game on demand without the need of putting on pants not be able to play it on the day of release? All it does is make them want to pirate the game.
Besides, who will want to play multiplayer on this piece of shit game? The multiplayer feature really is awful. Not as awful as playing as a piece of shit CIA agent killing hundreds, but still pretty bad. But for those who don't have the game in hand now and numbing themselves to the problems of their fellow man, they are playing the first mission, which is a lot of teaching Iraqi's to be self sufficient. The entire first mission is Generation Kill, The Video Game.
As much as I dislike farmville, It's not teaching people to be completely numb to the deaths of innocents or pushing the marine/military mentality. The idea that as long as there's no naked titties or dead children, people aren't going to have that much of a hard time with it.
The whole plot of this game is tons of people getting murdered because the CIA fucked up. And really, that's what the CIA does. You know, like how they'll be captured and tortured before they even get dinner because they had known the CIA agent was coming for about 3 weeks thanks to intel gathered from spies and communist sympathizers.
It's games like this that make us completely ignore the fact that ARE troops, post serving their time and without any other sort of option for career, join "security forces" like Blackwater and, well, if the news have showed us anything, they're pieces of shit. Take for example what Former Blackwater execs said: "So we killed 17 civilians and tried to cover it up."
Blackwater Said to Pursue Bribes to Iraq After 17 Died
WASHINGTON — Top executives at Blackwater Worldwide authorized secret payments of about $1 million to Iraqi officials that were intended to silence their criticism and buy their support after a September 2007 episode in which Blackwater security guards fatally shot 17 Iraqi civilians in Baghdad, according to former company officials.
Blackwater approved the cash payments in December 2007, the officials said, as protests over the deadly shootings in Nisour Square stoked long-simmering anger inside Iraq about reckless practices by the security company’s employees. American and Iraqi investigators had already concluded that the shootings were unjustified, top Iraqi officials were calling for Blackwater’s ouster from the country, and company officials feared that Blackwater might be refused an operating license it would need to retain its contracts with the State Department and private clients, worth hundreds of millions of dollars annually.
The idea of executives at a private security firm like blackwater resigning over ethical concerns is so unbelievably bizarre to me I don't know what to make of it other than these are clearly some of the most hate-able whistle blowers ever. Black Water is one of the few cartoonishly evil things in the world. There's little ambiguity about it. But I should stop referring to them as Blackwater. If I keep doing that, then their name change t XE will be a success as that name is currently not as reviled and associated with murder and corruption.
At midday on Sept. 16, 2007, a Blackwater convoy opened fire on Iraqi civilians in the crowded intersection, spraying automatic weapons fire in ways that investigators later claimed was indiscriminate, and even launching grenades into a nearby school.
Blackwater is the Soviet invasion force from Red Dawn.
Then again, I could write an entire blog the size of this one dedicated to the evils that is Blackwater/XE, let's get back on the subject here.
If you play Modern Warfare 2 unironically, you're a piece of shit. Any game that has Dick Cheney quotes when you die is something you shouldn't play. But for the sake of the argument, I played a little of it so I can complain about it with some insight on seeing evil first hand.
I was on the first mission and just got onto some mounted machine gun as a grunt in the desert. My troopmates were all cheering over some explosion and clearly they programed them to act just like military douchebags and I couldn't help it and I just fucking shot them all. I failed the mission, but left my mark. Ft. Hood. Oooooorah!
The scary thing is that apparently there were Army Recruiters at various midnight release lines. This fucking country, I tell you. Cause what the military really needs are the kind of people that line up at midnight for an Xbox game. Let this be a reminder that the army literally uses call of duty to entice kids to sign up.
Who the fuck plays this game and thinks "Hmm, yes, I'd like to do this in real life." How exactly is this any good in promoting the army? You die like once every five minutes in these video games. I hope that anyone who really feels the need to join after playing this game falls cock-first on an IED.
