Friday, March 26, 2010

Time Travel And Hot Tubs - A Serious Discussion

Time Travel And Hot Tubs - A Serious Discussion

This week we see the release of a rather silly movie. It's name is Hot Tub Time Machine, and the name alone is really really bad. It's so bad that it goes full ways around being bad and comes back to being good in an odd sort of way. It's like Dude, where's my car and Good Burger. The name itself is just so out there.

As for the film itself, besides taking a page from the Hangover play book, so much so that it even has its own former Daily Show correspondent, Now, I already saw Hot Tub Time Machine. Why? Cause I'm awesome. Don't question it, okay?! But for all the silliness that happens in the film, which I'm sure is going to be a toss up on if it does really good at the box office or does really poorly, the film does bring up a good amount of questions.. and not just the one that is; "Who green lit this shit?!"

The same questions where brought up when I watched Primer. Though I have to say that Hot Tub Time Machine and Primer should NEVER, Ever be mentioned in the same sentence. But that question is are there any actual technological barriers to doing this. I'm talking about TIME TRAVEL, of course. Can it happen? The real, thoughtful effort answer is "no"

Now, I would be the first smart ass to say that we're all time traveling right now. Only you have the setting on your own time machine put to going forward one second at a time. Yes, yes. We've all smoked enough pot in our youth to entertain the idea that mythical men like Jesus and Jean Claude Van Damme were all just time travelers fucking around with history, but let's get serious here, none of that shit can happen.

I'm in the camp that believes that time travel will never be possible. If time travel were ever become a reality, logically there should be tons of tourist from the future here at any give time. They'd want wacky novelty presents from their past/our future for nostalgic sake.

Let's say you invent a time machine. At some point in the future, someone is so pissed off by you making this time machine that they come back in time and break it. You just screwed up the ability to come back in time in the future and break it. Oh man, does that mean it never got broken or it never got made? YOU DECIDE!

And no, I'm not wait for John Titor's predictions to come true. Especially not the one about Civil War in 2007. If you don't know who Jont Titor is, then you really missed out on a lot of the internet. Perhaps you should spend the next five minutes of your future looking up the insanity and stupidity that is John Titor.

Though I have to admit that I still tune into Coast 2 Coast every once in a while and I just have to laugh whenever John Titor gets brought up. It's far more comical than Mel's Hole, which I'm sure some young punks in middle America are still cracking up about.

The short of it, if you didn't bother looking online for any information, is someone who claimed they were from the future, ala 12 Monkeys, was posting on the internet about the future events of 2007 being the start of a civil war and many other doom and gloom predictions that never came true. It's all bull shit, you just need to be told that it's just that and nothing more.

So why is it impossible to do? Well, because the past doesn't exist as physical place that you can travel to, you idiot. What do you think? That you can just book a room in the future to the past and go there? You'll might mess something up and screw up the current time stream. Hell, I'm your father. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but I need to protect your mother from robots so I can have sex with her.. this is very important now, don't screw it up for me and cock block me, or else you're going to never exist!

Popular Science magazine says yes, using frame dragging letting you travel from the future back to when the device was constructed, but not before. (OMG, LIKE PRIMER!) Is this actual science? I don't know. But what's the good of going back to when your invention was created? I mean, that's sort of limiting in what you can do and why you would want a time machine.

Besides that, Popular Science also keeps telling me that Faster than Light technology is just around the corner and it never makes good on the promises, so fuck them! Popular Science, at its best is just a peer reviewed scientific journal. There will never be time travel because if it is ever invented, we would already now about it now in the past. My logic is sound.

There is actually one absolute progression of time and we can never go backwards in it and all relativity proves is that perceptions of time can alter based on movement, but the One True Time is that of the stagnant, unmoving void itself. Since the Earth is constantly moving that means that to the observer floating in the unmoving empty void of space, time actually moves much faster and we appear to be in a sort of slo-mo.

Time is just a man made construct as a way to indirectly measure change. You can't really travel back and forth in time because it has no physical basis in reality. A positron is exactly an electron moving backwards in time and when they meet they annihilate each other and form energy in the form of a gamma wave.

But say you were able to travel back in time. Your movement back through time would have you bump into other such positrons and electrons. So you'd be essentially fucking up the surrounding areas. It basically boils down to you having to assemble the universe as it *was* which takes more energy than the universe *now has* due to entropy, that is why things usually only move forward in time.

In the long run, time travel just doesn't work.. Well, it doesn't work except for the fact that I came back from next Tuesday to post this blog entry... Besides, the most important thing you should take away from all this time travel talk is that anyone who says they understood Primer is a fucking liar. No one understands that film.

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