Friday, August 3, 2018



Well you can't. You already peed too much today. If you urinate any more you'll just run straight out of fluids and then where will you be? Maybe next time you'll think a bit more before drinking all that fluid. You must have known that it was suppose to go somewhere.

Look, I'm not punishing you. I just have your best interest in mind. That is all.

Don't give me that nonsense that your balls are going to get all swollen and blow up. Oh, How dare I assume your gender? HOW DARE YOU ASSUME I'M ASSUMING! You watch your mouth, this conversation is starting to get really kinky. Again, I don't think your child like bladder is bursting just yet. Don't you dare piss in that chair or so help me, I'll make you clean it up!

Yeah, you may be thinking that peeing is the right of all sentient beings. I have news for you, missy, Peeing is a privilege and it can and will be taken away from people who abuse it. So you just take your ass back to your seat. And don't think that doctors note about your diabetes is going to change a single thing. I don't care if you have to do it every half hour. HOLD IT IT! That "doctors" note has no legal standing or authority here! You should have considered all the choices before chugging all those gallons of Mt. Dew Code Red.

Oh, my bad. You have an overactive bladder syndrome due to an enlarged prostate? Geez, you didn't have to go humble bragging about your huge ass prostate you fucking show off. For that you're definitely not going to the bathroom, Mister!

So when can you let loose the juice? I dunno, I guess I'll allow you to pee tomorrow. But honestly, I think that you probably should wait till Saturday or Sunday. Moderation in all thing is a virtue, my friend. And that includes moderation in urination.

You see this picture of a guy who looks like a desiccated corpse? Well, yeah, he didn't heed my advice and he just kept on peeing and peeing to his hearts content. Sure, it was enjoyable and relieving at the moment. But at what cost? At what cost indeed!

You ever have to take a piss test and they give you a little cup? I mean, you just got to fill it up all the way to their brim with a bit of a meniscus so they can gently hand it to the person so precariously. Sure, it may spill, but let me tell you, they will be so impressed.

One piss test I took had this strange compartment int he bathroom wall with doors on both sides where you set your sample. Some really smart dude thought that this two sided door needed to have a spring in it and I so didn't realize it. The door had nothing better to do than hit my hand as I was going to set the cup in there and it spilled the contents every-fucking-where. Needless to say they were not impressed as well. I swear they were just going to make my test positive to fuck with me in kind.  Lesson there is that you shouldn't put springs in to a door compartment you set cups of piss in to.

No, wait. The real lesson there is if you're having to take a pee test for your job, you should probably find a job that doesn't have so many fucking trust issues. What I do on my own time and what I decide to inject in to my veins is my own private business. I'm sorry, I thought we were in America!

Oh yes. May I blow your mind a little. Most every time someone is interacting with you on the internet, they are probably doing it on their phone while in a bathroom. How much interaction do you think you have had with your fellow humans while one person is passing some waste?

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