Saturday, July 4, 2009

I'm No Better Than Letterman - Welcome to "erf", Sarah Palin

I'm No Better Than Letterman - Welcome to "erf", Sarah Palin

On this day you normally spend it watching drunk idiots play with fireworks. As for me? I suppose grilling up stuff would be the best motivation as well as watching those same morons blow shit up. Hell, I'm going to show you the most patriotic thing possible.

Yup, that's a hot dog getting ready to eat himself. There's nothing more American than that. Well, nothing more than Sarah Palin. You see, she quit her job yesterday and if that's not American, well then I don't know what is.

While everyone is wondering and speculating as to why she decided to call it quits, I think I know the answer. Don't get me wrong. I can't fault CNN for taking guesses, FOX NEWS for assuming that she stepped down in order to focus on running for President in 2012... because really, after Obama we're going to need some President who quits midway through their term.

She was making a lot of waves on the media circuit lately trying to ride that wave of being in front of the camera. She had a feud with David Letterman. Mainly because she claimed he was talking shit about her daughter getting knocked up... thinking that he meant her youngest daughter....

You can see the many other reasons why she's stepping down in this full transcript of her speech. Which, I highly recommend if you want a good laugh. There's a lot of gems in there that will just crack you up on how amazingly stupid she sounds. At one point she refers to Politics as a basketball game. Though none of the Alaska governor's former employees saw this coming. I guess that's like Kobe taking the ball and going in for one more. There's an I in her team.

07/03/09 never forget

Looking at that transcript has taught me one thing. Apparently if you get in front of a camera and say a bunch of incoherent babble the news will stop talking about Michael Jackson for five minutes to hear you out. Well, I guess you'd have to be as crazy as Palin.

But even with all those reasons for stepping down and mixed in with my hopes and prayers for a huge criminal investigation. I think that David Letterman did something he didn't really expect to do... Touch on a nerve. yes, that's right folks. I'm about to drop a mother of all fireworks explosions right in your face.... I mean, it's the fourth of July, you either go big or you go home and this one is going to light up the night sky because David Letterman is actually a prophet.

Worse of all, it's not Willow, It's Piper! Noooooo! Why did you have to teach her about abstinence??!

Ha, I'm just messing. I'm sure that the pregnancy speculation is going to get so creepy. I mean, she's 8... 8 year olds, dude.

But seriously, The fact she announced it on the ultimate bad news Friday of the year pretty much guarantees a massive fuck up on her part we are going to find out about just after she resigns on the 25th. There's already talks that she had to step down due to some corruption scandal and really, that does sound about right.

The reason it would be juicy is because she condemned Ted Stevens repeatedly for exactly the same style of scandal. It's probably a corruption scandal involving kickbacks to the company that built her ridiculous hockey rink. But then again, I find the typical lame financial scandal reassuring because I was sure that she was quitting to begin a master plan for 2012.

Whatever I bet willow actually is pregnant.

In other news,
To: The United Kingdom.
From: The Colonials!
Subject: FWD fwd - Just a reminder.

Happy July 4th!

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