Video games that recreate the horrors of actual historical conflicts and attempt turn them into fun point grabbing adventures are morally abhorrent. I could just picture the young grandson sitting the living room with his grandpa with the xbox on:
"hey gramps remember when you stormed the beaches and watched your best friend die? Well if you weren't satisfied with only being dragged back to that terrible event in your nightmares you can now watch me play it on the big screen during the day. Did your buddy die on this part of the beach or that part? Where was it the shrapnel gave you a permanent limp? Watch me stab that guy in the gut, oh I know he's on our side, but I'm just having fun"
Modern Warfare 2 is neocon American flag waving piece of shit that puts the show 24 to shame in terms of ridiculousness. Basically the story is 50% red dawn and 50% kill-random-brown-people served with torture sauce. With moralistic quotes from kleptocrats such as Dick Cheney and Donald motherfucking Rumsfeld, this should be banned for more reasons other than "it'll turn your kids into terrorist."
This game is seriously terrifying. So much so that it's hard for me to accept this as anything but parody. But that's the sad part. It's not parody. It's not any sort of satire. It's really scary to think that anyone would have fun playing a game like this. I can only wait for Modern Combat 3 for when we get more Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Featuring actions such as Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks
So it's close to Halloween and thus, with the idea of there already being one Friday night flick, there has to be another because, while the other one is a nice little song with a very hot Felica Day, this one is the one that gets you were it counts... the brain stem.
Left 4 Dead 2 is coming out soon. And even though I had so much drama in getting the first game, I'm still one huge fan of the zombie killing genre. So, without further ado, I cream my pants with the following video;
Oh hell yeah. It's like I get to be a typical Katrina survivor and pretend that every zombie is a looter or republican.
That's right, I know you're gearing to rush out today, on this 9-9-09 and pick yourself up some Rock Band: The Beatles. Well tough shit, loser. Everyone else is going to do the same. It's Beatles day and if you can't tell by the amount of Beatles blogs I've written today, I'm excited. Though the downside here is that everyone else will be rushing to the local Bestbuy and WalMart to get their Breakfast with the Beatles on. You'll more than likely wont be able to find it anywhere.
What is a young impressionable fake musician to do? Put your heart in with Jesus and get yourself Guitar Praise!
JAM WITH THE BAND!
Strap on the guitar and play along with your favorite bands—tobyMac, Relient K, Flyleaf, Newsboys —and more. SHRED the riffs…THUMP the bass…BLAST that solid Christian Rock!
Sure it's no Strawberry fields, but where would you rather be forever? Heaven or some fruit filled field? Living is easy with eyes closed... which is pretty much what religion is, right? Ha. I know, it's like when you were a kid during Christmas and you asked for a specific name brand toy from your parents and then you open your presents on Christmas morning to find that they got you a generic brand toy. Instead of a Sony Walkman, you got a Son-I Walkfriend.
I have to say, they missed out on a real opportunity by not having a gimmick guitar with a cross for a head. Maybe stylized text that says "inri". They could have called it Guitar Martyr.
Besides that, The Beatles are a band that parents weren't happy with their kids listening to back in the old days. When John said that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus the christian reaction was not good. The reaction was instantaneous. Radio stations across the country, but especially in the South and Midwest, stopped playing the Beatles records. Death Threads began pouring in directed at all the members and bonfires appeared and went up where people burned albums and other memorabilia as the fuel to the flames.
In South Carolina, for example, the Klan Grand Dragon Bob Scoggins nailed a Beatles record to a large cross and set it on fire. Other Klansmen justified their campaign on the grounds that not only were the Beatles blasphemous, but that they were not really 'white' either. Oh, comedy, I tell you. In Cleveland, the Reverend Thurman H. Babbs threatened to excommunicate any member of his congregation who listened to the Beatles. Way to destroy all those sought after Beatles memorabilla that is worth a ton of cash these days, you christian wack-jobs!
Children, don't settle for anything less. While Christian rock may technically be considered "Rock" it's still not good. Besides, if you invite your friends over and they see you with this instead of Rock Band Beatles, you'll end up having a lot fewer friends. Be the cool kid, Obama told you to dream big and achieve it at any cost possible. Dreaming big in the sense of actually getting a real music video game and not some stupid religious knock off.
