Wednesday, October 28, 2009

LAPD Big Brother Is Watching You

LAPD Big Brother Is Watching You

The LAPD doesn't have the best record at handling things. From poor race relations from the May Day mishandling to OJ Simpson, the LAPD has been knowingly fucked up since the riots over Rodney King.

The Chief of Police said the entire problem would have been easily fixed by just going out and shooting a few people. Perhaps more infamous for his views on drug use before the Senate Judiciary Committee that infrequent or casual drug users "ought to be taken out and shot" because "we're in a war" and even casual drug use is "treason." Later he said those words were just calculated hyperbole.

In short, the LAPD is the manifestation of almost every single "the police are corrupt" stereotype that exist and the fact that they're moving their HQ out of the Parker Center is only fitting given that the place was named that after the Mayor who cracked down on police corruption in the 20's.

So when this new iWatch program comes out I really have to laugh and wonder who is really going to get involved in this shit. I mean, just take a look at this advertisement for the program and then finish reading my rantings on it. I implore you to add a comment if you do live in Los Angeles about this subject;

I know the word gets tossed around a lot these days but how much more Orwellian can you get than that? I mean, yes. The broad with the red hair is really hot, but don't let that fog your view on this message that you should be ratting out your neighbor. Especially if they're Indian.

You just know that the Indian girl in the ad was arrested for terrorism after this video. There's no way that didn't happen afterwards. Gotta detain her to ask questions later...

Let me give this a try.. "I would like to report a bunch of Marxist taking over the Federal Government and violating the constitutional right to free speech, private property, confiscation of property, and violations of the 2nd and 10th amendments... Whatcha gonna do about that, LAPD? "

Hmm, I guess that didn't work. Maybe I was just shooting to high in my expectations. More than likely this is going to be used by annoying neighbors to complain about the loud college kids down the hall.

"Hello, iWatch? My nieghbor is playing loud music. Oh, that's not a crime? Well, that towel head looks like he's up to something. What with his shifty eyes and what not. Clearly he's a terrorist of high levels. Speaking a language that isn't G.W.'s English. I dare say, he may be sneaking in drugs and atomic suitcases to bring into our nation. Oh yes, he is loud and I do believe I saw him take into his home a lot of bags of fertilizer. Must be growing a weed plant and selling it on the streets. Yes, go and bust down that door and tell him to turn it down while you beat him in the kidneys with your black stick."

How about that douche bag that changes his oil in our god damn apartment complex? What a fucker! That's not where you're suppose to drain your oil! Go to Jiffy Lube for that, Mister! You're not welcome to do it here, good sir! I'm going to call the LAPD hotline for Terrorism on him at any given time and it gives me great freedom to know this. They will arrive at his house with some ugly up-armored vehicle and blast his door down like he lives in Baghdad. Grenades and shotguns cocked, locked and ready to pull the trigger. No Mercy, No Warrant. He is brown and that's all the Hotline needs to know - They need nothing more because we have Modern laws.....

Yes Officer, I did see him collaborating with some A-Rabs... no, I was unable to overhear what he said but I am sure they mentioned Weapons Of Mass Destruction, yes, whole suitcases full and an unregistered Cadillac rented by Joe Biden... the Vice President, none other Sir... of course I have identification. I am a fulltime Doctor hired by ESPN to keep Terrell Owens alive on the Bills roster. Trent Edwards is human slime but we must keep The Faith alive so that is why I fly first-class with leather bags full of money and Samoan ritual weapons. You can offer a man a million dollars, but a Ulu Manu speaks in all languages.

Seriously folks. Terrorism is the dumbest of America's conceived bogeymen. This Halloween you don't have to worry about dracula, the werewolf or any other scary monster. You just have to look to your neighbor and assume that they are up to something. The enemy now is you.. (cue in scary music here) and it's really the dumbest shit I had to realize that we are so scared of each other and terrorism.

Then again, Halloween is not new to scares like this. Razor blades in apples and candies are a classic one that is just pretty silly. Though it's a walk in the park considering how hysterical to just about everything else these days.

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