The Four Things My Sister Knows About Me

The Four Things My Sister Knows About Me

This is my sister. Her name is Marsha. She is... well, she sure is a sister.



She was named after the character from the Brady Bunch. I'm not fuckin' lying about that either. My older sister suggested the name and my parents said "Eh, second kid out.. we've already named one, no need to name the other." Which only leads me to wonder why the hell they decided to name me Javier.

My sister is very much into her own thing. She's a teacher. She's a single mother who loves her son and is trying to get by. Nothing wrong with that at all. More power to her and her 3rd grade teaching skills.



But what she is lacking is any real knowledge about me. I once got a text message from her saying that she missed hanging out and we should do it more often. Even though we never really hung out growing up. Hell, I really don't recall ever being in the same room with her for more than a couple of hours. Like I said, she did her own thing. So it's really no surprise that my sister doesn't know much about me. In fact, I think I could break it down to only five things my sister does know about me:

1. My Name..

Well, at least my first name. If it wasn't for the fact that she had to change her last name back after the divorce, I doubt she'd really know what my last name is. I doubt she has any idea what my middle name is. Why would she need to know it anyway?


I'm glad I wasn't named after another Brady Bunch character..

2. I make for a cheap baby sitter without having to deal with showing back on time.

On more than one instance I agreed to babysit my nephew and let me tell you one thing, I'm not that great around babies... Well, I am. I can handle young kids pretty well but they have to be able to go to the bathroom on their own accord. Potty training is a must cause I have very little knowledge on actually changing a diaper. I'm sure I'll eventually have to do it.. I just am not any good at it.

I don't mind helping out, but it seems that sometimes when I'm stuck taking care of him and told it'll be done with by 12, when I have plans and my own thing to do by 1, and only have her show up by 2... well then, that's a bit much. Especially when, like I stated, I'm not good at changing diapers. So leaving me in charge of a child for a good 5-6 hours is not... NOT a good idea.



3. I'm Tech Support.

Even though I don't claim to be any sort of genius when it comes to computers, I'm still tech support to her. If she needs something done to her computer.. You know, the tough stuff, like having a printer connected, putting stuff on a flash drive or debugging her computer when it's so infected with all sorts of spyware and other crap like that.

This wouldn't be much of an issue, again, my limited knowledge of computers and technical stuff is a bit more than the average bear. But I do think I've shown these tricks and tips to her more than once or twice so I figure that by now, it would have sunk in.. I dunno. Most of all, I'm not on call at all hours. At least I hope I'm not.



4. If she gets a missed call from jail at 2pm on a Sunday, she'll assume it's me.

True story. Today I got a call from her checking up on me at two in the afternoon. At the time I she didn't say why she called and she sounded pretty funny about it. Specifically asking me twice if I was alright. The second time it was "Are you SURE you're alright". To this I said, um.. yeah. The phone conversation pretty much died there as she told me she was going to the movies with my mother to see Harry Potter.

Later talking to my mother I found out that my sister missed two calls from what seems to be a prison or jail system. She assumed that someone was in jail trying to call for bail or something. Why she would assume it was me? Well.. I have no fucking idea. But she thought I had gotten tossed in the slammer.

Nothing brings up your self confidence and your own personal image than when your sister thinks you're bound to end up in the poky at any given mid-day. I suppose that I should look at the half glass full in this situation and realize that she at least cared about me. Though there's nothing saying that she'd bail me out. Just that she thought I was calling. Lovely. real lovely...


I'm sure if I get a phone call at 2pm from the parachute folks alarming me of a flattened sister, I'll let it go to voice mail...

Even with those things she does know about me, the one thing that surprised me was something she DOESN'T know about me. You see, this would have been a list of 5 things she knows about me, but it came to a surprise to me in April that something so easily wasn't on this list.. It seems like a pretty easy one at that to remember or it's slightly more on the important side. So that's why this one doesn't make the list of things she knows about me...

My Birthday
On my birthday I was looking after my parents house to let the dog out since they were on their bi-weekly "get out of town" vacations and I saw my sister since she lives really close to them. Well, she simply waved... Even though it was my birthday. She actually saw me on my actual birthday and didn't wish me a happy one, or for that matter any sort of anything about it.

So yes. These the things my sister actually DOES know about me and one thing I know for sure she doesn't. Thanks Marsha... thanks.