It's not uncommon for nerds to get married. Yes, it's a rare thing for a nerd to find another nerd.. or at least someone willing to accept their nerd behavior. Once you do find that one hot girl that is accepting of your nerd and geek like tendencies, you better hold on tight and never let go. You hear me? NEVER.LET.GO! While there's plenty of fish in the sea, you're bait isn't good enough to attract much else.
Hey, don't take that as an insult. Ok, you can. Well, you should. It's coming from me and I'm pretty mean. I mean, there's nerds and then there's you. Yes you. You're the one who wants to have your wedding themed after a fucking video game.
What the fuuuuuck?
Um.. ok, I suppose we can roll with that...
It sucks to be a brides maid anyway. I mean, listen to the name of the role. MAID, you're in an uglier dress than the bride by design and you're now stuck wearing some stupid head gear? Kill yourself now.
And what's with this photographer? He's jumping the 180 line making this whole shoot look like it's jumping from one side to another. Is he literally running around this big group of nerds?
SEE?!!? Stop breaking the 180 rule. I guess he must have been busy playing video games when he should have been going to photo class.
That's just strange. I suppose to each their own. But really, what sense does this make? Can you really be sure you'd look back at this in 20-30-40 years and think "Yeah, that was a good idea" Hell, what next gen game console will be out by then that you'd long forgotten the Xbox. Oh, who am I kidding. They'll be divorced in five years. The only question is who's taking which console with them.
Oh, and to top it all off you got this as your wedding cake? Shiiiiit, get the fuck out of here.
I'm mad cause it doesn't look like it would feed a lot of people and if I'm at a wedding, I sure as hell want to eat. But then again, why do I have to be a hater?
If you and your soon-to-be-ex are ok with the strange wedding that is centered around a theme that most of your guest wont even be aware of, then more power to you. At least you found someone who shares similar interest as you... for now. Enjoy it while it last.
For those of you who don't know what the fuck this is from. Congrats, you have lives.
I'm well aware that I did my zombie post for the month. And while I'm sure I should leave well enough alone, I'm not. It's because the subject is zombies and well, you know well enough to know that I can't shut up about them.
A while back I reported on Left 4 Dead. Now since I haven't actually bought the game and just played it like any red blooded true American, in the sense of free-o-charge. Not to mention the circumstances that left me not ever having a copy (thank you connections from EA that never followed through...) I didn't give much a fuck when I heard the announcement at E3 and saw the footage and grabbed the one poster I could get of it that there was a sequel coming out called 2L4D.
Now, you would figure that this if Valve we're talking about. The makers of Half-life and all the various incantations that have spawned from it. I mean, shit, how many "game of the year" editions of the same game can you out? I guess that's why I wasn't sweating it when the before mentioned red headed wonder never bothered to get it for me. I knew that there would be a million different versions out there to buy from. A couple months after the first one there's always a new edition that has way more bells and whistles than the ones from previous before.
Whatever your view is of internet boycotts, Left 4 Dead might be the first critically acclaimed franchise whose announcement of a sequel was answered by nearly 10,000 fans pledging not to buy it. Since the game was unveiled June 1 at E3, a Steam group called L4D Boycott (NO-L4D2) has assembled 9,742 members as of Saturday, and seems to be growing. Far from being enthused about a new game, they have nine complaints, most of which concern L4D2 obviating the need for, and undermining the value of, L4D1 - and just a year after the fact
• Significant content for L4D1 was promised, and never delivered • Valve put little faith in L4D1 since they almost certainly started working on L4D2 right after release • The fact that L4D2 is nearly identical to L4D1 will decimate the community for both games • The announced date is not nearly enough time to polish content or make significant gameplay changes • The new character designs seem bland and unappealing so far • L4D2 is too bright to fit in with L4D1's visual aesthetic • The fiddle-based horde music is extremely disliked, though the differently orchestrated music is otherwise welcome • L4D2's release will result in a drop in quality and frequency for L4D1 content, even compared to before • The community has lost faith in Valve's former reputation for commitment to their games post-release
Don't get me wrong. If I actually did pony up the 50 bones for the game back when it came out, I may as well be pretty peeved about this whole situation. But would I have been peeved enough to create this video for my anger?
