Much like with salad, I'm not going to be making friends with what I'm about to say about Obama. But hey, before I say anything bad, let's just remember that he has a big stick...
Anyhow, on to serious things. Okay Obama. I think we've had our fun but it's time to stop asking me for my money. You seriously need to stop asking me to contribute $10 to you. It's gotten to the point that I'm telling his campaign phone operators to stop calling my cell phone.. Only now I'm getting mailers. Oh, if only I could go back and punch 2008's version of me in the face. Also to buy apple stocks.
But anyhow, let's just take a look at the options this time in the elections;
One is a lying scheming warmongering millionaire lackey of the ruling class who is completely out of touch with the American worker, the other is the former governor of Massachusetts
Oh yeah, I guess one also eats dogs.. Heey-ooooh. The worst thing about the dog eating is that I feel like I have to actually defend this asshole for it on the basis of logic alone. Damn you Obama! But hey, let's take a look at all the positive things being spouted off about our dear president..
Obama needs to speak of his accomplishments in office and as it is he actually was President when Osama Bin Laden was killed. To the critics of Obama, I thought elections is a presentation of your "resume" to the nation telling what your have done, if and incumbent, and will continue or promising what you will do if you're challenging the current President. Oh by the way here are a few other accomplishments of this President:
1. Controlled the recession so that it did not become catastrophic
2. Saved GMC and Chrysler Motors
3. Restored Ameican credibility in the world stage
4. Backed the austere of Muammar Gaddafi
5. Surgically eliminated senior Al Quaeda's leaderships
6. Passed financial reform laws to control wall street
7. Maintained security in the Homeland, No terrorist attack
8. Saved two Americans on the Seas, ordered the killing of Pirates.
9. Passed a health care bill for all Americans
10. Kept the Banks of your hard earn cash in limiting their overdraft fees.
11. Worked behind the scene for the rocky transition to democracy in Yemen
The list go on and on. We need to look beyound the rethoric of the other side
I'm laughing pretty loudly at how bad this President is that the fucking pirate thing actually makes your top ten accomplishments. I'm not even sure where to start. Well, let's look at #5 on the list.
5. Suergically eliminated senior Al Quaeda's leadershipYes, surgical like a surgeon making the incision wit a chainsaw and then decapitating the OR nurse while putting it down. And not to mention looking at #11, Holy shit that list has to be satire. Literally none of these things is true or even have permanent good even in the short term of things. None of those things would be good things anyway even if they were true except #1.
But hey, Obama did legalize farm child labor. But hey, maybe I actually mean "Made it possible for small family farms to compete against big agribusiness". What else is there? Saved not one, but dig this, two Americans. Sadly that's more than the number of Americans he had assassinated.
So what can be the slogan for his run this November? I know--
Obama 2012: I will literally murder a philistine for you, IsraelAt this point I can't decide if I wanna vote Green or SPUSA. Someone should tell me about the other options that I can vote for. You know, like other civilized parts of the country- and no one tell me I should vote for Ron Paul 2012.. Fuck that.
Then again, not voting is a good option as well. That or just doing some silly write in vote. In fact, if you don't plan on writing in Stalin, what are you doing reading my blog?
But anyhow -- Maybe it's selection bias, but there seems to be a shocking number of people I know who just aren't voting this time around. Either that or they have realized thew whole national electoral system is a farce? But perhaps it should be my mission to make sure they're not voting for the right reasons. If it's "both parties are capitalist imperialist" then hey, no problem. But if they're just going off some privileged south park notion of "it doesn't matter as it will all work out anyway" faux-apathy, then they need to get a good smack across the head to get some sense into them.
Because really, its been a whole mess of Obama saying shit like "I continue to torture and kill human beings but look at these abs". But who can blame anyone, He's one hell of a charmer. Just look at him at the correspondence dinner..
Oh SNAP! Obama got jokes! You look at those 16 minutes and you just think that if he doesn't know shit about the economy, he's still better than most stand up comedians. He even ripped the hell into Romney.
For as much as I think he's a worthless President, you gotta laugh at the opening introduction where he says;
my mother was born in Kansas, my father was born in Kenya, and I was born in Hawaii *wink*Oh Obama- You got yourself some comedy timing right there. But I'm sure it's more to the point that he probably hired a couple Daily Show writers to do his correspondents' dinner speeches. But hey, even Richard Pryor had joke writers. You just can't beat Obama's charm... but just remember that even Charles Manson was a charming fella.
I did get a good chuckle at that secret service joke at the end.