Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The 80's Sucked.. So Badly That Death Wants Some

The 80's Sucked.. So Badly That Death Wants Some

I've been saying it for a long time now, the 80's sucked. No one would believe me. Why would you believe me? You all have rose tinted glasses to the decade for your cartoons and whatever other stupid shit you actually liked in your childhood, but like that stupid movie Final Destination, it looks like the 80's are finally getting some well deserved vengeance!
Actor Corey Haim died this morning of an apparent overdose, according to LAPD. He was 38.

Police tell us they were called to St. Joseph's hospital in Burbank, CA shortly before 4AM PT to investigate.

Haim shot to fame in the 80s -- when he co-starred in a number of films, including "The Lost Boys," with Corey Feldman.
Just last week it was Boner from Growing Pains and this week it's Corey Haim? It's pretty clear that during the 80's Death took a holiday and now he's realizing that he missed a lot of 80's has beens that should have died of overdoses two decades ago.

On the plus side, both Corey's did successfully stay alive until the year 2010, which is significantly longer than I had ever predicted they would last. I will say that I will watch Lost Boys this weekend in remembrance, but I probably wont. Not to mention my girlfriend hates that film. So yeah, that's not going to happen.

Hmm, maybe you don't know who this is. Let's break it down for you. If you were born in the '80s, you'll remember him for being the Too Cool for School douche who eventually disappeared. If you were born in the '90s, you'll just remember him as the guy who sold his teeth on eBay, creating the 'no body parts' rule on the same website.

That's got to be one hell of a downfall. At least it's over for him. Do you remember that Corey hotline?
Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: Gory. Story. Allegory. Montessori.
And what about that other pre-recorded message
Hi, this is Corey. Hope you and I can get married someday.
(Nope, guess not)

"Sleep all day, party all night, never grow old, never die." At least he got three out of four.

I have to admit, as much as I try to make fun of the recent dead, it seems that I can't top this already hilarious Reuters article.
Corey Haim dies of overdose
Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:28am EST
(Reuters) - Corey Haim, a Hollywood teen star of the 1980s who became as famous for his struggles with substance abuse as his acting, died in Los Angeles of an apparent drug overdose, U.S. media reports said Wednesday. He was 38.

In the 1980s, the Canadian-born Haim starred in "Lucas," alongside Charlie Sheen and Winona Ryder, and "The Lost Boys," with Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric and Corey Feldman, as well as "License to Drive," also with Feldman.

He became known for his on-screen partnership and off-screen friendship with Feldman, another teen star, and they often were called "The Two Coreys." Both struggled with drug abuse. The pair starred in a reality TV series on American cable television in the 2000s.

According to media reports from Los Angeles, Haim was found unresponsive in his apartment and was pronounced dead at a local hospital. Los Angeles police said the death was the result of an apparent drug overdose, the reports said.

(Reporting by Will Dunham; Editing by Eric Beech)

Not even one sentence before insulting him. Just think, now Lucas is taking bugs out of the angels hair in heaven.. RIP... RIP.

So which 80's has been will it be next? Wil Wheaton? Scott Baio? That short guy from different strokes is a good bet. He already was hospitalized earlier this year. Apparently his liver/kidneys are shot. Damn. Should have put him on my dead pool list. MC Hammer, watch out!

Maybe it will be Corey Feldman? How could one exist without te other? One half of "The Corey's" has been suddenly lifted from the material plane. There is now a sudden shift in the balance of 'Radicality' of the Earth. We are approaching a dangerous and fragile time in our history.

I would guess Kirk Cameron but I don't think you can overdose on Jesus. My money's on the slighly-more-fucked-up Olsen twin.

Basic cable lost a valuable human train wreck today. Even more sad, The History Channel is going to have to cancel, midproduction, it's newest reality series Corey Haim Vs..., wherein fight science experts debate whether Corey Haim or a colorful parade of animals, military ordinance and historical figures would win if they met & fought in the wild, then simulate what the battle might look like. Corey Haim was to play himself in enactments, with occasional state-of-the-art CGI Haim filling in, if he suddenly became too high to stand up or read words from a teleprompter.

The only finished episode, Corey Haim vs. A Bald Eagle, will air tonight at 8/7c on The History Channel.

And if you want to bring in some Tiger Beats to a memorial, make sure to come check out Prayer of the Rollerboys, where in a dystopian future the only way to a better life is on a pair of rollerblades. It's playing at this theater in Hollywood on March 20th.

I guess this means we'll never get a Prayer of the Rollerboys 2. :(

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