No. Even though I'm a creative guy, I'm still not THAT creative. Holy hell, that was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Bravo, good sirs. Bravo! If E3 was good for no other reason this year, it was because it spawned that sort of reaction.
Knowing me, I would have just addressed my outrage on a random internet message board. You know, the typical thing one does when they are pretty pissed at a company, a movie they've seen or just about any other reason to angst.
Fans of the series invade Valve
I guess I can't totally relate to all of these things though. I never got the whole achievement points down. I avoid playing my Xbox for that very reason. It was bad enough back in the day with High Scores. I still maintain the high score for Pac man at one laundry joint and I still get all paranoid about it being beaten. So I don't even want to get into the world of Achievement points. God damn system is worse than crack and I will not fall victim to it.
I can see where everyone is all pissed at this news. The way the game play for 2L4D and the only additions to the game being slightly minor, it does seem that they could have easily made this into downloadable content for all those who already shelled out the 50 bones the first time.
Adding in a New Orleans backdrop doesn't seem to add much, and if anything, opens the source folks to create wacky new games such as "Survive Katrina" or something else otherwise witty. I mean, will their be a topless zombie walking around with some beads? Now that, I would sell out some cash... and some beads for!
Don't get me wrong, I'm going to play this. So I can't really talk shit. I guess the best thing out of all this is that I didn't have to pay a huge price for it since I didn't bother getting the first one, which at this point looks like a Beta test version of this game since it still has so many tweaks to get worked out.
As for your folks planning on protesting this game.. Shine on, you crazy bastards! I think it's a just cause to be pissed about. You paid your hard earned cash, you should have a finished game. Especially if the content and the support was promised and never delivered on. Don't want to be a mindless zombie spending your cash on anything and everything Valve puts out
EA at E3 - This is Why No One Takes Video Games Seriously
So E3 is over. I had a trip and then I'm on a trip now. But that doesn't mean it gets a free pass from me and my judging because I'm a pretty far distance away from it. This year there was a lot to make fun of so how could I pass up a chance at mocking it. I am a fan first, right. If there's a god given right to all fans of things, as star wars has taught us, is that we should have high levels of expectations for them so they clearly are never met and we can clearly mock even more.
This year EA is releasing a game called Dante's Inferno. A game based on a book no typical gamer has read but they all know stuff from it. You know, various levels of torture and punishment. OMG! HELL! Well, clearly a game about hell would get people up in arms, right?
Here's some protesters in LA against the new Dante's Inferno game:
It isn't all playing games and doing business at E3 this year.
A small group of 13 protesters had attendees gawking by one of the entrances to the Los Angeles Convention Center. The object of their ire? Electronic Arts' upcoming video game based on the literary classic "Dante's Inferno," which is on display at the show.
The protesters, who came from a church in Ventura County, held signs with slogans such as "trade in your playstation for a praystation" and "EA = anti-Christ" as they marched and handed out a homemade brochure that warns, "a video game hero does not have the authority to save and damn... ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE. and he will not judge the sinners who play this game kindly."
Matthew Francis, one of the protesters, said he and his fellow church members were particularly upset that Dante's Inferno features a character who fights his way out of Hell and uses a cross as a weapon against demons.
"We think this game should never come out," he said, before asking a reporter to convey his message to executives at Electronic Arts inside the show, where non-industry professionals are not allowed.
The first thing you would ask yourself is if they understand and know that Dante's Inferno isn't actually in the bible or much of a bible story in itself. But then I'll simply answer that no, I don't think the EA rep who hired them mention that.
I like how the L.A. Times proves me right once again in how awful they write their paper. You mean to tell me that they couldn't look up this info before their paper went to print? EA must have had a press release for it. I remember my time there at E3 to be loaded up with press releases for simply giving them a business card. I guess the L.A. Times doesn't have the budget for little pieces of paper.
I like that one the most.
So what gave it away? The fact that protesters wouldn't bother to accurately reproduce the logo of a corporation they are protesting against, let alone emblazon it repeatedly on their signs?
Or perhaps the fact that this is E3. I doubt many bible thumpers are all into video games to the level of wanting to keep up with what's happening at E3. Or perhaps that this is e3, as with every year, publicity stunt become the norm.
