The Phantom Pain

The Phantom Pain

I guess it's only fitting that I write about this when it's topical, but I seem to be suffering chronic pain in my leg right now-- which is odd because it generally only happens around winter time. You see, during the winter when the air is actually cold in Los Angeles, I become Doctor House.

That's not to say that I'm a complete asshole who shoves Vicodin pills down his throat. Because we all know that's a given already in my current mental state. But no, it has more to do with the way I walk. I carry a sort of Gregory House style limp walk randomly as my leg gets into a sort of chronic pain mode. Why does this happen? It's a long story. . .

I burned my leg in a fire a good 16 or so years ago. I would say it was a tragic situation, but it was probably more in line with me being a complete and utter dumbass. I was trying to put out a fire -- which in itself isn't much of a dumbass move. That came into play when I tried doing so wearing converse. I'm not sure if the material in those Chuck Taylors is any more flammable than your average charcoal, but it sure seemed like it.

Within seconds the flames went up to my jeans and causing first to third degree burns on my right leg. For a brief second I was literally someone who had their pants on fire. No lies needed. I gloss over the why of things because that's probably not really important. Let's just say that when you see fire, you have a human instinct to be frightened. Some would run from it in fear. I choose to try to put it out. I live with the pain of that choice to this day. It's also sort of stopped me from wearing shorts as I opt to wearing pants -- a method to hide that scar from society. Then again, shorts aren't very fashion sensible.

During the winter months is when it comes around full form and I start to cringe when I walk. Yet I continue to push on with hiking, walking, for a while I ran track. Even despite the pain that has been growing over the years. I assume that it's just the nerves are shot to hell in that area between my ankle and my knee. Muscles can't grow and they tense up -- especially when its cold out.

The confusion that faces me now is why does it feel this way in the summer months? Especially when I live in California -- Southern California no less. I don't want to get addicted or dependent on medication for this. I keep pushing to better myself, especially now when it seems like I'm in the best place to just make a clean and fresh start in a lot of fields.

I'm not sure if it'll get better as the summer heat comes on -- maybe it'll progress worse. Which would be a terrible shame because I do find solace and comfort in the ability to walk aimlessly into the mountains and forest. I guess, at worse, I'll be faced with doing it at a slower pace. I am one of those stubborn son-bitches who just won't stay down. I do wonder what my future is -- by no means am I really THAT active. I am, after all, a nerd at heart. But this sort of means that I'm going to be facing problems in simple mobility unless I get myself on some physical numbing agent -- which I've never really been too keen on, with the exception of alcohol.

So there you go. Was this blog post any strange news article? Pfft, as if I've done anything "Weird" lately. It's been political and current affairs with a mixture of me being a bit of a depression lately. So I'm sure it wasn't really in the scope of what this was about. More to the point of some live journal bullshit. But hey, at least I unloaded a little personal information on you. A crippling disability that is slowly consuming me more and more is always the best subjects to talk about on the internet.