Saturday, July 4, 2009

Run, Sarah. Run

Run, Sarah. Run

Editors note: This was written before the events that occurred yesterday and was set to be posted later this week. But because she went bat shit insane and resigned, I think this needs to get bumped up some. Also, it's the fourth of july, do you think I'll be re-touching this piece? Yeah, go blow yourself... Or some fireworks....

Add to my ongoing list of things that are wrong in this nation.. Sarah Palin. I mean, first she was running for Vice President. And really, why I didn't vote for her.. Well, it's because I have common sense. Why any of you would? I don't know. I mean, come on. Someone should have ran her back to Alaska.

Well, we did.. and much like a flock of sea birds, Sarah Palin is constantly running for something..

I'm not going to post the article here. It is hilarious to read though, so if you happen to like laughing your ass off at the few choice quotes I put up, well then, it's well worth the laughs of clicking through and reading the rest. So join me as I attack this feminist and Alaska governor...

"Last May, Todd asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day. I said, 'Give me an hour for my run and I'll be happy.'"
Yes, who would take a tard baby running? I do not know. Oh wait, I do. A tard baby momma. Ugh, I hate the fact that I just said that, but it's true.. why would you run with a baby like that?

The sad thing is that the stroller cost more than most small income families make in a month.

"I used to joke around with John McCain during the campaign about coming jogging with me. And once I asked him what his favorite exercise was, and he said, 'I go wading.' Wading. He lives on a creek in Arizona, so he goes wading. That cracked me up."
If she's trying to identify with the average American in hopes for a 2012 election bid, perhaps she might want to pick a different activity. It's not as if running, or for that matter moving, is much of a American past time.

"It's so cool to go out on a summer night at 10 or 11 o'clock with the sun still shining and the beauty of Alaska right there at my feet. Winter isn't as much fun, but even when it's 20 or 30 below and pitch black, I still try to get out. I just put on tons of layers and bigger shoes so I can wear two pairs of wool socks."
Look at my toned legs! Look! Guys, vote for me because I'm pretty! She goes on about how she could beat Obama in a race one-on-on.

"When I run, I'm totally incognito because I'm not wearing the trough full of makeup. I can go running through a mob of tourists and they don't recognize me."
I have to say that her legs are like three shades more tan than her face. Is that photography lighting even balancing it? I don't speak as a lighter on this. I mean, maybe I'm just stupid and Alaska sun is different, but she has to be wearing the fake tan leggings that they wear at Hooters in these pictures.

"I get spooked once in awhile when I'm running a trail and I hear a rustling in the woods, but it just makes me run faster and get the heck out of there."
I mean, Bear just love this as it triggers their natural hunting instinct like crazy. Hopefully we will have a bear mauled governor up in here as they are getting more active around the trails this year.

"In Anchorage on the coastal trail there have been many times where I've had to stop right in my tracks and turn around because there's been either a moose standing there staring at me or a moose's butt plopping on over into the trail. I have to turn around and leave or I'm going to get clobbered."

"It doesn't matter your background, your demographics, your race, your political affiliation, it's such a uniting, healthy, fun, awesome activity. It cracks me up going to some running event and seeing some dude who campaigned so hard against me, or a lady who's been blogging some mean comments about me. But we're all there together and we're smiling and we're having a good time because we're going to do something healthy and active. We need more of that."
I'm getting worried about 2012 guys... can't run from being an insipid, reactionary yokel. I mean, you have to admit that it's pretty bad form to just throw the American flag over the back of a chair like that. It's not a god damn arm rest, now is it?

I mean, notice how she can sound intelligent when it comes to how much she loves to run but you all remember her during the debates, don't you? You guys should really read through the Q&A, it's hilarious.
"I feel so crappy if I go more than a few days without running. I have to run. No matter how rotten I feel before or during a run, it's always worth it to me afterwards. Sweat is my sanity."
I just have to wonder how many middle-aged conservative men are beating off right about now... Ugh, I don't want to have that image in my head anymore.... Neither of them!

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