But what about EA in all this. I see EA picked up Acclaim's "Let's all be retarded and they'll buy our shit" marketing department. They were the people who tried advertising on tombstones, right? Can't wait for the "Show pics of yourself being crucified and win a ree copy!!" promotion.
Personally, I can't wait to wander through the malebolge and chit-chat with old popes. That's if they make the game as accurate as the book
The Grim Reality Portrayed in Urban Lifestyle According To 50 Cent
Here we are on Day one of E3. Which is just the mecca of all gaming. It's been a while since I've really been into gaming. I once help run a cyber cafe and well, maybe it was the endless hours of playing counter strike that just made me numb to it all, but I don't have that in me any more. Don't get me wrong, I still play a lot of video games from time to time. But I've found my taste change.
While I'm used to the over the top action and violence in today's gaming world, I still am a bit surprised by the style of games these days. I played the hell out of Grand Theft Auto back in my day, but even I have some limits. So when I saw this game come to light, well, I was just a bit confused on what exactly allowed it to get released:
I'm talking about the above game staring 50 cent. Yes, I too had higher hopes for a product designed for immature and childish adults. Maybe it's the option in the game that allows you to give you more points for randomly cussing more and more. It really comes across as a cheap gears of war where the appeal is that you get to make fifty cents swear while killing arabs.
I mean, I can't exactly figure out who the target audience for this is, maybe it's super white people that have fantasies about how black rappers are all thugs? Maybe it's Republicans? 50 Cent has become an American folk hero similar to Jack Bauer. Every culture in times of war needs it's hero mythology. 50 Cent and Jack are the modern day Achilles and Hercules.
50 cent would be a perfect person for republicans to point to with regards to success in the capitalist system. as you all know musicians make almost no money off of record sales. 50 cent created a typical rap merch empire, but he used that money to buy up vitaminwater because he thought it tasted good and pimped it in all his videos. well coca cola bought it from him for 400 million. Yeah.. that's pretty smart
It really screams of "White people shoot like this, Black people shoot like this" sort of obvious. But color me a little bit let down by this game. This game is not really addressing the sociological factors that makes the modern urban youth commit acts of crime?? It just documents one famous artist's exploits in Iraq??? Very disappointing.
what annoyed me about blood on the sand was that every site was like "LOL CRYSTAL SKULL YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT THAT WACKY 50 CENT'S UP TO THIS TIME!!!" when in actuality this piece of shit's little dress-up fantasy game is extremely disrespectful to the real people who've been killed/injured in Iraq and elsewhere (civilians, soldiers, whatever). You get bonus points for taunting people's corpses in this game. Yeah, pretty sick, alright.
It really is a unealistic portrayal of urban lifestyle in Baghdad. I have to wonder what's 50 cents' worth in inflation-adjusted dollars? And does he kill Damien Hirst there at the end of the trailer? I can't tell and for some reason I actually give a shit. Video game deaths mean a lot to me. I cried like a little bitch during Final Fantasy VII
I may not have first hand experience with the region but i can assure you that 50Cent: Blood in the sand is true to life. I really think this is how I expect Stephen Colbert's middle East comedy tour to resemble.
So what's the point of the game? It seems that 50 cents lost his Jeweled skull and he wants it back. I don't want to be a Arab standing in the way between 50 cents and his jewelery. I mean, clearly he's not believable in this role. He was shot several times in that trailer and did not even retaliate to all those mother-f'ers.
I wonder if anyone actually joined the army because of this stupid game. I'd be amazed if anyone even joined the military afer enjoying America's Army, which goes to a great lengths to glorify the Army. This 50 cents game isn't going to do much there. Anyone dumb enough to join the armed forces would have joined regardless of the game. 50 Cent: Blood on yo hands, yo!
Once was a writer, tho, you see words to your left, so I guess I'm still that to some degree.
You can find my scribbles and mind ranting on this and various other places as a means to keep the creative, satirical and costco talk muscles worked out.
Was once apart of the tv industry, but I'm sure the NDA's are still in effect so let's move on from that. Now I spend my time slinging beer and keeping a building in one piece.
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