Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mother's Day

Mother's Day

I can't say I'm a fan of holidays. You know how I feel - I don't think you should just celebrate things once a year. Especially things like your mother. But sure enough you'll find yourself come Sunday taking your mom out to dinner or something. Yes, that's right. Mother's day is just a few days away

Going out on Mother's Day for dinner is really stupid, it's always a lame prefix menu that's "just okay", even at nice restaurants. Yeah, sure. Your mom deserves to be taken to a nice restaurant as she spent 9 months feeding you while she was carrying you in her belly. The least you could do is feed her for an hour or two, right?

But chances are you're not going somewhere nice. Chances are you're going to be at the Olive Garden. Better be calling them up right now. That bitch is going to be busy. Make your reservations now so you don't have to wait 45 minutes. I hope, for your sake, that they don't run out of unlimited salad and bread bowls.

Pfft, don't act like you aren't going to get your mom a stupid card and take her out to the Olive Garden.... or Spaghetti Warehouse or Chelino's or Red Lobster just like everyone else and if ou say you aren't, you're a cold stone liar.

The argument that she really shouldn't be celebrated for doing anything more than fulfilling the responsibility she assumed by selfishly, presumptuously inflicting existence on you. Not to mention inflicting your existence on all of us as well.

I also don't see how buying a meal in any way shows any sign of favor or gratitude to someone. People chastise parents for not spending time with their kids and just buying them things to make them happy. I don't see how the same can't be true when reversed. Kids, when capable, shouldn't think it's any better to just buy something for mom/dad on that day and expect it to have any significance.

As long as you aren't this dude, your mom is happy every day of the year.

It just ends up being a day to support hallmark. I'm sure that form of socialized commerce will prove to your mother that you are a good son. Why don't you just stock up on cards that say
"Happy Mother's/Father's day. Congratulations for not failing to raise a child you made the decision to create and assume responsibility for."
That way you're prepared for the many many holidays in the coming years. Maybe a good mother's day trip would be to go hang out at a strip club and look at all the people who had worse parents than you. Unless, of course, you work or actively visit strip clubs.

I think the nail in the coffin for me is the fact that the woman who pushed for mothers day to become a recognized holiday died fighting to revoke it, because even she realized that it has become a bullshit hallmark holiday. Don't believe me?
By the 1920s, Anna Jarvis had become soured by the commercialization of the holiday. She incorporated herself as the Mother’s Day International Association, trademarked the phrases "second Sunday in May" and "Mother's Day", and was once arrested for disturbing the peace. She and her sister Ellsinore spent their family inheritance campaigning against the holiday. Both died in poverty.
Yeah, if that doesn't tell you something. I mean, the guy who invented the atomic bomb regretted it after. Anna Jarvis was in that same vain. So hey, enjoy taking your mom out for the annual Olive Garden dinner you dumbass.

Fuck it, celebrate mother's day. Like I care. Here's one more song...

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