Grandfather Knows Best

Grandfather Knows Best

I don't get much e-mail from my grandfather. It's usually junk mail or something of that like. Today was no exception. I just received the following e-mail forward today from my Grandfather. He's the type that likes to forward just about anything and everything to me.

Subject: How Would You Fix the Economy



This is from an article in the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on
Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix
the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President:

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the
following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings -

Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered-

Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!

If more money is needed, have all members of Congress pay all their taxes...

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

If not, please disregard

Awww, Brilliant. No wait, it's not. I know it was a month ago, but perhaps I should send him a late generic father's day card instead of a Hallmark one next year.. or one for this year. That's one thing I don't get. He's my grandfather, why do I need to send him a card? I don't get that about the respected Mother's and Father's day. Why do I have to get the parents of my parents a card? I shouldn't have to be the gift giver in those situations.

But perhaps this e-mail fwd does make some good valid points. I suppose giving those boomers and the older boomers this money than it is to give the military the cash. But hey, what's forty trillion imaginary dollars between friends? Can you really put a price on a good economy? I think not.

Another flaw in this plan is that American cars suck and the auto industry deserves to go under. Then again, the cars will be death traps, which will serve to fix healthcare and social security issue. Mainly because all the old people would die driving them.

A better e-mail to the president would be something like this:

Dear Mr. President:

We deserve free money because "everyone else" is getting it.

Signed,
Completely unironic upper-middle class baby-boomer white guy

At least that will have some truth behind it. I suppose it's a lot better than the other e-mail I got from my grandpa:

John Smith (American Citizen)started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN)
for 6am.
While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his
electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG .)

He put on a
Dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA ),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE )
and
tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA )
After cooking his breakfast in his new
electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his
calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his
watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio
(MADE IN CHINA)
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)
filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day
checking his
Computer
(Made In Malaysia),
John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL )
poured himself a glass of
wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his
TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can't find
a good paying job
in AMERICA.
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM PRESIDENT BARAK OBAMA
(MADE IN KENYA)

Which just goes to show you that our economy is pretty strong if we can afford to buy all these things from other countries, right? That or we just don't want to start paying each other slave wages so we can still get the low prices from Wal*mart.

And finally, I think this is the most ironic e-mail I got.

What does a Muslim Pussy look like?


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Yeah. Sometimes I'm glad I have another e-mail address that I don't tell any one from my family about.