Saturday, March 17, 2012

Everything Irish

Everything Irish

You know, I'm not one to normally like St. Patty's day. For one thing, you amateurs fill up my regular bars and act like fucking morons because you don't know how to handle your alcohol - painted green or otherwise. And what a normal slow night for any bar suddenly becomes a filled to capacity - waiting at the door affair.

I just don't like that.

Then again, this year St. Patty's day falls on a Saturday and that's a day I normally don't go to a bar anyway due to those "weekend warriors" who can't be bothered to socially drink on ANY day that ends with Y. So maybe I'll just let this one slide with as much vile and snake venom that I normally hold towards the day's festivities.

So what is exactly happening today? A shit ton of things that all seem to center around drinking large amounts of alcohol. One thing that caught my eye was at Lady Face Brewery. They'll have a fiddler in the afternoon, Irish music and folk songs with the high field in the evening and will be serving house-brined corn beef sandwiches for lunch and corn beef and cabbage for dinner.. with the obvious gimmick of turning your beer green if you want it.

I'm normally not one for green beer, but The Bruery is going to be dropping a hop oil into beer to make it green. Which, being that I love my hops, sounds delicious as fuck and I should probably make my way down there.

And since we're in a festive St. Patty's mood talking about alcohol, why don't we hear a song about its effects on our body?

And as always, there's the warning that the LAPD will be out there in full force:

DUI/Driver's License Checkpoint in the City of West Hollywood on March, 17, 2012 (Saturday) from 7pm to 3am

Sobriety Checkpoint on March 17, 2012 (Saturday) from 8pm to 2am on Venice Boulevard between Sepulveda Boulevard and Sawtelle Boulevard in Pacific Area

DUI Saturation Patrol on March 18, 2012 (Sunday) from 12pm to 8pm in Harbor Area

They're basically going to dump a shit ton of cops around the hot drinking spots. You would figure they know where they are, being that they're cops and what not and what do cops do better? Well, besides beat minorities that is. Exactly. Drink.

Their recommendation is to plan a safe way home before the festivities.. which just seems like they're telling me that I should skirt around their police check points. And the suggestion of a Taxi just seems completely way off. As if that shit is going to happen in Los Angeles on a normal night, let alone on St. Patty's day. And public transportation? In L.A.?! HAHAHAHAHA, I wish. I know I would take the train if it actually ran after last call.

On a side note, I know I'm one that is always "it's never too soon", and all with tragedies. Maybe it's just my hatred for jocks and frat boys, but can I urge you to NOT order an Irish Car Bomb? I mean, seriously. Why would you do that? Guinness is already creamy enough. Do you want to maybe just order some milk shake or something?

Well, in defense against not ordering this drink, may I point you to an article a friend wrote for LAist about said terrorist drink:

Cocktail, Cupcake, Terrorists: Real Irish Car Bombs Aren't Fun

By Marcus Beer / Special to LAist

Saint Patrick's Day is upon us once again, a time for everyone in the world to claim some sort of Irish heritage and drink themselves silly while partying. There is nothing wrong with that, we all need to blow off steam, more so than ever nowadays, but there is one part of Saint Patrick's Day celebrations here in the US that fill me with anger and disgust: The drink (and now the cupcake) named "The Irish Car Bomb."

In Los Angeles, you can get an Irish Car Bomb donut at the Nickel Diner, and the drink as part of St. Patrick's Day specials at places like 25 Degrees, Public School 612, and The Churchill among many others; any bar year-round can easily drop a shot glass of Jameson and Bailey's into a pint of Guinness.

As someone who grew up in the UK during the 70's 80's and 90's, the phrase 'Irish Car Bomb' did not mean a drink or a cupcake; it meant terror, death and destruction. Where I lived in Wales, 'The Troubles' were just across that short strip of water called The Irish Sea. When violence came to the mainland, it normally came to our other neighbor England, leaving us sandwiched in the middle.

Every night growing up, the news reports would lead with horror stories from Northern Ireland of bars being riddled with bullets or car bombs blowing up in crowded market places, killing or maiming dozens of people at a time. The IRA was our Al Qaeda.

In my school there was a kid named Robert. He was well liked, a year younger than me and an excellent rugby player. I had the pleasure of turning out with him for our local youth team several times and he was a good kid. When Robert left school, he enlisted in the Army. He was in basic training when he got the chance to go home and surprise his mum for her anniversary. Robert was standing at a railway station in England waiting for his train home when an IRA agent shot him in cold blood.

If you go to the UK now, you wont find many trash cans around in public areas. This is because in the 80's and 90's, the IRA decided to start planting bombs in them, detonating them during busy periods to cause maximum carnage. I was living in London in the 90's and would often get a call from my mum telling me that there was another bomb scare in central London and I was right in the middle of it.

I know that in the US, the IRA were portrayed as heroes while the British forces were monsters. The propaganda machine was well oiled and made sure that so much of the cash used to purchase parts for the car bombs came from these shores.

And if you think this is a thing of the past, a car bomb went off in Cork, Ireland on Monday.

And this happened last year. And this the year before.

So America, I am asking you one question. How would you feel if some former enemy of the US decided to market a "Flaming Twin Towers" cocktail? I know I would be furious, and I am not even American. A terrorist attack on one is an attack on us all.

Insulting the memories of those killed on both sides by creating, selling or ordering a cocktail (or anything) called "Irish Car Bomb" is not something Americans or anyone should be doing, let alone celebrating. Try heading to Ireland and ordering an "Irish Car Bomb" and see what type of response you get.

Marcus Beer is a Welshman who has called L.A. his home for 11 years. He mostly talks about video games for NBC Los Angeles & You can follow his rants on Twitter @annoyedgamer

Well bloody said, mate. That really is the truth of the matter. Well, with that I suppose I should end my ranting about this holiday and get on with putting the corned beef into the water, pouring in some Guinness and waiting around drinking Jameson and more Guinness till the food is ready.

Though, I may have to make this little treat, which seems just perfect for this festive holiday in which I will bypass needing to go to McDonalds for some stupid shamrock shake.
Irish Milkshake (Serves 2)

1 scoop vanilla ice cream
1 scoop chocolate ice cream
4 oz. Irish cream liqueur
1 large can of Guinness
Chocolate shavings


Combine ingredients in a blender, blend until smooth. Garnish with chocolate shavings. Drink like you have not a care in the world.

The Only Gaelic You Will Ever Need

First rule of gaelic, it’s relationship to the roman alphabet (as in what I’m typing in now) is tenuous at best. We reccomend looking at the pronounciation guide before attempting these celtic tongue twisters. Also: beer helps.

Saint Patrick’s Day = Lá ‘le Pádraig (law leg paw-rig)

What Would You Like to Drink? = Cad ba mhaith leat le hol (kad-bwoy-lath-la-hull)

A Pint of Guiness, Please = Pionta Guiness, le do thoil (pee-un-tah Guiness lay-duh-hul)

Green Beer = Beor Uaine (bee-or oo-hin-ah)

Whiskey = Uisce Beatha (Issh-ka ba-ha)

Cheers! = Sláinte (Sloynta)

Drunk = Ar Meisce (air mes-sh-ka)

Kiss Me I’m Irish = Tabhair póg dom, táim Eireannach (TOO-ir pog-dum iss-Air-nock-nay)

I Feel Sick = Ní bhraithim ar fónamh (nii-vra-ham arr-fone-uvf)

There's some little jargon so you can play along on this day. Anyhow, I guess I'll end it with that Bitchin' Kitchen recipe and greet you with a most Happy St. Patty's day. Try not to get killed on the road by either the drunk drivers or the rain soaked road.

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