Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Ever Decreasing Unemployment Rate

The Ever Decreasing Unemployment Rate?

Did you hear? Unemployment is at 9.5 percent.. Again, Unemployment at NINE POINT FIVE!!!!!
The American economy lost 467,000 more jobs in June, and the unemployment rate edged up to 9.5 percent in a sobering indication that the longest recession since the 1930s had yet to release its hold.

“The numbers are indicative of a continued, very severe recession,” said Stuart G. Hoffman, chief economist at PNC Financial Services in Pittsburgh. “There’s nothing in here to show that the economy and the market are pulling out of the grip of recession.”

The Labor Department’s monthly snapshot of employment, released Thursday, challenged visions of a recovery already taking root. The numbers intensify pressure on the Obama administration to show returns on programs aimed at improving national fortunes — not least its $787 billion stimulus plan.
That just means that 91.5% of people still have jobs, right? Wrong. So this should make you wonder why it's going down. Wait, what? You're probably wondering why I'm saying it's going down when it's clearly not. Seems like it's going up all the time. Well, you're right. It is. Only we're not monitoring it that way.

If you want to know what the actual unemployment rate is then you're going to have to do some digging. Mainly because it only includes people who are receiving unemployment benefits and people actively searching for work. The ones that no longer report getting support aren't even counted.

If you no longer collect unemployment benefits you don't exist any more. If your hours were cut back to part time but you want full time you're considered gainfully employed. The official unemployment numbers are total bullshit and anyone that believes them is insane.

In all actuality, the bureau of labor statistics seys that it's at 16.5

Those of you who haven't had a job in a while might as well be an invisible percentage that doesn't count because you don't report to any agencies. You may as well be out of the system altogether. Don't forget that we keep about 2.4 percent of our adult population in prison, that adds a nice little boost to every category.

Wait a minute. Those prison dudes actually have jobs doing data entry and handling your Social Security numbers for credit card applications. So shit, they have jobs. And another 1 in 440 homes in foreclosure, 28 million on food stamps (including a huge chunk of the military support are TR00PZ), and 12% living below the poverty line, it's truly the American Dream come to life.

If they were using depression-era methodologies, you'd see a depression-era unemployment rate at this current state.

What I'm trying to say in a whole lot of words and charts is "The inherent contradictions of capitalism have finally brought about its inevitable collapse. Then again, that sounds a little too pretentious.

So what is to be done about all this? Well, if you don't have a job, maybe you should go to church and pray to jesus christ for assistance. You want my help? Oh, I can't do that. I already put $5 in the collection plate this week. Maybe the parish can spare some can food for you. Then again, they may be too busy spending that money towards "Where's the birth certificate?" billboards. Money well spent. TAKE THAT, OBAMA!

Then perhaps we should just kill all the unemployed people. I mean, that could be an answer, right? Nah, I checked. It's way too expensive. Besides that, it's cheaper to let them starve and kill each other plus there's always the possibility that after long enough being unemployed they join the military. That's free work for pennies on the dollar!

If worse comes to worse, we can always bring back debtors prisons. Poor people go to jail, prison industry expands. You have the need for more jails and that means more construction as well as more armed security guards to look after these clearly dangerous inmates.. It's a win-win situation if I've ever seen one.

Today's LA times has 1 and 1/4 pages worth of job ads. I saw openings for 3 janitors, some private school teachers and 2 positions open for strip club dancers. Our economy is so far down the toilet its not even funny anymore. If you work all three jobs and you've got a sitcom pilot to pitch!

Besides, you're more than likely reading this from wherever you're employed. Let's face the facts. If we counted everyone that went to work and read the internet all day, or found other ways to look like they're working when they're not, we'd face the realization that we'd definitely be pushing 90% unemployment rates.

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