Today I turn 30. Yes, that's right. This exact moment that I posted this blog 30 years ago exactly is when an 8 pound 8 ounce little me came to be in this world. A few minutes ago I exited my 20's. I'm no longer some 20 something's dude and now I have to be some 30 something guy who's suppose to know what direction his life is going. Surprise, surprise. I still don't know. But that's okay. 30 is the new 20, right? I guess that sounds a little cliche. Little note, it is.
I guess the problem lays in the fact that throughout my 20's, I've had shitty birthday after shitty birthday after shitty birthday. I'm like a battered house wife who's arms involuntary lift to shield her face at the very sight of her husbands hand even moving upwards when it comes to birthday celebrations. For the last 15 years my parents would insist on wanting to take me out to celebrate it. "You like Lobster?! Let's go out and get some fresh lobster!" "I know how much you like Lasagna, let's go get some this weekend." "Oh man, I know how much you like shrimp, there's this place downtown that has...." and so on and so on.
Then when it came time, it would be nothing more than an I.O.U. that was forgotten completely. At some point I just dropped the whole concept of celebrating a birthday. Or at least the expectations of it. It's not suppose to be a sob story. I'm really over it.. Well, I guess I am. It just becomes an issue when people ask me what I want to do for my birthday. I... I just don't know. Nor do I even know how to approach it. I'm not trying to be egotistical, I'm just completely inept at celebrating a birthday. Hell, I can't even remember half of what I did for my birthdays in my 20's because they're so anticlimactic and unremembered
So when it comes around I freeze up like a deer in headlights. I have no idea what to do. This year I, for a fraction of a second, had it in my mind to suggest all the friends who wanted to go, go mini golfing. But then I blinked when it came time to plan anything. In fact, I really dropped the ball there. So bad that I don't even know what the hell I'm doing tonight for the meal option of my birthday. There's some part of me that just fears enough that things will fail at a birthday celebration that I never get the plans going out of the gate. The girlfriend even asked what I wanted to do... I had no idea. Not that the limited amount of time a weekday provides two busy people's lives doesn't help matters as well..
Moving past the celebration aspect. Now I'm 30 and I'm in this middle awkward stage of my life. I'm told that the biggest thing I should be aware of is that there is zero slack from other adults when you hit 30. When you're in your 20's you can get away with doing stupid things or being a little immature. Once you're 30, all that goes out the window and the expectations of others on you raise drastically.
Soon I'll have to deal with an increasing number of health issues that I never faced before. I'm sure hemorrhoids are just around the corner. No longer can I go out on an all night bender and act like a completely immature or silly guy. Let me tell you, I'm a pretty silly person in general. So I think that's really bothering me. That my immaturity isn't something that is age appropriate for me anymore.
I wonder if you use steam to bake a steam punk cake?
I also hear that time starts to fly. Everyone starts getting married and having kids.. or more kids. You start to realize how old your parents really are. Exercise is going to be a must regularly now. Which is pretty much a must now. I really have to worry about eating healthier. Given, I'm already trying to do that in some fashion in order to lose some weight and get into better shape, but now it's really important as this may be the final chance I do have at this before I get to old and it just becomes too difficult.
I also hear that once you're 30, people in their 20's problems are something you really can't stand listening to as it just sounds like drivel and drama that you're long past. It's sort of like once you hit your 30's you start to sound like your parents. Even if you don't have kids. On the flip side, I also hear that it's when you start to feel comfortable in your own skin and you watch unfold in front of you.
At a crossroads without a Fedex package for
a redhead... Or a Wilson for that matter
I'm really just not sure if I'm prepared for all that. I've become comfortable in what I'm in.. and at the same time I'm feeling like I'm not comfortable in the role I was in my late 20's. My car was destroyed in December and I haven't been made whole from that. I'm still hounding DA workers to try to get resolution from an assault from last January and I have new situation with my building with a Minor kicking in the top apartment window in... So I'm a 30 something year old guy who's not exactly where he wants to be in his career but is just a few inches shy from reaching it.
A state of transition is probably the best description that I can put it as. You know what, Fuck this. Life's more fun when I just stop giving a shit and let the chips fall where they may. It sucks to have a HUMP DAY Birthday cause, well, it's the middle of the god damn week. So clearly this blog needs less emo-sauce and more pop icons singing me some birthday praise.
Let's start with the Ting Tings!
And since I'm so Punk Rock, here's the Ramones!
And it can't be a birthday without the Beatles!
Well.. I do like muppets/puppets
Quite possibly the most gayest birthday party, but hey.. at least it has superheros, right?
Okay, now I feel a little better with Youtube links wishing me a happy birthday.. And not to end this on an emo note or anything, but I'll top this one off with a song that I thing captures my feelings right now fairly well. It's also really nice sound new music by Josh Ritter.
I shouldn't feel different as all today is, is a change of time. Nothing more than a change of time..